Question for the Ladies... tubal ligation

[Bren's Mom]

I completely agree. Consider having the hubby get a vasectomy.

I agree as well.

Google 'post tubal ligation syndrome'. There are lots of women with negative outcomes from TL. Be sure you really know what you might be getting into. My OB discouraged it, and sat down to talk with my dh.

Dh had a V, it will be 2 years ago in December.

 

[Minnie J]

I had one after my third child. This was done a few months after he was born. My tubes have been clamped so I can do a reverse if need be. The process was quick and I went home the same day!!

 

[brergnat]

Ditto on DH getting a Vasectomy. Look, OP, I know you didn't want to hear this side of it, but the fact is that any procedure that requires General Anesthesia carries a pretty high risk of death. Is that really worth it?

I am of the opinion that I will NEVER undergo surgery with general anesthesia unless it is an absolutely necessary, life threatening problem that needs to be fixed. I had a few gen. anesthesia surgeries as a child and they were awful experiences (the recovery time...)

I don't know you or your DH, but Vasectomies carry only a negligible risk of local infection. That's ALL. No risk of death.

I almost had a TL done following my second c-section. However, I went into labor 5 weeks early, and the paperwork wasn't filed in time to the hospital. I couldn't get the tubal done then.

My OB told me the next day that she was glad it happened this way. She said it's always better for men to have vasectomies than for women to have TL's, even if the TL is done DURING a c-section. She said there are lots of potential post-op problems with that procedure. The VS is safer by far.

Just make sure you are 100% fully educated on BOTH procedures before you make this sort of decision. Unless you forsee breaking up with your husband in the future, and he wants to continue to have the ability to father children, the VS is a no brainer...

I also can't take hormonal birth control. I recently tried (for migraine control) and I ended up with blood clots!!! Scary stuff. So, my doctor flagged my records for NO MORE hormonal meds...ever...

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

Wow, thanks for all of the input!!!

We are well aware of the risks involved, and I have done a lot of research online over the last few days and (obviously) plan to talk in depth with my OBGYN before making our final decision.

I also appreciate the "he will still be a whole man" and "it's safer" sentiments, but it is not an option for us. He does not want to keep "his boys" in tact to have babies with a future partner, I had to LOL @ that statement.

We know 2 men (my bff's dh and a coworker of my dh) who have had serious complications from their vasectomies. Even though it's slim odds that anything would happen to dh, he just doesn't want to go there. I'm definitely more logical as far as the risk and percentages of these complications happening to him, but I would never force him to do something this serious without him being 100% on board.

Thanks again for all of the first hand accounts and opinions, it really has helped!!

 

[MNfamilycruiser]

there's something your doctor can do in his office called Essure...It is soppose to be permanent but a lot less invasive than a tubal

I did this! I would highly recommend it. Very easy, done in the doctor's office - no anesthesia. I got up and went shopping afterwards. Completely covered by insurance.

http://essure.com/Home/Understandin...Default.aspx?gclid=CNqe_tb_gaQCFUcz5wodfS49Hw

You need to go in for an x-ray about 6 weeks afterwards to check and make sure the tubes are blocked.

 

[Leajess99]

I had it done after my youngest was born (it was a couple of weeks after) and all I got were a couple of slits. The worst part was the gas they used to inflate the stomach but recovery was easy. Due to other medical issues I did have a hysterectomy 2 years later.

Make sure you know what they are doing (tie, burning, or clamping) before going into surgery. For myself, they clamped using medal clamps and I had been told they were using plastic clamps. Found out after the hyst that they had used the metal which actually explained why my during my MRI in those 2 years I was hurting there so bad.

Good luck and do what you and your dh are comfortable with.

 

[tlbwriter]

Ditto on DH getting a Vasectomy. Look, OP, I know you didn't want to hear this side of it, but the fact is that any procedure that requires General Anesthesia carries a pretty high risk of death. Is that really worth it?

The mortality rate for a tubal ligation is a lot higher than for a vasectomy (4 in 100,000) but it's still not "pretty high," at least not by my standards. BTW, it's less than the mortality rate for pregnancy - if she announced she was going to get pregnant, would you tell her she has a "pretty high risk of death?"

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

The mortality rate for a tubal ligation is a lot higher than for a vasectomy (4 in 100,000) but it's still not "pretty high," at least not by my standards. BTW, it's less than the mortality rate for pregnancy - if she announced she was going to get pregnant, would you tell her she has a "pretty high risk of death?"

thanks, tlbwriter, for finding the stats that I didn't have the patience to look for.

 

[brymolmom]

I have a friend who ended up with serious complications after a TL...and very much resented her DH for a long time afterward - since he wasn't 100% on board for doing the job himself instead. Honestly I don't know many of us that are gung-ho on surgeries or procedures of this kind.

Thank goodness my friend ended up OK after an extended hospital stay and, luckily, their marriage has survived.

I can't imagine my dh even allowing me to do the more risky procedure instead of him...He would do anything in his power to keep me from undergoing any surgeries if he had an option.

Even tho you know of two exceptions, if you have done the research - you know that it is by far more common with the TL...Does your DH know this too? Did those complications end up with hospital stays and serious consequences?

Another option might be to tell dh that you need to go to condom use...might just change his mind!

Best of luck to you!

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

I have a friend who ended up with serious complications after a TL...and very much resented her DH for a long time afterward - since he wasn't 100% on board for doing the job himself instead. Honestly I don't know many of us that are gung-ho on surgeries or procedures of this kind.

Thank goodness my friend ended up OK after an extended hospital stay and, luckily, their marriage has survived.

I can't imagine my dh even allowing me to do the more risky procedure instead of him...He would do anything in his power to keep me from undergoing any surgeries if he had an option.

Even tho you know of two exceptions, if you have done the research - you know that it is by far more common with the TL...Does your DH know this too? Did those complications end up with hospital stays and serious consequences?

Another option might be to tell dh that you need to go to condom use...might just change his mind!

Best of luck to you!

Yes, I have told dh how slim the odds are, but really he is petrified. Both guys had very, very serious complications -- one contracted some kind of flesh eating bacteria and he was in the hospital for a MONTH and close to death on 2 different ocassions during that stay. He is now back to "normal" but lost some of his *****/scrotum. The other guy suffers from post vasectomy erectile dysfunction. Not life threatening, but let's be honest, (part of) the reason you get sterilized is so that you can enjoy having sex... ED isn't really something that goes along with that.

My dh would do anything for me. I don't look at him getting a V as doing something for me. Getting a sterilization procedure is something that is done for the couple. Like I said in my initial post, we are both on the same page about him not getting a V. I will not ever resent him, even if (god forbid) something were to happen to me, which I am not really all that worried about. Like pp said pregnancy poses more of a risk than TL.

(and condoms are out.of.the.question! I can not and will not ever use a condom again. It's a total mental issue on my part, but not one that can be compromised with.)

 

[MiMi2Three]

I have had a couple of abdominal surgeries, and I will pass onto you the most helpful advise I was given; lay flat as much as possible the first couple of days.

Especially if you start hurting. Most of the pain is from gas, due to how they do the surgery. It can be a "crampy" feeling or it can radiate from the small of your back up to your shoulder blades. Laying flat relieves the gas pressure. Saved me from having to use a lot of pain meds. Worked for me.

Best of luck with your decision. I had a tubal years ago...think hubs should "take one for the team".

 

[brymolmom]

Yes, I have told dh how slim the odds are, but really he is petrified. Both guys had very, very serious complications -- one contracted some kind of flesh eating bacteria and he was in the hospital for a MONTH and close to death on 2 different ocassions during that stay. He is now back to "normal" but lost some of his *****/scrotum. The other guy suffers from post vasectomy erectile dysfunction. Not life threatening, but let's be honest, (part of) the reason you get sterilized is so that you can enjoy having sex... ED isn't really something that goes along with that.

My dh would do anything for me. I don't look at him getting a V as doing something for me. Getting a sterilization procedure is something that is done for the couple. Like I said in my initial post, we are both on the same page about him not getting a V. I will not ever resent him, even if (god forbid) something were to happen to me, which I am not really all that worried about. Like pp said pregnancy poses more of a risk than TL.

(and condoms are out.of.the.question! I can not and will not ever use a condom again. It's a total mental issue on my part, but not one that can be compromised with.)

What I was asking wasn't if you've shared the SLIM chances of complications with a V...but rather if you've shared with him the significantly GREATER risks with a TL. THAT is what might make him fight his fears...his fears for YOU might be greater than his fears for himself. I'm not doubthing he's afraid, you will be too when going 'under'....but it is likely something he can fight just like you are being strong right now planning a TL.

Sorry, this is one of the things I can't stand. My BIL won't do it either and, as always, is leaving all the responsibility for things on my sis's shoulders. Honestly I believe if men carried the babies (and had to undergo labor) our species would have died out long ago...

 

[deegack]

What I was asking wasn't if you've shared the SLIM chances of complications with a V...but rather if you've shared with him the significantly GREATER risks with a TL. THAT is what might make him fight his fears...his fears for YOU might be greater than his fears for himself. I'm not doubthing he's afraid, you will be too when going 'under'....but it is likely something he can fight just like you are being strong right now planning a TL.

Sorry, this is one of the things I can't stand. My BIL won't do it either and, as always, is leaving all the responsibility for things on my sis's shoulders. Honestly I believe if men carried the babies (and had to undergo labor) our species would have died out long ago...

not to beat a dead horse - but don't you have the same chance of contracting a flesh eating disease as your husband does? That really doesn't have anything to do with the type of surgery you have

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

What I was asking wasn't if you've shared the SLIM chances of complications with a V...but rather if you've shared with him the significantly GREATER risks with a TL. THAT is what might make him fight his fears...his fears for YOU might be greater than his fears for himself. I'm not doubthing he's afraid, you will be too when going 'under'....but it is likely something he can fight just like you are being strong right now planning a TL.

Sorry, this is one of the things I can't stand. My BIL won't do it either and, as always, is leaving all the responsibility for things on my sis's shoulders. Honestly I believe if men carried the babies (and had to undergo labor) our species would have died out long ago...

Yes, he knows the risks and knows that V is safer than TL. I am sorry, but I know the difference between a man who doesn't want to "lose his manhood" from getting a V and a man who is petrified. My dh is petrified. I don't look at it as taking on all the responsibility. Like I said sterilization is something that is done for the couple, not for one person or the other (unless it's a medically needed thing) ... Why should it be the husband to "take one for the team"? Just because of the higher risks to the woman? We BOTH don't want more kids, so why shouldn't it be my responsibility?

Anyway, things are getting off track here. I said from the get-go that a vasectomy was not an option and that me and dh agreed on that. It's not that I'm "giving in" and saying I'm OK with it but I'm really not. I am really fine with him not getting it done, and I wish people would just accept that (dis'ers and a few of my IRL friends)

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

not to beat a dead horse - but don't you have the same chance of contracting a flesh eating disease as your husband does? That really doesn't have anything to do with the type of surgery you have

Good point.

BUT imagine that your closest friend's husband contracts flesh eating bacteria and loses half of his "package" to it... I'd think that would scare anyone, rightfully so. As irrational as the fear may be, it's still a valid fear. I am NOT AFRAID of a tubal, I am well aware of all the risks.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yes, he knows the risks and knows that V is safer than TL. I am sorry, but I know the difference between a man who doesn't want to "lose his manhood" from getting a V and a man who is petrified. My dh is petrified. I don't look at it as taking on all the responsibility. Like I said sterilization is something that is done for the couple, not for one person or the other (unless it's a medically needed thing) ... Why should it be the husband to "take one for the team"? Just because of the higher risks to the woman? We BOTH don't want more kids, so why shouldn't it be my responsibility?

Anyway, things are getting off track here. I said from the get-go that a vasectomy was not an option and that me and dh agreed on that. It's not that I'm "giving in" and saying I'm OK with it but I'm really not. I am really fine with him not getting it done, and I wish people would just accept that (dis'ers and a few of my IRL friends)

He admittedly knows a vasectomy is much safter than a TL but still is not willing to have one.

Having a vasectomy is a 5 minute procedure. Having a TL is MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY. IMO, it's a no-brainer.

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

I have had a couple of abdominal surgeries, and I will pass onto you the most helpful advise I was given; lay flat as much as possible the first couple of days.

Especially if you start hurting. Most of the pain is from gas, due to how they do the surgery. It can be a "crampy" feeling or it can radiate from the small of your back up to your shoulder blades. Laying flat relieves the gas pressure. Saved me from having to use a lot of pain meds. Worked for me.

Best of luck with your decision. I had a tubal years ago...think hubs should "take one for the team".

Thanks for that, I'll definitely keep it in mind!!

 

[I*heart*MickeyMouse]

He admittedly knows a vasectomy is much safter than a TL but still is not willing to have one.

Having a vasectomy is a 5 minute procedure. Having a TL is MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY. IMO, it's a no-brainer.

A c-section is major abdominal surgery, and I was laid up for a good week and a half. I've been assured to be up and about within a couple of days... it's hardly "major" surgery if I can be up and about in a couple of days, imo.

Why the hell are people so up in arms about ME wanting to get the tubal done over my husband getting the V? I just don't get it. It's not like he's forcing me to get it done against my will... I don't buy the argument "you had the babies let him close the factory" - that's bull. I wonder if the people who are all up in arms are misinformed about what a TL actually entails?

ETA - I have read the following on many, many different websites during my research.

http://women.emedtv.com/laparoscopic-tubal-ligation/recovery-from-tubal-ligation.html

After your tubal ligation, you will likely feel tired and want to rest. However, the next day you should be able to get up and move around. Many patients are able to go to work the day after their tubal ligation, and others may be ready in two to three days; however, everyone's recovery from tubal ligation will differ. -the earliest most doctors will allow you back to work after a c-section is 3 weeks; and driving is not allowed for 1 week after a section.

In any case, you should not participate in any strenuous exercise or heavy lifting for at least a couple of days. You should expect to see your doctor for a follow-up visit about two weeks after laparoscopic surgery. -After the section, I was told to not exercise (I jog and powerwalk) for 4 weeks and to avoid stairs for a week!

Sorry folks, I'm just not seeing the TL as being "major" abdominal surgery. More involved, complicated and risky than a V, sure. Need to be put to sleep, which in and of itself involves risks totally separate from the TL, sure.... But totally not "major" and I gotta wonder if some women are just whimps and don't want to get the tubal done themselves?

 

[SaraJayne]

A c-section is major abdominal surgery, and I was laid up for a good week and a half. I've been assured to be up and about within a couple of days... it's hardly "major" surgery if I can be up and about in a couple of days, imo.

Why the hell are people so up in arms about ME wanting to get the tubal done over my husband getting the V? I just don't get it. It's not like he's forcing me to get it done against my will... I don't buy the argument "you had the babies let him close the factory" - that's bull.

I guess because it's a foreign concept to me that my husband would make me go through major surgery when he himself can have a 5 min outpatient procedure.

He would do anything to prevent me from being in un-necessary pain. YMMV

You are correct ~ it is your body and you are allowed to do what you wish with it.

 

[SaraJayne]

A c-section is major abdominal surgery, and I was laid up for a good week and a half. I've been assured to be up and about within a couple of days... it's hardly "major" surgery if I can be up and about in a couple of days, imo.

Why the hell are people so up in arms about ME wanting to get the tubal done over my husband getting the V? I just don't get it. It's not like he's forcing me to get it done against my will... I don't buy the argument "you had the babies let him close the factory" - that's bull. I wonder if the people who are all up in arms are misinformed about what a TL actually entails?

ETA - I have read the following on many, many different websites during my research.

http://women.emedtv.com/laparoscopic-tubal-ligation/recovery-from-tubal-ligation.html

After your tubal ligation, you will likely feel tired and want to rest. However, the next day you should be able to get up and move around. Many patients are able to go to work the day after their tubal ligation, and others may be ready in two to three days; however, everyone's recovery from tubal ligation will differ. -the earliest most doctors will allow you back to work after a c-section is 3 weeks; and driving is not allowed for 1 week after a section.

In any case, you should not participate in any strenuous exercise or heavy lifting for at least a couple of days. You should expect to see your doctor for a follow-up visit about two weeks after laparoscopic surgery. -After the section, I was told to not exercise (I jog and powerwalk) for 4 weeks and to avoid stairs for a week!

Sorry folks, I'm just not seeing the TL as being "major" abdominal surgery. More involved, complicated and risky than a V, sure. Need to be put to sleep, which in and of itself involves risks totally separate from the TL, sure.... But totally not "major" and I gotta wonder if some women are just whimps and don't want to get the tubal done themselves?

Ahhh, now we're onto insults, are we??