Question for people who have had to put their dog to sleep

[Suzy Mouse]

My friend is going through this right now. She is at work while her husband is with the dog (she feels so quilty about this). Anyway...it hurts me so much to see her like this and I feel the need to do something besides being a shoulder she can cry on.

My question...While you were going through this was there anything that anyone did or said that made you feel a bit better (however possible?)?

Any ideas would be wonderful to hear.
Thank you!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi Suzy. Always sad, always. I know when the days were at an end for our two Huskies years back, the extreme kindness and empathy of the vet and staff was so very supportive. I have also always found the words to Rainbow Bridge to be very comforting. Maybe pass these words on to her, as well as the link at the bottom. for your friend her family.

Dan

<font face="Comic Sans MS">
<h1 align="center"><img hspace="5" src="http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rbowx.gif" width="74" height="37">Rainbow Bridge <img src="http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rbowx.gif" width="74" height="37"></h1>
</font>
<center><p><font size="+1" face="Comic Sans MS">Just this side of heaven is a place
called Rainbow Bridge.<br>
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet
goes to Rainbow Bridge.<br>
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and
play together.<br>
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and
comfortable.<br>
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those
who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember
them in our dreams of days and times gone by.<br>
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss
someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.<br>
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and
looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs
carrying him faster and faster.<br>
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you
cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses
rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once
more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never
absent from your heart.<br>
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....<br>
Author unknown...</font></p></center>

www.petloss.com

 

[Kirby]

Maybe send her a card. They have them now for things like this. Maybe at Hallmark. I've had to put several dogs and cats to sleep and its never easy. Listening to her and being with her is more important than you realize.

 

[eeyoreforever]

I'm so sorry for your friend. I had to have my 13 year old dog put to sleep when I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest dd. I was hysterical-my dh and mom thought I was going to put myself into labor. The only comforting thing for me was the fact that my vet came to my house and did it because my dog used to HATE going to the vet. She would start shaking the minute we walked in. Usually, the dog is pretty bad off to have to be put to sleep, so knowing that they won't be suffering anymore is also a comfort. Tell your friend to remember all the good things about her dog and what a good life she gave to it and that may help some.

 

[DemonLlama]

I second the suggestion of www.petloss.com

She can find a lot of comfort there, and many people who understand what she's going through. I remember when I had to have my 19 year old Siamese put to sleep, there were some really crass people who just didn't get how painful it was, and this site helped me work through the grief. I visited there again when our little dog passed away. The discussion board was a Godsend.

 

[Twinks]

When our Golden retriever was put to sleep, we received a card from the veterinary clinic with a picture of a dog on the front and inside it read............


....Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you.....
I loved you so -
'twas Heaven here with you.

I cried buckets, but it was really appreciated. You could perhaps send a card?

Hope your friend is ok - I know what she is going through.

Twinks

 

[Lewski709]

So sorry. We had to put our dog down 1.5 yrs ago. I am still grieving and the guilt is awful. I wonder if I held off, would she have gotten better. I am tearing up now.

 

[Blondie]

There wasn't a whole lot anyone could do for me, I just needed to grieve in my own way.

A good friend of mine sent me a rather large dish garden the day we put our 10 1/2 y.o. Briar down, and the color of the ceramic dish is grey, just like he was (Weimaraner's have grey coats).

That was back in 1997, and that plant is still thriving! I've never had any plant live this long, they always die out on me!

Anyway, just be there for her with a few comforting words.

 

[luvmydogs]

Had to put to sleep our beloved Boo four years ago this month. Not a day goes by that I still don't think of her. That said, what I found to be the most comforting was when people actually told me how much they cared and understood what a deep loss it was for me. There are some who view dogs (cats, birds, etc...) as "just animals", but those who know me know I feel differently (as do many others). My friends took my grief seriously, and their heartfelt, genuine condolences meant the world to me. I'm very sorry for her loss--so many of us have been there, and understand...

 

[Dopeygirl]

When we had to have our cat put to sleep in 2002, I posted about it here. The overwhelming responses to my thread, the PMs, the private e-mails...they were all so wonderful. Many people sent websites to visit and while I didn't go to them right away, I eventually did. I think the best thing people did for me was to let me know they were thinking about me and reminding me that it IS okay to grieve for a pet. And the good thoughts that came a couple weeks later were great too, as it helped to know that my sadness hadn't been forgotten.

 

[trishy]

The most important thing that has been mentioned already and I believe you already feel that way, is to acknowledge their dog as part of their family - it is a loss of a beloved member of the family. The most hurtful things come from people who think of pets as 'just animals' - or say "You can always get another one". I've carried this column from Ann Landers from way back.... it reminded me of our first fox terrier, Suzy - we had to put her down at 16 yrs. - she's was just in awful shape and we really did wait until it was borderline cruel to make her live in such agony. It's really sad. Here's the poem she printed:

I explained to St. Peter,
I'd rather stay here,
Outside the pearly gate.
I won't be a nuisance,
I won't even bark,
I'll be very patient and wait.
I'll be here, chewing on a celestial bone,
No matter how long you may be.
I'd miss you so much, if I went in alone,
It wouldn't be heaven for me.

 

[Tuffcookie]

When we put our yellow Lab, Buddy down in Oct. of 2000 we were all there with him at the end. There was oldest DS, his fiancee (now wife), youngest DS, and DBF Tom. Oldest DS who is 30 and a banker, insisted on being there when the time came. I thought it was so sweet that he wanted to be there for his Mom. Imagine my surprise to see him just sob! Anyway we were all there when Buddy slipped away peacefully. I think that helped the most, having our family together. I elected to have a private cremation of Buddy's remains. They are in a very simple black box on my chest of drawers. INside the box I put his collar with license and name tag. Next to the box I have a picture of Buddy in happier days. At Christmas I have an ornament with his picture on it that I hang on the tree. A couple friends at work sent cards. (They have a card for everything!) Just be there for your friend and tell her it's alright to cry!

TC

 

[bjgrazi]

When I had to put my Casey to sleep on Christmas Eve 4 years ago, I was heartbroken. I had to go home and host a Party.

My initial thought was how was I going to get through it, well everyone talked about it and were understanding. They let me tell my Casey stories and it helped. Just listen when they want to talk about it.

Only one person wasn't understanding and said oh come on it's only a dog. Yes he was only a dog, but he was ours and he was part of our family we loved him and we miss him, was my response.

Four years later and we still talk about him, his picture still hangs, I've yet to replace him with another dog, although I tried Greyhound forstering.

Just be a friend and listen and be understanding.

 

[justjulie]

Friends of ours made a donation to the Veterinary College in memory of our beloved golden retriever Montana. It touched me deeply that someone would care so much to go that far - she certainly was part of the family in our eyes and knowing that their donation would benefit in veterinary research helped us get through.

 

[Suzy Mouse]

Thank you for your input. I will pass along the website for her which will probably help her with the grieving process.

My friend miscarried about 12 years back. She was walking past a petstore and found him in the window. She said he looked as sad as she instantly purchased him. There is always a tie with a pet but I guess the bond that brought the 2 of them together makes this even more difficult for her.

They had the dog cremated and at first they were going to scatter her ashes. I suggested that she keep some and at first didn't want to. After thinking about it some time she changed her mind. I told her if she feels that this is too difficult she can always do something with the ashes that is meaningful to her.

Thank you again for your help.

 

[DebbieB]

We put our 15 1/2 year old cat to sleep last June and we are still having a hard time. We did have her ashes returned, it helps to know whatever is left of her we have. We put the canister on a shelf with pictures of her from the night we got her and from last Easter, her food dish, a toy and some fur I cut off before we took her to the vet. A little "memorial".

 

[KristiKelly]

We had to have our 13 y/o "Ike" put to sleep, it'll be 2 years in April. It was the hardest thing my dh & I have ever done. We had gotten him on our 1 year "dating" anninversary, we have 2 children 4 & 6, but he was our 1st "baby". We were soooo... emotional that we had to send our kids away for the day. I remember afterwards, I went home & prayed that nothing would ever happen to my kids, I truly don't know if I could take it. I went thru a period of mourning and still miss him terribly. We told our kids (later that day) that he had gone to heaven. What upset me most was my neighbor said,"No, I don't believe animals go to heaven, they just die". Whether they do or not, at that time we all needed to believe that he'd be somewhere playing ball, free of pain.
My dh & I both agreed we'd never put ourselves in that position again, however, we bought our kids a puppy for Christmas this year and the memory of my Ike is still sooo fresh and I'm having a hard time bonding, she really has big shoes to fill.
Anyway, sorry to drag on, I'm now in tears. The best thing to do is be understanding. Owners see their pets everyday of their lives, more than any relatives (besides who lives in the home). Pets are always there and always loving, even on the worst of days they will make you smile. They will fill a house with laughter & love and it seems soooo empty when they are gone. I will be thinking of your friend.

 

[yoopermom]

My dog is really my best friend (don't tell my DH), so I sympathize. I'd suggest a donation in the dog's name to your local animal shelter or breed rescue. The shelter near us has nice name plates on each run labelled "In memory of...".

For you other dog lovers, my favorite Twilight Zone episode is the one where the coon hunter and his hound die together while hunting. When they get to what they think is heaven, the man at the gate won't let the dog in, so the hunter refuses to enter also. You can guess the rest, I'm sure!

Peace to your friend,
Terri
(the crazy hound lady)

 

[Snowysmom]

When we had our dog put to sleep years ago we were devastated. I had a good friend who gave me a hug and sent a card to me. She also would talk with me about Spunky. Also, my vet was a wonderful person. She sympathized with us, sent us a card, and donated money in his name to a veterinary school. We had Spunky cremated and keep his ashes in a wooden container we got from the cremation company. I find it kind of soothing to have him here with us. I still miss him. We do have another westie now and she is nothing like Spunky. She is quite a character in a different way. I love westies!

 

[janette]

This is one of my favorites stories that really seems to put it all into perspective. It is hard to make that final step

Dogs Don't Have Souls, Do They?

I remember bringing you home. You were so small and cuddly with your tiny paws and soft fur.
You bounced around the room with eyes flashing and ears flopping.
Once in a while, you'd let out a little yelp just to let me know this was your territory.
Making a mess of the house and chewing on everything in sight became a passion, and when I scolded you, you just put your head down and looked up at me with those innocent eyes, as if to say, "I'm sorry, but I'll do it again as soon as you're not watching."
As you got older, you protected me by looking out the window and barking at everyone who walked by.
When I had a tough day at work, you would be waiting for me with your tail wagging just to say, "Welcome home. I missed you. "You never had a bad day, and I could always count on you to be there for me.
When I sat down to read the paper and watch TV, you would hop on my lap, looking for attention. You never asked for anything more than for me to pat your head so you could go to sleep with your head over my leg.
As you got older, you moved around more slowly. Then, one day, old age finally took its toll, and you couldn't stand on those wobbly legs anymore. I knelt down and patted you lying there, trying to make you young again. You just looked up at me as if to say you were old and tired and that after all these years of not asking for anything, you had to ask me for one last favor. With tears in my eyes, I drove you one last time to the vet. One last time, you were lying next to me.
For some strange reason, you were able to stand up in the animal hospital, perhaps it was your sense of pride.
As the vet led you away, you stopped for an instant, turned your head and looked at me as if to say, "Thank you for taking care of me.

I thought, "No... thank you for taking care of me."

By Chuck Wells