Sad bride to be

[ExCPKate]

Hey ladies I need help!

My fiance and I are planning on getting married next summer around July 26. We were planning on having a custom wedding for about 40-60 people with a morning ceremony at WP, lunch reception at Atlantic dance hall, and evening Illuminations dessert party. I have been dragging my feet about actually calling Disney and booking it for several reasons.

We are getting the typical "I can't afford it" guilt trip from family. Both sets of our parents are totally on board, which is a blessing, but it's our siblings who are complaining the most.
We thought having a Disney wedding was the perfect solution because I live in Indiana and he lives in Oklahoma. That way it's not partial to either family. However, my sil is protesting as to why not Indiana, too hot in Florida, too expense, etc. My df's close friends of his family are complaining as to why it can't be in Oklahoma, too expensive to travel to Florida.
The other problem is that I am Catholic and he is Baptist. We thought having it at Disney would solve the church problem.


But now, as the potential costs of the wedding is increasing(because we feel we have to foot some of the bill for family travel costs), I started to consider having it here in Indiana. Not what we originally wanted, but at least his family and friends could drive here and get a hotel for pretty cheap. But then we have the whole church problem because we would need to get married in the church that I am a member at. He is worried about his friends' and family's reaction at us having a Catholic ceremony, and I am not sure he wants that anyways.

Finally, if we have it at Disney, we are probably not going to get very many "gifts" from people. And as selfish as that sounds, we are both students and need all the help we can get for our start. At least if we had it in my hometown, we would invite a lot more people and I could actually have a decent sized shower. But I don't want that to dictate where the wedding is held.


I am so sick of getting the guilt trip from everyone, no matter what decision we attempt to make to please others. I have spent so much time trying to plan this wedding to accomodate everyone else that I don't even have a clue what I want, and am not looking forward to planning it. I want to marry my df more than anything in the world, but I am just so fed up with everyone that I am considering just eloping. But I'm sure everyone would complain about that too! I have to decide fast before things book up everywhere, but I just can't come to any positive decision.


So for my sanity, if any of you can come up with a solution that I have not thought of, I would greatly appreciate it. I want to be excited about this all, but I'm hitting the wall on this one.

Thank you!

 

[princessdisneybelle]

We went through the exact same thing. Cancelled our Disney wedding, and were miserable. Started planning the wedding in my hometown (he has family here too). But after realizing it wasnt want either of us really wanted and the fact that it is OUR WEDDING. We changed to Shades of Green. We could have more people than a Intimate. We are having a reception when we get back. Finally both of our parents told us that those that were closest to us would be there. Go with your heart.

 

[afinter1]

I'm going to pm you. If I can figure it out!

 

[Belle1981]

I am so sorry that everyone is giving you such a hard time. You both should be celebrating your wedding not worrying about who you are going to upset. I know this sounds terrible but you really need to do what you and the DF both want. The religion thing is hard since my DF is Catholic and I am United so there is an issue there and we agreed Disney is the neutral ground. My DF is working in FL right now and I am in Toronto and I am sure we will have people who will not be able to come but to be honest its your day and its something you will remember forever. People interfering seems to just come with the territory but isn't it ironic since the ones who cause the most trouble are the ones who love you the most! One of the things that is going to be hard is the smaller gift situation for a destination wedding. I don't have any advice on that one since it is hard to start off when you are both students. We opted for the Disney wedding since it meant so much. I was international program living at Vista Way and he worked where I was so if it wasn't for disney we would not be together. We both realize that this choice will mean some people will not make it but we decided to have a big party when we get back to Canada afterwards. I know I am not much help but please know you are not the only one with this stress! Good luck and remember we are all here to support you!

 

[pooh98378]

I know this is a lot easier said then done, but you should do what both of you want to do. No matter what you choose, someone will be unhappy. My DF and I had this problem with his parents (and a couple of people in my family). We ended up just basically telling people that we are having the wedding in Florida and we would love for them to come, but understand if they were not able to. In our case, people were upset for maybe a week. After that, they accepted it and are now excited to go to FL. (We are fortunate in that not many people in our family "dwell" on the issue, though).

For us, it came down to the decision of whether we would regret doing or not doing a disney wedding. (We had to decide between a small, "family only" wedding in FL vs a larger wedding at home). Also, always remember that you can do a vow renewal later.

Good luck!

 

[BrideToBe82]

Aww I'm sorry that you are having to go through this! Like everyone else said-do what you want to do! Easier said than done I'm sure. You can't please everyone so start learning how to tune them out. The most important thing is that you and your FI are getting married. Good luck!

 

[JJClemson]

I was in your shoes too

DF is from OH, but many of his fam lives in SC, and all of my family is in NJ. After much discussion, we agreed that WE wanted a Disney wedding. My parents were a little upset about me not getting married in my hometown and especially about not having a Catholic ceremony (my family is VERY Catholic, DF's family is Methodist, but DF converted to Catholocism before I met him). I explained to my parents how I always wanted to get married outside and if the Catholic church does not allow it, that is their problem DF and I will eventually have our marriage blessed by a priest or get remarried in the Catholic church when we are ready to have children. A lot of my extended family was complaining about us not getting married in NJ too. At first it bothered me, but this is MY wedding, not theirs.

I understand what you mean about wanting gifts to help you start out. I am finishing up grad school and DF is in med school, so we know how you feel. My parents are having an at-home reception for me in NJ the weekend after our DFTW. This way we can have a smaller Disney wedding, but we can still have everyone attend one of our receptions so they do not feel left out. My mom is hosting my shower in NJ as well, and everyone invited to Disney and to my at-home reception is invited to that. Maybe you could do something similar?

I know this is a tough decision for you and your DF. You two met at Disney, you think your family would be more understanding and respect your decision! Unfortunately, many people do not see weddings that way and want everything to be convenient for them. Just remember, you and DF have to make the right decision for the two of you.

Good luck

 

[LIGrumpyGirl]

My thought is to have an intimate at Disney ...either alone or with just your parents. Then hold a small reception in one or both hometowns. That way everybody is happy.

 

[ilovejack02]

My thought is to have an intimate at Disney ...either alone or with just your parents. Then hold a small reception in one or both hometowns. That way everybody is happy.

Id go with that plan.Im not a bride to be.... I just wandered over here to see what new brides were doing these days lol. I got married out of town and while I had a few comments, about 30 family members came. You do what the two of you want it is YOUR day! If it is just you and the parents then so be it, heck they are the most important people anyway, besides you two lol.

 

[JonetteA]

We were in your boat as well. We thought about doing something a little different. Have the huge wedding at home, and then have our Disney wedding as an intimate wedding on our honeymoon.

I don't knwo if it is an option for you or not. It really wasn't for me, because I really wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, and if we had had it at home we would have had over 300 people. No thanks!

I wish the best for you and I know how difficult it is. Sometimes it is just telling family and friends this is what you REALLY want. We were called all kinds of selfish for having our wedding on a Thursday to cut down on costs. I finally leveled with those people and told them the real reason (the costs) and our honeymoon. Do how with what you feel comfortable.

 

[StephSFL]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this- planning a wedding is problematic in itself without the extra stress. My advice is to also to do what you and your DF want most. In my experience, even if you follow what the "complainers" want, they will find something else to complain about (I am having my own set of problems with this). The people who care will be there for you- one way or another. They will understand this is what you want and be receptive to it. Hey! If the parents are for it, then you have won the biggest part of the battle!
I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you both.

 

[ExCPKate]

I really appreciate everyone's advice; it helps knowing that I have support from people who understand firsthand. I just got off the phone with my DF, and I think we might have a preliminary decision.

We are thinking that we will have an intimate wedding at Disney with our immediate family, his best friend and mine. After the ceremony, we will probably all have dinner at one of the nice restaurants on property. With the small number of people, we could get away with paying for two nights for everyone at the same hotel using AP's. It would only be 8 rooms, and we have 4 AP's within my family.
Then we would have a reception type party at home in Indiana at my parent's (they have the perfect party backyard), and then one later in the summer in Oklahoma. That way all the people we would want at the wedding could still feel involved without forking out a lot of money to attend. I can still have a shower in Indiana, and even one in Oklahoma with all the people whom I've invited to Disney and to our home receptions.

We both feel pretty secure about this; he just needs to talk to his parents and get their opinion. As we were talking tonight, we realized what is most important to us is our immediate families and just marrying each other. The rest does not matter in the grand scheme of things.


So thank you everyone for being so supportive. I will keep you all updated on our progress, and hopefully I will be making that phone call to Disney really soon. Keep your fingers crossed that this works out!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i'm sorry the families aren't supportive of you and your DF. i know exactly how you feel, although DF's family is actually being supportive, it's MY family that's not.

if a Disney wedding is what you want, then it's what you should have. no quesions and no second thoughts. if people want to go, they will be there. and they will bring gifts if they go. i've never seen a wedding, no matter where it was, where people didn't bring SOME kind of gift. wether it be a toaster or a gift card. hey, every little bit helps!!

i hope you come to a decision. this is the only wedding(hopefully!) you get, so make it memorable!!

 

[JJClemson]

Good luck ExCPKate

Your intimate wedding idea sounds great! I hope the parents go for it! We're here whenever you need us

 

[VistaLeigh'smommy]

I am glad that you guys decided to go ahead and do a wedding in WDW... I mean you MET THERE!!! It just makes sense!

We are having an intimate, and I really don't think we are going to do a home reception because I don't want to have to do one here in Mass and then in his hometown in California! WAY too much hassle and way to expensive! I just told everyone that we met in WDW and it just makes sense for us to do it there with our imidiate family, just parents, brothers, and sisters to make it fair for everyone. I might do something VERY informal when we get back, but I doubt it.

Best of luck! Once you figure it out and stick to your guns it will be easy! I tried planning a wedding here in Mass for about a week and then said forget it and we called Disney

 

[smoof]

Anyone who wants to be at your wedding will be there. Anyone with legitimate reasons for not going, not being whining PITAs, probably wouldn't be able to make it at home either. My uncle said to my mother, "Aren't you being presumptuous assuming everyone will go to Florida." Mind you, he does't live anywhere near anyone else, and would have to travel wherever we had the wedding. He was there, kicking and screaming, but he was there. You have no obligation to pay for anyone's transportation. As for gift, you have no idea what anyone will give you. You could get a lot of crap at home, or a few nice gifts at Disney. You will manage.

 

[ExCPKate]

Smoof,

I think you are 100% right! I'm just super sensitive and always worry about what people are thinking. So this is a whole new experience for me and "trying" to be a little more assertive. I suppose I SHOULD get what I want, I just don't want to have people resent me in the end. A wedding should be the (happy) joining of two families, and I just hope it goes as smoothly as possible!

Besides, I was talking to my dad about it, and he said to look at what we are giving to the people who come to the wedding. (If we did a custom), the opportunity to have a fabulously good meal, great company and entertainment(as only Disney can do), and the chance to see Illuminations from a private dessert party. They will probably never be at another wedding like it again!

 

[evedein]

Kate,
You & your DF should have the wedding you want. If you give in & get married at home, your wedding will be just one of the dozens those people will attend over a lifetime. Six months later, they will barely remember it. But YOUR wedding will be one you remember for the rest of your life. So it should be the one you truely want. My daughter had an Intimate wedding at WDW a year ago & although it was small, it was beautiful & people are still talking about it a year later. She had an informal reception at home a couple of months later & that satisfied most of the people who originally complained about a destination wedding. And although they didn't expect many gifts, they actually got a lot.
So go with your heart.
Best wishes.
Eve

 

[JackieSparrow]

My thought is to have an intimate at Disney ...either alone or with just your parents. Then hold a small reception in one or both hometowns. That way everybody is happy.

I second this suggestion!

 

[zalansky]

I just wanted to post to say you need to go ahead with what YOU want. DH and I wanted a Disney wedding when we got married 6 years ago and we only live an hour away in Tampa. We listened to people tell us that nobody would drive an hour to go to our wedding and we needed to have it here in Tampa. So we gave in and had the wedding in Tampa and it was nice but not at all what we wanted when we look back. We so wish we had cut our guest list in half and not worried about other people and done what WE wanted. Like someone else already said, if people really want to be there, they will get there. Please don't have regrets about your special day like we do. This is your once in a lifetime event and you need to do what your heart desires.