Relationship w a pretty big age difference...

[disneydee6]

So, recently I started getting verrrry interested in a guy I work with. He is funny, incredibly sweet, and sexy (lol). We definitely are heading down the road to dating, and while I know that it is early in the relationship, he was blunt and told me that he is 39, and I am 23. So there is a 16 year age difference between us. I was surprised, because I did NOT think he was pushing 40 at all, so he looks pretty damn good for his age. However, for some reason, the age difference really hasn't discouraged me too much, it has been a few years since I have had such a good spark with someone. I think I may really like him, and I don't want to end it based on just our age difference.
So far I have told my sister (who of course freaked, and being the math whiz figured that he is closer to my parents age than mine...hahaha) and I am dreading telling my parents (that is if/when it gets serious). I guess I am wondering if anyone has had experience being in a relationship with a big gap in age difference, please tell me not to panic! I know everyone else in my family and friends will freak, Lol and, I know I am young, but I think that when it comes down it, it's my choice to date him, and I do want to go for it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When you start dating and you feel it is time to tell your parents then tell them.

As a parent who is 45 and have a 19yodd, I can say it would freak me out however if the guy is "right" it won't matter in the end.

 

[momrek06]

No relationships with a big difference for me BUT as the Mom of a 23yo DS, I would freak (like your DSis) if he came and told me he was dating a 39yo woman. And I don't care if she looked 1/2 her age. JMHO.

Just thinking about your parents.

 

[WL Fan]

If the spark's there, GO FOR IT!

After all, there are more important things that make a relationship do-able than being the same age. If everything else is working for you...

 

[mrsheppo]

When my oldest DD was 18 she announced she had a new boyfriend that she met at work. She told me all about him except how old he was. When I asked, she reluctantly told me he was 30 - a 12 year age gap. Once we met him, the age difference did not even matter. She was mature for her age and he was very respectful and polite.

They have been together 10 years and married for 8. He is 12 years younger than I am and we get a lot of weird looks when he calls me "Mom".

If you enjoy his company and like him, go for it. My DH is 10 years older than me. I always went for the older guys.

 

[disneydee6]

When my oldest DD was 18 she announced she had a new boyfriend that she met at work. She told me all about him except how old he was. When I asked, she reluctantly told me he was 30 - a 12 year age gap. Once we met him, the age difference did not even matter. She was mature for her age and he was very respectful and polite.

They have been together 10 years and married for 8. He is 12 years younger than I am and we get a lot of weird looks when he calls me "Mom".

If you enjoy his company and like him, go for it. My DH is 10 years older than me. I always went for the older guys.

This is nice to hear lol. I know the toughest part will be them getting used to the idea, because I know their first reaction will be NO WAY! lol, especially my dm. But I am not going to lie about it, and because I am young I know they will think they know what is best, and that is for their DD to date guys closer in age. He seems like a really genuine guy (and did ask if they would have a problem with it. I was like, "*** do you think?" hahaha) and it is good to hear that this may not be so bad.

 

[eduk8r26]

My cousin married his wife when he was 45 and she was 20. They've been married 15 years and are like 2 peas in a pod. They joke that she could not drive their rental car on their honeymoon because she wasn't 21 yet.

 

[ecuagoddess]

DH is 24 years my senior, and also closer in age to my parents than to me. My sister and my parents were initially quite hesistant to accept our relationship, but once he proposed and we got married they really warmed up to him. I was an adult and confident in my choice. If he treats you respectfully and is kind and honest, it will all be fine.

I will say that I researched his background quite a bit before becoming serious- I didn't want any secret wives or children coming out of the woodwork unexpectedly, and I felt it was my responsibility to find out if he had ever been arrested for domestic violence, etc. And before anyone asks, yes, I did that with other boyfriends, regardless of age.

We'll be celebrating 5 years married next month, and it has been wonderful.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Dh and I are 12 years apart in age. We've been happily married since 1991.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I dated a man 17 years older than me. My main concern would be how you both feel about having kids. He may or may not want any at his age. That is what ended my relationship. I wasn't willing to give up being a mom.

As long as you are happy, and he treats you well then your family and friends should be happy for you - shocked but happy.

 

[disneydee6]

thanksss! feeling better about this now. It's still early, like I said, but certainly has been giving me something to think about. i was like "you tricked me into liking you! hahaha!"

 

[Forevryoung]

I dated a guy with the same age gap when I was your age. We were together for 2 years. We broke up 2 years ago and still talk.

He had a son who was closer in age to me than he was from a prior marriage. My family made a huge deal over the whole thing (for 2 years, they saw him 3 times). It was horrible.

However, I don't regret it for a minute despite everyone else considering it taboo.

Even though I'm serious about current DBF (considering moving in together/marriage/kids), I wonder every once in awhile if the guy with the age difference was "the one" and I know he wonders the same.

At the end of my experience, I say "go for it!"

 

[binny]

I dated a guy that was 10 years older than I was. We had a pretty good spark but in the end, we wanted different things. However my older brothers have all married younger women (in fact there are only 18 months between the oldest SIL and me while my brothers are 6 and 11 years older than I am LOL) and they have all done extremely well!
It really depends on the couple!
If you feel the spark then go for it

 

[Robinrs]

23yo woman and a 39 yo man... you're the same age emotionally, no big deal.

My bf is 9 years younger than me, and is much more mature and wordly than I am! I think it's maturity that matters more, not just age.

 

[alliecats]

If it were my daughter I think I would be more concerned with his story than his age. Is he divorced? A perpetual bachelor? Looking for a trophy girlfriend or someone who is so young she is unlikely to want to settle down for a long time?

Those are the things I'd be curious about as a mom.

 

[Elmo9607]

I kind of fell into the same thing...I am 21 and he is 39. However, it is strictly talk...he lives across the country in Boston and it is not feasible to date.

I always tend to go for older guys. Just can't help it. Usually I try to keep an age difference of less than 10 years just to help avoid freaking my parents out.

 

[AmericangirlinFrance]

I've dated older men before - I'm mature for my age and just generally get along better with them. I dated someone very seriously for a long time who was almost 20 years older than me, let's call him "M". The age difference didn't affect our "spark" or our personal relationship, but unfortunately there are issues you have to deal with.

For example - past history, has he been married before or has kids? Not that it's a deal-breaker, but it's something that could be an issue. And what other people think is an issue, especially if you work or attend church somewhere that may not be friendly to the relationship. My family was not at all receptive. There may be some pressure to keep the relationship "hidden" which is stressful and harmful to the relationship - you start to treat it like an affair. Different life stages can be a problem, "M" had kids and was done with that, I wanted to have children. He was established in a professional career, I was still in graduate school and unsure of where my career would take me (geographically).

Also (at least for me), it's important to know why you are attracted to that person. I've gone out with older men before, and I know for me, sometimes it's a security thing, or some might call it "daddy issues." I think it's important to make sure you aren't attracted to an older man because he can take care of you emotionally. NOT saying that all older man/younger woman relationships are like that, but I think it's important to look at yourself and try to step back and look at it objectively, if possible. It's hard though!

It is really tough! That being said, I would date an older man again, and "M" and I have remained close friends after our break-up. One of the benefits of being with an older man (and now, as close friends), is that it's great to have a mature person to talk to who has been through what you're going through. We were truly compatible on a "soul level" and had our situations been different, I have no doubt we would have ended up together. But I'm grateful for the learning opportunity and to still have a friendship.

Good luck, hope it works out for you.

 

[disneydee6]

all your feedback is so helpful!

I don't know about my own maturity level vs. his but I loved how upfront and honest he was with me about it. I don't like BS and I was happy he told me before we started 'dating'.

 

[Colleen27]

As others have mentioned, I'd want to bring up the issue of children/family before it gets too serious. My DH is 9 years older than me, and even that was enough of a difference to be an issue when our 3rd child came along a few years later than we'd planned. If we'd been even a few years older when we met (we were 19 & 28) I don't think it would have worked out, mainly because I wanted children and somewhere around 36-37 he started looking ahead to 40 coming up fast and feeling like he was too old to have any more kids.

 

[Tink888]

DH is 12 years older than me and we've been married for 17 years.

My Mom was concerned at first about the age difference but it didn't take long before both of my parents were as crazy about DH as I was.

Yes, there are issues in a relationship where there is an age difference. There are issues in every relationship.

If there's a spark, I say go for it and see where it leads you, because it just might lead you to something wonderful!