S.O.: Can you function without your kids?

[Pea-n-Me]

Full disclosure. Family vacations for us haven't and didn't end when the "children" became adults.
My mom from time to time joined us on vacations until she became ill at age 89.
DS is 31, he and his wife have joined us on 3 vacations in the last 4 years. And they also do vacations with her parents.
DD is 27, she has gone to spring training with us for each of the last 4 years.
DW and I are going to Disneyland alone in a few weeks alone, but at the tail end of that vacation, we will take a closer to home over right trip that DD is going on.

Our families sound kind of similar. You must have a great relationship with your kids! Nice job!

 

[BLAZEY]

We generally spend all our family vacation time together, and have never used Kids clubs or babysitters. However we are planning an extended family vacation with DMIL, and DBIL, DSIL and 2 nieces in addition to the 3 of us. DMIL (Nana) has said she will take all 3 girls for an evening and let us parents have an evening off while she has fun with the girls. DD9 has traveled without us with her grandparents.

 

[soccerdad72]

Umm, I don't know how to answer the question - I guess we can?

 

[Wishing on a star]

In one word....
Yes!

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

Now that mine are all grown I have no need to talk to them daily sometimes not even weekly. They live 1,000 miles away

I hope mine never move that far away...but if they do I'm pretty sure I'll be calling them weekly if not daily. Now whether or not they answer.....that is another story!

 

[DLgal]

I can function without my kids just fine.

But they can't function without me. They fall apart emotionally, even though I've left them plenty of times over the years to try and address their dependence on me. It is actually getting worse as they get older. They are teens now...It's likely due to their autism/anxiety, but it's very hard to enjoy time away so I can relax, while knowing they are having a hard time without me.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think there's a difference in vacationing and day to day lives.

I can see on a cruise how one might want a night to themselves for a nicer dinner, or some time alone. There shouldn't be a stigma attached to that. Similarly at WDW.

I find that fundamentally different than someone who is unable to accept when their children aren't near them every time all the time or they need to know down to the minute (or second for a hyperbole) what their children are doing, when their children have their own lives but the parents insert themselves way too closely into that or for a prolonged period of time, etc and it's because they have a difficult time functioning in what would be deemed a normal adult life.

 

[lorimay]

My kids can't function without me!!!!

 

[cabanafrau]

I can function without my kids just fine.

But they can't function without me. They fall apart emotionally, even though I've left them plenty of times over the years to try and address their dependence on me. It is actually getting worse as they get older. They are teens now...It's likely due to their autism/anxiety, but it's very hard to enjoy time away so I can relax, while knowing they are having a hard time without me.

That's really tough to manage I'm sure.

Just this past weekend I went to a festival in our area that was a benefit for a center that looks to help people on the spectrum develop social skills and work towards finding employment. It was started by a former special ed teacher who was crushed to run into former students who were unemployed and kind of adrift in life living with their parents. She got scared because her own son was autistic and was looking for a way to expand his future opportunities. They offer all sorts of programming, including Friday and Saturday night hangouts to give their clients more social opportunities and a way to build up their social skills they've been learning. One of our local sportscasters spoke and said his son has been attending their programs and is benefiting greatly. I'm sure you've checked around your area for resources, but maybe poke around some more in case something new has started in your area that you haven't heard of yet. Good luck to you and your kids.

 

[Kitty 34]

Empty nester here....... Big yes !

 

[superme80]

My kids can function without me just fine. Without each other??? The are already planning on living together, and their wives will just happily live in the home too. Seriously they have had this conversation. I can function without them. It is hard the 1st day they are gone. They stayed the night at my parents last month. It was the first time in 6 months. I had no clue what to do with myself. I ended up texting a friend and going out for the day. The empty house was too much for me. I am a SAHM and a homeschooling mom, so they are constantly underfoot. Once I adjust to them being gone, I enjoy the alone time. It just takes some getting used to.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I had to, with no choice

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

no. Especially given that I'm now a single parent. I am always with my kids, or thinking about them, or doing something for them.

 

[amcnj]

Vacation wise we viewed them as family vacations. There were a few business trip turned into mini vacation things that happened during the school year to which they couldn’t go. But planned trips were family trips, and now even as adults I enjoy seeing, spending time with and traveling with them.

The one area where more and more I find I can’t function well without them is setting up electronics! I know I will figure it out eventually, but they can save me so much time. They grew up with all this stuff and it is all second nature for them. And I am an admitted direction reader which slows me down too.

 

[aprilgail]

We were lucky enough to have lots of family help. We did lots of weekends away, Adult trips plus trips with the kids & extended family trips. I have a few friends that are posting about kids being in college and crying every day, I don't get that these are parents who should be proud that their children are doing well. Also the kids are 4 hours away max. We missed DS when at school but survived I'm told next year when DD leaves that I will spend days in bed, I hope not.

Kae

I am very proud of my daughter getting into the college she got into but I cried for 2 weeks when she left. My daughter is my best friend and I miss her like hell.
On vacations we spent the whole thing together, when we were planning a vacation we would choose the place we wanted to go together so it was something we both liked. I do have my own friends that I do things with but I would have to say my daughter is my best friend and I do miss her.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The one area where more and more I find I can’t function well without them is setting up electronics! I know I will figure it out eventually, but they can save me so much time. They grew up with all this stuff and it is all second nature for them. And I am an admitted direction reader which slows me down too.

Makes total sense really.

We get calls from my mom, my husband's mom, my husband's grandmother when she was alive, my mom calls me when my grandmother can't figure something out and others have failed, my mom calls me when my aunt (who has a cognitive disability) accidentally messes something up on the tv, etc.

My husband is more the electronics person but I've got some knowledge elsewhere that I help out with (cell phones for one especially for my mom as the phones get more and more fancy lol). It was a bit funny one day we introduced my step-father-in-law to YouTube....he never misses a chance to tell us when he learned something new about his 5th wheel trailer from YouTube.

We didn't necessarily grow up in our younger years with this stuff (we're 30 and 29) but we aged with them so that helps out.

 

[indimom]

Our nest is now empty, and I'm still kickin', so I guess that's a yes.
In regard to vacations, we pretty much stuck together. It's the whole reason we took family trips. We might split up (when they were old enough) for an hour at a time, but that's about it.
With DD in college in Ohio and DS in the Air Force in Texas, I don't know if we will have many more "family trips." It would be nice, but we'll have to see what the future holds.
But, I certainly enjoy some private time with my husband also. We're planning to take a DC trip next year for just the two of us, and we can't wait.

 

[shoney]

Part of my job as a parent is to raise confident, independent people that can successfully transition to adulthood.

If that means going to a kids club or having some other time away from
Us to build those skills, I supported that. I never forced them. It was a choice.

They have a very close relationship with their grandparents as well.

Just because it wAs a family vacation it didn’t mean we had to spend every waking minute together.

 

[dotfurio]

Well were not glued to each other, and ODD has traveled without us (band, clubs, camps, etc). When we vacation together there are times we let ODD go off on her own or both kids go off together while DH and I do something else (ie at a theme park or cruise). However, I don't like going on vacation without the kids. I end up spending most of the time worrying about them. With ODD heading to college next year it won't be too long before the youngest is gone, too, and then DH and I will have plenty of opportunities for couples trips.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

God, yes.

We have 3 sets of grandparents. We know we're lucky.