So that I can be accused of changing my story to further my "agenda"
, I'll add some details.
No man was present with the group, so I don't know how that was introduced.
Woman did not raise her voice at all or yell. It appears she was trying to be the kids' friend. Her comment about being disappointed that the kids didn't help her was spoken in a pleading, whiny tone of voice. I was being sarcastic when I originally said the woman had finally had enough and let the kids have it.
There was no protesting or whining from the kids when the woman requested help. No "aw, mom, we're playing." No "OK, in a minute." Nothing. Just refusing to even acknowledge her existence. The two younger kids were talking to each other, however. Older kid was glued to his cell phone.
The car was parked about 30 feet away from their spot on the beach. Not very far at all. The woman did not have to make 4 long trips back and forth to gather the belongings.
The boys were swimming, shooting hoops on the half-court, and looked like they were having fun on the playground equipment, etc. But it must have been a ruse because they really hate going to this beach and were sending Mom a message by refusing to help.
There is not a chance in hell that this woman quietly disciplined the kids later. It's was blatantly obvious that the kids learned long ago it was easy to walk all over mom, disrespect her, and ignore her. Or if there WAS quiet discipline later, it probably amounted to not letting the kids have sprinkles on their ice cream.
Kids have to know you mean it. We raised two boys and that wouldn't have flown in our house. When I (or DH) asked/told them to do something, they knew we meant it. But, of course, we followed through. It sounds like Mom has zero control over her kids because if she did, they would have at least had a response and not completely ignored her. Someone has to be the parent (and the adult).
While actually on the beach, the kids were talking and joking with the woman and everyone seemed to be having a good time. So I guess when there's fun to be had, the kids listen to Mom. When there's work to be done, the kids ignore her.
I could stand here and say my kids would never ignore me, but I sure couldn't say it with a straight face. I can say that when my kids ignored me, there was heck to pay. I can handle pouting, I can handle whining, I can handle the occasional "you're not fair and I hate you", but I will not tolerate being ignored. Ignore me at your risk, kids, at your risk.
That's what stuck me the as the oddest. No whining or pouting or even snotty backtalk from the kids....they just pretended like she wasn't there.
Sounds like something my boys would do. And yes I would have done what the mother did. And then once the car door was shut, the phone would be mine for the week, and the ball would be gone as well. Sometimes it isn't worth making a scene. She was probably aware she had an audience and more than likely disciplined in private.
The kid continued to play on his phone while the car drove away. Oh, I guess she realized she still had an audience.
OP - parenting is hard enough without strangers judging you. I bet your watching and eavesdropping was not unnoticed by the mom, who already had her hands full. You have no idea what the follow up was to the kids ignoring her requests for help. I know I would have waited until we were alone to discuss with my DD, especially if there were busybodies lurking about!
Everyone has their own style and who's to say if any one method of parenting is better than another? Great parents have raised horrible children and vice versa.
Oh, yeah, the woman was well aware that people were watching. She's the one who was drawing attention to herself. If she had grabbed the phone and basketball, ordered the kids to gather up the junk, and spoken in a no-nonsense tone of voice instead of being so wishy-washy, I might have posted about how well she handled the situation. And the others on the beach wouldn't have been shaking their heads over everything.
Since I'm apparently a busybody, maybe I'll become the Mrs. Kravitz of the neighborhood. This woman and her kids also supposedly live in the community. The beach and playground are "supposed" to be just for the 60-odd houses in the subdivision, but if an outsider wanted to use the facilities, nobody is going to stop or question them.
Maybe I'll walk or drive around and see if I can spot her mini-van. Then I can monitor them and post more about her inadequate parenting techniques.
He never yells at them, or hits them... Honestly. There is just something about that "Dad Voice".
