Promise rings, what do they mean?

[wishesuponastar]

DD19 received one recently from her boyfriend of 2 years. I think it means that the boyfriend is interested in marrying her someday. My DH feels that its a way for the boyfriend to control daughter who went to collegE. My DH would like to see daughter expand her friendships at college, do things with her peers instead of having boyfriend come to the college 3hours away To spend some weekends with her. Maybe its just a Dad thing that he is worrying about daughter?

 

[kimblebee]

I always thought it meant you would get engaged one day, just not yet..

maybe it's the same as pre-engaged

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think I'd want my daughter to be wearing any ring at 19 and away at college. Dd19 broke up with her boyfriend of almost 3 years halfway through her freshman year (although dated him his whole freshman year), and ds18's girlfriend of 2 years dumped him at the end of this school year.

I don't think anyone should be promised to anyone at 19.

 

[gemini2727]

Is it a promise to be engaged someday? It seems silly to me, I wouldn't want my daughter promising anything like that until she is actually ready to be engaged.

 

[Marchand63]

I always thought it meant you would get engaged one day, just not yet..

maybe it's the same as pre-engaged

OMG!! Not pre-engaged

Promise rings are not a thing around here.

 

[Kae]

DD19 received one recently from her boyfriend of 2 years. I think it means that the boyfriend is interested in marrying her someday. My DH feels that its a way for the boyfriend to control daughter who went to collegE. My DH would like to see daughter expand her friendships at college, do things with her peers instead of having boyfriend come to the college 3hours away To spend some weekends with her. Maybe its just a Dad thing that he is worrying about daughter?

Is the boyfriend the way that your DH sees it?

 

[wishesuponastar]

Is the boyfriend the way that your DH sees it?

I don't understand your question? Are you asking is what I typed about what my DH thinks of the boyfriend being controlling? Yes, my DH thinks he is being controlling.

 

[Kae]

I don't understand your question? Are you asking is what I typed about what my DH thinks of the boyfriend being controlling? Yes, my DH thinks he is being controlling.

I'm asking you, do you think the BF is controlling?

 

[seigyoku]

The way I've read it (and how it was applied to me at the time) was a promise to ask you to marry in the future. I got one midway through college. Of course, said BF was emotionally abusive and we had a terrible co-dependent relationship, and I broke it off half-way through senior year and he said I could keep the ring.

Less than a month later, during a drinking session with friends (or so I'm told, I had friends who were dating these friends) he had this "epiphany" that I had been cheating on him for YEARS, so he snapped, turned into a complete stalker, destroyed a window at a friend's house while ranting about me, would call for hours on end, leaving terrifying messages on my machine, and demanding the ring back. More than once he stood bellow the balcony of my apt while I had all the lights off and yelled for hours demanding the ring. I finally sent it back to him through my then boss.

So yeah. Promise rings. Of course, I've not gotten any promise or engagement rings again. *sigh*

 

[wishesuponastar]

I'm asking you, do you think the BF is controlling?

I didn't really feel BF is controlling until my DH mentioned his opinion and maybe the BF is? I don't like the idea now that I see that a promise ring is promising yourself to someone to marry them at 19.

 

[wishesuponastar]

The way I've read it (and how it was applied to me at the time) was a promise to ask you to marry in the future. I got one midway through college. Of course, said BF was emotionally abusive and we had a terrible co-dependent relationship, and I broke it off half-way through senior year and he said I could keep the ring.

Less than a month later, during a drinking session with friends (or so I'm told, I had friends who were dating these friends) he had this "epiphany" that I had been cheating on him for YEARS, so he snapped, turned into a complete stalker, destroyed a window at a friend's house while ranting about me, would call for hours on end, leaving terrifying messages on my machine, and demanding the ring back. More than once he stood bellow the balcony of my apt while I had all the lights off and yelled for hours demanding the ring. I finally sent it back to him through my then boss.

So yeah. Promise rings. Of course, I've not gotten any promise or engagement rings again. *sigh*

Oh, boy that didn't go too well for you, sorry.

 

[hereyago]

Just another way for jewelry companies to make money,lol.


A promise ring is a way of promising they may want to marry you one day, it used to be a thing when I was in high school in the 80's

 

[wilkeliza]

Promise rings where I grew up meant we are too young to make this official so I promise once we are old enough we'll get engaged and you promise you'll "save" yourself for me. It was like something high schoolers did.

Also weirdly dad's would give their daughters (and in some circles sons) promise rings when they made a promise for virginity in front of their church as pre-teens. It always weirded me out to promise your dad that you wouldn't have sex because G-d says not to and you'll get a pretty ring out of it to wear on your wedding ring or engagement ring finger. Again mostly girls were pressured into this but sometimes boys would do it too.

 

[Marchand63]

The way I've read it (and how it was applied to me at the time) was a promise to ask you to marry in the future. I got one midway through college. Of course, said BF was emotionally abusive and we had a terrible co-dependent relationship, and I broke it off half-way through senior year and he said I could keep the ring.

Less than a month later, during a drinking session with friends (or so I'm told, I had friends who were dating these friends) he had this "epiphany" that I had been cheating on him for YEARS, so he snapped, turned into a complete stalker, destroyed a window at a friend's house while ranting about me, would call for hours on end, leaving terrifying messages on my machine, and demanding the ring back. More than once he stood bellow the balcony of my apt while I had all the lights off and yelled for hours demanding the ring. I finally sent it back to him through my then boss.

So yeah. Promise rings. Of course, I've not gotten any promise or engagement rings again. *sigh*

I think I married your xBF, my xH now!!

 

[Chelley00]

Our son gave his girlfriend one. They've been friends since freshman s year of high school and have been dating for 4 years. They are planning on getting married after college graduation but aren't engaged yet because he can't really afford an engagement ring (poor college kid) and they are too busy for a wedding. Promise rings are much cheaper. She loves it and loves that it keeps guys from hitting on her where she works as a waitress.

It's not to control her. She can take it off any time she wants. It's just a sign of commitment I think.

 

[Stacy's a freak]

This sounds like a controlling thing for the boyfriend to do. If these two are truly in love and plan to marry someday, there is no real reason to do a pre-engagement promise ring unless the boyfriend worries that your DD is attracting other guys. The rings seems like more of a symbol to tell others that she is taken. The boyfriend must have some trust issues.

 

[RitaE]

I got one. In High School.

It replaced the Honkin' Big Class Ring I wore with fuzzy yarn wrapped around it.

 

[Hikergirl]

This sounds like a controlling thing for the boyfriend to do. If these two are truly in love and plan to marry someday, there is no real reason to do a pre-engagement promise ring unless the boyfriend worries that your DD is attracting other guys. The rings seems like more of a symbol to tell others that she is taken. The boyfriend must have some trust issues.

That is how I see it too.
I agree with your dh, so its not just a dad thing. I would be really disappointed if my dd was wearing a promise ring now. I really like her boyfriend but I don't want her marrying him, even years down the road.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

DD19 received one recently from her boyfriend of 2 years. I think it means that the boyfriend is interested in marrying her someday. My DH feels that its a way for the boyfriend to control daughter who went to collegE. My DH would like to see daughter expand her friendships at college, do things with her peers instead of having boyfriend come to the college 3hours away To spend some weekends with her. Maybe its just a Dad thing that he is worrying about daughter?

The absolute best advice I ever got on rings was this: "Promise rings mean absolutely nothing. What are you doing? Making a promise to someday make a promise? When you're ready to make the real commitment, make it an engagement ring. And if money is the issue, there's no need to buy $5,000 engagement rings. No. Any girl worth having won't need you to break the bank."

 

[wishesuponastar]

In case it matters, when daughter got the ring she exclaimed "its not an engagement ring!". She also doesn't wear it on the left hand ring finger.