RIP Kate Spade

[AnnaFloridaLover]

The sad part is that there IS a lot of help these days for depression/anxiety. No one should feel stigmatized by having a mental illness. It can happen to anyone. She lived in NYC, which has some of the best hospitals. Very, very sad.

Kate Spade's husband said she was under the care of a doctor and receiving treatment for years. Treatment isn't a cure.

According to the rest of Spade's family, the sister giving interviews hasn't been in contact with the rest of the family for more than 10 years. She contacted the media after Kate died to give interviews.

There's no stigma in NYC for having a therapist. Therapy is widely accepted and used.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think the KEY to getting mentally healthy is to get help BEFORE one hits rock bottom. If someone feels depressed/anxious get help before you feel hopeless. There is so much help and different kinds of help. The stigma should not be there, an illness is an illness. Get treatment if you need it.

I think the stigma is great and absolutely a detrement to some (many) people getting help.
However, even someone seeking treatment and with the means to pay for the best therapists and medications and whatnot CAN die of depression---like many other sometimes fatal diseases, it cannot always be cured or controlled---which is tragic, but not the fault of the victims of the disease.
I don't know much of anything about Kate Spade, but I know the cruelty inherent in blaming those who die of depression for not being able to cur3 themselves or be cured breaks my heart.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The sad part is that there IS a lot of help these days for depression/anxiety. No one should feel stigmatized by having a mental illness. It can happen to anyone. She lived in NYC, which has some of the best hospitals. Very, very sad.

This is a prime example of how much misinformation and misunderstanding is still out there... Which is exactly why the stigma still exists.

 

[Skellingtonj]

According to the rest of Spade's family, the sister giving interviews hasn't been in contact with the rest of the family for more than 10 years. She contacted the media after Kate died to give interviews.

Which is just an awful way to put yourself in the spotlight. I can’t imagine making someone’s death about me.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Which is just an awful way to put yourself in the spotlight. I can’t imagine making someone’s death about me.

Weddings and funerals always bring out the worst in people.

 

[mnrose]

If it can happen to a wealthy person like Kate Spade, who has the financial resources and ability to access the best treatment, imagine the average person? We are slashing mental health treatment. It's hard to find. It's expensive. And, often insurance fights you on it. So, we hold our mouths right (mostly) on saying the right thing about mental health, but we simply do not back that up with resources and REAL support.

When I was pregnant (and it was very, very much a WANTED pregnancy...I spent 10's of thousands of dollars to GET pregnant), I was struck by a severe depression. I had HEARD of post partum depression, but had no idea that for a small percentage of women, the pregnancy hormones can cause depression. I remember sitting on my couch thinking that jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge made complete sense, and that because I was going to be a terrible mother, it would be better to kill those babies before they were born. MADE.NO.SENSE. But, that was the thought process, and I started to fixate on it. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to say the smallest thing to my husband who immediately got me the professional help I desperately needed. In hindsight, it was so bizarre, but I could not "control" the thought process simply by will power. It was scary. And gave me enormous empathy for people who find themselves in that position. If you've never been there, you don't know.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Very sad

 

[GreatLakes]

People don't blame those with cancer for "leaving their children" do they?

If they refused treatment instead of fight I would personally, yes.

 

[lisaviolet]

Great advice if your brain knows it's ill.

I would like this 1000 times if I could.

Sigh. Absolutely. Highlighting again.

Treatment isn't a cure.

However, even someone seeking treatment and with the means to pay for the best therapists and medications and whatnot CAN die of depression---like many other sometimes fatal diseases, it cannot always be cured or controlled---which is tragic, but not the fault of the victims of the disease.

Can not be said enough.

It's hard enough to improve one's mental health, without these extra pressures of being superhuman with outcome.

Or adding in a character checklist at the same time.

_________________________

@ronandannette, yes Annette so true. Our system here in Ontario is not the same, with the checklist. Family doctors have it so hard. We chastise them for not seeing certain things and then it's horrifying when they overstep their expertise. Mental health is one area where some are not getting much needed help and medication and others are being improperly treated on the other end. Election day here, I know health care is on many minds.

@TeresaBelle, I understood you perfectly. I can only imagine how many conflicting heavy emotions for everyone.

@Disney1fan2002, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister.
And sorry for what you are going through - seems trite, but I can't find the proper words Disney1fan2002.

 

[snoodledoo]

Can I ask a question? I do not know much about this but some of you seem to. Can a person commit suicide and not be mentally ill? Can they just be overwhelmed by their circumstances and feel hopeless? Or does that constitute mental illness?

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Can I ask a question? I do not know much about this but some of you seem to. Can a person commit suicide and not be mentally ill? Can they just be overwhelmed by their circumstances and feel hopeless? Or does that constitute mental illness?

Absolutely.

Another example is assisted or non assisted suicide for someone who is dying or suffering physically with chronic pain.

 

[lisaviolet]

Can I ask a question? I do not know much about this but some of you seem to. Can a person commit suicide and not be mentally ill? Can they just be overwhelmed by their circumstances and feel hopeless? Or does that constitute mental illness?

All I will say, and it's just an opinion, that a well mind has the the ability to know that there is always another day, another outcome, and a solution in time.

Some people see the bold with ease and complete clarity. Some people do not and simply can not. And some need extra guidance to see it.

Only my opinion. Variations in mental health.

_________________________________

And an absolute exception for me - see below.

 

[lisaviolet]

Another example is assisted or non assisted suicide for someone who is dying or suffering physically with chronic pain.

Yes.

I just went back and forth trying to figure out how to fit that choice into my thoughts.

I personally think of Brittany Maynard all the time (she decided to end her life with glioblastoma multiforme - brain cancer). I do not think she was remotely mentally ill. I continue to be incredibly touched by her choices and brave outlook on her life.

 

[PollyannaMom]

It had nothing to do with her!! She clearly saw no way out of her darkness. Kid or no kid. Depression doesn’t care that you have kids. In her note, she allegedly tells her it’s not her fault and to ask her father.

Sadly, it's very normal for kids to feel that way, and hard to convince them there is nothing they could have done.

Thankfully, you and I can't imagine what sort of demons she was facing that made her believe ending her life was the only way out. She didn't "do this" to her daughter. She lost her battle with mental illness. We need better tools in this country for helping those who need it, even if they don't ask.

Even if she didn't choose to "do this" to her daughter, this event did very much "happen to" her daughter. And as much for the sake of the people left behind as for the ones with mental illness, I really believe we need to find a way get through to people, before the darkness sets in, that they should distrust any thoughts that suicide is logical. (I'm speaking here of "typical" suicides, not those related to terminal illness discussed in the last couple of posts. I'm sure that's a whole topic of it's own.)


But how do we get people from here:

When you are so sick, you truly believe your kids are better off without you.

Great advice if your brain knows it's ill.

To here and here:

You hit it on the head 100%. My husband has a laundry list of mental health issues and when it gets bad, he says he doesn’t think about me or my daughter, he only hears how useless he is and how easy it would be to make the pain go away. Thank goodness he can recognize it and knows to contact me so I can reach out for help. I’m terrified one day he won’t be able to see reason.

...Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to say the smallest thing to my husband who immediately got me the professional help I desperately needed. In hindsight, it was so bizarre, but I could not "control" the thought process simply by will power. It was scary. And gave me enormous empathy for people who find themselves in that position. If you've never been there, you don't know.

What's working in those two cases? What can we place in the environment that will override the dark thoughts with "this is illness"?
...

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

There's a documentary out there called The Bridge. It's based on documenting and recording for an entire year people jumping off San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bridge_(2006_documentary_film)

 

[mnrose]

What's working in those two cases? What can we place in the environment that will override the dark thoughts with "this is illness"?
...

That's an interesting question. I didn't ASK for help. My husband saw something in what I said (I don't even remember what it was) that caused him to believe I had an issue. He got help for me. Not everyone has such perceptive people around them, through no fault of their own. :-(

 

[lisaviolet]

That's an interesting question. I didn't ASK for help. My husband saw something in what I said (I don't even remember what it was) that caused him to believe I had an issue. Not everyone has such perceptive people around them, through no fault of their own. :-(

'

Sigh, and there lies the danger.

And I will add that some loved ones often don't want to upset others by being firm and proactive, it's so incredibly complicated for many. It takes a lot of personal strength to override your loved ones' requests/thoughts, even if it's clear there is an urgent issue.

to you mnrose for dealing with it.

And to your husband for being so perceptive and jumping into action.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Can I ask a question? I do not know much about this but some of you seem to. Can a person commit suicide and not be mentally ill? Can they just be overwhelmed by their circumstances and feel hopeless? Or does that constitute mental illness?

Yes anyone can kill themselves. Depression often plays a role but it’s not a requirement. (No snark intended)

 

[PollyannaMom]

That's an interesting question. I didn't ASK for help. My husband saw something in what I said (I don't even remember what it was) that caused him to believe I had an issue. He got help for me. Not everyone has such perceptive people around them, through no fault of their own. :-(

I felt weird "liking" your post - but I meant it as "thank you for answering".

I'm glad your husband was so perceptive!

 

[kimblebee]

Sadly, it's very normal for kids to feel that way, and hard to convince them there is nothing they could have done.



Even if she didn't choose to "do this" to her daughter, this event did very much "happen to" her daughter. And as much for the sake of the people left behind as for the ones with mental illness, I really believe we need to find a way get through to people, before the darkness sets in, that they should distrust any thoughts that suicide is logical. (I'm speaking here of "typical" suicides, not those related to terminal illness discussed in the last couple of posts. I'm sure that's a whole topic of it's own.)


But how do we get people from here:






To here and here:






What's working in those two cases? What can we place in the environment that will override the dark thoughts with "this is illness"?
...

In our case (my husband), lots of medication and some therapy. There have been bad, bad days too, but thankfully he still sees a glimmer of light to know he can’t do what his brain says to do.