S a b o t a g e de la D i e t: French Quarter June 2010
The Lost Footage
June 17 - Part 2: Amish Grace
The last time I left for Disney out of the resplendently operatic Terminal 5, I caught the filming of an early episode of Food Network's Chopped. Yep, they were cookin' and judgin' right there in the middle of that opulently mod 1960s meets the best of Jetblue (part chic value, part sassy flight attendants making tweet-worthy exits). But of course when I saw a long table with celeb chefs/judges and a line of contestants... I was all slack-jawed.
"WHERE'S PADMA!? WHERE'S TOM?! WHERE'S BOURDAIN?! WHERE'S GAIL AND HER GIRLS?"
But Ted Allen is always fun to see. He was always my favorite of the Queer Eye clan. I remember walking just to the side of the elevated platform where they were filming and waving to Ted during one of their breaks. He smiled, I saw his dimples, I was happy. And one of the judges, the guy who's all into strange chemical gastronomy.. with foams and molecular whatever was also there. (if you're a Top Chef fan, he's been on a few times, most notably with Marcel from season 2/3? who was a similar fan of that kind of cooking) He waved and smiled too. I never get completely awestruck over celebrities, but give me a reality cooking show that
doesn't involve the world's largest cakes or whatever, and I'm totally sold. Anything where contestants have to be creative and then feverishly backstabbing. Oh, damn you reality TV, but it's a helluva more fun than "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?" or "Amish Grace".
Amish Grace. Did you SEE that? What the hell happened to Kimberly whatsherface from the Steve Martin Father of the Bride remake? Well... THAT happened. And Tammy Blanchard from that old Judy Garland biopic? She was in this too. Lifetime ran so many dang ads during Project Runway that I just HAD to watch it. And can you believe that they couldn't find one thing for Alyssa Milano to do?
I had things planned for our arrival. Like, uh (enough with this SO stuff), Joey had no clue we were going to be staying at the Princess and the Frog hotel. I'd kept this knowledge on the QT and very hush hush for months. But I knew that the second I got to Orlando and we'd wound our way to Mickey's Very Merry Magical Express (unless it's a bad day in which case it's Mickey's No-So-Pleasant Buggy of Bleakness), the lightning bug would be out of the jar, so to speak. But like Geena Davis wanting to say "Beetlejuice!" I fought to temper my lips shut.
Wait, wasn't I just waving to Ted Allen? Okay so the flight was no frills but comfortable and I feel like there was something I wanted to tell you. Hmm, didn't I strike up a long conversation with my seat mate... It doesn't matter if I'm channel surfing, headphones in, I end up gabbing once the snacks and soda arrive. I'm not an outgoing person by any means... but I've met some lovely people. Not that I haven't faked a headache once in a while. God, this sounds like a relationship! But no, there has been a lot of awesome. I remember talking with this one lady on a trip to Paris almost a decade ago for darn near the whole flight (save for the whole lights off portion). I was reading a book about Man Ray, and this lady was a photographer. So there you go. But oh, DISpeople, I can't remember who I sat down next to on the way to Disney this trip! Bah!
Isn't that moment when you get off the plane awkward though? It's like... well have a great time, bye! It's like rush rush rush of connection.... rush of stories...and then back into the scattered fray. The tempo at MCO isn't rushed at all, it's rather sedate. Must have something to do with the change in temperature. Despite the air conditioning, I could feel the humidity. And I began to smell that consummately Central Florida/Disney smell of chlorine-masked swampwater. That blue-green (is it?) or just green carpet there could easily lead directly into the Splash Mountain queue. Where there's chlorine-masked swampwater, there's Critter Elixir! See, it's different than Pirates of the Caribbean, which is more of an Adventureland smell. Somehow it differs.
I told Joey to meet me in the room with the Christmas tree. Which isn't helpful in June, but I knew it would be the first room he'd exit into. I told him that I'd always wanted to spend just one night in the Hyatt there because it always seemed so modern and cool when I was a child. You'd look out into the airport! And now, it looks so... Contemporary-like. Now look, I'll defend the Contemporary and Old Tomorrowland to the death! But you know when that style of architecture starts to literally break at the seams? Miniscule cracks in the plaster/concrete? It's difficult to mend. So they cover it up with plants. That seems to be what's happening inside at the Hyatt. And the edges of the Contemporary are doing the same thing. Some of the areas by the windows are in dire need of something, too. I absolutely love the style, but the deterioration is quite unsightly. I was half expecting mushrooms to sprout from some of the dampened corners.
Still, I'd like to stay there one day. Just like the Grand Floridian. I know, polar opposite. But you have these strange inclinations as a child, and they remain. I wish I'd had the inclination to be a successful banker or businessman. That would have been dreaming better spent!
In my messenger bag, I had my hand on the little itinerary booklet I'd put together. No, I'm not that organized. This is the kind they sell at Staples for mini-reports, y'know? You just slip the pages in and the little central clip keeps everything in place. I put our Magical Express Vouchers and Theme Park tickets strategically over the front page, and just underneath the little plastic cover. This covered the giant Port Orleans: French Quarter logo and other notes to myself (about flowers and such!
). Now see.. I'd sent him another version of this via PDF a month before, with a huge Pop Century logo at the top. But so so so so.. um, you get it? I showed him the itinerary here at the airport with the little secret bits all hidden by the blue Magical Express voucher booklet.. so I could do a reveal downstairs! And he had NO. CLUE.
Once we get downstairs, I get all discombobulated...focused entirely on the secret. I realized we were on the wrong side. You know? A or B or C? Whatever. So I looked at the elevator and turned to him and said, "I don't want to go back up and over." And we didn't. But we got over there anyway.
Just as we finally made it to Mickey's Magical Transportation, Joey's phone rang. So, because he was gabbing away on the phone, he missed out on some very important details! So, we're now standing in an empty line. He's off the phone, and looks around. "Wow, look at that line down there." Out of the many roped off lines, only one - right against the wall on the opposite end - was brimming with guests. I thought, oh my goodness, he has NO IDEA. We could pull into the hotel and it'll be one big surprise. But then... he glances at the sign right there before us just at the exit.
"Saratoga Springs - Old Key West - Port Orleans". He asks if we're in the right line, and I say, oh they must have made a mistake. So then I show him the itinerary and ask him to check the Magical Express voucher. And he removes the slip and sees the logo and my plan is working! He turns beet red in happiness aglow and gives me a great big hug. One thing in my favor is that we were able to get right into line, so there was only one CM to possibly spoil the fun.
But he kept grabbing my shoulder and saying how surprised he was. If that isn't a great start to a vacation, nothing is. So good, the huge surprise is out of the way, now to focus on the rest...
I wonder if Fosca would have spent hours on Facebook. 
I <3333 her so much. And Into the Woods in general. 
And oooh you got to see one of the slipper performances. Classic. Sorry you met Kerry Butler on a bad day. 
. The four of us (DH & I traveling with another couple) got rooms at the Hyatt, a voucher for dinner in the airport - we ate at the Macaroni Grill - and vouchers for a free flight anywhere AirTran goes within the next 12 months. They even pulled our luggage for us - something I guess they don't typically do. DH explained to them that I am on dialysis and that some of my stuff was in the suitcase. Which in itself was true, but since I didn't have any dialysis "juice" there wasn't much I could do anyway 
