Judique
Dis Veteran, Beach Lover at BWV, BCV, HHI, VB
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2003
- Messages
- 13,198
Good Sunday Morning to all Quackers.
@DisneyMommyMichelle welcome to our thread. Hope you stick around awhile, we are a friendly and really supportive little group. Hope your Halloween fun went well.
@lynxstch Thanks for sharing the pictures of your granddaughters. And, sorry to hear that your daughter-in-law is not getting anywhere with her medical issues.
@footballmouse Hears sending well wishes for wonderful baby shower today. Hopefully you were able to get in enough of a nap that you will be fully awake and be able to take it all in. On a different note, how did the tattoo come out? Sorry if I missed that along the way.
@flyingdumbo127 No advice on the bowls, but hope you are able to get something figured out so you get exactly what you are looking for.
@Pea-n-Me Sending good thoughts your way that you are feeling better.
Here is the update as of today with the kids. The boys are going over to FH's house this AM for a few hours. I struggle because the temporary order (that we had no say in) says I'm to be flexible. I don't want the court to think I am not. I am literally petrified of messing anything up at this point that will prevent me from the final order being in my favor as far as the kids go. FH knows how to push every button of mine and get me to cave. I am working on that. I also have to tell him I messed up on the day for 4-H. (it is next week not today, my daughter had it written down wrong on the calendar), which makes my stomach churn just thinking about it. Any time I have to communicate with him, I get sweaty and my stomach gets in knots. I keep praying that someday that won't be the case. I have little hope we will ever be one of those sets of parents who become "good friends" down the road or even want to have much of a conversation with each other, outside of what we need to regarding the kids, but I do hope that it will settle enough that I don't want to throw up every time I have to talk to him or text him. He is very manipulative and really does not have the ability to think about anyone but himself. Or, if he is thinking about someone else it's only because he is worried about how they will make him look. It has taken me since he told me he wanted the divorce and hours of therapy to admit that he was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids. I know I was not perfect in our marriage (who is?) and I know I could have done many things differently. I was SO very depressed and anxiety filled that in the end it was all I could do to keep it together for the kids. And that is what I poured myself into, the kids. So, while I know I could have done better and I blame myself for so many things, at the end of the day, he chose, several years ago, to start putting effort and energy into another relationship while pretty much ignoring me and the kids. I begged for counseling and he refused. I asked him to go to dr.s appointments with me to more understand depression and he didn't have time. I am still trying to get out of the fog. And, he now wants to be "Disneyland Dad" to show everyone he is a great parent and is more qualified to have the kids more than I do. I am all for all kids, not just mine, having a healthy relationship with both parents, but so many times that is not that case, and it certainly isn't for me. I don't understand why people can say things like (Frog you are so fortunate to be out from that abuse) but then think that it's ok for kids (mine and kids in general who are in these situations) to be forced to be in it still. No, FH (and I am would bet many other parents, moms and dads) wasn't just awful to me, he was awful to the kids, and even when it was directed only to me, the kids saw the behavior and were being taught it's ok to be treated like that or to treat someone like that. He also had the nerve to tell me that the kids should not be in the middle just because he and I are done, and that they should have a say in their lives...um ok, but he tells my daughter she has to get a court order to even take her own items out of her room at his house or that if she doesn't want to come over she also needs a court order, yet when he wants to see them extra says they should get to choose.
Ok, off my soapbox now, my apologies if I offended anyone, I am super sensitive today.
Take care everyone. I think we have a few who are headed to Disney soon?
As you write all this out, it will help you to come to terms with things. At first I saw you as 'still in love' and 'hoping things would change'. Now I see you as recognizing where you've been and working to get to a new place that will be better.
I think you've gotten past a lot of that and are making mature decisions for your future. You still need to vent and a lot of what you say here is an outlet for that.
It will take time to get to a good place, but there's a strength in you that will bring you there. Your children are strong also and will help you get there. No, they shouldn't have to go through this but time will fix that also.