RIP Kate Spade

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I know it's a complex issue BUT how do you leave a 13 year old daughter behind??? It's unbelievable to me.

I'm not privy to the reason Kate Spade took her life however I do understand that having a severe depression/mental illness is no less a life-threatening disease than cancer, heart disease, or 1000's of other ailments that take lives daily. Your brain is an organ.

The World Health Organization says 800,000 people in the world die of suicide every year. It's not about being selfish.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I know it's a complex issue BUT how do you leave a 13 year old daughter behind??? It's unbelievable to me.

It had nothing to do with her!! She clearly saw no way out of her darkness. Kid or no kid. Depression doesn’t care that you have kids. In her note, she allegedly tells her it’s not her fault and to ask her father.

 

[sjrec]

Our book club read Darkness Visible by the author William Styron-someone suffering from depression just cannot see past the despair.
It was heartbreaking and eye opening.

 

[kimblebee]

It had nothing to do with her!! She clearly saw no way out of her darkness. Kid or no kid. Depression doesn’t care that you have kids. In her note, she allegedly tells her it’s not her fault and to ask her father.

You hit it on the head 100%. My husband has a laundry list of mental health issues and when it gets bad, he says he doesn’t think about me or my daughter, he only hears how useless he is and how easy it would be to make the pain go away. Thank goodness he can recognize it and knows to contact me so I can reach out for help. I’m terrified one day he won’t be able to see reason.

 

[Skellingtonj]

You hit it on the head 100%. My husband has a laundry list of mental health issues and when it gets bad, he says he doesn’t think about me or my daughter, he only hears how useless he is and how easy it would be to make the pain go away. Thank goodness he can recognize it and knows to contact me so I can reach out for help. I’m terrified one day he won’t be able to see reason.

I’ve been there. It’s dark. And scary. But I got help. Glad to hear he is getting help too

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

You hit it on the head 100%. My husband has a laundry list of mental health issues and when it gets bad, he says he doesn’t think about me or my daughter, he only hears how useless he is and how easy it would be to make the pain go away. Thank goodness he can recognize it and knows to contact me so I can reach out for help. I’m terrified one day he won’t be able to see reason.

I'm really sorry kimblebee. That must be so hard for all of you. I guess we are "lucky" in our family. Physical disease and ailments of all kinds run the gamut but at least those people are met with compassion and understanding by others who can "see" the disease. You know, "proof"? Ughhh.

 

[kimblebee]

I'm really sorry kimblebee. That must be so hard for all of you. I guess we are "lucky" in our family. Physical disease and ailments of all kinds run the gamut but at least those people are met with compassion and understanding by others who can "see" the disease. You know, "proof"? Ughhh.

Thank you, it is hard. Luckily, I have learned to watch him for signs that things are getting bad and act accordingly.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm not privy to the reason Kate Spade took her life however I do understand that having a severe depression/mental illness is no less a life-threatening disease than cancer, heart disease, or 1000's of other ailments that take lives daily. Your brain is an organ.

The World Health Organization says 800,000 people in the world die of suicide everyday. It's not about being selfish.

800,000 a day? That would be 292 million a year. Doesn't sound right.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

800,000 a day? That would be 292 million a year. Doesn't sound right.

You are right! I meant to say per year Not per day. Sorry and I will fix that error in my original post. Here is the link:
http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/

 

[penn19]

I know it's a complex issue BUT how do you leave a 13 year old daughter behind??? It's unbelievable to me.

I recently had a family member committ suicide. This person left behind a preteen. They were a devoted parent. If you’ve never been in that dark of place you can’t understand.

 

[MickeyPretzels]

When you are so sick, you truly believe your kids are better off without you.

It disgusts me to see that people still judge those with mental illness as being bad parents or as having a choice to be sick. It says so much about them. Absolutely no compassion or understanding.

 

[Skywalker]

When you are so sick, you truly believe your kids are better off without you.

It disgusts me to see that people still judge those with mental illness as being bad parents or as having a choice to be sick. It says so much about them. Absolutely no compassion or understanding.

I was going to say the same actually...that in her illness she may have believed she was doing the best thing for her daughter, that her daughter would be better off without her, etc. People don't blame those with cancer for "leaving their children" do they?

 

[lisaviolet]

We really need some sort of education program, not unlike another campaign that runs here regularly for a less serious issue - using its slogan.

Every thought that anyone has who doesn't understand it all, every single one --- simply try answering your own queries with depression doesn't care. Just answer your questioning/statements/not understanding with that one sentence, and see if that helps you understand. Hopefully. In some ways that's it in simplicity - even though it is all complex for everyone suffering, to get people to understand that they even need help, for doctors and therapists to make a difference, for loved ones to witness.

Severe depression doesn't care how strong you are, how much you exercise, how talented you are, how much you make, who needs you, where you come from, how much you have to be thankful for, how lovely your family is, who you pray to, how many loved ones support you. It does not care. It has grabbed your brain and infiltrated it. A shade that comes down and won't move. And it's like any other health battle but worse in some ways because people still somehow perceive strength is the cure - strength can even keep it from your door. And often it's so weirdly linked with the word happy. Strong people will never allow it in. Imagine if people thought the cure to heart disease, cancer, anything is not medical intervention but just strength of character and being thankful. Forget radiation, just be strong. No stent needed, just be thankful for what you have. Dialysis, nah you're stronger than that.

She's a devoted mother, who has a daughter who loves her and so obviously needs her - depression doesn't care.

_______________________________________________

Tonight DeMar DeRozen won the NBA's Magic Johnson award for excellence on and off the court. For his work with mental health. For speaking up and out for those suffering. For sharing his struggles and making a difference.

Much respect to Kevin Love and DeMar DeRozen - with the NBA's support - for highlighting that it really doesn't matter who you are. For putting their faces out there. It can't be easy.

 

[lisaviolet]

You hit it on the head 100%. My husband has a laundry list of mental health issues and when it gets bad, he says he doesn’t think about me or my daughter, he only hears how useless he is and how easy it would be to make the pain go away. Thank goodness he can recognize it and knows to contact me so I can reach out for help. I’m terrified one day he won’t be able to see reason.

Thanks for sharing that kimblebee. It relates it all so clearly. It must be heartbreaking to watch him suffer. And scary at times, I'm sure. He's lucky to have you.

I recently had a family member committ suicide. This person left behind a preteen. They were a devoted parent. If you’ve never been in that dark of place you can’t understand.

I'm so sorry.

 

[lisaviolet]

Kate Spade's sister has come out and confirmed that she did suffer from depression. And that loved ones did try to convince her to get help, that she needed medical help (or maybe a more intensive choice is the better description) - to no avail.

The stigma of choosing help did seem to be a barrier, in her sister's eyes.

EDIT: There are stories in the media that Kate Spade's sister was estranged from the rest of the family and they are deeply hurt by her words. I purposely did not link any original media, and tried to carefully give the basic thoughts, because something seemed off.

 

[DawnM]

Kate Spade's sister has come out and confirmed that she did suffer from depression. And that loved ones did try to convince her to get help, that she needed medical help (or maybe a more intensive choice is the better description) - to no avail.

The stigma of choosing help did seem to be a barrier, in her sister's eyes.

The article I read said she was bi-polar. That, and the meds for it, can really mess with a person.

 

[mamamary]

I recently had a family member committ suicide. This person left behind a preteen. They were a devoted parent. If you’ve never been in that dark of place you can’t understand.

I had a family member do this also. A son was left (early 20s) behind. He was very, very loved by this person. Very devoted also so I know exactly what you mean.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I know it's a complex issue BUT how do you leave a 13 year old daughter behind??? It's unbelievable to me.

People who have attempted to or have taken their own lives often feel as though their loved ones will be "better off without them".

 

[motherof5]

Just saw. So sad. More help needs to be giving with people with mental illness. This seems to be a common issue.

 

[scoutie]

Its sad that there is still so much misinformation about mental illness. One needs to just look to this thread. Often times when people are struggling to reach out for help, there aren't enough resources, they are told to just snap out of it, think of your child, etc. Watching two close friends grapple with bipolar disorder has been heartbreaking. Their minds turn on them. Nobody can imagine leaving their child, so you need to understand how much a suicidal brain is pushing them to end it so “their child would be better off”. Its an incomprehensible place to be. We need less judgment, more understanding, more education and more resources. When my one friend is in a severe manic episode, her husband’s choices are to call the cops to have her committed, or to somehow force her to see her psychiatrist, which when manic, she won’t do.