Hello and good evening to all Quackers.
I just wanted to say thanks to all who have chimed in regarding FH's "new" name. It really does fit him so well...the real meaning that is. But Former Husband works well too.
Also wanted to give an update on my oldest going over there this weekend. I got a text from FH this AM telling me that oldest son has been asking to be over there more. And also youngest son has cried the last several times he's been dropped of with me because he wants to be with FH more also. And, can oldest son please go over and help him Sat. and then youngest go visit him on Sunday. Then he sends another one a few minutes later saying youngest daughter also can come of course because she too is always so sad to leave him. UGH. Now mind you I know he could be laying it on as thick as poo in a pig pen, but I still never know how to respond. So, I asked oldest son how he really felt about going over there.I explained to him that he always can and needs to tell me the truth, even if he thinks it will hurt my feelings. I said that his dad tells me one thing and he (my son) tells me another and I have no idea how to respond to his dad or help him (my son) if I don't know the truth. He is really torn in this mess (which I wouldn't expect him not to be, his whole world has been tossed) because he wants to keep everyone happy. He is really angry at his dad and his actions and doesn't like what he has done to him, his siblings, or me, and he knows it's wrong. He also is able to realize his dad and his grandma are liars and only care about themselves. On the other hand his dad is finally giving him attention and responsibilities in the family business that he's always wanted. He is only 11 so getting to feel "grown up" and treated as such is really appealing to him of course. He told me is does want to go for a bit to help out, as he misses helping in the business. So, I texted FH and told him that Saturday won't work and that the boys can come Sunday for a little bit. He then texts and says, "ask oldest if he wants to come on Saturday and then youngest son can come Sunday". I said no, he wants to come on Sunday and Saturday won't work. He doesn't acknowledge what I wrote at all and just keeps pushing until he gets what he wants. I stood firm though. Then I realized that my oldest is supposed to have a 4-H meeting Sunday, so we will have to get that figured out. I am so angry that he also texted that "just because things with you and I are over, it doesn't mean the kids should be in the middle, that they should have some say in their lives". Is he freaking kidding me? He is giving oldest daughter no say in anything. He only says stuff like that when it fits in what he wants out of a situation. So infuriating. I did send the texts to my attorney and am hoping that this act of flexibility on my part will help in him having to let up on oldest daughter. I know I have to walk a fine line with the flexibility, as I don't want it to get out of control, but I don't want my kids to resent me either. SO hard on so many levels.
Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing well. I will try to read and respond more over the weekend.