Received a wedding invite - is this tacky?

[Amberle3]

Okay, well I kind of received a wedding invite. Tecnically I didn't receive it, and I'm not even mentioned on the invite.

A relative of DFi is getting married, a few weeks before us, and we've just received the invitation. DFi is mildly ticked for several reasons:

1) The invitation wasn't actually sent to "us" directly from the Happy Couple (HC), instead it was sent to DFi's parents and then on to us. The address except for the postal code is typed, it's obvious DFi's parents wrote it in. To me, if you're going to invite someone to your wedding, go online and find out their address.

2) The invitation was addressed to "Mr" DFi. DFi isn't a "Mr", he's a "Dr" - as he likes to say, he didn't go to Evil Graduate School to be called "Mr". His relative knows it's "Dr", it's on the invitation/information we sent them for our wedding.

3) The invitation was to "Mr DFi and guest". Aside from the fact that the etiquette mavens say that "and guest" isn't appropriate for a wedding (who knew) - DFi and I have been going out since 1998. We've been engaged since 2001. The relatives already have the invitation for our wedding and oddly enough that invitation has my name on it, so it's not as though they have no idea I exist. I've never met the relative (DFi's extended family is quite large) but still, they're perfectly aware that DFi is about to be married.

4) Included with the invitation was a little mitfull of registry cards. I'm sorry, it's just tacky. I still think registering is tacky (even though I had to register for our wedding) but registering just isn't "done" here. Well it's starting to catch on, but it's nowhere near as prevalent as in the US.

I can overlook the "Mr", the not bothering to find the address information themselves and the registry cards. I'm having a harder time with not actually being mentioned on the invitation. I mean, I'm marrying into the family. If we were already married, would the invitation still have said "and guest"? Actually I'm guessing that probably it would.

So, was it tacky?

 

[kejoda]

It could be that someone else filled out the invites.

I do think its tacky that they included the registry card.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I'd overlook the Mr. / Dr. mix up. I can see making that error myself. I would never think to refer to someone who is a Dr. as Dr. on an invite and I do have an uncle who is one.

But I'd be annoyed at not being mentioned on the invite at all. Everything Chris and I get is addressed

Ms. Sheri (last name)
Mr. Christopher (last name)

His family knows it and so does mine.

I'd be irked if he got something Christopher & guest...

 

[lulu71]

Yes, tacky that your name wasn't included. I also don't like the registry cards at all. Also, etiquette rules say that should be handwritten on wedding invitations, not typed.

 

[kasar]

Ahhh, I like to give poor frazzled brides a slide on things like this. No biggie, in my opinion. At least you're invited, right? Go and have fun.

 

[jellymanoffspring]

Tacky and impolite yes.....
worth holding onto bad feelings about DFi relatives not at all....

Let it go....
I am sure you planned and researched and will have a beautiful wedding.....
don't waste your time comparing with the relatives....just enjoy

 

[totalia]

I think you should just let it go. Your getting upset over nothing.

 

[Beth76]

Well, definitely tacky on the registration cards. Some people only go by "Dr." professionally, maybe they didn't know. "And Guest", I can see where you'd be ticked, but I would let it go. You were still invited.

 

[ducklite]

I pretty much agree with the others.

Leaving your name off was wrong.

Including registry card was tacky.

The Mr./Dr. thing could be an oversight, I have addressed the invites for several friends and relatives, and often was just handed a list of first and last names--I was lucky when it was legible. I put in the Mr. and/or Mrs., and if I didn't know the person would have no way of knowing they used Dr.

Anne

 

[Rootskate]

Wow...a handful of registery cards?? I couldn't imagine putting one in an invitation, let alone a whole wad of em'.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It was tacky.

Plenty of Bridal information out there to assist with this sort of thing.

But I would just ignore it otherwise.

We ink jetted our addresses onto the envelopes--it was really pretty and some people did believe we wrote it. Obviously they don't see us write much b/c it wouldn't have looked near as nice (or legible for that matter).

The guest thing and the registry cards--tsk tsk tsk tsk.

 

[disney4us2002]

Is your fiance related to the bride or the groom? If the bride then it's kinda tacky that she didn't remember your name or bother to go find out. If the groom, he probably didn't pass on the info. (If you were already married, it might have just said Mr & Mrs. fiance's name, lol, and you still wouldn't have been named.) Etiquette has changed since my wedding because I'm pretty sure I sent a few "and guest" to single relative/friends. You have already sent out wedding invites to your wedding 4 mos away? That apparently is new as well because ours were sent 6-8 wks in advance. If your fiance isn't ticked at his family, I'd overlook this faux pas.

 

[lulugirl]

I think you should just let it go. Your getting upset over nothing.

I agree, aside from the registry cards(yes, tacky) I don't see what the big deal is.

 

[MossMan]

Etiquette rules, smetiquette rules.

Come on people. None of this matters at all. Not even a little.

Wait a sec, maybe I'm wrong. I do seem to recall one important etiquette rule. It states that when someone inadvertently makes a few forgivable mistakes on the most important event of their lives, everyone else needs to turn a blind eye and instead concentrate on what is really important.

 

[RadioNate]

registery cards - tacky
the rest forgivable and not worth getting even "mildly" upset over

 

[SoonerKate]

Yeah, most of that is pretty tacky.

But it's tackier and more inappropriate to not just graciously let it go, so that's probably the best option.

 

[princess pooh]

I wish you could all e-mail the salesperson who was supposed to help with my registry, and tell her that including registry cards is tacky. She was so insistant on including them that I ended up walking out of the store.

It was pretty bad that they didn't include your name on the invite...especially since you'll be part of the family soon. Just look at it as a lesson on what not to do for your own wedding.

 

[skiwee1]

I think the registry cards are tacky. I am in the US and would never register for gifts. That is like asking for them! Referring to your DFi as Mr. as opposed to Dr. is fine by me. I think Dr. should only be used professionally and never on a personal invite. To want to otherwise is to me, snobby, and elitist. Who really cares if he is a Dr.? He is invited to a wedding, not a medical convention. It would bother me if the relative had met me and still addressed the invite to Mr. DFi and guest. If they haven't met me then it wouldn't bother me. They can't be expected to be up on everyone's relationships.

 

[totalia]

Etiquette rules, smetiquette rules.

Come on people. None of this matters at all. Not even a little.

Wait a sec, maybe I'm wrong. I do seem to recall one important etiquette rule. It states that when someone inadvertently makes a few forgivable mistakes on the most important event of their lives, everyone else needs to turn a blind eye and instead concentrate on what is really important.

I completely agree.

 

[Amberle3]

I'm not upset about it. I'm just asking if it's tacky.

DFi, now actually he's upset about it. He's kind of looked down on in the family because he went into science and he's ONLY got a Phd. Because he's in science he makes a fraction of what most of the others in his generation do - apparently it's a family thing to go into consulting or finance or such things. Yes, how much people make is a common topic for conversation in his family - I mean as in they come right up to you and ask you how much you make. Because he's often treated as being "less worthy" because of his income level, he often takes these kinds of things very personally.

Believe me, I'm more than willing to overlook all these things. I don't really care about them. I just found some of them tacky, DFi found more things than I did tacky (the list I posted is his, not mine). They've planned an insanely huge wedding that - well for us it would probably take 10-15 years to pay off. They've invited 700 people. I'm sure there are bound to be more than a few slip ups made.

Although I still think though that if you're addressing an invitation that includes someone that's marrying into your family, at least go to the trouble to find out what the name is. Especially when you already have the name.

Actually we won't be going to the wedding anyway - it's right smack in the middle of exam period. I'm not sure when DFi's class is writing theirs, but he'll either be preparing the exam, giving the exam, or marking the exam during that time and can't get away.

As for my invitations being sent out early - yes we did send them out early. We did this because every single person coming to the wedding has to travel. Some of them are coming from out of the country, and some in fact from off the continent, and travel is expensive. The more notice people have, the more time they have to keep an eye out for decent airfare. Plus we're making it known (not in the invitation, separately) that even though we're going to Disneyland right after the wedding that's not the honeymoon and folks are welcome to join us. We'll be there for the 50th, and hotels are going to be very difficult to get during that time period. Mail from the US (where most of the invitees are) and Canada (where we are) can take a horribly long time - I've received several letters from the US that took over a month to get here, so I had to allow for the postal delay as well.