Poorly Written Obituaries

[Pea-n-Me]

... really make you appreciate the well-written ones!

There's so much we can know - or not know - about a person's life based upon these relatively few words.

Is this something anyone has given any thought to? (I'm guessing probably not as our own deaths, and those of our loved ones, are not something we ever really want to think about.)

So if you were writing your own, what would you want it to say?

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I want mine to say how I died (unless it is something horribly embarrassing like "gunned down by a pimp" or something). I always wonder how people died so they are all going to know what happened to me. I know, I'm morbid.

 

[happygirl]

You can fault someone at a time of grief if words don't come to them??

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You can fault someone at a time of grief if words don't come to them??

Just the opposite - I have an inordinate amount of respect and compassion for the dying and bereaved.

What I'm saying is that a well written obituary is a beautiful thing; a gift to the person and the people left behind, especially those who didn't know the person well, as it allows them to get to know them and appreciate the life they lived. And that perhaps it should be considered as part of the other pre-planning that we do so that people in their grief don't have to rush through an obit that doesn't fully capture the essence of the person's life.

I took care of a patient who died recently who had an amazing obituary. Obviously a lot of love and thought went into it, and I got to understand his life in a way that I didn't seeing him sick in the hospital.

Something to think about.

 

[FergieTCat]

I think the only time an obituary is poorly written is when the subject inadvertently reads it.

 

[Deb in IA]

For me, brevity (a reasonable amount) is beauty.

What I've noticed recently is obituaries that go on and on and on and on.

Really, do we NEED to take up an entire newpaper page for one obit?

I don't think every single detail of a person's life is necessary. A summary is enough.

 

[BearcatsFan]

I always feel sad when I read the ones that are so brief. Like for instance:

Mrs. Pearl Smith (Jones). Died Sunday, March 2nd. No funeral services will be held.

Always makes me wonder ... did they have family? Why no funeral - is there no-one to celebrate their life or mourn their passing?

 

[MNdisneymom]

I've had recent experience with obituaries...as my 83 year old father died in late October.

Dad's death was very sudden--he was in good health until he wasn't. He and my mom hadn't done any pre-planning, but had had general discussions about how things were to be handled. We were at the funeral home and they handled the obituary there. By mutual agreement between my mom, sister and I, we didn't put anything but basic information--predeceased by, survived by, etc.

This is strictly personal opinion, but I don't like long obituaries...do we really need to know all the things that the dead person has done in life? The people that matter will already know.

 

[Kae]

Some papers charge for more than a basic Obit. My Friend paid more than a$100 just to have the grandchildrens names included. And the full one she wanted to use would have cost over $300.

Kae

 

[ols386]

I want mine to say how I died (unless it is something horribly embarrassing like "gunned down by a pimp" or something). I always wonder how people died so they are all going to know what happened to me. I know, I'm morbid.

Is there something that you've been meaning to tell us about yourself. lol Just kidding.




When I read the otituaries, I always wonder how they died.

Did they have cancer or some other type of illness?

Did they die in a car accident?

Or something else.

 

[tar heel]

I'm a journalist and a historian, and I like obituaries that tell the story of the person. I think they are a good form of tribute and important documents for the family going forward. That doesn't mean every thing the person did has to be in the obit, but rather that the important things they did are included.

I wrote my MIL's, my dad's and my mother's, and my DH edited them. When the time comes, I will write my FIL's. (He says he's made a few notes for me!) My MIL's was long, but there was a lot to tell. She grew up in India in a missionary family and founded a nonprofit that remains very strong and continues to grow. My parents' obits were shorter, but I worked hard to convey how hard-working my father was and how strong my mom was as I listed the details of their lives. My FIL's will be long -- he co-founded the first free clinic where they lived and made a huge (and brave) stand for racial integration in the 1950s.

I disagree with MNdisneymom that the people who matter will know everything already. My kids found out things about their grandparents from the obits. My mom had a very close relationship with her minister, and he had no idea that she taught the same Sunday School class for 20+ years or even that she had ever taught because she had "retired" when he arrived at the church.

 

[pg0314]

I want mine to say how I died (unless it is something horribly embarrassing like "gunned down by a pimp" or something). I always wonder how people died so they are all going to know what happened to me. I know, I'm morbid.

I must be morbid too because I feel the same way. None of those 'lengthy illness' euphamisms for me. If I pick up a nasty case of typhoid fever and die, I want my obituary to say so.

 

[phorsenuf]

I was told one time (can't remember by whom) that generally in the case of a younger person that died 'suddenly' or 'unexpectedly' it usually means it's a suicide.

 

[DawnM]

I admit that if a person dies young, and no reason is given, I tend to think the worst.

Twice this last couple of months this has happened to people I have known.....it is heartbreaking.

I want mine to say how I died (unless it is something horribly embarrassing like "gunned down by a pimp" or something). I always wonder how people died so they are all going to know what happened to me. I know, I'm morbid.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I want it to say


Sgt Mickey heiress to the such and such fortune.

 

[Octoberbride03]

You can fault someone at a time of grief if words don't come to them??

That's just it. A lot of the time the loved ones aren't writing the obituary. Its included in the funeral home costs and they write it and place it in the papers for you. So while you may tell them what you want to say, they arrange it and depending on who their obit writer is it may or may not read well.

In the end it often has very little to do with loved ones' grief.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I think the only time an obituary is poorly written is when the subject inadvertently reads it.

Too true

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Is there something that you've been meaning to tell us about yourself. lol Just kidding.




When I read the otituaries, I always wonder how they died.

Did they have cancer or some other type of illness?

Did they die in a car accident?

Or something else.

I blew my own cover!

 

[Octoberbride03]

Some papers charge for more than a basic Obit. My Friend paid more than a$100 just to have the grandchildrens names included. And the full one she wanted to use would have cost over $300.

Kae

Some of them charge even for the basics. I am dreading the obit prices for the Philadelphia Inquirer when my parents' die. I think they charge by the word But I KNOW it ain't cheap.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think the only time an obituary is poorly written is when the subject inadvertently reads it.