sad post-honest opinions please

[EclecticWAHM]

It was Mother's Day.

What exactly did you give your mother for Mother's Day besides gracing her with your presence at dinner?

Unless I read your post wrong, you didn't give her a card, or gift, or chip in for her meal. What exactly did you do for her on her special day?

I don't understand all the extra info in your post. Are we supposed to be impressed by you showing up at all, being you were so, so sick after your weekend out with the girls?

Ugh. Why does it have to be about gifts? You don't have to give/receive gifts to make it a special day. Man, I'm just amazed at how materialistic some folks are. It's a made-up Hallmark holiday designed to get people to spend money. The real "gift" is in how we treat one another *every day - not just when the calendar says it's time.

 

[Planogirl]

Some people like cards. I know that my aunts do for example and that's their right. So I do my best to find them nice cards or pieces of cardboard as some call them. The point is to make people happy and if these things make them happy I'm all for it.

As for the OP, why would this bother your father so much? Maybe that's something to consider.

 

[themilesfamily]

I think families should just get along and be happy with each other while everyone is still alive. I don't think anyone should be keeping track of who gave what for which holiday. I think it's petty.

I think it was rude of your dad to call you and give you the business about what you did or didn't give your mother for mother's day.

Why all the scorekeeping over gifts/cards/whatever?

There's a well-known book out there about "love languages" and some people's "love language" is gifts. They show love by giving gifts and feel loved by receiving gifts. Maybe that's your dad's "love language" so he pays attention to that more than others.

Who knows. It's a crazy world we live in.

 

[crashbb]

I totally agree. If my mom were to show up out of the blue, after 10 or more years of me thinking she's been dead, getting a card would be the LAST thing on my mind. Just talking with her, going to dinner with her, just hanging out would be the thing. I'm all about actions, not words on a piece of paper.

I'm pretty sure that Hallmark doesn't make cards for mother's who have come back from the dead.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Ugh. Why does it have to be about gifts? You don't have to give/receive gifts to make it a special day. Man, I'm just amazed at how materialistic some folks are. It's a made-up Hallmark holiday designed to get people to spend money. The real "gift" is in how we treat one another *every day - not just when the calendar says it's time.

Who said anything about a Hallmark card? Why does a gift have to cost anything? Why can't you write a little note to Mom telling how much you love her and what she means to you? Why can't a gift be something inexpensive or of your time?

Who doesn't like giving/receiving gifts or feeling appreciated?

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm pretty sure that Hallmark doesn't make cards for mother's who have come back from the dead.

Although I am very sincerely sorry for the PP for the loss of her mom, I just .

 

[Robindianne]

I'm flabbergasted that your dad or anyone on this thread would criticize you for not giving your mother a PIECE OF CARDBOARD. If you had ignored her on Mother's Day, then you would be open to criticism, but not giving her a card?

My three sons and I drove 100 miles to meet my parents for lunch on the day before Mother's Day -- I paid, of course. One DS was working an eight-hour shift and one was appearing in a musical later that day. I gave her an outdoor plant and a gallon of strawberries that had been picked that morning. I called her and talked for 30 minutes the next day. I did not take or mail her a card.

OP -- you did nothing wrong.

What she said.

 

[EllenFrasier]

First let me say that I think it is totally weird for a man to be looking through the mother's day cards. Most men can't seem to remember to buy a card let alone care what they look like from other people!

Does he always try to stir up trouble? Because that is exactly what it sounds like he is trying to do in this situation. I would just let it drop and not mention it again.

 

[Luv2trav]

My opinion you were wrong. Can't afford a card or don't have time to go get a card then make one. At least pick up the cost of her meal. I agree money isn't everything and it's the thought that counts but in this example you have given I would have done something.

I think it did bother your mother and that is why your father called to let you know. Men don't usually think of these things unless they are brought to their attention..

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think people are petty. I am glad I do not live like that. It sounds exhausting. Life is too short to worry about cards and gifts.
Time spent with your loved ones is a-ok with me.

 

[MosMom]

I think people are petty. I am glad I do not live like that. It sounds exhausting. Life is too short to worry about cards and gifts.
Time spent with your loved ones is a-ok with me.

I agree with this. You spent the day with her and I'm sure TOLD her in PERSON Happy Mother's Day. How is this NOT better than a card?

Is your Mom mad? If not, don't sweat it. Big deal, your verbally abusive dad is honked off! Wahh.

 

[MIGrandma]

First of all, I think you need a . I'm so sorry your Dad upset you over a card. Please try not to take ownership of that. It's his problem, not yours. You're not going to change the way he feels about it, so try to just let it go. He was in the wrong for calling you about it.

Second of all if you were my daughter you would be getting a tongue lashing. No, not over not giving me a card. But for not telling me you didn't feel well and still felt you had to go out to dinner. Dinner could have been another time, when you felt well enough to enjoy the special time with your Mom.

Cards are nice, but time spent with family is so much better. I love that more than any gift in the world.

Please try not to beat yourself up over this. And here's another

 

[SpecialK]

My opinion you were wrong. Can't afford a card or don't have time to go get a card then make one. At least pick up the cost of her meal. I agree money isn't everything and it's the thought that counts but in this example you have given I would have done something.

I think it did bother your mother and that is why your father called to let you know. Men don't usually think of these things unless they are brought to their attention..

I agree with this. Seems to me that you're making excuses for yourself throughout your original post. If you didn't feel well or you weren't up to supervising your son by yourself, you should have resceduled.

 

[M&N]

I am amazed at the different views of this situation. I can certainly see different attitudes. But the most important attitude or opinion is between the op and her mom. If you are close to your mom, I think you could flat out ask her if you blew it by what you did or did not do on Mothers Day. You could be sneeky and say that you were reading on the DIS about a mother not getting a gift or a card. You realized they could have been talking about you and your mom. And then ask mom if she was upset reading all those cards but not having one from you. If you think she was, then say you are sorry and that you love her and if it means a lot to her, you will not neglect it next year. If she's ok with it, say you hope she realizes you love her without having a card to remind her.
If it is bothering you, I feel you should talk to mom about it. No matter what any of us say, it is between you and your mom. It is about how you tow feel about it. It is not about how we deal with our moms. Everyone's relationship is different.
I tease my mom that she doesn't get her only child a birthday card!

 

[skater]

You sound so stressed out. I can relate a little bit. I'm there for my Mom every day, but sometimes I'm the worst at gift giving. You can't do it all, and it sounds like you need a break - I hope you move heaven and earth to give yourself some time off.

In the meantime, maybe you can talk to your Mom, and gauge how imprtant that card was to her. If you think its improtant to her, maybe you could send her one now - it might make you and her both feel better. I wouldn't worry about your Dad's opinions on this as much as your Mom's.

 

[need2cruise]

Since when did a holiday become about getting a gift or spending money? And since when did it become acceptable to call somone for their lack of gift giving and question them about it?

If someone asked me along to dinner, lunch, etc....I would never assume they were treating. It wouldn't even cross my mind. If my kids asked what I wanted to do for the day, and I said, oh go out to eat--that wouldn't mean that I expected that to be my gift, it would simply mean I could spend time with them without worrying about cooking/cleaning the kitchen!

 

[Scurvy]

OP, since you asked for honest opinions, here's mine: I think you were wrong. The only reason I think that is because of the things you said in your post. If you really felt that just going to eat with your mom was sufficient, I don't think you would have felt the need to justify it with so much other information. The fact that you had been away with friends, that you weren't feeling well, that your child is autistic . . . none of that matters if you think that all your mom wanted was what you gave her. The fact that you feel like you need to provide all this background information makes me think that you don't feel confident that you did enough, and in that case I don't think you did do enough. Spending time together is great, but if Mothers Day is important to your mom (and if she doesn't just see it as a made up holiday) then it would have been nice to do something for her that you don't usually do, and I assume you do already spend time with her. Even a quick note would have been nice if you didn't want to (or couldn't) get a card or something.

As others have posted, maybe your dad said something to you because she said something to him about it. Maybe you should talk to your mom about all of it.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Since when did a holiday become about getting a gift or spending money? And since when did it become acceptable to call somone for their lack of gift giving and question them about it?

If someone asked me along to dinner, lunch, etc....I would never assume they were treating. It wouldn't even cross my mind. If my kids asked what I wanted to do for the day, and I said, oh go out to eat--that wouldn't mean that I expected that to be my gift, it would simply mean I could spend time with them without worrying about cooking/cleaning the kitchen!

Go back and re-read the title of the thread--the OP asked for honest opinions. Just because you disagree with some does not make them wrong.

Any occasion or holiday can be a gift-giving occasion.

Some people are selfish or tightwads and look for any excuse to not give a gift to someone else.

Some people are generous in nature and spirit and give freely to others and expect nothing in return.

Some people can't afford to give a store bought gift so they looked for other ways to show their love and appreciation.

I can only guess what category some of the posters fall into by their responses.

If my adult children called me and invited me out for dinner on Mother's Day, I would expect them to pay for my meal because they issued the invitation and because it is MOTHER'S DAY.

That's how we (my family and friends) do it in my world.

I am just amazed that so many people think it's OK not to give your mother anything for Mother's Day, not even a lousy card. What can I tell you, to me that's really sad.

 

[skater]

Go back and re-read the title of the thread--the OP asked for honest opinions. Just because you disagree with some does not make them wrong.

Any occasion or holiday can be a gift-giving occasion.

Some people are selfish or tightwads and look for any excuse to not give a gift to someone else.

Some people are generous in nature and spirit and give freely to others and expect nothing in return.

Some people can't afford to give a store bought gift so they looked for other ways to show their love and appreciation.

I can only guess what category some of the posters fall into by their responses.

If my adult children called me and invited me out for dinner on Mother's Day, I would expect them to pay for my meal because they issued the invitation and because it is MOTHER'S DAY.

That's how we (my family and friends) do it in my world.

I am just amazed that so many people think it's OK not to give your mother anything for Mother's Day, not even a lousy card. What can I tell you, to me that's really sad.

I am not a great gift-giver, but if someone needs a compassionate listener, I'm there. I can listen for hours if I'm needed. We're all good at different things . I did get my mother something for Mother's Day, but not as much as my sister did . It doesn't mean I'm a tightwad. If I don't give a gift when I should have, its not because I'm looking for an excuse - its usually because I'm a little spacey/busy/running in a million different directions taking care of people - and I forgot .

 

[need2cruise]

Go back and re-read the title of the thread--the OP asked for honest opinions. Just because you disagree with some does not make them wrong.

Any occasion or holiday can be a gift-giving occasion.

Some people are selfish or tightwads and look for any excuse to not give a gift to someone else.

Some people are generous in nature and spirit and give freely to others and expect nothing in return.

Some people can't afford to give a store bought gift so they looked for other ways to show their love and appreciation.

I can only guess what category some of the posters fall into by their responses.

If my adult children called me and invited me out for dinner on Mother's Day, I would expect them to pay for my meal because they issued the invitation and because it is MOTHER'S DAY.

That's how we (my family and friends) do it in my world.

I am just amazed that so many people think it's OK not to give your mother anything for Mother's Day, not even a lousy card. What can I tell you, to me that's really sad.

And you are entitled to do that "in your world". But I wouldn't be so fast to judge what others do "in their world" when it comes to gift giving.

I used to be HUGE into gift giving on holidays.......still am......but I HATE how materialistic it is becoming. I am getting to the point now, I would rather spend time with my family, talking-playing games-reminicsing-laughing......then stressing over what gift I need to buy them and being anxious if it was the right thing, did I spend enough money or too much, etc.

Life's too short to dwell on who bought or didn't buy a card........heaven forbid this is someones last Mothers Day with their loved one and it was spent argueing over money spent.