S/O: Angel Trees- Long, winded VENT

[FLmomof2]

I had also vented to husband and friends over the angel tree gifts. We picked a name off the tree at school for a 10 yr old that wanted High School Musical stuff. So I bought some Pj's and shirts and some little girly things that were HSM. Some of the requests were way out of our price range so I picked one I knew I could do.

I also get upset at the free and reduced lunch at school....I think its a great program for the families that need it...but when those parents are driving BMW's and Hummers I just can't figure it out.

 

[starann]

I have not read through all the posts, but understand. I know these are just kids who are asking and what kid really asks for clothes at Christmas....but

The 1st year I became a visiting nurse (I have been at this for 4 years now, I go into peoples homes after they have come home from the hospital to teach them about meds, do wound care and so on) it was Xmas time and I went to see a patient. She is on hemo dialysis and her daughter was her primary care giver, although the daughter was not there that day, she was at the Toys for Tots pick up place to get Xmas gifts for her children. Ok fine, I understand that people get down on their luck and it's great that things like that are there to help (esp the children who shouldnt have to pay for their parents choices). Then I start to look around.....they have a BIG screen tv (I'm talking 60in), a leather couch set, a dell computer, as well as a laptop, a nice radio system. Then the daughter comes home (the mother of the children) with their TFT bags and tips on her nails in a leather coat in Tommy Hillfigger clothes!!! WHAT!!!!

They can afford a big screen tv, a laptop, a leather couch, high end clothes, and your nails done every week BUT you can't afford to buy your child gifts? Sadly, after that year I won't donate to TFT. I do donate in many other ways where I can SEE who is getting a gift (so that I can SEE that it goes to people who truly need it, not those who choose to spend their money on things other than their children).

 

[Vijoge]

but have a feeling the parents are the ones actually filling these things out.

I don't know about that. There is an Angel Tree at DH's place of employment. All 12 y/o boys seem to have requested the exact same things! All 5 y/o girls also have the same items on their lists. etc. . .It looks like someone in the organization just filled the cards out.

 

[HopingToGetEngaged]

I have not read through all the posts, but understand. I know these are just kids who are asking and what kid really asks for clothes at Christmas....but

The 1st year I became a visiting nurse (I have been at this for 4 years now, I go into peoples homes after they have come home from the hospital to teach them about meds, do wound care and so on) it was Xmas time and I went to see a patient. She is on hemo dialysis and her daughter was her primary care giver, although the daughter was not there that day, she was at the Toys for Tots pick up place to get Xmas gifts for her children. Ok fine, I understand that people get down on their luck and it's great that things like that are there to help (esp the children who shouldnt have to pay for their parents choices). Then I start to look around.....they have a BIG screen tv (I'm talking 60in), a leather couch set, a dell computer, as well as a laptop, a nice radio system. Then the daughter comes home (the mother of the children) with their TFT bags and tips on her nails in a leather coat in Tommy Hillfigger clothes!!! WHAT!!!!

They can afford a big screen tv, a laptop, a leather couch, high end clothes, and your nails done every week BUT you can't afford to buy your child gifts? Sadly, after that year I won't donate to TFT. I do donate in many other ways where I can SEE who is getting a gift (so that I can SEE that it goes to people who truly need it, not those who choose to spend their money on things other than their children).

It's stuff like this that really frosts my cookies. But that's a whole other story - and I don't want to open Pandora's box anymore than I already have...

 

[Sammie]

Telling a child or teen not to wish for something expensive, is like telling many adults not to take a Disney vacation because it is expensive.

Wishes or wants are not necessities. And that includes expensive cameras, Wiis and even vacations.

 

[secretpantssam]

I don't know about that. There is an Angel Tree at DH's place of employment. All 12 y/o boys seem to have requested the exact same things! All 5 y/o girls also have the same items on their lists. etc. . .It looks like someone in the organization just filled the cards out.

Well then someone filled it out. It wasn't just a kid handed a paper angel and told to write their one and only wish on it. If there is an adult running this whole thing, they should understand that some people want to give but can't afford to buy a gift that's $200.

 

[cheermom1]

On the flip side, at work we've 'adopted' a family for Christmas. Since the list for the mom and her five kids was pretty generic and reasonable (hats, gloves, educational toys, pants, shirts), and we're an IT company, a bunch of us also pitched to buy the family a Wii. What makes this so gratifying is that they didn't ask for it, and have no idea it's coming.

That is awesome i remember when my sd was 5 and all he wanted was a little red bike he had practiced learning how to ride a bike on the neighbors kids bike - I was a single parent at the time i signed them up for the angel tree and told the lady that was all he wanted nothing else of course i put clothes and shoes and stuff like that and NEVER dreamed he would get the bike and was preparing him for when it didn't come - when i went to pick it up they GOT him the little red bike i was crying so hard - and xmas morning he really could believe it was his I have to convenice him that it was his bike!!! i jsut has to share a good thing

 

[Vijoge]

.

I also get upset at the free and reduced lunch at school....I think its a great program for the families that need it...but when those parents are driving BMW's and Hummers I just can't figure it out.

The free lunch program is based on income, not possesions. If you have X number of people in your family and make less than X dollars a year then your kids are entitled to free/reduced lunch. Is it fair? Maybe not, but no one has time to visit each home to see what a person owns and then decide if they "deserve" free lunch.

OTOH, there are a lot of kids at my DGS's school who do get free/reduced lunch but I haven't noticed an abundance of Hummers parked outside at dismissal time.

 

[mickeyboat]

That is awesome i remember when my sd was 5 and all he wanted was a little red bike he had practiced learning how to ride a bike on the neighbors kids bike - I was a single parent at the time i signed them up for the angel tree and told the lady that was all he wanted nothing else of course i put clothes and shoes and stuff like that and NEVER dreamed he would get the bike and was preparing him for when it didn't come - when i went to pick it up they GOT him the little red bike i was crying so hard - and xmas morning he really could believe it was his I have to convenice him that it was his bike!!! i jsut has to share a good thing

Thank you so much for sharing this. It gave me goosebumps.

This is what the Angel Tree is all about.

 

[mamalle]

both my kids have a angel of the salvation army tree.. dd is getting her girl a doll and stroller along with clothes. ds will be getting his cars and trucks and clothing. I picked two that were the same age as mine. Im very happy to do this along with donating money for the families that we adopted from both places I work at. Times are tough and there are so many heartbreaking stories this time of the year..

 

[dismom24]

That is awesome i remember when my sd was 5 and all he wanted was a little red bike he had practiced learning how to ride a bike on the neighbors kids bike - I was a single parent at the time i signed them up for the angel tree and told the lady that was all he wanted nothing else of course i put clothes and shoes and stuff like that and NEVER dreamed he would get the bike and was preparing him for when it didn't come - when i went to pick it up they GOT him the little red bike i was crying so hard - and xmas morning he really could believe it was his I have to convenice him that it was his bike!!! i jsut has to share a good thing

Thank you for sharing your story. I was getting really down realizing that Chrismtas had turned into greed and your story brought the true joy of giving to others back to me - a child's happiness is such a wonderful thing. It is so hard to discern these days from those who truly need and those who want more (I have heard of many families signing up for several programs to get more gifts). Your story has encouraged me to listen more and find out who would really apreciate something and try to secretly help out - thank you!

 

[cheermom1]

Thank you for sharing your story. I was getting really down realizing that Chrismtas had turned into greed and your story brought the true joy of giving to others back to me - a child's happiness is such a wonderful thing. It is so hard to discern these days from those who truly need and those who want more (I have heard of many families signing up for several programs to get more gifts). Your story has encouraged me to listen more and find out who would really apreciate something and try to secretly help out - thank you!

thanks to both of you that wrote - I am at work and trying to fight the tears of that day - i have since married a wonderful man that is so good to us and i have been blessed with a great job and so has my dh we no longer need the angel tree but i do donate to toys for tots a lot in our area i is wonderful to give back now that i can .....Linda

 

[secretpantssam]

By the way, just as a side note and I don't want to sound like a negative nelly, but a few years ago my mom was the director of a nursery school. She had the Salvation Army come in and give angels for a tree. Well I picked a 6 year old girl and got her a bunch of barbie dolls, a car, a ton of outfits and accessories. I put them all in a gift bag under the tree and was excited about making a little girl's christmas special. Well when they came to pick up the gifts, my mom noticed that one of the dolls fell out of the bag. When she handed it to the guy and told him which bag it came from, he told her that it didn't make any difference because they were just going to divide up all of the toys, so any gifts that contained more than one item wouldn't go to the same child. I was so upset to hear this. I put so much thought into my gift but now is was going to be divided up and one girl could end up with just one little thing. Now I only buy gifts like that for places I know have specific children to give the gifts to. Or make sure my gift can't be divided. Just a thought.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

I can totally understand where the OP is coming from. I usually pick an Angel child the same age as each of my kids, and let them help me shop for their gifts. We stopped picking Angels when the cost of giving the child their wishes was too much for our budget. Simple, really. If you pick an Angel, you are the only one buying for that child (unless the parents went to multiple agencies to enroll but like the OP said, that's a whole 'nother post...) so we passed over those whose gifts were too pricey. We always hoped some wealthy family would come pick their Angels because it was sometimes more than I was spending on my own kids...

I also understand kids want what they want, and they think they're asking Santa. This is where SA needs to redesign their program, IMO. SA needs to price toys (use a TRU catalog or something) and print out a list of toys under $50. Maybe even in brackets 0-10, 10-20, 30-40, and 40+. Pick popular toys but don't go overboard because the gift givers may not have the means and your child may not get anything. Parents should stay within a guideline when filling out the request for the cards. Ex: 2 things from the A group, one thing from group B or C, and one "WISH" under $50.

I'm hearing a lot of people who think the same way as the OP; requests that average people just can't or won't buy, and so they are moving on to other charities where they feel appreciated. Like Toys for Tots. Or giving to your church or buying a heifer in for a family in Africa. Maybe if SA would stop and take a pulse check, people would come back to the Angel Tree like it used to be.

When we were little, my mom taught school in a blighted area. Kids were coming to school in the same clothes every day. No mittens, or coats. No socks. Dirty every day. She had no problem locating a family for us to supply an entire Christmas to. Anonymously. Drop the food basket and gifts on the porch, ring the bell and drive away when someone opened the door. Merry Christmas! It made a tremendous impact on us kids. We didn't have a list to go buy from, but we sure had fun giving them the same things we were asking for that year. It's just so much nicer to take in one family, but it's also very hard for me to find these families first hand. When I can, I do. When I can't I donate to Toys for Tots.

Oh, and I definitely give used toys to my kids throughout the year from garage sales and consignment stores. Now, if it's good enough for anytime, do you think it's not good enough for a gift? They love it - - they end up getting more stuff for the same money!

 

[robin09]

Robin09 you and your DH are angels. Bless you for all you've done. You've given this family a YEAR to get back on their feet at your expense.... maybe once you've stopped, they will be FORCED to figure out a way to provide for their family. Don't feel guilty you've done more than most of us would or could!

Thankyou for the kind words, they put a smile on my face. Right now though, I just feel like a fool. I did try and help, and rather than feeling good about it, I feel used. I like the giving spirit, I enjoy giving at the holidays, and in between... like giving costumes at the food bank so kids can dress up for Halloween. But now I feel kicked in the teeth, and can't get the spirit back.

 

[wellesleyprincess]

Our angel tree they are allowed to ask for 3 things with a maximum of one toy. They suggest they make the requests more general. Our angels this year wanted Fairy/Tinkerbell stuff and Sports (preferably football and/or basketball) stuff. They reccommend you buy 1-2 outfits, 1-2 toys, and a book. They say if you can afford more they'd prefer you get more angels than buy one angel more stuff. While agree that asking for a Wii or gift cards is out of line, I think that is important to realize that while these kids are underpriveleged they are still kids and want toys and games not just clothes. The kids are going to know when they go to school that other kids get toys for Chrsitmas and they won't want to be any more different than they have to be. Most of the request for under the age of 9 on our angel tree were similar to the ones we picked. Lots of the girls wanted Princess, Barbie or Bratz stuff and clothes that with such characters or in pink or purple. The boys wanted sports stuff, Star Wars stuff, or Pokemon stuff and clothes with the local sports team. The tween had slightly larger requests but never for specific brands, but I did see a few 12 year olds asking for a DS. I'm sure they want what their friends have. We also have a local store the fills all the requests for bikes, so if adopt one of those angels they ask that you provide the helmet.
My understanding is the purpose of the Angel Tree is to provide Christmas to children that would not otherwise have it. In my mind, that means providing some Christmas want in addition to basic needs.

 

[cndij]

Every year as I start sorting through the boy's old toys he wants to donate them to charity and I'm like -- WHERE? Nobody will take them anymore!!!

Try Freecycle. (make sure you go to freecycle.org) I am sure there is one in your area, it's pretty prevalent now. I see stuff on there all the time of people asking for used clothes and toys. I also see people offering used toys and they get taken quickly. I would also try the "free" section of Craig's List, but I don't think its as well known as Freecycle, at least not in our area.

 

[cheermom1]

Try Freecycle. (make sure you go to freecycle.org) I am sure there is one in your area, it's pretty prevalent now. I see stuff on there all the time of people asking for used clothes and toys. I also see people offering used toys and they get taken quickly. I would also try the "free" section of Craig's List, but I don't think its as well known as Freecycle, at least not in our area.

Yes great place to get rid of things and to help others and not putting things in the landfill it is awesome....

 

[CinRell]

Thankyou for the kind words, they put a smile on my face. Right now though, I just feel like a fool. I did try and help, and rather than feeling good about it, I feel used. I like the giving spirit, I enjoy giving at the holidays, and in between... like giving costumes at the food bank so kids can dress up for Halloween. But now I feel kicked in the teeth, and can't get the spirit back.

I understand feeling used but those children will remember you. One day they'll think back and remember you as wonderful giving people who helped their family!

 

[Tink-aholic]

At the local hospital, I was approached a few years ago to "adopt" a family. I took one that was a single mom with one child and bought clothes, shampoo (!), lotions, socks, mittens and gloves, small puzzles, games, a few toys...everything on the list. I was shocked on the day to bring in the gifts because each hospital department was assigned one family, and I was the only one buying for mine. I thought they might have been slighted in some way because the departments were buying bikes and microwaves and big-ticket items.

Last year, I was assigned a family with three kids, and they all asked for iPods and video games, while the mom wanted a new comforter with matching sheets, window treatments, bedskirt, and shams. The woman assigning the families knew I was only one person and gave me them anyway. I bought them board games, warm clothes, towels, and sheets. On the day to bring in gifts, I saw a woman with luxurient long hair, acrylic nails, five-inch heel knee-high leather boots, and a jacket with fur trim pick up the gifts I brought in! Obviously, she could have been delivering them, but I always wondered after that.

They have not yet asked me to donate this year, but I think I'm going to give to the food pantry instead.