My kids are still too young for these rules and talks, but I've already come up with several things that I know will be discussed heavily in a few years.
- Birth control pills, condoms, etc are NOT 100% effective. Ensure they know the proper way to use birth control (taking the pill at the same time daily/ not skipping dosing, condoms carried in wallets can tear, etc), some medications reduce the effectiveness of the pill, and even if using preventative measures correctly, it is still possible to become pregnant (DD was conceived while using a condom and me taking the pill religiously).
- Drinking carries MANY risks, lowers inhibitions, and can place you in dangerous situations- from things like sexual assault or false allegations, DUI or driving with someone who has been drinking, legal or educational repercussions (like with sport/club rules, scholarships, etc). Alcohol affects different people in different ways, and types of alcohol, dehydration, not eating, medications, and so many other things can have an impact. It's illegal and risky to drink underage, but if you do, always know what you're drinking, watch your drink at all times, and ALWAYS call me for a ride if you've been drinking. Do not drive or get in someone else's car who has, even if the police are coming and your friends tell you that you need to get your car out of there or they will all get in trouble. Better an underage drinking charge than a DUI and placing yours and others' lives in danger.
- Though DD is only 9, we already have a safe word with her that she can use in a variety of situations, and we've discussed how she could use that safe word if needed. Things like if she's pressured to go somewhere with a friend and needs us to tell her no, if she ever feels uncomfortable in a situation and needs a ride but doesn't want to make it obvious, if we're in public and she thinks someone is following or watching her. It's a way for her to communicate with us that something is wrong but she can't for whatever reason speak freely.
As for rules, it's hard to say as I think individuality should have a factor in how strict you need to be (if someone is incredibly responsible they will probably need less rules than someone who has a pattern of getting in trouble, and attitude obviously will have a huge impact on how much freedom we will give). Basic things though:
- You will be respectful, keep your grades up, not skip school, do your chores, clean up after yourself.
- If you lie, you will be in more trouble than if you just told the truth and admitted responsibility for whatever you did/ plan to do in the first place. Don't lie to us.
- Any friends will be respectful of everyone in the family (your friends can't pick on your sibling) and our rules (if a friend repeatedly takes you home late without valid reason, they will no longer be able to drive you).
- If you ever need help, need to talk about something serious or personal, whatever, please come to us. If you aren't comfortable talking to us about it, we won't be mad and will help you find someone you can talk to.
- Be a good friend. If you see someone in danger, get them help. You're not being a bad friend by telling a secret if it's something that jeopardizes their health or safety.
- Driving, going out with friends, and having technology are all privileges and can be rescinded at any time.
- Rules are subject to change at any time for any reason.
When we did it to our son he indignantly tried to convince us that no other parent on earth would even think of such a thing!
Those were: no grandchildren and no illegal activities (drinking age is 19, pot is now legal).
