Punishment for inappropriate computer use?

[Pluto 2]

if a 13 year old boy is not looking for porn on the internet, there is probaly a good chance that something is wrong with him. i havent read all the replies but im sure there is parents here saying my boy doesnt look at porn. ya right.the kid needs to learn how to cover it up.

 

[NHdisneylover]

you don't understand what I am saying so don't worry about it.

Clearly I don't--that is why I asked for clarification if you are sick of clarifying for me that is fine though

 

[cteddiesgirl]

You do know that there are internet settings where you can set them so he can't go to the sites right? Wake up. I think it's your fault as well as his fault for all of this. You should have been watching what your child does on the interent. Have you ever seen how to catch a predator?

You do know that most of those programs can be gotten around by most computer savvy kids? Those programs also aren't all completely fool proof either. They do tend to work on a blocking words based program.
I've set my search engine to the highest filtering setting and typed in the simple word "nail" and seen some utterly disgusting things that made me want to barf.

 

[donalduck]

You do know that most of those programs can be gotten around by most computer savvy kids? Those programs also aren't all completely fool proof either. They do tend to work on a blocking words based program.
I've set my search engine to the highest filtering setting and typed in the simple word "nail" and seen some utterly disgusting things that made me want to barf.

If you buy a good program it will block everything.

 

[NotUrsula]

If you buy a good program it will block everything.

No, it won't, as any corporate IT manager can tell you.

 

[donalduck]

No, it won't, as any corporate IT manager can tell you.

yes your right and I am wrong thats fine.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

If you buy a good program it will block everything.

No, it won't, as any corporate IT manager can tell you.

Precisely. There are still ways around these programs. No program is completely infallible as they are all created by humans.
Also, even if you have this "miracle" program on your computers, it doesn't mean that everyone else does too. If a child doesn't want to try to get around these programs at home, many times they can just go to their friends or other relatives houses which may not have one of these nanny programs.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

As an extremely techy father of elementary school aged boys, I've been thinking about this subject. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do. I certainly won't rely on a "Net Nannie" except possibly as a way to encourage the kids to learn to solve technical problems.

My current approach is to have the kids computers (desktops, not laptops) in a public location. We converted our dining room into a kid's computer room with computers for both of them and for four additional friends. It's a great place for playing games, but it would be an awkward location for kids to peruse privately. I suspect that will limit the time they spend doing that.

Beyond that, I think I'll quietly monitor where they go, how much time they spend there, and what they look at. As long as they stay with vanilla stuff and don't spend too much time on it, I'll just look the other way. If they start straying into what I consider unhealthy territory, I'll deal with that. My end goal is to allow some experimentation, but not to let it become an obsession and not to let it turn into a fetish for unhealthy fantasies. As for getting viruses, well, they'll have to learn to rebuild their own PCs. I'll probably also have to isolate their PCs to limit internal spreading behind the firewall.

The thing that baffles me is how these kids are getting caught so easily. This stuff is so common and accesible that there is no need for someone worried about getting caught to store it locally. Just about every browser today has a private browsing mode, so it should be very easy to surf without leaving a trail. I am assuming that I'm going to have to log activity on my router rather than just check their browser history. If they are that careless, I'll definitely have a talk with them. I can accept a certain amount of teenage curiousity, but I won't put up with technical incompetence.

 

[okeydokey]

if a 13 year old boy is not looking for porn on the internet, there is probaly a good chance that something is wrong with him. i havent read all the replies but im sure there is parents here saying my boy doesnt look at porn. ya right.the kid needs to learn how to cover it up.

I have to disagree here. Some kids are shy of their bodies and of others and wouldn't have an interest at this age. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with them.

Heck I asked my 10 year old if he had heard the term "having sex", he said he did but didn't know what it was, and I asked if he wanted me or his Dad to explain what that was. His answer was, No, I'm good. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with him.

 

[LisaR]

Question for those that favor monitoring your child on the computer (which I do and I am not against). I would just be curious what your rules are? I think some of you are talking about younger kids so there is presumably always an adult home with them. What happens when you have a 14 y/o and that child is left alone while you work, shop, go out to a movie, etc? Do you disable the internet before you leave? Do you ban him/her from anything that could get them into a compromising situation? No texting, talking on the phone, watching TV since the content might be questionable, using something like an itouch or cell that can link up with WiFi? I am really just curious how far some of you go. It is all well and good to say that you monitor them but I am not with my son 24/7. I do my absolute best but like someone else mentioned, all they need to do is ride around the neighborhood and find an unsecured network and they are good to go.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Question for those that favor monitoring your child on the computer (which I do and I am not against). I would just be curious what your rules are? I think some of you are talking about younger kids so there is presumably always an adult home with them. What happens when you have a 14 y/o and that child is left alone while you work, shop, go out to a movie, etc? Do you disable the internet before you leave? Do you ban him/her from anything that could get them into a compromising situation? No texting, talking on the phone, watching TV since the content might be questionable, using something like an itouch or cell that can link up with WiFi? I am really just curious how far some of you go. It is all well and good to say that you monitor them but I am not with my son 24/7. I do my absolute best but like someone else mentioned, all they need to do is ride around the neighborhood and find an unsecured network and they are good to go.

I don't have my own children, but, there are tv's that are capable of programming what types of shows can be viewed on them. Same with dvd players. I'm not sure, but I think so cable boxes have the capability too.

 

[iwrbnd]

This stuff can happen to the best of parents so don't beat yourself up!

I had something happen one year that me and my friends still laugh about but it was horrifying at the time. My teen boys played an online war game my DH had bought (can't remember the name) with friends from school. The parent websites had even rated it okay! Well, there are sprays that come out of the gun which are all fine and no problem. Weeellll, computer savvy players downloaded their own sprays that were, you guessed it, porn! We had our computer in the living room and never noticed it because my boys would move their character into another room.

So, fast forward to my youngest son's 8th birthday party. I was getting the cake ready and they were watching my teen boys play this game and unknowingly to me watching porn! One boy told his parents which is how I find out! I had to call all the parents (luckily they were all my friends) and tell them their kids saw porn at my son's birthday party!!!Can you even imagine that? It was awful!

We laugh now whenever my son (now 11) has a birthday. The same boys come to his party and as I'm telling the parents the itinerary I always add "I think I'll skip the porn this year if that's okay with you!" We get a good laugh now!

The consequence was no more of that game. My boys tried to explain that the sprays can be blocked but because they waited until they got caught they were still banned from the game forever!

 

[FireDancer]

If you buy a good program it will block everything.

No, it won't, as any corporate IT manager can tell you.

I am a corporate IT manager and you are right, there is always a way around anything. That being said there are ways you can make it almost impossible to beat for even a computer savvy kid or adult. I've set up some home networks that are as locked down as our corporate network using enterprise class or near-enterprise class equipment. Something might get through but every bit that enters the network is logged and can be reviewed later. Your child may find a site that beats the filter but you can see that hours later for yourself if you want. Kids also have to have their own user accounts with restricted rights (can't set up proxies if you don't have the rights to change it).

But, as I pointed out earlier, even if all of this is done at home your kids can go over to any open WiFi hotspot or to a friend's house that has no filtering or supervision and see anything they want so relying on any network filter alone is not really effective.

 

[LisaR]

I don't have my own children, but, there are tv's that are capable of programming what types of shows can be viewed on them. Same with dvd players. I'm not sure, but I think so cable boxes have the capability too.

I know those things exist. My question is do parents go to those extremes? If you have an old TV, do you buy a new one so you can block things from your teen when they are alone?
It is easy enough for some to say that parents need to monitor everything that their kid does but I am curious if some really block things, stop their kid from riding around the neighborhood with anything that is WiFi capable, not allow Johnny to go to a friend's house because their computer & TV aren't looked down, etc. It is very easy to say that they must be monitored. It is much harder to pull off 24/7 especially when your kid is a teen. And if you do go to all of those extremes, my guess is you would be labeled a helicopter parent.

 

[NotUrsula]

I've set up some home networks that are as locked down as our corporate network using enterprise class or near-enterprise class equipment.

But can you do the same with ordinary consumer home-grade equipment? Not at all easily. That was my point -- it always makes me uneasy when I encounter a parent who thinks that ordinary nanny software (even the best nanny software) is really effective for this purpose, because it isn't. To get really hard to crack protection you have to build it into the network, and very few parents have the expertise (or want to spend the money) to do that. ... Because, as you pointed out, what is the point when the average kid will just go looking for an easier place to surf.

I work in a place that has a lot of legitimate business contact with China. For this reason our network is locked down hard because we also have Federal contracts, but the porn is a CONSTANT battle. Very few setups are equipped to filter sites where all the tags are Pinyin.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

I know those things exist. My question is do parents go to those extremes? If you have an old TV, do you buy a new one so you can block things from your teen when they are alone?
It is easy enough for some to say that parents need to monitor everything that their kid does but I am curious if some really block things, stop their kid from riding around the neighborhood with anything that is WiFi capable, not allow Johnny to go to a friend's house because their computer & TV aren't looked down, etc. It is very easy to say that they must be monitored. It is much harder to pull off 24/7 especially when your kid is a teen. And if you do go to all of those extremes, my guess is you would be labeled a helicopter parent.

I do have kids (my Godchildren) that come over and play on my computer and use my tv (with cable and dvd player). But I don't have anything locked down as I'm always around when they are using those items, so there's very little chance of anyone taking a peek at something inappropriate.
Although really, only the oldest (13.5 yo boy) would possibly be interested in anything sex related anyway. The middle child (10) is shy about her own body and the youngest just finished kindergarten.

 

[Jaimee]

I'm so happy I saw this thread. I just went through this with my own DS 12. He didn't clear his history on his laptop and I saw he searched for not only "real" ones but silicone lol! We had a long talk, didn't yell at all, but I explained I was concerned and asked him how many women he's encountered in his life that actually look anything like what he saw online. I wanted to stress that I understand he's curious, but I'm not happy about the way he went about it. I'm a single mom, so even though we're very close I know I'm not the person he'll want to ask about sex beyond the basic talks we've had in the past. I talked to my friends husband who he's very close to and asked that he answer any questions that come up openly if he feels comfortable (which he was ok with).

I took away his laptop for a month and installed a program that doesn't seem to be working too well (I've tested it out..). So I'm not sure what will happen from here. He's away at camp this week, but will get the computer back when he returns. I'd actually rather he was looking at a magazine, it's not nearly as graphic as the stuff online. I know it's totally normal, just hard to think about my "baby" looking at it. It seems not too long ago he was into Toy Story

 

[15isto2]

I love the t-shirt idea
How about having him stand at the junction of a busy road holding a plackard with:
"I got caught looking at porn" or "I look at granny porn"

As a sensible suggestion make him apologise to his grandmother, that should be embarrasing enough