Regional Traditions

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I brought it up because we are taught here that our manners come from our famed southern hospitality, which has been passed down from our forefathers.

The facts in this case are inflammatory because most southerners would prefer that that chunk of their history never happened. When you point it out to them they have to think about it and they don't like it. Which, in my opinion, is both understandable and even expected.
 
Above are some posters who insinuated that "good manners" and "courtesy" were regionally-specific to the south. (And, yes, I realize that one of them is not a "native" but a resident.) Several others mentioned "southern breeding" etc.



Care to elaborate about the differences in manners between Texas and Ohio? For what it's worth, I agree with you that there are good and bad manners in all areas of the country, and people can definitely have personal preferences. However, this thread wasn't about "things you like" from different parts of the country. It was about things that are regionally specific to certain areas of the country. If someone is claiming that good manners are regionally-specific to their area, should we not assume that *they* think that their area is the only one with good manners?
I'd be more than happy to. Take my uncle, for example. He would never call me "ma'am". He doesn't do it. If I were to ask him if he was coming to eat with us, he would say, "Yes" and leave it at that. Now, my uncle here in Texas would respond with, "yes ma'am". To my uncle in Ohio, that is how they show politeness and respect, so I would take it as such. My uncle in Texas was taught to say "ma'am" as a sign of respect, so I would take his response as such. Is one more polite or respectful than the other? Nope. They are just adhering to the societal norms to which they are accustomed. My Ohio uncle also doesn't hold the door open for me to go in first. He will hold it behind him. To him, rude would be having it slam in my face. Polite is holding it behind him for me to catch. Because it is respectful to him, I take it as respectful towards me.
 
I think that many of y'all are oversensitive and are reading way too much into a comments. :headache:

I see the use of insinuate and assume often in your arguments regarding comments made. Perhaps, one should not assume anything and just take a comment at face value. Novel concept, I know :rolleyes1
 
I brought it up because we are taught here that our manners come from our famed southern hospitality, which has been passed down from our forefathers.

ETA-I did not intend to cause drama with you, Jenna. I like you and your posts. I don't see how anyone can get upset about history discussions.

And I'm sorry, too. Sometimes I forget that I am on a message board. In person, it is much easier to read inflection, body language, and facial expressions to understand what is being said and why it is being said. Here on the Dis, though, we don't have these things and it is far too easy to misinterpret what is being said. I am really trying hard to work on assuming that people mean their posts in the best way possible, but I still clearly have a long way to go. I'm sorry.
 

The facts in this case are inflammatory because most southerners would prefer that that chunk of their history never happened. When you point it out to them they have to think about it and they don't like it. Which, in my opinion, is both understandable and even expected.
All very true. I would add, though, that we also don't like it being brought up because there is nothing we can do about it. We can't change history. That doesn't change the fact that it does often get thrown in our faces. Some of us don't even have ancestors that were here prior to the 1900's, but they get it thrown in their faces. We might be descendants of northerners, but we still have it thrown in our faces. I'm not sure what bringing it up is supposed to accomplish. Are we supposed to feel guilty because our ancestors might have at one time owned slaves? Fine. But I bet that everyone has some part of their family tree that has just as much to be ashamed of.
 
Lol this thread went from "Regional Tradition" to all kinda debating We ARE a NATION in the US for those across borders I'll apologize I can't speak for your country tho HERE if all citizens would ACCEPT & LEARN from other regions maybe just maybe we wouldn't continue in a downward spiral?!? I personally love my country BECAUSE I'm free to be me! I may not agree with some people nor their tradition or food yet I'm not forcing anyone to be me nor expect them to expect me to conform to their way-I've enjoyed alot of the post I've googled SO much lol Thanks for the view into some of y'all's food&mums rofl ;)
 
I think that many of y'all are oversensitive and are reading way too much into a comments. :headache:

I see the use of insinuate and assume often in your arguments regarding comments made. Perhaps, one should not assume anything and just take a comment at face value. Novel concept, I know :rolleyes1

I used both "insinuate" and "assume" in my post.

"I like how people say 'sir' and 'ma'am' in the south" is very different than "Here's a list of things that are regionally-specific to my area: we have good manners." And "I like how people in the south strike up conversations with strangers in public places" is different than "People in the south are courteous. People from NY/NJ are generally rude and unfriendly." But things you like doesn't really even have a place in this thread, since it's "what's unique to your area" rather than "things you like about certain areas of the country."

I think it goes both ways. There's a whole lot of judgement in phrases like "We are courteous. They are rude."
 
Question for the poster whose dd calls her "ma'am" does she also call you mommy, mom, etc? When does she say each one?
To me ma'am sounds like it would be for a more formal response. Like if you call her name, does she reply "yes mommy?" or "yes ma'am?"

Just curious about that. (no I am not from the south!) ;)
 
...However, this thread wasn't about "things you like" from different parts of the country. It was about things that are regionally specific to certain areas of the country. If someone is claiming that good manners are regionally-specific to their area, should we not assume that *they* think that their area is the only one with good manners

Exactly! Come on, people, own your comments. The posters who referred to manners know what they meant, so they should own their comments.

For example, how would people react if a poster (not me, of course, I would never be so inflammatory :littleangel:) was to state, as a regional difference that they like/enjoy/value, "I like that we're well educated"? Or "I like that we have low rates of teen pregnancy"? Or "I like that we're not gun-crazed lunatics"? Or "I like that we have good diction and enunciation"? Or something equally benign that one might value about their region? How would those who are telling us not to "interpret" your comments choose to interpret and/or respond to those comments?
 
All very true. I would add, though, that we also don't like it being brought up because there is nothing we can do about it. We can't change history. That doesn't change the fact that it does often get thrown in our faces. Some of us don't even have ancestors that were here prior to the 1900's, but they get it thrown in their faces. We might be descendants of northerners, but we still have it thrown in our faces. I'm not sure what bringing it up is supposed to accomplish. Are we supposed to feel guilty because our ancestors might have at one time owned slaves? Fine. But I bet that everyone has some part of their family tree that has just as much to be ashamed of.

Plus, though I don't recall the exact number at the moment, a pretty small percentage of the population actually owned slaves so if the intention is to make one feel guilty about having ancestors that owned slaves simply because they were white and lived in the south in the 19th century it could very possibly be a swing and a miss.
 
Question for the poster whose dd calls her "ma'am" does she also call you mommy, mom, etc? When does she say each one?
To me ma'am sounds like it would be for a more formal response. Like if you call her name, does she reply "yes mommy?" or "yes ma'am?"

Just curious about that. (no I am not from the south!) ;)

She does use mommy and since she had a speech delay, it melts my heart every time she uses it:goodvibes

Usually, if she says the word "yes" or "no", it will be followed by "ma'am" (and we are still working on "sir" as she calls my husband "ma'am" more times than not ;)). If she is wanting my attention or just saying hello, "mommy" gets used. Now, under normal tantrum circumstances, she is usually yelling, "No mommy!" and yesterday was the first time that "no ma'am" was used. We had a fun chat once she calmed down about "ma'am" and tantrums.
 
Forget the yellow lights. In Boston, even the red lights aren't a hard and fast rule, but more like a suggestion!:rotfl:

Kindof like the posted speed limits in NJ, especially on the Parkway (Garden State Parkway for non NJ folks) and the Turnpike are simply suggestions for how fast you should drive. :rotfl:

ETA Oh yes of course, how could we forget those of us that live NJ and Oregon do not pump our own gas?
 
I really just don't understand it. I think that all areas of the USA have manners - some good and some bad. I think that all areas show their manner - again, both good and bad - in different ways and that people like certain ways over others. I have family in Ohio and they don't have the same types of manners that we do, but the intent behind what they do and what we do is all the same. My roommate in the College Program was from Wisconsin and she was as friendly as they came. I have yet to figure out what slavery has to do with how we show our manners in current times, so I am assuming that was a giant troll.

Not to let this degenerate into a regional slugfest, but I'm sure that the reference had to do with reminding us that conspicious displays of "good manners" don't necessarily mean that one is a moral and upright person; there is always the possibility that a person can hide evil behind a facade of social respectibility. Slave-owning isn't the only example of this, of course; domestic violence also can happen in very well-mannered families. Good manners are just that and nothing else, evidence that one knows how to navigate social waters. They are not really a reliable indicator of the purity of one's character, and that holds true no matter where or when you were raised.

History does have a lot of bearing on how we show our manners in current times, because the social niceties that we are taught in childhood are usually passed down through families over generations. There are cultural spins as well; my own parents were immigrants from a country where social class was still very much a permanent thing when they were raised: no matter how much money you ever made, your class remained the one you were born into, and the manners that you were taught reflected that. They passed on those things to me, and I've had some issues because of it. One example is that I was taught at home that I was never to make eye contact with a work superior or a teacher, because in their culture that was disrespectful. I was in my late 20's before any supervisor ever thought to directly ask me about it, and I was surprised to find out that Americans viewed it completely differently -- suddenly, puzzling incidents from my younger days had an explanation.

I grew up in the Deep South, and I do tend to follow Southern social conventions for the most part; they are ingrained in me, and I tend to try to pass them along to my own children. However, they don't often see those conventions used by the people around them where we now live, and so they don't come as naturally to them as they did to me when I was the same age. FWIW, I still call all strangers and all authority figures Sir and Ma'am, regardless of age; I figure that when in doubt, it is better to err on the side of too much deference rather than too little.

PS: Here is another "bratty child who has been drilled in polite address" funny story for you. A few years back, one of the stricter teachers in the parochial grade school that DS attended at the time was a victim of vandalism: his car was keyed on multiple occasions, and once a message was even gouged into the paint. He was (understandably) very upset by this, and it led to his eventual resignation from the school. However, the police officer who responded to the message incident ended up telling the Principal that he was impressed by how much the school emphasized proper forms of address: it seems that the vandal who carved the message wrote, "Mr. X is an a***ole!" (Naturally, this also told the cop that the person who vandalized the car had to have been a student at the school -- no one else would have written the insult that way.)
 
She does use mommy and since she had a speech delay, it melts my heart every time she uses it:goodvibes

Usually, if she says the word "yes" or "no", it will be followed by "ma'am" (and we are still working on "sir" as she calls my husband "ma'am" more times than not ;)). If she is wanting my attention or just saying hello, "mommy" gets used. Now, under normal tantrum circumstances, she is usually yelling, "No mommy!" and yesterday was the first time that "no ma'am" was used. We had a fun chat once she calmed down about "ma'am" and tantrums.

Thanks for the explanation. (BTW I thought your tantrum story was cute). :)
 
My Ohio uncle also doesn't hold the door open for me to go in first. He will hold it behind him. To him, rude would be having it slam in my face. Polite is holding it behind him for me to catch. Because it is respectful to him, I take it as respectful towards me.

Hmmm. I was taught that the first person to the door (man or woman), holds the door open for their entire party (lets them enter first), then the door-holder holds the door open till the next party can take it. (You're right, it would be rude to let it slam in someone's face.)

It can get complicated when the next party does not take the door though, and just squeezes through the open door leaving you holding it. I've been stuck holding it for multiple parties because nobody will take the door.

Also gets complicated if you get someone who insists on women entering first (my husband). It often ends up where I'll get there first, will open the door for the kids, then DH takes the door while I squeeze between him and the door trying to get in. It'd be easier if he'd just let me hold it for him (he won't), or if I just stood there and waited for him to get there to open it (but I'd feel like a diva.)

What's "texas étiquette" for holding the door for people (other groups) coming in behind you?
 
Eastern Pennsylvania regional traditions:

  • Everybody knows the Chicken Dance.
  • Pork and Sauerkraut is a dinner for good luck on New Year's Day.
  • Breakfast meat of choice: Scrapple (:crazy2:).
  • Beer of choice: Yuengling.
  • "The City" and "New York" are both New York City.
  • "Upstate New York" is anything not New York City.
  • Hating the New York Yankees is a requirement.
  • It is also a requirement to laugh when someone mentions the word "Mets".
  • The most popular player on the Philadelphia Eagles is the backup quarterback.
  • We don't plow snow, we salt it.
  • If it's raining or snowing, you drive 15 MPH below the speed limit.
  • If it's not, you drive 15 MPH above the speed limit.
  • There are four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
  • "Water" is pronounced "whader".
  • The School Board is always right during a Teacher contract dispute.
 
Thanks for the explanation. (BTW I thought your tantrum story was cute). :)
Thank you.

Hmmm. I was taught that the first person to the door (man or woman), holds the door open for their entire party (lets them enter first), then the door-holder holds the door open till the next party can take it. (You're right, it would be rude to let it slam in someone's face.)

It can get complicated when the next party does not take the door though, and just squeezes through the open door leaving you holding it. I've been stuck holding it for multiple parties because nobody will take the door.

Also gets complicated if you get someone who insists on women entering first (my husband). It often ends up where I'll get there first, will open the door for the kids, then DH takes the door while I squeeze between him and the door trying to get in. It'd be easier if he'd just let me hold it for him (he won't), or if I just stood there and waited for him to get there to open it (but I'd feel like a diva.)

What's "texas étiquette" for holding the door for people (other groups) coming in behind you?
Well, for starters, it is usually customary that the man hold the door for his date/girlfriend/wife/sister/other female, but that isn't always the case. Sometimes women do hold the door. For example, I hold it every time my husband is pushing a stroller;) But anyway, to be serious, usually you continue to hold the door for the next party, but are more than happy if someone takes your place as door holder. Many times, if the ladies are the first through the door, the gentleman from the first party will continue to hold the door until another gentleman takes his place. More times than not, he won't end up having to hold it for the next party, though. Does that make sense?
 
Eastern Pennsylvania regional traditions:

  • Everybody knows the Chicken Dance.
  • Breakfast meat of choice: Scrapple (:crazy2:).

Finally! Someone else who knows the Chicken Dance! :dance3: I am curious - is scrapple similar to goetta?
 
Finally! Someone else who knows the Chicken Dance! :dance3: I am curious - is scrapple similar to goetta?
I know the chicken dance! We used to do it at all of our junior high dances. My husband absolutely insisted that we play it at our wedding, so we did.
 
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