Regarding posts on the Community Board

[charlie,nj]

I tink my werld is crashin in on me…first Waggy has a big time meatin wit her “panty” crew..now Zurgie is havin one and he’s bringing in some muscle from Oklahoma to boot.

Hey Waggy I ain’t afraid a you…you cans herass me all yous wants. I never gets afraid anymore. I have dis little ting dat I do so’s I don’t get a scared. You member dat good old Frankie boy Sinatra song…dat “whenever I feels a scared” song? Well I sings it all da times ta my self..over and over. And guess watt..all my troubles go away..just like dat song says.

Dat song even saved me life once…I was about ta eat a dust pie cause I insulted a big time guys wife wit one a my funny jokes. Like dat Sopanoes episode.. We was all at a hood gathering when dis big time guy’s wife gets hit in da face wit a wiffle ball from one a da kids. Dat musta smarted. She holes her face wit her hand. Me being da funny man says ta her..”Hey does your face hurt?” she of course says “Yeah it hurts”…I right a ways says “ It is sure killing me”. Now all a da young hoods are crackin up..but those older hoods ain’t laughin. I knew I was a goner.

Da next day I gets da “phone call” I knew it was curtains fer me. I says goodbye ta the wife and kids. I tink the wife knew I wasn’t goin ta be comin back home. (dang woman was probably hopin dat fer years now) I gets in ta my car and goes down ta da back lot a PizzaLand over in North Arlington. Da big time guy was watin fer me…I decided I was goin ta take it like a man. Dare was no takin..he put da heat in da back a my head. I fer some reason starts whistleing dat I ain’t a scared song.

Well wouldent yous know dat it turns out dat it was da big time guys favorite songs a all times. He starts jawin wit me about how when he was a school kid he wanted ta be an actor. His poppy wanted overwise he wanted him ta be a hood. Well the big time guy tells me in high school he had a part in dat play “the king and I” He says dat was his favorite song from dat play. He let me offa da hook.. funny ting is he never even made me apologize…get dis he tells me dat his wifes face kills him too. But he tells me never ta say a werd a dis ta anybody. He says just ta tell people dat we now have an arrangement and every ting is ok. Ain’t dat some story? Below are da werds ta da song dat saved my life.

Oh by the way my wife wasn’t too happy ta see me comin home…I don’t get it.


Whenever I feel afraid,
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune so
no one will suspect I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes,
I try to tell each toe
To whistle a happy tune
and no one ever knows I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
is very strange to tell,
For when I fool the people I fear,
I fool myself as well.

I whistle a happy tune,
and every single time,
The happiness in the tune
convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave,
that's the trick to take you far,
You may as brave
as you make believe you are.

(whistle)

 

[Zurg]

Yo Charlie, Hows youz doen?

I tink I best have some o da Frank songs fer dis outa town meet. I was getten scared ova da weeken, what with da waggy chick putten a gang ta getta. Den, I am just setten on da stoop tryen ta cool of a little ya know? So I am setten dere an da next ting I hears is all this Bang Bang Bang like. So I duck unduh da porch like and try to lay low cuz I figger it is da waggy chick's mob come to put old Zurgie on da worng side o da grass. if youz know what I am sayen.

Now I aint as young a hood as I was see. I don't fit so good unduh da porch like I did. So da shooten goes away and I try to get out an I aint moven none.

So I calls fer da little hoods to come ta help der fadda out o da safe spot unduh da porch. But da little hoods is runnen a scam at da local parade sellen dem snow job cones, ice and sugah watter fer a buck. Dem kids did good, made a bunch of cash offa da crowd, (and who nose, some may have been from sellen not just pick pocketen, ha ha ha)

So any way der I am stuck unduh da porch all day. Den sum stupic cat come by and da freeken cat does it business unduh my porch. But I am stuck so I can't get at da cat and fling it back offa my place ta wear it otta be at. So now I am stuck unduh da porch and da cat pee is stinken up in da hot sun.

So da little hoods come home and I yell at em to help me out but dey is all talken about da big score dey made at da parade and dey was a little less dan helpfull till day needed me ta drive'm ta da store.

So da little hoods dey drag me out and we go ta da store but da guy at dis store he says I aint alowed ta come inta da joint 'cause I smell all sweaty and like cat pee like. I wooda wacked da guy righ der but he pays a lot a protecting ta da big boss so whata am I ta do?

So I go out ta da car and I wait fer day little hoods an I sees dis sign in da window of a firecracker an I realized dat it wasn't no waggy chick's mob dat was shooten at me. So I spend da whole freeken holliday under da porch cause da neiborhood kids is playen with da M80s I selled to dem. An dey didn't even blow dere fingers off da brats.

 

[charlie,nj]

Zurg you kills me..how da you git youzself inta tings like dat? Youz reminding me a dat Ralphie Cramden guy from dat Honeymoon show..always gittin in ta sumtin. Your crew must have a good ol time wit chew round. A cat p’ing on youz.. gzee…ha ha ha.

Don’t even talk ta me bout da 4th o July. As you no da only American’s dat hate da 4th o july are dogs and hoods. Dogs go nutzy when dey hears doze bang bang’s..and as youz nose so does da hoods. I usally hide under da bed till the 5th o July. My little smart guys always asks me why I am under da bed on da 4th o July. I tells dem dat I am lookin fer a Candian cent dat I lost a few years ago. Dey ask me how come I spend 8 hours every year lookin fer the stupid coin. I tells dem ta minds dare pea’s and q’s, dats watt I tells dem. Seems my little hoods needs ta take sum lessons in da art a hoodin from your little ones. Dey sound like dey did OK on da 4th o july. More power to dem!

I don’t want my little smart guys ta no dat dare old man is a scared a da bang bang’s. It don’t even werk when I sings me dat little “when ever I feels a scared” song eithda. I still **** in da old pants when I hears da bang bangs. Watts funny is dat we hoods probably supply all a dem young street punks wit da bang bang’s in da furst place. After all dat is our business transporting illegal bang bangs from down dare in da south a da boarda.

Da moo-la is to good ta pass up from da sale a da bang bang’s…so’s I will just wait it out unda da bed fer a few hours each year..wit my doggies. Hey dey betta not pee on me. Ha ha ha. It ain’t so bad unda dare..hey it sorta reminds me a all doze times I had ta hide out …cause a dames husband came home a little to early..if youz no watt I means. Yes I was quite da ladies man as a youth. I had da big muscles..wit da chains and jet black hair. I was goods looking if I do says so my self. Got da score card ta prove it..buddy.

Well youz take care now Zurgie…oh and watch out fer dem cats..ha ha ha… meow…meow…ha ha ha… pssst..pssst..pssst…youz killin me Zurgie..youz just killin me.

 

[charlie,nj]

Hey Zurgie baby I tink we lost Waggy…I’m tinking she went and turned inta one a dem high brow, upper d ups, on us. I ain’t seen a post from her fer a whiles now on dis thread.

I did see sumtin bout her lookin fer sum 411 on a high brow book called the Lady Chatterly’s Lover. I ain’t never herd a it have youz?

You will never guess in one million years who told her where she coulds find dat book..It was none other den dat wise guy Willy..now from Philly.

Hey now dat Waggy is becoming a aristocrap ..I’s guess we betda start callin her “Lady Waggy”. (hey ain’t dat a joke..ha ha ha)

 

[Wagamama]

Hey Waggy I ain’t afraid a you…you cans herass me all yous wants. I never gets afraid anymore. I have dis little ting dat I do so’s I don’t get a scared. You member dat good old Frankie boy Sinatra song…dat “whenever I feels a scared” song? Well I sings it all da times ta my self..over and over. And guess watt..all my troubles go away..just like dat song says.

ya big baby!!

I was getten scared ova da weeken, what with da waggy chick putten a gang ta getta. Den, I am just setten on da stoop tryen ta cool of a little ya know? So I am setten dere an da next ting I hears is all this Bang Bang Bang like. So I duck unduh da porch like and try to lay low cuz I figger it is da waggy chick's mob come to put old Zurgie on da worng side o da grass. if youz know what I am sayen.

dahn it!! they missed!

Hey Zurgie baby I tink we lost Waggy…I’m tinking she went and turned inta one a dem high brow, upper d ups, on us. I ain’t seen a post from her fer a whiles now on dis thread.

I was makin' a few people disappear if yous knows what i means

Hey now dat Waggy is becoming a aristocrap ..I’s guess we betda start callin her “Lady Waggy”.

You do, you die!

 

[Zurg]

Yo, Youz notis da waggy chick'z get'n bedda at speak'n.

I tink she's loozen dat axcent a little.

 

[Wagamama]

i wish you'd lose yous'z axcent too...

 

[Zurg]

Charlie Charlie Charlie

Watt is youz do'en?

Youz is poken da stick in da eye o da godfadda! dat is watt youz is do'en! Is youz nuts?

Da numba one guy hisself, Big Petey! He is gonna notice if youz keep poken youz noze into his buisiness yous knowz? Messen wid his HB board dat is playen wid da fire dat is.

We little guy hoods we can't be messen too much wid da godfadda, sure we hijacked da heck outta dis thread Big Petey started an all dat, but I don't tink dat Big Petey read da sticky treads much after he makes'm youz knowz?

But youz is messen wid da HB, dem are all made wide guys dem is.

 

[Zurg]

Yo!

Where'z Charlie at? Aint see'n him 'round in a long time.

Waggy did you put a hit on him or did da new beeping rules about use'n asteroids fer da werds we aint supposed ta be uze'n get'm sent up da river?

 

[Wagamama]

i didn't put no hit on him! it waz youz wasn't it? i knew it!

i hopes he didn't get sent up da riva. i sures do miss him dough...ya know, in a tough hood kind of way...

 

[Zurg]

Yo! Watt youz say'n? I d'dn nut no hit on Charlie! I ain't wacken no hood ova nutten but buzinezz an he ain't on none o' my turf.

I agrees wid ja dough - i sures do miss too .. like youz said.. in a purely pluritanical tough hood kind of way...

 

[charlie,nj]

Yeah youz two…I been keeping a low profile..if’s youz no watt I mean’s.

I was feelin a little brave so’s a couple a weeks ago I takes the family down ta sonny Florida. As longs as I was dare I figures I wood have a pow-wow wit dat Pete character. I wanted ta see if he would give us northeast gangs a little a da action. (no need ta tank me)

Man o manischewitz.. was dat a big mistake. He red me da riot act and told me never ta come back. I trys ta do Zurg and Waggy a favor and I get bit big time. Dat Pete ain’t no Mr. Softee likes sum peoples were saying. I guess him’s being from Jersey and all dat..did him some good in da tough guy department.

Get dis Pete tells me dat he has a little surprise for me (and youz two) when I gets back to Jersey. Wooden you knows it…when I hits Jersey it’s lights out fer da whole northeast. Including dat cold place wear dat Canada Cathy is from. (and I was tinking Pete liked her)

He musta pulled a fast move like dat Klaatu guy on “The Day da Eurth Stood Still” movie. (I personally like dat Gort guy..wooda loved ta have him in front a me durin sum a my hoodin jobs) You no da seen wear Klaatu shuts everyting down to get his point across. Dat little blackout was a warnin ta us northeast gangs from Mr. Pete ta stay clear a F-L-A. Rumor has it dat a few lime green metallick ballons was seen flyin around a Ohio power station right before da lights blinked. But I ain’t sayin notin cause I ain’t no RAT.

Yeah guess wat ..even dough Pete hangs out wit all dem rich Palm Beach types..he still talks like he’s from Jersey..ha ha ha..aint dat funny. You can take the hood outta Jersey but youz can’t take the Jersey outta da hood!

 

[Zurg]

Yo Charlie dat waz youz dat got big Pete p-ed off?

Jeeze watt ya doen?

Come ta tink o it - watt did dem Ohia hoods do ta da guy? Dey got deir power pulled too.

Youz tink dat maybe da big Pete got shut outta dat old kicken hood's riddl'en cons party? Maybe dey didn't get big Petey a cut?

I seen sum o da snap shots from dere where da whole families was put in da chains fer watt dey done dere.

And dat CC - Dat CCChick betta be looken over her shoulder, watt wid her tryen ta get otta da inner circle of da family...... watt da day call dem made hoods dat is allways tellen us all ta not talk wid a freaken asteroids and stuff? WedMatters, TipMasters, Wip Masters, sum ting like dat.

So I tink da otta one, watts his name? WipMaster Smart Alec, sum ting like dat, any ways dis SmartyAlec guy I hear he is da one dat is senden da SoBigShot emails round. I heard a guy say he heard da Alec hood braggen bout getten tens of tousands of dem ta serve up.

See I tink da guy is gonna get da buggy ting next ta get da DIS peoples' annual pass numbers and deir PS reservations and deir cridit cards...

(hey youz ever notice dat da credit card has da same initials as dat cold chick CC, hey cold chick, cash & cary, credit cards, committed crime all is got da CC initialized - I tink dat dere is sumting goen on dere.)

Good ta see youz didn't get wacked, come'n out on da top o da grass, instread a under it, is always a good ting.

 

[aesalsa]

I stumbled upon this thread, expecting something quite benign. The feuding words and competition of you old-timers is extremely entertaining to a baby like me. May the best thread-starters win (the posts, views)!

 

[charlie,nj]

Well, well, well..looky here we gots a new dame in our thread…ain’t we lucky..and a baby to boot.

I hopes you wood all excuse my being absent fer da last 5 months…I been away on a little vacation…err make dat a little unplanned vacation. I don’t know bout you guys but I hates dem last minute vacations..no time ta plan or nothin like dat. I especially hates when da travel agent turns out ta be da coppers. Seems day always only gots da one way destinations to the slammer ands you ain’t got no choice a what kinda room or view you wants.

I sees dat da last time I posted was way back in August on the 20th of da month…funny how time flys in the pen. I can’t beleave it is January 20th of da month.. and a new years eve two.

I am beat now..and I need to rest…I will return soon wit my tale…ha ha make dat wit my special pen trip report..ha ha ha…

Hey yo where is all da gang ..dat Zurgy baby and da Waggy gurl?

And to dat new gurly on dis thread…where do youz get off callin us old-timers..old_timers?…how bout a little like dat singer use ta sing …R-S-P-E-C-T…err I mean..R-E-P-E-C-T..no dat’s knot it..well youz no da song..

 

[Zurg]

Yo Chuckie NJ

I waz tinken youz mighta got wacked 'r sum ting. Dat happenz ta ta best of us sum timez.

I waz keepen da low profile tinken dat may be diz new chickie may be one a da big guyz new hitters ya know watt I is say'en?

Yeah I knows watt yous mean bout dem coppers. Da guys over on dat DVSee board dey say da rooms is bigger in some joints dan in da otters, dey talk about strategems ta request da romms and stuff like dat.

Dey is nutz dey is. Try ta stay outta da joint I does.

Merry new year der Chuck.

 

[letyfrombrazil]

<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_13_25.gif' border=0></a>

 

[Zurg]

Yo Chuck!

'ho'z dis lefty?

I know a few leftys but I don't know no lefty taken no trip ta Brazil. I know a few on da lamb in youz neck o' da woodz, I mean like try'en ta stay one the top side of da turf at da Meddowlands - you know watt I mean?

It may be a good idea goin' ta da South 'Merica. I hear dat da winter is nice but the summers is cold. Backway round like. Stange.

I seen sum pictures of da dames swimmin' in da winter dere. Dey weren't wearin' a lot. Youz old lady - she would put da hit on you fer sure, if you was hangen around dem dames, she would.

 

[Zurg]

You Chuck!

Youz knowz it is tough ta be an honest hood dese days.

I was looken ta divertify my income streams. You know I been readed da business page out on da stoop so dat I looks like a real regular business guy see. Any ways da pare is always talked about divertifying yous holding. You knows not all yous eggs in on beasket.

So I works up dis deal to divery my tallents into new markets see. I ax ta meslef I ax Zurgy what is you good at?

Well I been doing da classic you know numbers, protection money ya know? So I say ta my sefl I needa get into da 90's wid da stuff I do good.

So dat is what I does see? I work da shake down racket and protection money deal on da internet. Now I tink I am in da big trouble.

See I was puttin' da shake down fer da protecting on dis little chicky babe running a tag business. i tought it was like an auto tag joint ya knows? They are all good places ta divertify funds you knows? Watt wid dem bein' all cah business and stuff, den maybe ya get a number deal going ta pay da protectin' fees, next ting you got a nice little sho working up some vig.

It is a beautiful ting da is.

So I says ta da chicky I'll protect her from getten in trouble wid da locals, meanin' me right? She pays me son each tag, maybe runs some numbers every ting is cool.

So den I find it is some other kinda tag. Da big guys with da big scam goin' on day is all involved.

Yous got dat hood Atkins Akex in da ting, even Big Pete. So now I is thinken I best be ducken fer da cover lest I get inta da river with da cement sneaks.

So much fer da divertifying Eh Chuck?

 

[BambiTamby]

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Charlie, us Polish folk sure do have alot of talent, don't we?

"you can lead a horse to beer, but only BT can make him drink!"


Wonder if I can make a clippie of WillyJ drinking his nightly Nyquil cocktail?