Question about naming a baby...(long)

[TerriP]

I've got a question I know you DISers can help me with.

My husband and I are discussing names for our first baby (we're very early here...just trying to conceive). He really likes a name that I like too, but there's a history to it and I'm not sure we should use the name...there in lies my question for all of you (still with me???).

We are very close friends with another couple. Angi, the wife in this couple, has a coworker and dear friend who lost her son to SIDS a year and a half ago. He was five months old when he passed. My husband likes the same name this boy had. I like it too, but I'm not sure if it's insensitive to use it. I think it is...he doesn't. The name is uncommon (I'm not even sure how to spell it...so that's why I don't just say what it is) and I don't know anyone else who has it. But I know the minute I tell Angi the name, she'll know where I heard it from...from this little boy.

We don't know this other couple and have only met them once (at our friend's wedding). Do you think it's insensitive to use their son's name? It's not like he's the only person in the world with this name, I know. But it just feels wrong to me.

Any thoughts????

 

[ladycollector]

I think because you dont know this family personally, that it would be fine to name your son this name. It's not like you'll have to introduce your son to them.

sorry so short, just short and sweet.

 

[liznboys]

No, I don't think it would be politically incorrect to use the name. If it was a couple who were directly friends with you, then yes I think it would be very rude. But be prepared for your friend to be surprised, I know I'd be surprised if I were her. Not upset, but just kinda like, "wow, that's interesting they're using THAT name."

That being said... If I were you, I'D feel very funny using the name. I guess I would just always associate it with that poor baby who died a year before my baby was born. Not a pleasant thing to be reminded of...

Good luck!

 

[WeirdEyes]

First, good luck on conceiving on baby. I hope it all works out fast for you. Second, I just don't know. Maybe you should talk to your friend, Angi, and ask her opinion?? If she gives it the thumbs up, see if she'll arrange for you to speak with the mother of the baby that died. I had a friend of mine who lost a baby and then she got pregnant again. She actually named the second baby the same name as the first baby because she loved it so much and wanted the name to continue on. I thought it was strange, but it was her baby. Anyway, talk to your friend Angi. Good luck!

 

[tonyswife]

No matter what name you choose, someone will have an uncle or and old friend or a co-worker, etc... While it's nice to try not to be insensitive, when person dies, even a baby, their name is not permantly off the list of candidates for every other child.

Get a baby book, look the name up and when you tell your friend, "I found this name in the baby name book, did you know it means..."

Final bit of unsolicted advice for ya..

Don't tell everyone what you're going to name the baby until the baby is born even if you have made a final decision. Once you have the baby people are less likely to voice their reasons why they don't like the name you chose. I don't know why people feel the compulsion to do this, but everyone seems to have an opinion or a story.

Good luck!

 

[4greatboys]

I think its okay to use the name since you dont know the family personally. Espcially if its just a first or middle name and not the exact same name.

 

[GoodFairies]

The name is uncommon (I'm not even sure how to spell it...so that's why I don't just say what it is) and I don't know anyone else who has it.

Leaving the whole other part of your question out--why would you name your kid a name you can't even spell? If you can't spell it, he sure won't be able to.

I vote not to use it for that reason.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by ladycollector
I think because you dont know this family personally, that it would be fine to name your son this name. It's not like you'll have to introduce your son to them.

I agree with this. But, to be honest, it sort of makes me cringe that the name is so unusual, you don't even know how to spell it. Call me old fashioned, but I'll take Alex or Liam over [insert weird, difficult to spell name here] any day.


Edited: Heh. Great minds... GoodFairies

 

[bubie2.5]

Since you're not actually friends with the couple, I don't think there's anything wrong with using that name.

 

[Kallison]

If you both like it use it. If I had lost a child I would be honored if someone else liked the name.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I don't think I would do it, I also wouldn't want to name my baby a name I couldn't spell.

 

[CamColt]

I think in general it should be ok, but it would depend on just how different the name is. Like if the only way you ever would have heard of it was through this baby, then maybe its not such a good idea, but if you could have heard it other places, then I dont see a problem. Maybe the name isnt as uinque as you think it is.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by CamColt
I think in general it should be ok, but it would depend on just how different the name is. Like if the only way you ever would have heard of it was through this baby, then maybe its not such a good idea, but if you could have heard it other places, then I dont see a problem. Maybe the name isnt as uinque as you think it is.

I agree with this. If this child is the only other place you've heard this name, I wouldn't do it. Besides, it really is a non-issue right now seeing as you're not pregnant yet and you may not have a boy.

 

[MHopkins2]

Completely OT, but nice tag gymnasticsmom. *snerk*

 

[TerriP]

Originally posted by Beth76
I agree with this. If this child is the only other place you've heard this name, I wouldn't do it. Besides, it really is a non-issue right now seeing as you're not pregnant yet and you may not have a boy.

You're right, Beth...it is a "non-issue" at this point. It was simply a discussion I was having with my DH and wondered what opinions others would have on it. Simply fodder for discussion...nothing more.

I did say the name was "uncommon", I didn't say I'd never heard it before. I would spell it B-O-D-I-E...but I'm not 100% sure that's the correct spelling. Maybe it's B-O-W-D-E...heck, I don't know. Like I said, it was just a discussion we had. And, like every other name these days, I'm sure it can be spelled oodles of different ways.

I think, like liznboys, it would be a reminder to me of this little guy I never knew. Maybe, after time, it would not...but at first it seems like it would. And who would want their child's name to remind them of something so awful??? But DH thought I was being over-sensitive...and I can be, so I just wanted to gauge other's opinions.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to offer your thoughts. Especially to tonyswife...hadn't thought of that point. Once I name him/her, it'd be harder for some to say "What the heck kind of name is that??"...note I said "harder", not "impossible". <lol>

 

[SugarBear]

Jenna Elfman's (Dharma from Dharma and Greg) husband is named Bodie.

 

[Christine]

Every one at the doctor's office, or daycare, or wherever is going to call him "BODY". No kidding.

My son's name is Evan. I can't tell you how many people call him "EVEN".

 

[laurie31]

My dd5 has a classmate named Brodie. That might be a compromise that would eliminate both the problem of using the name of the deceased child and also the mispronounciation. I agree with Christine- I think people are going to be prone to say "body." But I've heard much worse so go for what you like Also...Brodie could be a girl's name too...hmmmm....

Laurie
PS- Good Luck

 

[TerriP]

Originally posted by Christine
Every one at the doctor's office, or daycare, or wherever is going to call him "BODY". No kidding.

Christine!! LMAO....when I first started typing the original post, I typed "Body" because I was thinking it would be spelled like "Cody". Then, when I was proofing the post before I sent it, I read it as body and thought....DUH, that can't be how it's spelled!! So I left the name out. It's too funny that you posted that when that is exactly what I did myself!

ps....thanks, Laurie!!

 

[maps]

my husband and i spent a long time picking out my son's name.

when we finally agreed, i realized it was the same name my friend had chosen for her stillborn son.

i asked her if it would be ok if we chose the same name and she didn't voice any conerns with it (she's the type that is very honest so i knew she was sincere)

i don't really associate his name with the death of the child, either.

don't know if this helps or not