Regional Traditions

[JennaDeeDooDah]

as i stated in a prior post, i'm from NE alabama, and i can only speak for my area, but, here, there's no run on eggs, just milk and bread. the reason for this is that our DOT really isn't equipped to deal with a widespread, average snowfall (which most areas of the country consider to be anything under 6", but here, all it takes is an inch or so). we don't have much snow clearing equipment-there's RARELY ever a need for it; the cost of maintaining it would be much greater than any use we'd get out of it. so, whenever a weatherman even mentions the dreaded "s" word, the stores are usually cleared of milk and bread within 24 hours, because we realize that even if it's only a couple of inches of snow, it's going to make a mess of the roads (our temps aren't usually low enough to sustain a snowfall, so our roads end up being a solid sheet of ice), and no one wants to drive on them if they don't have to. schools are usually cancelled, and anyone who can, calls out of work.
i'm often envious of places where a foot of snow can fall, and they just clear the roads and go on with life-here, a foot of snow would be a major blizzard, everything would be shut down and NOTHING would be moving for days.
when the blizzard of '93 hit (which was waist-deep on my DH), DH and i had only been married about 9 months, and we were without water and phone for over 4 days, and without power for a week.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I work in social services and in the past I have worked in the school system. I work with children that are not always nice, to say the least. They do awful things and many of them will see juvenile detention centers if they haven't already done so.

Although, all the while they are disrespecting their teachers, they still say ma'am and sir.

I wish their parents would have skipped the ma'am and sir lessons and taught them true manners. Because you can use all of the ma'ams and sirs that you like, but if you don't back them up with REAL manners and PROPER etiquette, they mean nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There is nothing cute about a brat saying ma'am and sir. They are still a brat.

There is nothing mannerly about a disrespectful student saying ma'am and sir. Their parents did NOT teach them a darn thing about manners except to be a parrot and say "Ma'am and Sir".

We really have to get over our southern snobbery that Ma'am and Sir are the be all and end all of manners. Yes, our southern ancestors used these wonderful "manners", but they also turned right around and whipped their slaves after saying ma'am and sir to the folks at church.

Are our southern roots really based on these wonderful manners? Or is it all a farce and something that has been shoved down our throats for generations.

Dig deep and answer that question truthfully.

Sometimes I wonder

 

[Turn the Page]

That little guy rolling on the floor laughing is supposed to show that I am not being serious. My daughter knows that she gets in trouble if she doesn't use "ma'am" or "sir". She knew she was going to be in trouble for her tantrum. Ergo, she wanted to "lighten her sentence" by attempting to still use "ma'am". It amused me.


No one ever said that you were being disrespectful by not calling your mom "ma'am". Not in one single post was that ever said. One poster did say that she found the response "what" instead of "ma'am" to be rude and then went on to say that once she realized that not everyone said "ma'am", she realized that the person wasn't being rude. You are the one who was taking great offense yesterday because someone (not even from the south, by the way) mentioned that he or she liked the manners of the south. You somehow took this to mean that she was saying that no one else had manners. Clearly that wasn't what she was saying, but that is what you decided to read into it. My post was showing that while we teach "ma'am" and "sir" as terms of respect, that doesn't mean that every time they are used, a person is exercising good manners. IT is just ingrained in us so much that we use those terms all the time. I have a two-year-old who is in the middle of a tantrum and is still using "ma'am" as if that is respectful just because she is using it. It wasn't. Hence the laughing face.

In the first place I am not highly offended I am slightly annoyed. And the poster who lives in Texas saying she loves the manners is not the only one who has commented on how people in the south have such good manners. There have been several posters commenting on that and many posts on the ma'am/sir thing alone. And yes, raving about manners in one area implies manners in other areas are somehow lacking in comparison. One of the things repeatedly cited for the good manners is the sir/ma'am thing which implies that since northerners don't say it nearly as often we have poor manners. That coupled with the several posters saying northerners are rude makes the picture very clear.

As most interviewers (reporters,counselors, psychologists, police officers, etc) know, when people speak they are often saying two things. There is what they actually say, and what they aren't saying. It's called reading in between the lines. This is why written and verbal communication skills are so important.

The first paragraph I have quoted makes your point much more clear. Had you stated that when telling the story in the first place the point would not have been lost. This paragraph is much less ambiguous than the original story. Had you been clear about what you meant in the first place the previous poster and I would not have been confused and misunderstood your point.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

In the first place I am not highly offended I am slightly annoyed. And the poster who lives in Texas saying she loves the manners is not the only one who has commented on how people in the south have such good manners. There have been several posters commenting on that and many posts on the ma'am/sir thing alone. And yes, raving about manners in one area implies manners in other areas are somehow lacking in comparison. One of the things repeatedly cited for the good manners is the sir/ma'am thing which implies that since northerners don't say it nearly as often we have poor manners. That coupled with the several posters saying northerners are rude makes the picture very clear.

As most interviewers (reporters,counselors, psychologists, police officers, etc) know, when people speak they are often saying two things. There is what they actually say, and what they aren't saying. It's called reading in between the lines. This is why written and verbal communication skills are so important.

The first paragraph I have quoted makes your point much more clear. Had you stated that when telling the story in the first place the point would not have been lost. This paragraph is much less ambiguous than the original story. Had you been clear about what you meant in the first place the previous poster and I would not have been confused and misunderstood your point.

I have a question for you. You stated that someone saying that they like the manners in one area of the country is the same as saying the other areas have poor manners. I disagree, but we are each entitled to our opinion. But let me ask this. If I were to say that I really like Australian accents, would you take that as me saying that all other accents are bad? If I said that I really like the food in the North East, would you take that as me saying that the food in other areas of the country are bad?

One poster did go on to say that when she said that she liked the manners of the south, she meant how we showed our manners. For example, she liked hearing "sir" and "ma'am". She liked having her door opened for her. Other people have said that they don't like these things. That doesn't mean that they think that we have bad manners; it simply means they don't like how we show our manners. Likewise, saying that she liked how we did things wasn't saying that the rest of the country is filled with mannerless slobs. Rather, she was saying that she preferred how we showed our manners compared to how other regions showed their manners.

 

[Turn the Page]

I work in social services and in the past I have worked in the school system. I work with children that are not always nice, to say the least. They do awful things and many of them will see juvenile detention centers if they haven't already done so.

Although, all the while they are disrespecting their teachers, they still say ma'am and sir.

I wish their parents would have skipped the ma'am and sir lessons and taught them true manners. Because you can use all of the ma'ams and sirs that you like, but if you don't back them up with REAL manners and PROPER etiquette, they mean nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There is nothing cute about a brat saying ma'am and sir. They are still a brat.

There is nothing mannerly about a disrespectful student saying ma'am and sir. Their parents did NOT teach them a darn thing about manners except to be a parrot and say "Ma'am and Sir".

We really have to get over our southern snobbery that Ma'am and Sir are the be all and end all of manners. Yes, our southern ancestors used these wonderful "manners", but they also turned right around and whipped their slaves after saying ma'am and sir to the folks at church.

Are our southern roots really based on these wonderful manners? Or is it all a farce and something that has been shoved down our throats for generations.

Dig deep and answer that question truthfully.

Sometimes I wonder

I agree. Although we could get into a debate about the why's and wherewithall's behind the institution of slavery but this is neither the time nor place for it and would be way off topic. I love everything else you said though.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I agree. Although we could get into a debate about the why's and wherewithall's behind the institution of slavery but this is neither the time nor place for it and would be way off topic. I love everything else you said though.

So why even bring it up?

ETA: And I know you weren't the one to bring it up.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I haven't seen one of these types of threads that hasn't broken down into a north vs. south thing.

Can't we all just get along?

We really have to get over our southern snobbery that Ma'am and Sir are the be all and end all of manners. Yes, our southern ancestors used these wonderful "manners", but they also turned right around and whipped their slaves after saying ma'am and sir to the folks at church.

If this was intended to be inflammatory, I think you've succeeded.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I live in CT. You need the eggs, milk and bread in the snowstorm so you can make French Toast for breakfast if school is cancelled. That's why! It's just what my Mom always did...when school had a delayed opening or cancellation due to snow, she always made a big breakfast with French toast, and I still do the same...I think everyone else does too!

Here is PA it's a joke. I don't know anyone that actually makes French Toast. We just say "It's going to snow! Quick, to the store! I must have French Toast!"

I didn't even realize people actually did that.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I agree. Although we could get into a debate about the why's and wherewithall's behind the institution of slavery but this is neither the time nor place for it and would be way off topic. I love everything else you said though.

Yes. Sorry. I did not want to bring up slavery. I was just trying to make a point that we are born and bred to believe that we come from a long line of southern bred manners. That our manners are what set us apart from the rest of the nation. It is evident in this thread that there are still people that think this way. But the creators of southern hospitality only reserved it for a select group. Not everyone was a recipient of our ancestors wonderful manners and hospitality.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I know why we buy milk before a storm. It's so when we lose power, we can still have something like cereal. And coffee. (Which we make on the gas stove.) We keep milk in the snow if need be. And bread, of course, is for sandwiches.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I haven't seen one of these types of threads that hasn't broken down into a north vs. south thing.

Can't we all just get along?


If this was intended to be inflammatory, I think you've succeeded.

I really just don't understand it. I think that all areas of the USA have manners - some good and some bad. I think that all areas show their manner - again, both good and bad - in different ways and that people like certain ways over others. I have family in Ohio and they don't have the same types of manners that we do, but the intent behind what they do and what we do is all the same. My roommate in the College Program was from Wisconsin and she was as friendly as they came. I have yet to figure out what slavery has to do with how we show our manners in current times, so I am assuming that was a giant troll.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I haven't seen one of these types of threads that hasn't broken down into a north vs. south thing.

Can't we all just get along?


If this was intended to be inflammatory, I think you've succeeded.

Why are facts inflammatory?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I really just don't understand it. I think that all areas of the USA have manners - some good and some bad. I think that all areas show their manner - again, both good and bad - in different ways and that people like certain ways over others. I have family in Ohio and they don't have the same types of manners that we do, but the intent behind what they do and what we do is all the same. My roommate in the College Program was from Wisconsin and she was as friendly as they came. I have yet to figure out what slavery has to do with how we show our manners in current times, so I am assuming that was a giant troll.

I think it probably has something to do with peoples' definition of manners.

 

[BearcatsFan]

I know why we buy milk before a storm. It's so when we lose power, we can still have something like cereal. And coffee. (Which we make on the gas stove.) We keep milk in the snow if need be. And bread, of course, is for sandwiches.

Here, it's bread, milk, sugar, and eggs. Even if only a half inch of the "white death" is forecasted, the shelves are cleared of those four things. And our weather people love to over-dramatize any kind of snow or rain "event". The slightest hint of accumulating snow or a thunderstorm and they have their jackets off, sleeves rolled up, and begin talking in their excited/worried voices.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I have yet to figure out what slavery has to do with how we show our manners in current times, so I am assuming that was a giant troll.

I am certainly not a troll and you and I have exchanged pleasantries within this thread.

Why as soon as I say the truth do people get upset?

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I think it probably has something to do with peoples' definition of manners.

I can see that. Maybe we should just define manners? Here's what the dictionary says:



man·ner1 [man-er] Show IPA
noun
1. a way of doing, being done, or happening; mode of action, occurrence, etc.: I don't like the manner in which he complained.

2. manners.
a. the prevailing customs, ways of living, and habits of a people, class, period, etc.; mores: The novels of Jane Austen are concerned with the manners of her time.
b. ways of behaving with reference to polite standards; social comportment: That child has good manners.

3. a person's outward bearing; way of speaking to and treating others: She has a charming manner.

4. characteristic or customary way of doing, making, saying, etc.: houses built in the 19th-century manner.

5. air of distinction: That old gentleman had quite a manner.



All manners seem to be are how people act and treat others. Everyone has manners. The north might have different manners from the south and the west coast might have different manners than the east coast, but we all have manners. I fail to see how stating that you like the manners of one region automatically means that the manners of the other regions are bad. It just means that you don't prefer them.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I am certainly not a troll and you and I have exchanged pleasantries within this thread.

Why as soon as I say the truth do people get upset?

Slavery in the 1800's by people that are long dead has nothing to do with the manners of today. I can't see how anyone could bring up such a topic and not see how things would get heated.

ETA - I should not have called you a troll and for that I do apologize. I feel that the topic of slavery often gets brought up to try and make the south look bad. And it does make the south look bad... at least, the south of 2 centuries ago. We have no control over what happened here back in the 1800's. All we have is what is now. Some of us have good manners and some have poor manners. Some are downright rude. For the most part, we do teach our children to say "ma'am" and "sir" as a term of respect. Is it always used that way? No. But then, we should go back and remind our child of why they use those terms. Saying "ma'am" and "Sir" is no more or less polite than using a person's name if the intent behind it is the same. I think that is something we can all agree on.

 

[design_mom]

Good manners. I can't tell you how many people from other places comment on our good manners. We were raised that way and pinched and swatted when we didn't show good manners.

Most southerners tend to be more friendly and talkative in public places. Like at the grocery store - people are a little more courteous. Down here (basically NY/NJ at the beach), people are generally pretty rude and unfriendly in public places.

I'm a native California married to a New Englander, who lived in Reno, NV for 19 years and 10 months ago moved to Central Texas:

Texas,
Besides the ones already mentioned:
The manners - I love love love the manners!

Above are some posters who insinuated that "good manners" and "courtesy" were regionally-specific to the south. (And, yes, I realize that one of them is not a "native" but a resident.) Several others mentioned "southern breeding" etc.

I really just don't understand it. I think that all areas of the USA have manners - some good and some bad. I think that all areas show their manner - again, both good and bad - in different ways and that people like certain ways over others. I have family in Ohio and they don't have the same types of manners that we do, but the intent behind what they do and what we do is all the same. My roommate in the College Program was from Wisconsin and she was as friendly as they came. I have yet to figure out what slavery has to do with how we show our manners in current times, so I am assuming that was a giant troll.

Care to elaborate about the differences in manners between Texas and Ohio? For what it's worth, I agree with you that there are good and bad manners in all areas of the country, and people can definitely have personal preferences. However, this thread wasn't about "things you like" from different parts of the country. It was about things that are regionally specific to certain areas of the country. If someone is claiming that good manners are regionally-specific to their area, should we not assume that *they* think that their area is the only one with good manners?

 

[Turn the Page]

If you were to say "southern manners are kind of nice" then no, I wouldn't consider that to be a dig against my manners.

However......

Good manners. I can't tell you how many people from other places comment on our good manners. We were raised that way and pinched and swatted when we didn't show good manners.

I'm in Texas now, and I love the "miss/ma'am" and "Mr./sir" thing.

We have so many snowbirds and retirees from New York/NJ/New England, this area is often referred to as the "southernmost borough of New York." There was a lady behind me at the post office, OBVIOUSLY from that part of the country due to her loud accent, who was standing what must have felt like a millimeter behind me!

Most southerners tend to be more friendly and talkative in public places. Like at the grocery store - people are a little more courteous. Down here (basically NY/NJ at the beach), people are generally pretty rude and unfriendly in public places.

Texas,
Besides the ones already mentioned:
The manners - I love love love the manners!


All of this? Yes I do find these posts to imply that my manners are lacking because I come from the north. And this is just the first few pages. There are many more after that as well.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

Slavery in the 1800's by people that are long dead has nothing to do with the manners of today. I can't see how anyone could bring up such a topic and not see how things would get heated.

I brought it up because we are taught here that our manners come from our famed southern hospitality, which has been passed down from our forefathers.

ETA-I did not intend to cause drama with you, Jenna. I like you and your posts. I don't see how anyone can get upset about history discussions.