Really torn on adopt a family

[happygirl]

I used to pick tags from the tree at our church until one year the church decided to put female prisoners names on the tags instead of needy children and families.

That is horrible, they would included inmates

 

[CurlyGirl]

Great point about the gaming systems!

I used to work at a Boys and Girls Club in a very low socio-economic part of town. When we would get new gaming systems or new computers to replace the old ones (always via grants or donations from local companies or schools who were upgrading their computer systems), we would raffle off the old stuff. Many kids wound up with a game system with no games or maybe one game. Or a computer that was older but still functioned. And, I wouldn't be surprised if the parents took these things to the pawn shop.

Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions on how those kids got those things and don't be so quick to assume that just because a family has a gaming system that they have games. Or because they have a computer that they have internet service.

Also, don't jump to the conclusion that these computers and games came easily to these families. You don't know what a parent had to sacrifice or pawn to give a child a gift like that.

I will give you that some milk the system for the extras but it's not always the case. And, you never know ... maybe someone generous donated a game system to the family the year before.

There are so many "you never knows" with these things. You're looking at names on a piece of paper and making assumptions about them based on what they ask for. You don't know their whole story. Them asking for a computer game or video game does NOT mean you have to buy it for them.

 

[golfgal]

My work does an adopt a family every year for Christmas. I always participate and have never had conflicted feelings, until now.

The charity sends the family members names, as well as a little blub about each one so we can get to know them a little. This year here is a bit about the family we got.

1 mom - 9 kids. Yes, 9. One of those kids is 18 and she has a child who is 6. Which means she had him when she was 12. All the write ups on the kids list all the foods they love to eat as well as what they like to do for fun. Most of them list computer, Xbox, Wii and PS2 games. Clealy they have one or all of these items in their home. Then for the mom, it says "name enjoys being a stay ay home mom for her 9 kids and grandson". REALLY? No job AT ALL? There are kids who are old enough to take care of the others so she could go out and get a job.

So I am really conflicted on what to do here. I REALLY do not believe in helping people who do not even attempt to help themselves, which is how I feel about this.

What would you do? Any feelings on it?

I used to work at a Boys and Girls Club in a very low socio-economic part of town. When we would get new gaming systems or new computers to replace the old ones (always via grants or donations from local companies or schools who were upgrading their computer systems), we would raffle off the old stuff. Many kids wound up with a game system with no games or maybe one game. Or a computer that was older but still functioned. And, I wouldn't be surprised if the parents took these things to the pawn shop.

Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions on how those kids got those things and don't be so quick to assume that just because a family has a gaming system that they have games. Or because they have a computer that they have internet service.

Also, don't jump to the conclusion that these computers and games came easily to these families. You don't know what a parent had to sacrifice or pawn to give a child a gift like that.

I will give you that some milk the system for the extras but it's not always the case. And, you never know ... maybe someone generous donated a game system to the family the year before.

There are so many "you never knows" with these things. You're looking at names on a piece of paper and making assumptions about them based on what they ask for. You don't know their whole story. Their asking for a computer or video game does NOT mean you have to buy it for them.

What are the odds that this one family won a computer and 3 game systems in a situation like you posted though--on game system--ok, probably a gift from a previous "adopt a family" situation--but 3 game systems????

 

[JaneBanks]

I used to pick tags from the tree at our church until one year the church decided to put female prisoners names on the tags instead of needy children and families.

I don't understand why that's a bad thing? A Church, which I'm assuming is Christian, is just practicing what it is supposed to be teaching. Love thy neighbors. I don't think Jesus would object to helping inmates.

 

[dakcp2001]

They did a special about this on our local news several years back in the Boston area. The organizations do not require proof of need or proof that you even have the children you are claiming need gifts. Lots of scamming going on. People claiming they have 4 boys, when they have 1 so they can get 4x the gifts. They showed people with blurred faces saying they return the items to get store credit. They showed people blurred out picking up gifts driving Mercedes and Escalades.

I know not all people are like the bad apples that were shown on this program, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.

With this many red flags, I'd say go with your gut on this one. You have a right to be more than suspicious.

 

[gracie1]

I used to work at a Boys and Girls Club in a very low socio-economic part of town. When we would get new gaming systems or new computers to replace the old ones (always via grants or donations from local companies or schools who were upgrading their computer systems), we would raffle off the old stuff. Many kids wound up with a game system with no games or maybe one game. Or a computer that was older but still functioned. And, I wouldn't be surprised if the parents took these things to the pawn shop.

Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions on how those kids got those things and don't be so quick to assume that just because a family has a gaming system that they have games. Or because they have a computer that they have internet service.

Also, don't jump to the conclusion that these computers and games came easily to these families. You don't know what a parent had to sacrifice or pawn to give a child a gift like that.

I will give you that some milk the system for the extras but it's not always the case. And, you never know ... maybe someone generous donated a game system to the family the year before.

There are so many "you never knows" with these things. You're looking at names on a piece of paper and making assumptions about them based on what they ask for. You don't know their whole story. Them asking for a computer game or video game does NOT mean you have to buy it for them.

That's why I don't understand why they are asking for these expensive gaming systems?? Their surely not going to be able to afford the $50-$70 games for each of them. No one said that they had to buy the gaming system.

 

[gracie1]

They did a special about this on our local news several years back in the Boston area. The organizations do not require proof of need or proof that you even have the children you are claiming need gifts. Lots of scamming going on. People claiming they have 4 boys, when they have 1 so they can get 4x the gifts. They showed people with blurred faces saying they return the items to get store credit. They showed people blurred out picking up gifts driving Mercedes and Escalades.

I know not all people are like the bad apples that were shown on this program, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.

With this many red flags, I'd say go with your gut on this one. You have a right to be more than suspicious.

It's people that take advantage of others that ruin it for the ones that really need the help and deserve it

 

[CurlyGirl]

That's why I don't understand why they are asking for these expensive gaming systems?? Their surely not going to be able to afford the $50-$70 games for each of them. No one said that they had to buy the gaming system.

I think they're asking for the games, not the systems. I could be wrong.

ETA - if they're asking for the systems, the whole "What does it hurt to ask" principle applies. You don't ask, you don't get. Why not take the chance? You never know ... someone might give it to you?

Also, you can buy used games at pawn shops and game stores for less. Especially if they're later editions of games (ie: NHL Hockey Y2K).

 

[RangerPooh]

Last year my work adpoted two families. Both had modist requests of clothes and basic toys. We made sure that each child had the requested clothing items and a toy form their list. But some of the toys were so specific and pricey that there was no way we could fulfill the requests. But we still provided them with something, and the clothes that we purchased while not A&F asked for, came from Old Navy, far better than standard Walmart of KMart fare. What we dicussed not liking was that the names of each family member was listed. In a large metropolitan area this might have been ok, but not in a small town.

I agree with a comment that a PP said, when money is tight DH and I drop gifts for eachother. That's the first thing to go. Since our kids are young and still "believe" we make sure that there is something in our stockings, even if it only cost a few dollars.

So when there are gifts listed for the parents I feel uncertain. What we have done is purchased giftcards to the lcoal grocery store with the hope that food and other necessities are purchased. We have also included gift cards to local family friendly eateries (ie: pizza hut).

 

[kathie859]

This thread makes me so sad especially since the gospel reading for today is the corporal works of mercy (feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc). I am amazed at how very judgmental some posters appear. Oh, another corporal work of mercy is to visit those in prison---I bet that sets off a few posters!

OP--if you don't trust the organization screening the family find another. But truly, do any of us know how/why people find themselves in the position of needing help? Not everyone has the mental and physical abilities to get ahead. What is obvious to you may not be to someone with a substandard education and no positive role models.

 

[gracie1]

I think they're asking for the games, not the systems. I could be wrong.

I thought they were asking for the systems. But I can be wrong too

 

[JaneBanks]

My work does an adopt a family every year for Christmas. I always participate and have never had conflicted feelings, until now.

The charity sends the family members names, as well as a little blub about each one so we can get to know them a little. This year here is a bit about the family we got.

1 mom - 9 kids. Yes, 9. One of those kids is 18 and she has a child who is 6. Which means she had him when she was 12. All the write ups on the kids list all the foods they love to eat as well as what they like to do for fun. Most of them list computer, Xbox, Wii and PS2 games. Clealy they have one or all of these items in their home. Then for the mom, it says "name enjoys being a stay ay home mom for her 9 kids and grandson". REALLY? No job AT ALL? There are kids who are old enough to take care of the others so she could go out and get a job.

So I am really conflicted on what to do here. I REALLY do not believe in helping people who do not even attempt to help themselves, which is how I feel about this.

What would you do? Any feelings on it?

OP says they are asking for games, not the systems.


ETA: It says that the children listed what they like to do for fun so I assume that is used as a suggestion on what to get the kids.

It is entirely possible that this family is now in need, but hasn't always been. They could have bought those gaming systems when they were able to afford to. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are buying them knowing they can't afford them and are "scamming" people for free games.

My opinion is this - I'm not a very religious person by I try to live by the golden rule. Do unto others as you have them do unto you. I personally would try my best to get what I could for these children and if they are scamming, so be it. It's on the mother's karma, not mine. I'm not saying the OP should do the same and I won't fault her for not doing it. That's just how I would handle the situation.

 

[Mermaid02]

If you don't feel comfortable, donate elsewhere! And don't feel badly doing it!

 

[golfgal]

This thread makes me so sad especially since the gospel reading for today is the corporal works of mercy (feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc). I am amazed at how very judgmental some posters appear. Oh, another corporal work of mercy is to visit those in prison---I bet that sets off a few posters!

OP--if you don't trust the organization screening the family find another. But truly, do any of us know how/why people find themselves in the position of needing help? Not everyone has the mental and physical abilities to get ahead. What is obvious to you may not be to someone with a substandard education and no positive role models.

Which you can do without being scammed by a family "in need" too. We give, we help, we just do it through avenues where we know people really are in need of assistance. It doesn't mean you have to give to everyone either...

 

[gracie1]

OP says they are asking for games, not the systems.

Thanks!

 

[momto2girls]

Yeah, I would ask for another family. Don't feel compelled to give them anything if you are not comfortable.

I used to do an Angel Tree type program, but I don't do those anymore. Instead, we drop off toys to Toys For Tots, as well as making donations to favorite charities instead. I feel better about those options.

 

[Jeafl]

I don't understand why that's a bad thing? A Church, which I'm assuming is Christian, is just practicing what it is supposed to be teaching. Love thy neighbors. I don't think Jesus would object to helping inmates.

I agree with you to a point. However, my thinking is that the prisoners are in prison for choices THEY made. I would rather give my money to children and families who have fallen on hard times through no fault of their own. By donating to the families at my school I know for sure that they are truly needy. Also, the prisoners are probably adults, and I personally would rather give to children who need a little magic in their lives. Just a personal preference.

 

[Pigeon]

If you want to help with a kind and charitable heart, you should do so. If you want to feel all self-righteous and judgmental about helping, you should decline and do something else.

 

[golfgal]

I thought they were asking for the systems. But I can be wrong too

I think the point is this family has 3 game systems where many working families can't afford ONE system, let alone the games that go with them.

 

[gracie1]

I think the point is this family has 3 game systems where many working families can't afford ONE system, let alone the games that go with them.

True. I know I surely can't afford 3 of them