Prom Weekend

[donac]

I too am a teacher and am always amazed at how many kids go to shore for Prom Weekend.

Ds1 never asked because he knew that his then gf's mother would never allow it.

Ds2 came to us with several of his friends and asked to go camping near Cape May. The only way we would allow this is if it was chaperoned. So dh, another father and a mother went and supervised. They did not sit with them all the time but they made sure that there was no problem at the campsite. This was a good group of kids including a number of the top students of the school. But anything could happen when there is a large crowd. They were not near the crazy boardwalk so that really helped alot. Too many people at the hotels near the boardwalks.

I keep telling my students that it is a Prom not a Prom Weekend.

Good luck

 

[disykat]

I'm not on board with the "she's almost an adult, let her go" theories. !

Me either. If my children use bad judgement when they leave home for college, so be it. That doesn't mean I'm going to give permission for them to go on unsupervised "party" weekends before then. Since the day they were born, I've been training my children for adulthood and expecting more and more independence from them so they'll be ready to leave the nest. I'm not saying "close enough" and pushing them out early on what is often seen as the biggest "party" occasion of their entire life!

 

[kacaju]

I'm in NE NJ, so maybe that's it - it seems like everyone goes! And I've never heard of parents tagging along.

my best friends parents had a house in Seaside when we were growing up. They were ALWAYS at the house with her and her sister prom weekend.
Her and her sisters were allowed to have a few friends go with them. We were on our own all day, but *mom and dad were always around*

 

[mjkacmom]

my best friends parents had a house in Seaside when we were growing up. They were ALWAYS at the house with her and her sister prom weekend.
Her and her sisters were allowed to have a few friends go with them. We were on our own all day, but *mom and dad were always around*

Well, of course they were around - they had a house there! However, it would be weird for parents to rent a hotel room or condo, or be in the house with the kids. Once you are graduating from HS, and 18, you are an adult. Anyone who thinks the college dorms are a secure, policed environment has not gone away to college. Not to mention parties on and off campus. Those weekends in 11th and 12th grade down the shore with my gf's are some of my favorite memories - how silly were we! Good clean fun!

 

[My5Mouseketeers]

Note: Just wanted to add it is not that I don't trust DD or even her friends, she will travel to Germany this summer as part of a student exchange program, I really don't trust the other 2000 kids who converge onto Wildwood Beach the first 3 weekends of May. Yes, I know she is off to college in the fall, but dorms are supervised, there will be security on campus and there are emergency call boxes everywhere.

I have to agree that it is the other kids that would scare me! I grew up/still live near the shore. Prom weekends on the shore have been the norm for years. I would trust my DD and her friends, but what about the hundreds of kids that find out they have a house and come to visit? I think that with all the publicity from that "Jersey Shore" show (which from what I understand is really about NYers (not judgemental, just a fact?), the police are going to be really tough on house parties this year. Do you think your DDs friends would be the ones to tell everyone they have a house and come visit?

Sandy

 

[disneyandme]

I'm not sure I buy into the reasoning that it's the norm so why not let them go. It's the norm in a lot of areas for kids to drink and try drugs- so, would you let them do it in your home and go to do it in others homes with your permission since everyone is doing it?

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm not sure I buy into the reasoning that it's the norm so why not let them go. It's the norm in a lot of areas for kids to drink and try drugs- so, would you let them do it in your home and go to do it in others homes with your permission since everyone is doing it?

That's illegal. However, if my 18 year old was in a country where the legal drinking age was 18, I'd allow him/her to drink. And if my child rented a house with a bunch of other teenagers, and things got out of hand, and the police were called, and they had to pay for damages, lesson learned. Too bad this didn't happen to my DH - maybe if it had, he wouldn't have thrown the dorm party freshman year and college, and wouldn't have been kicked off campus!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

My daughter would not be going, but I am very protective of my children.

 

[kim_o]

I'm curious how they do it Prom weekend? Isn't prom on Saturday and doesn't the school have an all night party after it? so when do they go to the shore?

I have a DD 18 and as long as school was pretty much in the bag I would let her go. By this time in your child's life you either trust them or you don't and if you don't it is pretty much too late. You have had your time to teach them how to handle themselves in situations and now is when that comes into play. this is why it is important to start giving them some independence and decision making power early on.


In a few short months she will be able to go away for the weekend without you even knowing it if she doesn't want you to.

Prom was on a Friday. Seniors got a half day to have time to go get ready. There was no school sponsored after prom party. So generally, after prom, you went home and got your stuff and drove to the your destination for prom weekend and returned on Sunday afternoon.

 

[Hannathy]

Prom was on a Friday. Seniors got a half day to have time to go get ready. There was no school sponsored after prom party. So generally, after prom, you went home and got your stuff and drove to the your destination for prom weekend and returned on Sunday afternoon.

Ok Thanks! That makes sense. Around here Prom is on a Saturday and then all three Highschools come together for an after prom that runs all night then the kids all go get breakfast.

Graduation weekend seems to be the bigger weekend to go away here. Of course we don't have the shore to go to, unfortunately, I would die for some boardwalk junk food about now!-Lived in the Philly/Bucks Co area for 15 yrs.

 

[DCbride]

Prom is on a Friday, some kids want to leave Friday after Prom others on Saturday. There are 12 in the group, co-ed but only 1 couple. The whole house thing has been a huge mess (what did we do before Facebook? how did so many kids argue all at the same time?) at this point DD isn't sure if she wants to go anyway. "Mom, if there is so much drama just finding the place just think about how much drama will happen over the weekend?" I have been very impressed with the way she has handled the situation.

When we graduated we just went to Great Adventure the next day. Now most of the kids have had a season pass since elementary school so it isn't a big deal.

And I agree with the post about the weekend should be about "Prom" isn't that why we bought the dress, scheduled hair, limo, paid for tickets, etc? Not about what is happening the next day. It almost feels like a mini-wedding with a mini- honeymoon for some kids/parents.

She and her friends still looking for alternatives, it's funny the girls are the ones allowed to go and the boys seem to be the ones with the parents who are not going for it.

 

[Seijaku]

I know the drinking age and different laws in America make the situation different but even though I go to a private school I know for a fact that nearly all of the people aged 15 or above have been to a party with alcohol. The difference is that the people who are sensible at school are still sensible even if they do drink, they normally don't do it with the intention of getting drunk. I think that half the problem with parties getting out of hand in America is that the drinking age is too high. In Germany the drinking age is 16 and when I went on an exchange there, I didn't see any problems with teenagers being drunk and the cities were save at 11pm. Drinking alcohol isn't considered 'the cool thing to do' but just something to drink while eating.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I think it really depends on your DD. If she's not easily swayed by peer pressure, and hangs out with a respectable crowd, I would let her go, but with conditions (the "don't do anything dumb" clause). If she's on the partier side and has questionable pics up on her facebook... NO WAY. It sounds like she's a good girl since you're on board with the Germany trip, and you seem OK with her going to college, I think you're safe on this one.

I took college classes in NYC one summer when I was 16, and I just explored the city, and shopped. I was pretty bland, really, and I think my mom knew that!

 

[Traveliz]

But in a few very short months they will be going away for a year without parental supervision so they either know how to conduct themselves or they don't.

You have to draw a line somewhere - a few very short months is still a few months away. Otherwise why not the year before...lots of their friends are probably that age and they are mature for their age blah blah or even why not freshman year - they really need to start taking responsibility for their decisions -- let's start then.

I guess it's hard for me to comprehend because we don't have a Jersey Shore type thing where I live so I don't understand the culture but I do understand that you have to draw a line somewhere.

Liz

 

[msmayor]

My daughter went with a group of her friends to a rented shore house after prom last year, but I made sure an adult was there at the house.

The mother who was arranging everything had mentioned that her 24 year old daughter was going to 'chaperone' them, but I raised a few issues with her that she hadn't considered.

1) Prom day was a school day, and the kids all wanted to head to the shore after the prom. Driving at 1am on desolate Rte 72 in NJ after being up since 6:30am in the morning?? Not a good idea.

2) Are there enough "legal" drivers? In NJ, teens under the age of 18 have "Cinderella" licenses. They can't even drive after midnight...and are severely restricted on the number/relationship of people they can have as passengers.

That was all the organizing mom needed to hear...she had forgotten about those things.

What she ended up doing was arranging all the transportation there between her, her husband and her 24-year old daughter. They drove all the kids in separate cars since they were well-rested. The husband came back home, and left the Mom and her older daughter there. The Mom said she told the kids she would be there...but would not be "there". She spent her weekend lounging on the deck or in her separate room watching TV.

Ultimately, the kids had a GREAT weekend and it all worked out well. I felt better because I knew they had a safe ride to/from the shore and an adult there in case of an emergency.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I am from Northern NJ and did this after prom (about 14 years ago).

We (both boys and girls, a majority of my high school class), rented out motel rooms in Seaside Heights (I think I stayed at the Candlelight Inn?) for the weekend.

Prom was Friday night, we did big group sleepovers Friday night post-prom at a few houses in town and then bright and early Saturday AM got up and headed down the shore until Monday.

I would say about 70% of my class went down to Seaside.

No parents accompanied us. We were all 17 or 18 years old, had driver's liscences and were heading to College in the Fall anyway. No need for chaperones.

 

[disneyandme]

And my follow up would be- what happened in Seaside while you were there?

 

[deerhart]

If she's 18, even if she tells her she can't go, she can't stop the daughter from going

Now mom may not let her have the car and may lock the door when she comes back, but she can't prevent her from going. You lose all that power on that birthday (and in some states you lose it at 17)

 

[disykat]

If she's 18, even if she tells her she can't go, she can't stop the daughter from going

Now mom may not let her have the car and may lock the door when she comes back, but she can't prevent her from going. You lose all that power on that birthday (and in some states you lose it at 17)

That's baloney. If you have a child who is willing to risk losing their place to live and their family support over a weekend with their friends, you've got a pretty big problem. If you are a parent who refuses to parent a child once they reach 18 for fear of losing them, I see that as a problem as well. That's way bigger than a Prom dilema.

My child is currently 17. He'll be 18 well before his high school graduation. There's no way he would risk alienating me that badly over a party with his friends. I like to think he values me and I KNOW he values my money. I have confidence that we could sit down and try to compromise on a way he could have fun with his friends in a way that would be legal, safe, and something that I could live with.

My 14 year old would be a tougher sell, but if he hasn't matured a bit by them, again, I'll have more than a Prom dilema on my hands.

I don't want to be a confused parent being interviewed on television claiming I didn't know my kids were going to be partying on the Prom trip I gave them permission to attend.

 

[Hannathy]

And my follow up would be- what happened in Seaside while you were there?

Nothing that couldn't have happened in town!!!! (home)

But I bet they had a great time that will be remembered fondly all their life.