Quick facebook question (husband's actions)

[JennaTX]

I might. I'll see what happens. I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him of anything. At this point, I'm not even sure if it bothers me. At first I didn't think of her requesting him and now that I think of it that way, I can see my husband accepting just to be polite. Probably not a big deal at all.

It sounds like you have a great marriage. My DH is friends with women from high school who I think are... (what can I say here on the DIS, but I'm sure you know what I mean). At first my jealous being raised its ugly head, but it ended up being nothing.

It is probably not a big deal. If there has been nothing else to make you not trust him, I wouldn't question him about it.

Like others have said, just watch and see what is going on. You already seem to know if he changes passwords, starts hiding things,then start worrying. Otherwise, forget about it!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Today on my facebook, I saw a post my husband had responded to. It was posted by a female friend of his who was bemoaning the fact that she kept getting "hit on" even though she is listed as married. One of her friends responded that she looked too cute or something and this friend's profile picture was a naked woman lying in the water/sand on the beach (she was lying on her stomach, but raised a little so you could see quite a bit of her breasts - it was very provocative).

So my husband responds, "Jane, does your friend realize she's mostly in a state of undress?" To which the naked woman says that if he's talking about her, he can speak to her directly. And then my husband says something about the tropical weather caught him off guard and he hopes it's as nice there as it appears (or something like that).

They exchange a few more words, slightly flirty in nature (and she says that's not her in the picture), but nothing that I think is really inappropriate and I'm not bothered by it.

However, then I see on his profile that he just friended her. That is a little troubling to me, but I'm not sure if it should be. I don't mind him having women friends at all, but usually it's people he works with or is involved with politically.

So what do you think? Would you be bothered?

I can't believe everybody forgot the rule. Y'all are getting lazy - I'm going to have to do it for you.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I can't believe everybody forgot the rule. Y'all are getting lazy - I'm going to have to do it for you.

Any naked or provocatively dressed women on my DH's facebook friends' list get deleted AND BLOCKED, either by him or by me. He plays Mafia Wars and has over 1100 'friends', many of which are 'strangers', including 50 - 60 people from the Disboards. We have separate FB accounts but share the same password, so when I go to FB, if his account is the one open, that's the one I read. Any time women start chatting with him on IM, they get deleted. I am amazed at the number of women who IM him when his profile states he is married. WTH? I trust him completely and he has never given me any reason not to, but I don't like strange women IMing him. He has no problem with me deleting anyone I don't want on his account. He can do the same on my FB, but hasn't, because everyone on my list is my actual friend.

In your case, I would tell DH I don't like the naked picture and I don't want him being friends with anyone skanky enough to use a naked picture on her profile pic. Then if he didn't delete and block her, I would. And I would be plenty upset if I had to do it.

 

[badblackpug]

Neither DH or me have Facebook accounts, maybe we are old fashioned, but we don't see any good on it (no flames please, just our opinion )

My Best friend has had many drama with her husband about both their Facebook accounts to the point that they decided to just have one for both if that makes any sense in the Facebook world.

I agree with you. I don't think it's old-fashioned, but I have seen too much drama over facebook. Who "friended" and "unfriended" whom. Who posted, or didn't post, what "status." Who made what comment directed at whom. Who wrote what on whose "wall." To me, honestly, it is all very childish. It seems like online junior high school.

 

[NMAmy]

I might. I'll see what happens. I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him of anything. At this point, I'm not even sure if it bothers me. At first I didn't think of her requesting him and now that I think of it that way, I can see my husband accepting just to be polite. Probably not a big deal at all.

I don't understand why you don't just ask him about it. Yes, it would bother me and I'd just tell DH that I was uncomfortable with him friending a woman that he did not know in person who had a photo of herself naked as a profile picture. It's in the news feed--it's not like you went around snooping for this information.

 

[Ceila]

The problem herer is that facebook while good for keeping in touch with friends and family, is really a massive flirting barn. It is really for singles imho. Poking and stuff along those lines.

I agree with you. I don't think it's old-fashioned, but I have seen too much drama over facebook. Who "friended" and "unfriended" whom. Who posted, or didn't post, what "status." Who made what comment directed at whom. Who wrote what on whose "wall." To me, honestly, it is all very childish. It seems like online junior high school.

I think it really depends on your circle of friends. I don't know anybody who has had those kinds of experiences on FB. Most of my FB friends are family, neighbors, coworkers, and college friends. There is no drama, no "flirting barn," nobody getting upset over who posted what. So Phil, your experience is not necessarily true for everyone, and BBP, I don't know where you are getting your information, since you aren't even on it, but that is definitely not the case for everyone.

OP, I would probably just ask my DH what the deal was if I was in your situation. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship.

 

[Tiger926]

This is the whole thing with Facebook that confuzzles me...would you 'friend' someone you just met in line at the grocery store for a few seconds/minutes or in line at Disney World? Are you going to exchange numbers, addresses, emails or tell them what hotel you are staying at if you are on vacation - I would hope not! The answer is pretty much no, yet on Facebook, people 'friend' people they don't know at all.

In the real world, it takes more than a few seconds or few sentences of flirting to make friends with people, and in the real world, the definition of friend is much different than in the online world.

It would bother me, not because I'd be jealous or didn't trust my husband, but OP said that he probably 'friended' her to be nice, so what else will he do to be nice? I'm not suggesting anything even serious, but just the fact that adults in the online world seem to not have, nor understand boundaries, would concern me. Why does he have to be nice to a stranger that he doesn't know?

My questions are: Why 'friend' her at all? What is the purpose of that? What does he hope to get from that relationship? Clearly that person posted a naked photo, which speaks volumes right there...

Good luck to OP and all the rest who are dealing with online social media issues, Tiger

 

[Acklander]

Why not talk to him about it? You weren't snooping, it was in the newsfeed.

this.

If it were me, I'd just ask DH who's the naked lady he just became friends with.

Seeing a conversation like this wouldn't really bother me as I'm well aware DH is a bit of a flirt, just like I am. It's in our nature, so we both know that it's harmless. If this is out of character for your dh, then you're probably right, in that she friended him, and he responded to be polite.

 

[Acklander]

My questions are: Why 'friend' her at all? What is the purpose of that? What does he hope to get from that relationship? Clearly that person posted a naked photo, which speaks volumes right there...

Good luck to OP and all the rest who are dealing with online social media issues, Tiger

There are a few people that I'm friends with, that I don't know that well. Some that I play an online game with, some that I met casually but we have something in common with, so it's a way to further our conversations and so on.

some people prefer facebook just for people that they are close to, some treat it much more casually. Personally, I'm casual in the way I use it. Not everyone on it is a close friend, but I'm not posting info that I'd only share with close friends on it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Today on my facebook, I saw a post my husband had responded to. It was posted by a female friend of his who was bemoaning the fact that she kept getting "hit on" even though she is listed as married. One of her friends responded that she looked too cute or something and this friend's profile picture was a naked woman lying in the water/sand on the beach (she was lying on her stomach, but raised a little so you could see quite a bit of her breasts - it was very provocative).

So my husband responds, "Jane, does your friend realize she's mostly in a state of undress?" To which the naked woman says that if he's talking about her, he can speak to her directly. And then my husband says something about the tropical weather caught him off guard and he hopes it's as nice there as it appears (or something like that).

They exchange a few more words, slightly flirty in nature (and she says that's not her in the picture), but nothing that I think is really inappropriate and I'm not bothered by it.

However, then I see on his profile that he just friended her. That is a little troubling to me, but I'm not sure if it should be. I don't mind him having women friends at all, but usually it's people he works with or is involved with politically.

So what do you think? Would you be bothered?

Who wouldn't be bothered? Your dh is flirting with a women who wants his attention. Guys are drawn to that.

Do you have kids?

It would be certainly unnerving for my dd to see her dad friending a chick that has a naked chic pic in his friend pool.

All I can say to your dh expect to be FB stalked and not just by you.

 

[luvmy3]

No it wouldn't bother me, I trust my dh to know whats appropriate when friending someone on FB just like I trust him IRL.
However I do have to agree with Mystery Machine on the kid thing. I don't think my dd would understand innocent flirting the way I would so its not something I'd want her to see her dad doing.

 

[KellyWasHere]

If he has never given you a reason to distrust him, I wouldn't start now. I would just watch and see. If he becomes secretive or something, I might worry. Otherwise, maybe it's just to be nice, or he found they had something in common - like liking nude women on a beach? Seriously, what kind of woman picks a random nude girl on the beach as their profile pic? Unless it's her SO I guess. Nope, still doesn't make sense...

Maybe wait for her to post on his wall and casually bring up," what's with the beach babe?" I would do it in a teasing, non threatening way, and just see what he says. If he is honest, then nothing to worry about.

I agree with this.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Why should it bother you that some woman who was suggestively flirting with your DH with a suggestive profile picture is now on his friends list?

Just because your DH's intentions are plain doesn't mean hers are. Friends are one thing but internet pickups are something else entirely and this is what it sounds like to me even if your DH doesn't realize it. If it were me Chickie pie would get the heave ho in a NY minute and I wouldn't feel bad about it for a single second. The trash stays outside.

 

[smb6]

I would be bothered and I would probably tell him it bothered me.

 

[kirstenb1]

It would bother me. And who posts naked pix of themselves for the world to see---this woman is mentally like what 4 yrs old?

 

[momof1princess]

Why should it bother you that some woman who was suggestively flirting with your DH with a suggestive profile picture is now on his friends list?

Just because your DH's intentions are plain doesn't mean hers are. Friends are one thing but internet pickups are something else entirely and this is what it sounds like to me even if your DH doesn't realize it. If it were me Chickie pie would get the heave ho in a NY minute and I wouldn't feel bad about it for a single second. The trash stays outside.

MTE

 

[sunnyday123]

Any naked or provocatively dressed women on my DH's facebook friends' list get deleted AND BLOCKED, either by him or by me. He plays Mafia Wars and has over 1100 'friends', many of which are 'strangers', including 50 - 60 people from the Disboards. We have separate FB accounts but share the same password, so when I go to FB, if his account is the one open, that's the one I read. Any time women start chatting with him on IM, they get deleted. I am amazed at the number of women who IM him when his profile states he is married. WTH? I trust him completely and he has never given me any reason not to, but I don't like strange women IMing him. He has no problem with me deleting anyone I don't want on his account. He can do the same on my FB, but hasn't, because everyone on my list is my actual friend.

In your case, I would tell DH I don't like the naked picture and I don't want him being friends with anyone skanky enough to use a naked picture on her profile pic. Then if he didn't delete and block her, I would. And I would be plenty upset if I had to do it.

This. She's bemoaning the fact that she so cute she gets hit on all the time, and she's married-she's looking for a little validation. And really, who over the age of 24 puts a 1/2 naked picture up as their profile picture?? Someone looking for a little somethin' somethin'.

 

[ilovejack02]

I'm not sure if he realizes that it would show up on my newsfeed, since I'm not friends with "Jane," but he does know I look at his page from time to time (just because - not to check up on him or anything).

I think it was probably she that initiated the friending and he, like you said Imazdi (not sure if that's your name, but that's how I always "hear" it ), was just being polite by accepting.

I guess I'll just let it go, but be kind of watchful.

My husband and I both have been asked to be friends, by friends of friends. I have said once or twice and so has he . Usually we end up deleting them off in a cpl of weeks or so, if we truly don't know them. This was early on in our fb time, now we just ignore everyone LOL.
DH has gotten hit on once or twice, on some game he plays, he is usually pretty clueless and doesn't really get it. One friended him and I hit the ignore for him HAHA!!

We both have each others passwords, he gets on my facebook to send stuff back and forth on MAfia wars, I rarely get on his, but decided to the time he got the request from the strange girl, didnt seem to bother him a bit . : ) It was he who told me about the request, lol he prob knew I would hit the ignore button for him lol.

 

[babyrich]

This is your husband so there is no need to keep your feelings quiet. If their banter back and forth bothered you, than tell him. Tell him you feel it was an inappropriate conversations for a married man to have with a strange woman and now she is suddenly his facebook friend.

When I see my DH has a new friend who is female, I usually ask how he knows her. I trust him; but I think it is my place to know and if I feel he is flirty, I call him on it. Sometime I think he is clueless and he doesnt realize he is flirting. So I let him know.

I dont expect to personally know all his facebook friends, he certainly doesnt know all of mine; but when I see something odd, I ask questions.

 

[krcit]

This. She's bemoaning the fact that she so cute she gets hit on all the time, and she's married-she's looking for a little validation. And really, who over the age of 24 puts a 1/2 naked picture up as their profile picture?? Someone looking for a little somethin' somethin'.

Exactly!! A bit ironic that she's "complaining" about getting hit on yet has a half-naked profile pic. Gimme a break. I know women like that in real life and it's pathetic. These are the same women who think every guy who smiles at them wants to sleep with them.

OP, I'm not really the jealous type but I wouldn't like that. Mostly because of the pic. She's looking for validation as the pp said and I wouldn't want my hubby giving her any. I would just say in a joking way "Who's your new naked friend?"