*Rant* Really??? I didn't think I was expecting much...

[Cindyrellablue]

Okay...I've got 6 BMs at my At-Home Wedding.

I chose a color at a national bridal chain store for them to choose their own gown to wear so that they would feel comfortable in it. My only requirements, the color was the one I chose and that it was full length.

I asked them to wear any gold or navy shoes they wanted and felt comfortable in.

I asked them to wear the earrings that I had chosen and purchased for them...if they felt like it, I told them they could change them after the photos/ceremony if they weren't really to their liking.

I asked that they all wear their hair up for the ceremony and photos, during the reception, should they want to take it down, feel free.


So far:

3 of them are complaining about wearing their hair up, they don't want to and don't think I should have any say in how they wear their hair....but I told them, they could wear it down later...I just wanted it up for the ceremony and photos for a more cohesive look.

1 of them told others that they were going to conveniently "forget the earrings at home" because they weren't expensive enough for her and she didn't know why she couldn't wear silver (the wedding colors are navy, ivory and gold). I plan on announcing to all of them that they are part of their bridal "costume" and I chose each pair especially for them and even re-posted each pair with 14k gold nickel-free hooks so there wouldn't be allergy issues.

2 of them purchased the dresses and still haven't finished alterations (I'm getting married THIS Saturday).

1 said that I was ridiculous for planning to play "Sanctuary" from Disney's Kingdom Hearts 2 video game for their introduction into the room and that Disney had no place at a wedding (little did she know at the time that my first wedding was at the Wedding Pavilion at WDW with a reception in American Adventure in EPCOT...as the marriage didn't work out, I don't talk about details that much lol). I promptly opened a drawer and pulled out a photo of me standing in front of the castle with a wedding gown on...she didn't say a word after that.


Am I really asking for too much from them? I mean, I've not asked them for manual labor, I've not asked them for much of anything in the form of planning/creating help...

 

[BecBennett]

I think that you've been more then fair, with 6 BM's you're not going to please everyone, and you're the bride, so you should be the pleased one.

How inconsiderate of them to complain about things that you've bought for them.

For my wedding I've picked the dresses, and colour, I've decided how I want their hair, the only thing I've said they can pick is which shoes they wear, but hinted that strappy gold would look best with the dress...

I'm clearly not as understanding as you...

But what would boil my blood, is them complaining about what songs you've chosen for your ceremony... It's your ceremony!!

Sorry, but I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times, and every time I knew it was my job to make sure the bride was as stress free as possible. If she'd asked me to wear a burlap sack I would have done it with a smile...

Bridesmaids are weird these days...

 

[disneybex]

Wow! Some people are so selfish

I think you have been more than fair, it is your big day. Stand strong and try not to let it stress you out

 

[Rora]

Wow!! Your "demands" aren't really demands at all! Some people are so ridiculous and completely lose sight of the fact that this is your wedding day and that it's not about them.

Looking back, I wish I didn't have BMs...they were too much trouble

OP- you have been entirely fair. I hope you try very hard to not let this get you and stand your ground! Best of wishes for your big day!

 

[Brit_Jude]

Agree that this is your day and they should be helping you in creating the look you want for your wedding.

Are you paying for the updo's for their hair? If not maybe it's the cost that is an issue for those BM's. Just a suggestion. Maybe if you offered to pay or assist in some way if this is the case.

For the jewelry it is a shame that you have sent or given it to them. An alternative would have been to keep them and given them to your BM's the morning of - as you are all getting ready. It's hard to refuse when you are handing them to them as a gift.

 

[Eviey]

I think what you have asked is reasonable and you really haven't asked that much from them. If I had given jewelry to someone and they said "they weren't expensive enough for her" I would feel hurt. Also being a bm means you felt they were important enough to stand up with you on a very important date in your life, so hopefully they will do what makes you happy.

I am sure this is a very stressful time for you. Try not to stress to much over it. Relax and enjoy your special day. And Congratulations!

...stories like this make me glad I am having guys/bridesmen standing up with me. I hope they don't complain too much about the tuxes I pick out for them.

 

[2010_Bride]

You are completly in the right
I agree with everyone else that you have not asked too much. These are simple requests. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where there was a LOT more asked of me and I didn't complain as it was not my day AND I accepted being in the wedding party.
Hopefully a lot of this is just talk, and the girls will cooperate on Saturday. As for the one who commented on the earrings, maybe talk to her personally, (not in front of anyone else) and explain how what she said hurt your feelings - and I would bet she'll show up fully dressed and accessorized
Have a great day Saturday!

 

[BecBennett]

Maybe you could start talking about cutting it down to 3 bridesmaids, and see if that makes them fall into line because they don't want to be left out.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Wow..I think you are being absolutely reasonable! I personally don't care how they wear their hair, but if *I* was the bridesmaid, I'd be happy to oblige the bride!! And.. I think them wearing the jewelry that you bought for them is what they SHOULD do...
But..alas, they are your friends and you don't want more stress on teh day. I'd state my plea one more time, and hope they are friend enough to follow your requests...

 

[Cindyrellablue]

Thanks all for reinforcing the idea that I am not a crazy bridezilla who is trying to get my bridesmaids to do something completely out of line.

I am going to give it one more go at the rehearsal dinner and let them know what I expect from them...and if they show up in completely "off" of what I asked, I'll tell them that I need them to act as ushers and hand out the programs and direction cards instead of standing at the alter with me.

What's funny, it's the friends that are on point with me...it's the groom's family members and my sister who are the issue...LOL.

 

[BecBennett]

I am going to give it one more go at the rehearsal dinner and let them know what I expect from them...and if they show up in completely "off" of what I asked, I'll tell them that I need them to act as ushers and hand out the programs and direction cards instead of standing at the alter with me.

Yes! That's perfect!

What's funny, it's the friends that are on point with me...it's the groom's family members and my sister who are the issue...LOL.

Actually, it all makes a lot more sense now you've said that Oh well, good to know your friends are still there for you.

 

[pigletgirl]

Wow, they need to get less focused on themselves and remember that they are there to support you on the big day. Who gives a rats booty what the earrings, shoes, hair and dress look like.

I really hope this doesnt happen to me. If they start ranting then they can buy everything themselves (I plan on purchasing all the BM dresses for them -- including shoes, jewelry, hair and makeup (on the day off) -- )

 

[DigitalIntrovert]

You're certainly a lot more concerned with the details than -I- would be, personally... but you're not being a horrible bridezilla by any means. Its your wedding, you have an idea in your head, and obviously these details are important to you.
Here's what you should keep in mind. Maybe it'll make you feel a little bit better.

Its not within your control, so there's no sense worrying about it.
I know that sounds ridiculous, and you WANT to be able to control it, but the bottom line is... if they don't care enough to go get the dresses altered on time, you can't MAKE them do it.

You CAN kick them out of the wedding party if they look horrible and assign them other duties like you said... so, play it by ear, but don't worry about it. Plus, if they decide not to conform to the standard, they are the ones who're going to look stupid when the rest of the bridesmaids look uniform and neat. I know you'd rather that everybody looks great, but rather than getting upset if they look out of sorts, remind yourself that they're the ones that look bad, and YOU will look fabulous, so its their problem, not yours.

If they really can't comply with the earring and hair requirements for the two to three hours it'll take for ceremony and pictures... stick to your guns and tell them to take a hike. This is day is about you being happy. If they can't suck it up for 3 hours, they're not worth including.

What's funny, it's the friends that are on point with me...it's the groom's family members and my sister who are the issue...LOL.

That pretty much says it all. Friends tend to want to please the bride. Family tends to feel no obligation to alter their behavior. Again, beyond your control, so focus on the things you can control, and let the rest roll off your back.

In the end, the day will be what you make of it.