Purity Balls? Yuck

[ronandannette]

I too was wondering if the boys took a similar vow. After all it takes two to tango.

I grew up around horses. Trying to be delicate here . The term "cover" was used. As in a stallion would cover the mare. And 11 months later a new foal would be born.

I find this quote of the father's promise to be disturbing.

"I ………’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father.

I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and my family as the High Priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come."

I know they may not be using "cover" in the traditional sense that it is used in my area. At least I hope not.

You don't honestly believe the idea is for the Dads to be "claiming" their daughters sexually for themselves do you? Seriously? Let me help you out here with another example: Ever see a bbq grill sitting out on a patio in the winter with a cover over it? The purpose isn't sexual is it? No, it's to protect it from the elements that might be detrimental. FWIW, it's not the church that's obsessed with sex, it's the world.

Wonder what they tell their sons?

Wonder what the rate of not keeping the promised vows are?

Wonder how many girls/teens are taken advantage of due to lack of education?

It's kinda sad that this primitive practice is still alive.

1. "We" tell our sons that they have a high calling to live out the biblical mandates for conduct that they've been given because spiritually they have a great deal of influence over those for whom they are accountable, in this case their wives and children. In context of the discussion about pre-marital sex, the personal responsibility for a boy to exercise self-control is absolutely no different and in fact may be even greater as he often has the power to manipulate and/or coerce.
2. I'd imagine there are as many or more "taken advantage of" because in today's culture they don't realize that to abstain from sexual activity is even a reasonable option?

The concept is disgusting, in my opinion, and deeply, deeply creepy. I agree with the confusion over the obsession that some seem to have with the sex lives of their daughters. If it's about avoiding sin, I am curious about how many also have sloth, greed, wrath, pride, gluttony, and envy vows, rings and balls for their daughters and sons (as well as for themselves, as those are always sins, even once married).

Obsessed with sexual sin? Hardly. But then again, how often does a secular news source report on the biblical teachings of how to handle finances, deal with personal conflict, rightly relate to civil authority, manage your emotions, etc.? I could go on and on about what churches teach regarding all areas of life but that wouldn't be controversial enough would it? Biblically speaking, sexuality stands out as an area in stark contrast to values of the age. Even the headline of the article that began this discussion is dramatic and derisive: "Purity balls...sweeping America..." Really? Not so you'd notice.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

You don't honestly believe the idea is for the Dads to be "claiming" their daughters sexually for themselves do you? Seriously? Let me help you out here with another example: Ever see a bbq grill sitting out on a patio in the winter with a cover over it? The purpose isn't sexual is it? No, it's to protect it from the elements that might be detrimental. FWIW, it's not the church that's obsessed with sex, it's the world. 1. "We" tell our sons that they have a high calling to live out the biblical mandates for conduct that they've been given because spiritually they have a great deal of influence over those for whom they are accountable, in this case their wives and children. In context of the discussion about pre-marital sex, the personal responsibility for a boy to exercise self-control is absolutely no different and in fact may be even greater as he often has the power to manipulate and/or coerce. 2. I'd imagine there are as many or more "taken advantage of" because in today's culture they don't realize that to abstain from sexual activity is even a reasonable option? Obsessed with sexual sin? Hardly. But then again, how often does a secular news source report on the biblical teachings of how to handle finances, deal with personal conflict, rightly relate to civil authority, manage your emotions, etc.? I could go on and on about what churches teach regarding all areas of life but that wouldn't be controversial enough would it? Biblically speaking, sexuality stands out as an area in stark contrast to values of the age. Even the headline of the article that began this discussion is dramatic and derisive: "Purity balls...sweeping America..." Really? Not so you'd notice.

I have no idea why you quoted me and then did nothing to address my questions but just blamed "big, bad secular society." You claim nobody wants to hear about teachings outside of sex but then do nothing to address the areas of equal obsession outside of sex. Seems like an odd and needlessly aggressive stance for you to take while still avoiding the question and harking back to the fixation on the sex lives of others.

I cannot say any more without treading too closely to the line of rules governing this site, so I will no longer try to wash the mud from the eyes of the blind on this subject.

 

[bianca]

I find the purity balls disturbing. However, I am also disturbed by "Daddy/Daughter Date Nights" that I have witnessed many fathers participating in. When did it stop being just "spending time with Dad" and turn into a date? Daddies should be dating their wives ...... Not their daughters. Creepy!

 

[EMode]

Obsessed with sexual sin? Hardly. But then again, how often does a secular news source report on the biblical teachings of how to handle finances, deal with personal conflict, rightly relate to civil authority, manage your emotions, etc.? I could go on and on about what churches teach regarding all areas of life but that wouldn't be controversial enough would it? Biblically speaking, sexuality stands out as an area in stark contrast to values of the age. Even the headline of the article that began this discussion is dramatic and derisive: "Purity balls...sweeping America..." Really? Not so you'd notice.

Are there finance balls, personal conflict balls, civil authority balls, managing emotion balls sweeping America?

 

[ronandannette]

The concept is disgusting, in my opinion, and deeply, deeply creepy. I agree with the confusion over the obsession that some seem to have with the sex lives of their daughters. If it's about avoiding sin, I am curious about how many also have sloth, greed, wrath, pride, gluttony, and envy vows, rings and balls for their daughters and sons (as well as for themselves, as those are always sins, even once married).

I have no idea why you quoted me and then did nothing to address my questions but just blamed "big, bad secular society." You claim nobody wants to hear about teachings outside of sex but then do nothing to address the areas of equal obsession outside of sex. Seems like an odd and needlessly aggressive stance for you to take while still avoiding the question and harking back to the fixation on the sex lives of others.

I cannot say any more without treading too closely to the line of rules governing this site, so I will no longer try to wash the mud from the eyes of the blind on this subject.

Obsessed with sexual sin? Hardly. But then again, how often does a secular news source report on the biblical teachings of how to handle finances, deal with personal conflict, rightly relate to civil authority, manage your emotions, etc.? I could go on and on about what churches teach regarding all areas of life but that wouldn't be controversial enough would it? Biblically speaking, sexuality stands out as an area in stark contrast to values of the age. Even the headline of the article that began this discussion is dramatic and derisive: "Purity balls...sweeping America..." Really? Not so you'd notice.

If the bolded in your first statement was actually a question, then the bolded in my statement is the response. And to be specific, no, there aren't any parties I know of thrown to commend a commitment to withstanding temptation in other areas but hey, I could be wrong. Perhaps those celebrations just haven't "swept" Canada yet.

 

[luvsJack]

I have no idea why you quoted me and then did nothing to address my questions but just blamed "big, bad secular society." You claim nobody wants to hear about teachings outside of sex but then do nothing to address the areas of equal obsession outside of sex. Seems like an odd and needlessly aggressive stance for you to take while still avoiding the question and harking back to the fixation on the sex lives of others.

I cannot say any more without treading too closely to the line of rules governing this site, so I will no longer try to wash the mud from the eyes of the blind on this subject.

Why is that the person with a different belief than you "has mud in their eyes"? Maybe it is YOU that has mud in his eyes?

There is no obsession with sex. There is no fixation with the sex lives of others. There may be for some--the "extreme" but not every Christian that teaches their child abstinence or whose child has made a vow of purity is obsessed with anything.


Going by all those that are "grossed out" and reading way too much in the wording of things (like the comment about "covering"), I have to really question who it is that is obsessed with another's sex life.

 

[luvsJack]

I find the purity balls disturbing. However, I am also disturbed by "Daddy/Daughter Date Nights" that I have witnessed many fathers participating in. When did it stop being just "spending time with Dad" and turn into a date? Daddies should be dating their wives ...... Not their daughters. Creepy!

Its just a name. Like "Daddy/Daughter Dance'. Just a name. It has nothing to do with romance.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Why is that the person with a different belief than you "has mud in their eyes"? Maybe it is YOU that has mud in his eyes? There is no obsession with sex. There is no fixation with the sex lives of others. There may be for some--the "extreme" but not every Christian that teaches their child abstinence or whose child has made a vow of purity is obsessed with anything. Going by all those that are "grossed out" and reading way too much in the wording of things (like the comment about "covering"), I have to really question who it is that is obsessed with another's sex life.

So quick to suggest it's me...How do you know it's not you? Res ipsa loquitur.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

I'm trying to picture how my father would have reacted to this type of thing. He was traditional and thought that people should wait until marriage but it's hard to guess who would have been running away faster, me or him!

My dad was the same way but I think that the concept of the Purity Balls would weird hm out. Also, I wonder do guys have these events? What happens if she doesn't keep the "vows"? Why is there such an importance on a girl's virginity?

 

[luvsJack]

So quick to suggest it's me...How do you know it's not you? Res ipsa loquitur.

Uhmmm, I think you are the one that made the remark of trying to wash the mud out of other's eyes so I do believe that you were being quick to suggest that it is others.

Your remarks do in fact speak for themselves. You seem to have the idea that YOUR opinions are above all and that is, in fact, not true.


The poster you were talking to had a point. When a church service or ceremony makes the news, its not going to be the sermon on "love thy neighbor" or "thou shalt not steal". Those are not controversial, so the news in itself makes it look like there is some kind of obsession with sex when that could not be further from the truth.

 

[alex9179]

Separating the "ball" from the vow:

I think (and this is just my opinion), the problem is not the vow itself. Its when parents assume that when their kid makes this vow "that's the end of it" and they don't have to think about it or talk to their kid or anything.
.

The problem is making this vow a public spectacle. That's the gross part.

A person's sexual choices should go back to being personal. Sheesh, it's like raising a passel of Kim Kardashians. The parents and the kids should talk about it IN PRIVATE.

My niece made a similar vow, which was hooted about by her mother. Crass, anyway, and broken before she left high school. No surprise, there.

 

[luvsJack]

The problem is making this vow a public spectacle. That's the gross part.

A person's sexual choices should go back to being personal. Sheesh, it's like raising a passel of Kim Kardashians. The parents and the kids should talk about it IN PRIVATE.

My niece made a similar vow, which was hooted about by her mother. Crass, anyway, and broken before she left high school. No surprise, there.

Not everyone that makes the vow will break it before high school. I really don't get the assumption that ALL teen-agers will have sex before they leave high school. Its not true.

I don't agree with making this vow a public spectacle and have said that. I was referring to the problem that so many are saying about the vow causing more problems or not working.

 

[pigletgirl]

I think the issue with these balls is that it makes sex a totally taboo topic. I would hope these girls (and boys) would have proper education on sex and that if they ever wanted a question answered they would feel safe doing so. Not talking about it is what I think, makes kids, especially who live in an evangelical home have sex. In our home we would take it one step further and add the religious part into it.

I think it's imperative they understand everything and the consequences. If they choose abstinence good for them. If not, then they should be prepared for all situations (parenthood, infection, broken heart/depression)...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I get the concept of remaining chaste until marriage but pledging your father as your boyfriend is well, creepy beyond all reason?

That being said to each his own. If that is your set of values within your group and is important to you then it is what it is.

I am an atheist and do not care if my dd's marry or not marry. Living together is fine with me.

 

[luvsJack]

I think the issue with these balls is that it makes sex a totally taboo topic. I would hope these girls (and boys) would have proper education on sex and that if they ever wanted a question answered they would feel safe doing so. Not talking about it is what I think, makes kids, especially who live in an evangelical home have sex. In our home we would take it one step further and add the religious part into it.

I think it's imperative they understand everything and the consequences. If they choose abstinence good for them. If not, then they should be prepared for all situations (parenthood, infection, broken heart/depression)...

This is exactly what I think. It should never be taboo and they do need the same talks and education as any other teen.

 

[TLSnell1981]

There's nothing wrong with being chaste, or encouraging young people to remain so, until marriage. Jmo

 

[aprilgail2]

I get the concept of remaining chaste until marriage but pledging your father as your boyfriend is well, creepy beyond all reason? That being said to each his own. If that is your set of values within your group and is important to you then it is what it is. I am an atheist and do not care if my dd's marry or not marry. Living together is fine with me.

The whole daddy thing is what creeps it out. I am not into the chaste thing before marriage either- its sort of like test driving a car- you need to make sure its a good fit. Ive have had a lousy lover or two and couldnt imagine being stuck for life with that. Some people you are attracted to mentally but then physically it os just not there.

 

[Leslieloody]

The whole daddy thing is what creeps it out. I am not into the chaste thing before marriage either- its sort of like test driving a car- you need to make sure its a good fit. Ive have had a lousy lover or two and couldnt imagine being stuck for life with that. Some people you are attracted to mentally but then physically it os just not there.

I've come up with this little saying years ago. And anyone is welcome to use it. "It's like trying on shoes, you don't buy the first pair without trying on others."

 

[Jennasis]

Blech.

 

[ebtbmom]

I think the issue with these balls is that it makes sex a totally taboo topic. I would hope these girls (and boys) would have proper education on sex and that if they ever wanted a question answered they would feel safe doing so. Not talking about it is what I think, makes kids, especially who live in an evangelical home have sex. In our home we would take it one step further and add the religious part into it.

I think it's imperative they understand everything and the consequences. If they choose abstinence good for them. If not, then they should be prepared for all situations (parenthood, infection, broken heart/depression)...

I agree with you, at least in my personal experience. I was raised evangelical and my mom assumed since she told me sex was a sin and don't do it that I wouldn't! The result was that once I wanted to of course I did but I was in no way comfortable talking to her about birth control. She is super controlling and there was basically no way I could come home (from college) and see my ob-gyn without her knowing because she had to know where I was going every time i left the house. So I wasn't as careful as I should have been and had DS my junior year of college.

What's funny is that someone had told me about planned parenthood shortly before I got pregnant. I went, got bcp, and they told me to start them after my next cycle, which didn't come for about 10 months!