Now in the ½ hour car ride from home to Allentown airport, James and me are just chatting
up a storm as to what we will do once we get off the plane. I always give James things that he HAS too remind me to do. He never does remind me of anything, but yet I still give him the ownership of my memory. Remind me when we get off the plane to pick up the car. Otherwise we will be standing at the airport all night!
Unc he sighs with all the inflection that states I am an idiot! Hehehehehe
Dont let me forget to give Grandma Mary my Lighter, if we get caught going on the plane with it. They will put you in jail, and I will feel so guilty while I am down in Disney and you are in jail
UNC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope that you Slinky toy is FAA approved and they dont confiscate him at the airport?
UNNNNNNC!!!!!!!
.How can a slinky be constipate?
This is a sampling of our deep conversations we have with each other.
SIDENOTE: When I was 19, I had moved out of the Loony Bin.
The Loony Bin is what I have always called my parents house. From the time I was 19 until I was 45, I had a very, very good life. Due to the myriad and escalating health problems of my parents, there was a family meeting called so we can all discuss what to do about the frail situation with my Mom and Dad. We were all at my house, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles and a few other assorted quests that just assumed I was having a party.
At this family meeting everyone claimed that they were hungry. So I stupidly volunteered to make a pizza run.
Now read this carefully
If any of you readers are part of the sandwich generation, I strongly urge you to note the following. If for any reason you are ever involved in a family meeting to discuss what to do with aging parents
NEVER EVER NEVER leave the room! Under no circumstance go to the bathroom, go for pizza, dont even go to the Kitchen to make a pot of coffee. STAY PUT!
Upon my return to my house all that was left were my two parents, along with their pair of half deaf, half blind 15-year-old Maltese Poos. Also left with them was their hastily strewn together luggage, all matching marked WAL * MART Have a Nice Day.
Since my Parents had a bigger house, I had to pack all my worldly possessions from my ever-swinging Bachelor Pad, and put them in storage. My beanbag chairs, shag carpet, lava lamps
EVERYTHING is now sitting in Temperature Controlled luxury!
So for almost two years now I have been the sole keeper of my parents and ALLLLLLLLL that comes along with that responsibility!
This is a classic example of While you are making Life plans, Life makes plans for you!
So now on the car ride to the Airport I go over everyyyyyything my sister needs to know involving the next 10 days that I will be gone. Where the check book is, what checks are written and need to be sent out the end of the month, how I cooked and froze most of the food and how its labeled, where the emergency money is, when the nurses will be around
the list goes on and on. I never mentioned to any of them that it was really 11 days. They would all blow a gasket if they knew, nor would anyone ever figure this out on their own. Oh the GUILT about going away for such a long time was starting to creep over. More so than the feeling of if I dont leave for 11 days
there WILL be CARNAGE!
We arrive at the Airport two hours before boarding, just like the good law abiding citizens we are
. Check all the suitcases, get our boarding passes
all within 5 minutes. Thankfully I purchased all new underwear, who needs to be judged by Airport Security? The wonderful thing at small airports, they never have any wait or lines. Now what to do for two hours? This is the bad thing about small airports, very few options to kill 2 hours!
By now it is 11:15am, our plane is leaving at 1:00
and James is starving. Now this is very unusual for James to say. James eats about every 3 days. He picks at food in between his eating days. So luckily they have a Subway in the Allentown airport. One of his favorite things is the Subway turkey sandwich, no cheese and a little bit of mayo! I order this for him, and get one for myself too. I ask my sister & my niece what they want; however they have made other plans, whatever they are. They decide they will not hang out at the airport with us for the next 1 ½ or so. (
THANK YOU!). So James says his goodbyes to his still silent mother, and grandmother. I bid my farewell to both and give my sister my lighter.
SIDENOTE: For some unexplainable reason, nothing sets me off more than asking me How are you feeling?, 
this precise type of questioning REALLY p me o to infinity and beyond. Now, I dont mean it for when I have the Flu, or broken arm or an unexplained rash in an unmentionable place, and you ask. In that scenario, it is all very nice. I mean, I despise it when people ask me How are you feeling, in the emotional context. As in Are you happy with your job?; Are you mad at me?; Are you comfortable? (Especially when this comes from my Proctologist!); Are you fill in any adjective? Trust me on this, if I want anyone to know if I am happy, sad, excited, vegetative, crazy, gassy
ONE WILL KNOW!
In between all this hoopla and excitement, my cell phone has not stopped ringing. I have received many calls from friends and other family members (who werent at the house earlier
I guess they had something better to do?), wanting to know what are your plans?; Are you excited?; yadda, yadda, yadda. They mean well and they are all doing one thing, trying to keep my mind off of FLYING this invention called the aluminum cylinder of death & mayhem
. But actually they are making my angst level go through the proverbial roof.
SIDENOTE: I really, really, really hate to fly. It is weird, because once I am on the plane and up in the air
I am fine. The part of flying I HATE is the days and hours leading up to actually getting on that aluminum cylinder of death and mayhem! This angst phenomenon only holds true ONLY for going somewhere. It never bothers me on my return trip. Freaky! Huh? The angst is phenomenal. I wasnt always like this. In fact many moons ago I flew quite extensively. And it wasnt until I flew on a plane, and the Pilot NEVER said the words I craved to hear, For those of you sitting in the rear of the plane it is now safe to smoke! Since they stopped allowing smoking on the planes, my panic in regards to flying went through the roof.
Also, part of the reason, for this angst, is I am a CONTROL FREAK . I have to know everything about everything all the time. I must know who the Pilot is, when was the last time the plane was serviced, the track record of the plane
etc. Airlines dont like to tell you any of this stuff. I mean, I saw all the Airport movies (the original, 77 & 79). I know exactly what kind of lewd, unorthodox and seamy behavior goes on behind those cockpit doors 
! If George Kennedy isnt around to save the day, I am screwed. Hell, I even look to see if George Kennedy is on the plane, I will even be comfortable with a George Kennedy look-a-like. Then again, it seems as though whenever George Kennedy got on a plane, HORROR ensued! You see how this just round & round in my head?
I work in the Corporate IT Disaster Recovery business; I always have to think, Worst possible case scenario IT wise. This is great for my career, cause if you ever need someone who really, really knows worst possible case scenario Bombings; Fire; Floods; loss of facilities (toilets), etc
I AM YOUR MAN! However this kind of thinking in real life day to day circumstances sucks!
I also did much travel for various positions I have had in various companies, and always a prescription for 2 valiums was called for. Since I was traveling alone with James, and renting a car
I decided not to go the Valium route this time.
SIDENOTE: Now, I know all the dangers of smoking, I seen all the dangers of smoking. I know the inevitable. Yet I still smoke! I really dont smoke that much at all anymore, but when I need a cigarette
I NEED A CIGARETTE! Normally, I need one with my first cup of coffee, after dinner, and for some reason while I drive. I smoke about 2 packs a week. YES this is a horrible deplorable, dangerous habit, and I shouldnt smoke at all. However if I am ever to go to the Death Chamber, I will likely tell them Screw the last meal, and light me a Marlboro! But really you wont want to deal with me if I needed one and didnt have one.
One of the times I
NEED a cigarette is before I depart upon an aluminum cylinder of death and mayhem. So, from just leaving the loony bin, worrying about leaving the parents for so long, getting phone calls from some very well meaning but oh so annoying people, and getting ready to board the aluminum cylinder of death and mayhem. I stood outside Allentown airport, inhaled 3 cigarettes down as if they were my last, thinking maybe I should have just driven down to Florida!
I asked James to please dont talk to me
until we are in the air
its bad luck. For some inexplicable reason, James actual is one of the few people who knows me, and senses when to just SHUTUP. Let me tell you something about James, he doesnt stop talking from the moment he wakes up, until the moment he passes out every night
and even then he yaks away in his sleep! This James being quiet is NO easy task for him. I gotta get him something extra just for being quiet!
We then went through security ::cop: , took our
Crocs off (another great reason to wear Crocs
Easy ON! Easy OFF!) Security went through my very over stuffed carryon with a fine toothcomb. Oddly they asked James a dozen questions, in a very cold and sterile tone? Where do you go to school? How old are you? Very general type stuff
but not at all in a warm & fuzzy kind of way! Now this caused him a bit of angst. We arrived at our gate at 12:30pm, they were just starting to load the cylinder with us unfortunate angst ridden souls. We got our seats, sat down, and I secretly prayed ever prayer that the Nuns & Priest ever taught me, and I am quite sure I made up a few right there on the spot. Its amazing just how Re-Catholicized I become again in the face of fear! I swear, some of those prayers I said were in Latin!
The plane took off into the wild blue yonder!
OK, Now I can take a deep breath and breathe again!
The James you can now talk to Unc light is on!
If you are still with me. Please grab you swiped
Lime Green Mickey Head Paint Chips from Home Depot and read the next edition titled..."
Elvis, Crazy Lady and FINALLY WDW"
that you all "get it"!
..and going on a altar Boy trip to Rye Beach NY!
A from a English Professor!!!!!! See kiddies, kissing up & using teachers smilies get you somewhere! You made fun of ME for not knowing Baggalini...here you were Jibbitz ignorant all along!
u 
Where's the rest of your report!! Please write faster!!! I hope your nephew understands how fortunate he is to a have a Disney fanatic for an Uncle!! 
one wonders how many you smoke while wondering what your peeps think of your latest installment of your TR?!?!?! 
When the family went in June, 16 of us, Dad & I were the only smokers. We dumped our disposable lighters at the airport and, I asked Dad, "since we can only pack 2 books of matches, what do we do down there?" 
- YET!)
