S/O: Angel Trees- Long, winded VENT

[DebMcDonald]

This is EXACTLY what I was thinking!!!!

I have to agree with the above, it's time for the parents to step in and say "that's too expensive or that's too big, or that's too much to ask for, lets think of another gift".

On our local freecycle group we have someone new and she's constantly looking for high priced items, just this last week it was an american girl doll, nintendo DS, she had an entire list of specific furniture with wood type and size, and lecusart cook-ware). If people are going above and beyond to provide you with gifts or in her case free items you should be happy with what you are given.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm not judging anyone. And I'm not missing the holiday spirit. I was just venting about a lot of society today. I was taken aback by the requests off of our tree, and said that it made me think twice about it. And that I had decided to donate elsewhere. That still falls in the spirit of the holiday. The charity I donate/donated to is VERY near and dear to my heart, as it 's my late Aunt's- I try to do a lot and give what I can to this because it means so much to myself and my family. I thought that I'd try to "spread it around" a bit, but saw unreasonable some requests where, that I decided to stick with what I knew.

Glad to hear you've decided to help those less fortunate! I just felt like many posters (not you in particular) felt they had the right to bash these children because the children had the audacity to ask for a wish. I certainly won't be buying anyone a Wii this year, but I certainly wouldn't look down on someone who asked for one. I'll help where I can and hope others will do the same! (In the interest of full disclosure I should clarify that my DD will be getting a Wii this year; however, I didn't buy it -- wouldn't want anyone to go hunting down my previous posts and point out that my DD will be getting one).

 

[tavettava]

Sadly, I really don't think Angel Trees are the best way to donate anymore because that seems to be rampant.

My husband still hasn't gotten over the fact that nobody will accept gently used toys anymore. The funny thing is, he grew up as one of the "poor kids" of the town who received from Toys For Tots. He says he got some GREAT presents from them that were obviously used. One year he got a baseball glove, his own bat, and a huge box of used baseballs and he remembers it as the best Christmas of his life.

Every year as I start sorting through the boy's old toys he wants to donate them to charity and I'm like -- WHERE? Nobody will take them anymore!!!

You could donate the used toys to a Headstart program or a program like (MSRP a Michigan readiness program for kids at risk) takes stuff like this.

 

[penn19]

I agree with the OP. When I was little, and still believed in Santa, my mom would have me do a Santa list. The only catch was my list couldn't be more than $50. This was probably 35 years ago, but I would pour over the Sears Wish book and make sure that my list didn't go over $50. Now do I think that my mom spent more than that? Probably. Maybe. She had 6 kids and only so much money. But there were certain things that I wanted and I made darn sure I wasn't going to go over Santa's $50 budget!

I think the point is with the Angel Tree is that these kids are in some sort of need, but the kids who AREN"T on the tree, whose parents are struggling to provide a Christmas, might not be getting the Wii's etc.....But whats wrong with a kid getting a coloring book/crayons for Christmas? If you are truly in need you will be extremely happy to get that!

 

[mickeyboat]

I think the point is with the Angel Tree is that these kids are in some sort of need, but the kids who AREN"T on the tree, whose parents are struggling to provide a Christmas, might not be getting the Wii's etc.....But whats wrong with a kid getting a coloring book/crayons for Christmas? If you are truly in need you will be extremely happy to get that!

Do you really believe that? When that child goes to school and little Susie asks her what she got for Christmas, don't you think that child would be embarassed to say a coloring book and crayons? Do you think that child would feel badly because Santa brought little Susie a Wii and her a pair of mittens?

Now I am not saying we should all go out and buy Wiis for these angels, but I think it is pretty awful to say that a child who is poor should only be allowed to make a Christmas wish for something he needs.

 

[robin09]

I'm sorry people, but I'm in a reaaly down down mood right now. I used to give al the time, donate to the food banks,, toys for tots, find a needy family... but you know what? I'm done. I feel like I have a big sign on my rear end that says kick me.

I took a family in last year, and gave them an apartment, with the agreement of $500 a month. No security at all. We agreed on 125 a week, because it was hard for this family to keep alump sum in their hands. This family had 5 kids and nowhere to go. This summer they were behind over 4 months and I started eviction proceedings. They had their 10 year old daughter come to me and tell me how they had nowhere to go and would be homeless. I cried and couldn't sleep. DH went and spoke to them and another agreement came about 500 a month promised every 1st of the month and 100 towards the back rent. Well they haven't paid since September, and eviction has begun again. I will not back down this time.

These same people get food stamps well over 500 a month, drive a car that DH gave them before they moved in with .. yes an agreement to pay... but never did. We couldn't see 5 kids being driven unsafely. They go to the food bank regularly, eat McDonalds at least 3 times a weekly. The church last year gave them a computer for the older kids (ages 8 & 10), nintendo Ds and 3 large garbage bags filled with wrapped toys. They also get free Thanksgiving turkey with goodies.

Why should I continue to give to the needy? So they can eat McDonalds? So I can be called money hungry when I ask for rent? I have to budget to give DD10 holiday gifts. DD is grateful to receive used nintendo Ds games so it already has extras on it! lol....

I used to cry each night to think of kids going without.. it's not their faults at all.. it's the parents, I know that... BUT what are the kids learning? Are they learning to budget? Are they learning to be responsible? Or are they learning to think the world owes them because they are living?

These same tenants are the same ones that say I have some nerve buying a camper with their money! UGH.... sorry people, just a bad day here...

 

[jnzimm]

I agree. We check out the tree for folks looking for clothing and basic needs. We ignore the gift requests for electrnics and such.

 

[mrsklamc]

As someone involved in this process, many of the parents do not understand the value of money either. For many of them, that's why their family is in the financial straits they are in.

(There are families that have lost jobs and things, more this year than before.)

The kids don't understand because the parents don't understand, it's a cycle of poverty. The families that have lost jobs are the kids and families more likely to get out of poverty because they know what it's like not to live that way. For others, it never occurs to them that there's any other way to live.

Lots of them can't pay their bills because they have bought 60 inch tvs and brand name clothes on credit.They don't have the tools they need to make it through life.

 

[adisneymama]

I'm in the same boat OP. I went to pick an Angel from the tree at my gym. I walked away disgusted when the request I saw for a 2 yo girl was DIAMOND STUD EARRINGS! I don't even have those. Much less does my DD, I'm certainly not going to buy them for a 2 yo I don't know. I have always taught my DD that there are people out there that don't have toys, houses etc. When she was 4 she told me we needed to buy them a house! I like you will be donating elsewhere. I agree whole heartedly that it should be about needs as was the original intent. That being said, we have always furnished the needs but also added an inexpensive toy or two along with those needs for the kids. The parents do need to realize that things such as wii's are a bit much, especially in this economy.

But you hit the nail on the head when you said it is a sign of the times as well. Today kids are taught at a very young age what costs more etc. And that if something costs more it is better. An example is my DD is in speech class at our public school. One assignment was to ask her what cost more a diamond or a bike. (Keep in mind she was 5 at the time) When she didn't know (why should she?) a worksheet was sent home to work on what costs more. With full instructions to drive around our neighborhood and tell her which houses cost more than the others. Of course my response was NO! But like I said, just one example of why kids are the way they are today.

G/L and Merry Christmas to you OP and all of you that donate wether it be time, money, items etc. There are those that truely need it and appreciate everything you do!

 

[ajk912]

I don't do angel tree, either. Walmart has a tree in the front of the store with one-item gifts that are requested in the community. That way you can pick something in your budget instead of picking a child that could be requesting $500 worth of stuff.

I understand the kids wanting to fit in, but the parents should have helped their kids fill out the forms. The parents should know that the kids requested a Wii, games for the Wii, Ipods, laptops, etc are probably not going to be picked. We are in a recession, I would love to give back and really HELP someone..but not to the tune of $500.

 

[penn19]

Do you really believe that? When that child goes to school and little Susie asks her what she got for Christmas, don't you think that child would be embarassed to say a coloring book and crayons? Do you think that child would feel badly because Santa brought little Susie a Wii and her a pair of mittens?

Now I am not saying we should all go out and buy Wiis for these angels, but I think it is pretty awful to say that a child who is poor should only be allowed to make a Christmas wish for something he needs.

Sorry! I must have missed the memo that said that we all celebrate a Socialist Christmas in this country. My neighbor down the street is getting a Lexus for Christmas. Why can't I have a Lexus!? I deserve a Lexus! I remember being in school and there were always kids that got different things for Christmas, their birthdays, heck even the Tooth Fairy. I have told my kids since they were little, sorry so-and-so got a laptop/iphone/car for Christmas, but in THIS house this is what we feel we can either afford, or that you should have.

 

[CinRell]

Robin09 you and your DH are angels. Bless you for all you've done. You've given this family a YEAR to get back on their feet at your expense.... maybe once you've stopped, they will be FORCED to figure out a way to provide for their family. Don't feel guilty you've done more than most of us would or could!

 

[mickeyboat]

Sorry! I must have missed the memo that said that we all celebrate a Socialist Christmas in this country. My neighbor down the street is getting a Lexus for Christmas. Why can't I have a Lexus!? I deserve a Lexus! I remember being in school and there were always kids that got different things for Christmas, their birthdays, heck even the Tooth Fairy. I have told my kids since they were little, sorry so-and-so got a laptop/iphone/car for Christmas, but in THIS house this is what we feel we can either afford, or that you should have.

These kids are not making demands, they are making wishes.

 

[HopingToGetEngaged]

Robin09 you and your DH are angels. Bless you for all you've done. You've given this family a YEAR to get back on their feet at your expense.... maybe once you've stopped, they will be FORCED to figure out a way to provide for their family. Don't feel guilty you've done more than most of us would or could!

DITTO!

 

[Fintastic]

No flames, but I understand it. All kids want to fit in. Just because some of their parents can't afford the same clothes/jackets/toys that their peers get doesn't mean that they don't want them. I think most kids have little concept of money. I heard Hannah tell a friend's mother that Mommy got a good deal on her Northface and only paid $20 for it. Well, Noooooo I paid $97 for it!!! She doesn't know and my almost 7 year old's favorite phrase is a hundred dollars. It's sad that kids see those things and think they need them, but it's part of society.

Personally I'd buy what I thought was appropriate.

I agree with this.

You can buy the child anything you want. I assume you get their sizes and everything when you select them. If you only want to buy clothes, go for it. But it's Christmas. When have kids ever asked for CLOTHES for Christmas?? Kids ask for the fun stuff! Just because they're asking for a Wii, it doesn't mean they're greedy. It means they're kids. Kids who probably see all their friends with Wiis, and would love to have one themselves. Buy them socks if you want, but please don't begrudge them for asking for something fun for Christmas.

 

[surfgirl]

As another poster mentioned this is a Wishlist and, I'd like to add, probably supposed to be FROM SANTA. Doesn't Santa bring all good boys and girls gifts? Or should these children be made to feel that they're not worthy because of circumstances beyond their control? Again, why shouldn't children who have nothing own one or two items they can call their own and cherish?

Good point. I know the Wii and DS, and... are used by all ages, but most kids who are asking for them probably don't believe anymore. How many kids that believe are asking for gift cards for specifically Hollister ?

 

[burberryplaid]

One of many reasons why I like Toys For Tots, you can give anything as long as it's new and non-violent. I'm sure some child would love even a $5 toy if they are truly in need. Through our local food pantry, several small groups of co-workers adopt a child for Christmas. We've been doing it for about 8 years now and one of the things I like best is that while we do get some requests, they are usually basic: pajamas, a coat, boots, gloves and a hat, etc. We all work together to give the child what we think they need and a few toys as well. It's one of the reasons why I choose to keep working with this organization.

 

[secretpantssam]

I don't understand why they don't put down a bunch of things and actually make a list. That way you can get them what they want but stay in your budget. I think having them only list one large ticket item, even if that is their true wish, discourages people from getting them a gift at all. And I understand posters saying that these may be the kid's wishes, but have a feeling the parents are the ones actually filling these things out. They should understand that some people might not have enough for a Wii and put down something a little more reasonable.

 

[magik]

These kids are not making demands, they are making wishes.

This is how I've always treated it. I've taken angel tree tags for kids who asked for video games and stuff - that doesn't mean i actually bought them everything that was on their tag. I generally pick the teens, and get them clothes, maybe a few books, possibly some girly makeup kit or nail polish or hair stuff for a girl...maybe a small discman (like $20-$30...nothing extravagent) and CD for a boy.

What would be sadder..for the kid to get *nothing* or to just not get the expensive video game system, but still get other stuff...both things they might need as well as things that are fun.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Good point. I know the Wii and DS, and... are used by all ages, but most kids who are asking for them probably don't believe anymore. How many kids that believe are asking for gift cards for specifically Hollister ?

You're absolutely right about the older children. I have a DD13 who just recently started asking about Hollister, A&F, etc. She's just an average kid, so why wouldn't others her age ask for the same things? I agree there needs to be a middle ground here, but if you (not you particularly surfgirl) go to any of these stores you could find things on sale and still make some kid's wish come true. Best of both worlds.