Sad Parenting Observation

[cabanafrau]

I remember one thing with my parents that if anyone had saw would probably think my parents were awful parents. I was miserable through going out to dinner and people would be wondering why they would take me...

Here is the thing: I didn't want to go. I had plans that day after I left my drama club meeting. My parents picked me up and surprised me that they were going to take me out to dinner that afternoon. I told them I didn't want to go and they got upset that they were doing something nice and I was ungrateful and made me take this "present"

So maybe the kids didn't WANT to be there. Maybe exactly what they are hoping is that mom would stop making them go to the beach, maybe they absolutely hate the beach.

I'm not my kids' friend, nor am I their enemy intent on proving to them it's my way or the highway. Obviously some things aren't up for negotiation, but we have taught them from an early age how to speak up and express their viewpoints and if they could convince us our plans should change to accommodate theirs, they win -- without pouting or attitude. No chance on earth they'd win their case with sulking and they figured that out by the time they were probably nine years old. I'd have zero respect for my daughters approaching the situation that way as a teenager. It always doesn't end in rainbows and sunshine, but I think it's cut out a lot of hassle -- and as a bonus I think they've honed their negotiating skills and strategies with all the practice they've had trying to convince us of many things over the years.

 

[Jaya]

Door off his bedroom. He is now old enough to protest, but calmly say he can earn it back when he is ready. No Starbucks. No mall trips. Hide the video game controllers or cords. Turn off wi-fi on his phone. All with a brief and calm explanation of why it was done and how he can earn his items back. Then no discussions about it.

Happened to me once. I slammed my door after an argument with my mother and was told to never do that again. I did.....and she took my door off for three months. I was absolutely humiliated but I can tell you I didn't slam my door again.

My mom meant what she said. She had told my two sisters to clean up their room before she got home from work. She got home, they were gone and the room was still a mess. She opened the windows and tossed everything in the room out into the snow. Clothes, books, sheets, makeup, posters were hanging from the eaves, draped over the bushes, littering the lawn, lying on the sidewalk. They didn't find some of their stuff until the snow melted. My mother was the original Tiger Mom, waaaay before that became popular.

 

[Jaya]

Ooooh, I want to play!!

Related to driving, women are bad parkers.

OK, now that the women are ready to tar and feather me, I'll qualify that statement by saying most women are good or at least adequate parkers. However, (you knew it was coming ), I'm confident most routine "bad" parking jobs are performed by women rather than men. Stuff like this:

View attachment 115159

View attachment 115160



As for donkey rectum or Summer's Eve parking jobs, yep.....overwhelmingly the work of a man. Probably compensating for certain inadequacies.

View attachment 115163

Judging by the license plate, I'm pretty sure this was a dude.

 

[EMom]

One of my relatives took the door of her kid's room off when he slammed it once time too many. They warned him if he slammed it again, he'd lose that door. He didn't believe them or just REALLY wanted to slam it, so he did. Off the hinges it came. He had to earn it back. But he stopped slamming doors.

 

[minnie mum]

Nah, he's just protecting his precious Merc by taking up 2 parking spaces. Not a BHole. Definitely an A.

 

[powellrj]

I wouldn't have made a scene at the beach, but I would have no problem taking care of the issue when we got home. My kids have always said the more polite I get means the madder I am, if I was on the phone with someone being so sickening sweet polite, they knew to not mess with me!

 

[Planogirl]

I suspect that most parents wouldn't go through the trouble of going to the beach if their kids didn't want to go. I personally would dump the kids on their Dad if possible or someone rather than drag kids along that didn't want to go. I wouldn't want to get the attitude because I wouldn't put up with it.

Maybe rather than say that Dads or Moms are bad parents just don't paint either group with one big brush. The Mom in the OP sounds a little too easygoing and that can turn around and bite you in the tush if you're not careful.

 

[Rhombus]

Judging by the license plate, I'm pretty sure this was a dude.View attachment 115174

True, but that's not a routine female poor parking job. That's an intentional male B-hole incident.

 

[mickeyboat]

I'm not willing to flame the mother based on this small snippet of what you saw, OP.

If this had been me, based on this very limited information, I would probably not have made a scene at the beach, but there would have been words in the car and consequences once we got home if I had asked my children to help with something and they ignored me.

Yesterday I took DD15 to a doctor's appointment. As we were entering an elevator, there was a man leaving, but DD15 did not wait for him to get off before she got on. They actually almost collided. The man made sure to make a comment about it as he walked away.

I told him to mind his own business, and that I would parent my own children, thank you. I wish I had the opportunity to talk to him a little longer. Because what he did not know is that DD15 was recently diagnosed with a vision condition which has robbed her of her night vision (the elevator was in dim light) and most of her peripheral vision (the man was standing near the side of the elevator, and not in front of the doors). She just plain did not see him there. This condition could very well cause her to become blind. We are scared to death.

But he did not know that, and chose to pass judgment anyway. Jerk.

Please have a little compassion. When you see a mother struggling with her kids, have sympathy for her. Don't automatically assume she is a bad mother. You never know what is going on. And some day you might be that mother, having a bad moment with her children.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Me again,
The photo of the car is too funny!!!
I notice that the plates say Tennessee.
I grew up in E. TN!!!!

Ohhh, wait a minute....
Maybe I should get all offended about the regional (southern) bashing as well as the woman bashing.

And, how can one assume from those plates that this was a male.
It is not PC to make gender assumptions and generalizations and assignments!

Good thing I can take off-hand general comments with a sense of humor!!!

 

[Kalliope]

I'm not willing to flame the mother based on this small snippet of what you saw, OP.

If this had been me, based on this very limited information, I would probably not have made a scene at the beach, but there would have been words in the car and consequences once we got home if I had asked my children to help with something and they ignored me.

Yesterday I took DD15 to a doctor's appointment. As we were entering an elevator, there was a man leaving, but DD15 did not wait for him to get off before she got on. They actually almost collided. The man made sure to make a comment about it as he walked away.

I told him to mind his own business, and that I would parent my own children, thank you. I wish I had the opportunity to talk to him a little longer. Because what he did not know is that DD15 was recently diagnosed with a vision condition which has robbed her of her night vision (the elevator was in dim light) and most of her peripheral vision (the man was standing near the side of the elevator, and not in front of the doors). She just plain did not see him there. This condition could very well cause her to become blind. We are scared to death.

But he did not know that, and chose to pass judgment anyway. Jerk.

Please have a little compassion. When you see a mother struggling with her kids, have sympathy for her. Don't automatically assume she is a bad mother. You never know what is going on. And some day you might be that mother, having a bad moment with her children.

If my child had poor eyesight for whatever reason, I would make sure to remind her as the doors opened to wait for the people getting off and then prompt her when it was ok to enter the elevator.

 

[mickeyboat]

If my child had poor eyesight for whatever reason, I would make sure to remind her as the doors opened to wait for the people getting off and then prompt her when it was ok to enter the elevator.

I am not going to defend how I parent my child to you. Suffice it to say that until you walk a mile in my shoes, you have absolutely no right to comment.

 

[declansdad]

I am not going to defend how I parent my child to you. Suffice it to say that until you walk a mile in my shoes, you have absolutely no right to comment.

Everyone has the right to comment and I don't think that comment was a criticism but rather just a comment.

 

[Planogirl]

I am not going to defend how I parent my child to you. Suffice it to say that until you walk a mile in my shoes, you have absolutely no right to comment.

Actually people do have the right to comment and usually do. However they normally keep their thoughts to themselves.

 

[mickeyboat]

Sorry - a little sensitive about this topic right now. Just please remember, folks, that sometimes people are experiencing things that you know absolutely nothing about. The world needs a whole lot more compassion, and a lot less judgment.

 

[smitch425]

Rather than sit and stare at this family and this struggling mother, I would have offered to help her with her belongings. If I were the OP, I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help than anything I may have witnessed. A 10 minute glimpse into a family's life doesn't get to make you judge and jury of how they are destined to turn out in life. Somewhere out there may be a thread on a forum about all the people watching this person struggle and no one offering to help. Thoughtless and selfish behavior is not only a kid thing, unfortunately.

 

[cornflkgrl]

Both my kids have invisible disabilities and if someone were watching us from the outside I'm sure I look like a really lousy mother most of the time based on the snippets that people would see. I certainly don't feel qualified to pass judgment on others parenting, especially when I have no clue what their kids are like and all kids require different types of parenting. Not my circus; not my monkeys. Unless I witness actual child abuse going on, I try to pretend other families are not there when I'm out in public. I got enough going on. I could totally have been said woman on beach because my son doesn't respond to 3/4 of what I say. He isn't being bad. And I'm not being a lousy mom. There is much more to it.

 

[gwynne]

If my child had poor eyesight for whatever reason, I would make sure to remind her as the doors opened to wait for the people getting off and then prompt her when it was ok to enter the elevator.

It could be that some people are not the least bit phased by a new diagnosis. They have it all figured out, and that's their style.
Others needs some time to adjust and find what works best for them. They are learning what works in a variety of situations and (in this case) lights. I understand this way of thinking and adjusting.

I am not going to defend how I parent my child to you. Suffice it to say that until you walk a mile in my shoes, you have absolutely no right to comment.

Amen.

Rather than sit and stare at this family and this struggling mother, I would have offered to help her with her belongings. If I were the OP, I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help than anything I may have witnessed. A 10 minute glimpse into a family's life doesn't not get to make you judge and jury of how they are destined to turn out in life. Somewhere out there may be a thread on a forum about all the people watching this person struggle and no one offering to help. Thoughtless and selfish behavior is not only a kid thing, unfortunately.

Well said. Sometimes it's not necessary to know or assume "why", it's the lending a hand that matters.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Yesterday I took DD15 to a doctor's appointment. As we were entering an elevator, there was a man leaving, but DD15 did not wait for him to get off before she got on. They actually almost collided. The man made sure to make a comment about it as he walked away.

I told him to mind his own business, and that I would parent my own children, thank you. I wish I had the opportunity to talk to him a little longer. Because what he did not know is that DD15 was recently diagnosed with a vision condition which has robbed her of her night vision (the elevator was in dim light) and most of her peripheral vision (the man was standing near the side of the elevator, and not in front of the doors). She just plain did not see him there. This condition could very well cause her to become blind. We are scared to death.

But he did not know that, and chose to pass judgment anyway. Jerk.

To be honest, I think you are making excuses for your daughter just having a lapse in elevator etiquette. I absolutely hate when people rush an elevator and bump into me while I am trying to get off.

If your daughter's vision is that bad that she can't see objects as large as another human being, it may be best as a parent to hold her arm and guide her so she doesn't run into people. That may be best for her own safety as well as others. But now that you know she can't see objects as large as humans, perhaps you will help her from now on.

It would be MY business if someone collided with me.

 

[gwynne]

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