Preschool expectations/3 year old

[justhat]

My daughter is 3.5yo and in preschool 5 days a week and has had this issue come up over the past 2 weeks. Her teacher gave her an activity to do and she refused to do it. She's got exceptionally strong will too, so 'winning' is hard with her. We say things just like suggested on the 1st page, like "If you're too small to get your socks on yourself, then you're too small to play with the Sleeping Beauty dress up doll," and she just sits there. She would actually rather have her stuff taken away than give in. It's insane.

So I have no suggestions for you, just empathy.

Oh, and I think 5 days a week preschool is the way to go for most kids. At the risk of being flamed for this, like I have been in the past, my daughter's school starts at 18 months old, 5 days a week, 3 hours a day. No 2 or 3 day a week option. They used to do 2, 3 or 5 days a week for 18-36 months, but they found that the kids who came 2 or 3 days a week took much longer to adjust to school, had rough transitions on the first day each week (they did consecutive days, so MTW, then ThF), etc. So a few years ago they changed it to 5 days a week only and they've had much better results. My daughter started at 18 months going 5 days a week and was fine with it. And I saw the same with her camp. Kids could come 2-5 days a week and the ones who went only 2 or 3 days cried at drop off much more frequently than the full week kids.

I'm not putting down programs that aren't 5 days a week. I think they're great and initally wanted my daughter in only 3 days a week when she started 2 years ago. Just saying that 5 day programs are fine for kids too, and I am pretty sure that the OP's kid would have the same problems whether she was in school 2 or 5 days a week.

 

[Daxx]

Oh, and I think 5 days a week preschool is the way to go for most kids. At the risk of being flamed for this, like I have been in the past, my daughter's school starts at 18 months old, 5 days a week, 3 hours a day. No 2 or 3 day a week option. They used to do 2, 3 or 5 days a week for 18-36 months, but they found that the kids who came 2 or 3 days a week took much longer to adjust to school, had rough transitions on the first day each week (they did consecutive days, so MTW, then ThF), etc. So a few years ago they changed it to 5 days a week only and they've had much better results. My daughter started at 18 months going 5 days a week and was fine with it. And I saw the same with her camp. Kids could come 2-5 days a week and the ones who went only 2 or 3 days cried at drop off much more frequently than the full week kids.

I'm not putting down programs that aren't 5 days a week. I think they're great and initally wanted my daughter in only 3 days a week when she started 2 years ago. Just saying that 5 day programs are fine for kids too, and I am pretty sure that the OP's kid would have the same problems whether she was in school 2 or 5 days a week.

No flames from me. I feel you need to know your child and know what they can handle. I have had students come to me w/o any preschool or daycare and have adapted quite well to a 5 day, all-day (8-3 pm) school day. I have had others who have not. Likewise, I have had kids who were in school 5 days a week for 1/2 day who adjusted well to a full 5-day program and others who did not. We had DS in a 3 day program for pre-school. At the time, nobody offered a 5-day preschool program in our area. If I wanted him in a school-like setting all day, I would've had to send him to a daycare. That would've been, easily 5x what I paid for the 3 day program he was in. Even if I found a 5 day preschool program, I wonder if I would've chosen that option. Anyway, we had no problems w/DS adapting to a 5-day, all day Kdg. program. That's just him, though. All kids are different and you have to know what setting will work best for your child. A lot depends on their maturity, too.

 

[justhat]

Daxx, I completely agree. Like I said, I wanted a 3 day a week program and planned to start my daughter at 2yo. But we live in DC, and actual preschools, not daycares, are hard to come by (and daycares have insane waitlists). So we applied for the school my daughter is in now, planning to start her mid-year, at 2yo (late February birthday and they take the youngest kids in September and January). We were waitlisted and found out in July that they had an opening for September so we took it. Now, I'm glad we did, but at the time I was very unsure of the decision.

But anyway, my main point about why I'm happy we're in a 5 day a week program, which I meant to state in my earlier post, is consistency. Like I said, my daughter is insanely strong-willed, so having her go to school 5 days a week and be in that routine works well. And I'm guessing the same is the case for the OP's daughter. I would think that if I took my daughter less frequently that she'd be less likely to listen to her teacher cause she wouldn't really see it as part of her routine, if that makes any sense. I think just being there everyday and having the rules reinforced, working with the group, etc. is a big help to the stubborn ones!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My feelings with 5 days a week at 3 years old is:

They are in school until they are what 24 , 25 years old? To start them out at 3 yo at 5 days a week seems like overkill to me. I understand parents work and may need this option, but to choose this , is just something I wouldn't do. But hey that's me!

I like 3 days a week. She has her social interaction, but she also has 2 days off a week that we can do all-day fun stuff, just her and I while her big brother is in school. Just as I did with him prior to her being born.

 

[Aisling]

My kids re older now,but both started full-day pre-k at 3 (they turned 4 during the school year). It worked out well, but if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't put my kids in school until age 5 in kindergarten. I'd just teach them at home, take them on fun outings where they can learn and play, and not rush them into school. It's a lot of pressure on young children.

 

[mla2177]

Is her birthday in June? LOL. My DS 3 is very strong willed also!!!! My mom always says my uncle was the same way and he has a June B-day too! I did read 1-2-3 magic and it has helped quite a bit. I just keep telling myself it's just a phase and he will grow out of it. Let's hope!!!!!

 

[TinkerbellMama]

1. Punishment won't work. I, personally, don't even find it acceptable--especially in this situation (but of course 99% of the population does, so feel free to ignore this part of my advice). She is 3 and I would no more hold a 3 year old to that type of schedule or standard than I would expect my cats to clean my house. JMO!

2. She sounds like a typical 3 year old, albeit maybe on the strongheaded side. This is NOT a bad thing.

3. Preschool is going to be tough for most typical 3 year olds in some respects. Expecting them to follow "the rules" for long periods of time without error is a little nutty, IMO (which is why I don't understand all-day Kindergartens or full-time "preschool" or daycare). The problem does not lie with the child. It is with the expectations.

4. My son (who is also a "handful") will not be attending preschool...but this isn't the only reason!

5. If the situation must be dealt with as is, just keep encouraging her to follow the rules, praise her when she does, and realize that a "misbehaving" 3 year old is way, way down there on the list of bad things that could happen!

 

[Daxx]

3. Preschool is going to be tough for most typical 3 year olds in some respects. Expecting them to follow "the rules" for long periods of time without error is a little nutty, IMO (which is why I don't understand all-day Kindergartens or full-time "preschool" or daycare). The problem does not lie with the child. It is with the expectations.

Bolding mine ... but this is the point I wanted to hit. We have to have all day Kdg. in my district b/c there is no way we could ever cover all that we needed to in a half-day program! My students are expected to know/recognize 100 sight words and be able to read and sounding out words by the time they leave my classroom. They are also required to know how to add and subtract. Kindergarten used to be the place where you socialized, learned what was expected in school, did cutting, pasting and coloring, learned your letters and numbers. Not any more. Kindergarten has become more like 1st grade was when I was a kid! I often wonder if, sooner or later, Kdg. students are going to be expected to perform at a 2nd grade level!