Recent Budget Threads and SAHMs

[Reflection]

..... I think working or staying home are both great options...if what you do makes you happy!

A couple of days ago, I finished reading Queenbee Moms and Kingpin Dads by Rosalind Wiseman. The book looks at parent cliques in schools and is a follow-up to Queen Bees and Wannabees.

Anyway, the author posits that adult cliques are part a holdover from mom's and/or dad's school days but are also related to the current trend of what she calls Perfect Parent World; the author touches briefly on the sahm vs wohm discussion and calls for a cease fire noting what Sara74 says: that if your choice (while advising readers to be thankful that they have a choice) makes you happy and works for your family, then you're doing what's best for you and your family.

There's another chapter in the book that addresses 'cracking the code'--"how to deal with statements that are code for powerful value judgements."

A couple of comments made earlier in this thread about one of the oft cited at-home parent reasons for choosing to stay home--not wanting someone else to raise their children, which is sometimes expressed as being a full-time parent to my child or as my child(ren) is (are) my biggest priority.

Well, mom with job, at-home mom, mom with job who does said job from home--I don't care tuppence what people do or how they label themselves. But the 'not wanting someone else to raise my child' and similar statements have always grated me. In her book, Wiseman asks what are parents on the receiving end of such statements supposed to say:

Really, I admire that so much. I tried making them my priority but frankly my kids come right after going to the gym and watching television.

She suggests that loaded statements such as these "could be power plays intended to put you on notice the other parent is taking you on under the guise of a higher calling: the welfare of [their] kids."

Anyway somethng to think about, and I offer my apologies to OP for veering off course. Now back to the regularly scheduled programming of money matters and how parenting/lifestyle choices can affect the family's financial health.

 

[sara74]

AnnFMur - Thank you very much! We went to the OB today and the light is starting to peek through the end of the tunnel so to speak...I am 2 cm dilated, not that that means anything, but its better than nothing!

Reflection - I think I just found the first book I need to read on my maternity leave! Good point you raised there.

 

[mking624]

But the 'not wanting someone else to raise my child' and similar statements have always grated me. In her book, Wiseman asks what are parents on the receiving end of such statements supposed to say:
Really, I admire that so much. I tried making them my priority but frankly my kids come right after going to the gym and watching television.

I could care less what an author has to say about the statement...but if the parent isn't around enough to the point where they're not building a relationship with them (i.e. they only see them long enough to put them to bed and to take them back to their daycare or wherever the next day), then yes, someone other than the parent is raising that child. This was the biggest reason why my mom refused to let the chlidren she watched stay after a certain hour when she ran her at-home daycare, she wanted it to be known that she wasn't going to allow the parents to put everything else before their child. She had clients walk out of the interview process when they found out she wouldn't watch their children from 7am to 9pm or similar...why? Because they had work and then wanted to attend social functions with their friends...because they couldn't be bothered to give that up for the sake of spending time with their kids. That could have been big bucks for my mom, but I have a lot of respect for her for turning them down. I felt sorry for the kids who would barely get to know their own parents. Now I know this doesn't happen all the time...but it does happen.

Personally speaking, I don't know why a person's reasons to stay at home (OR go to work) have to annoy people so much. If you don't like their reasonings, who cares...it's not like they're making you follow what they do. Just shrug your shoulders and move on.