Poll: Japanese First Date

[NHdisneylover]

I didn't know it was possible to post "under your breath".

She's the one who explained it that way. See below.

I promise you, sincerely, it wasn't.

It was me just being bitterly cheeky.

One of those under-the-breath mumbles type of situation.

If it was meant as a joke, fine--but it did not come off that way to me (or apparently others). To bring up the movie at random like that seems odd--no one has any idea that she loaned him a movie or why and all she gave was the "you should have told me not to . . ." thing.

I could care less why she loaned him a DVD or which DVD it was, but I don't think it is out of line to question what the situation was since SHE brought it up, or to agree with someone else that the way in which she brought it up was not all that nice sounding to other posters, nor do I think it is a bad idea for her to be told (given that she seems to truly have not realized it) that it is not wise to loan out items on a first date--given that you have no idea if you or the date will want to see one anther again.


But you are right that I probably would not have commented on it at all had others not; I was too distracted by some other comments to notice it and skimmed right past the first time. I don't see it as "piling on" to a "bullying" situation. I see it as realizing others had a good point and agreeing with them. And I fail to see the bullying.

Bullying is nasty, horrible stuff in which the victim is sought out by others and harmed emotionally or physically harmed time and time again. Someone who asks advice and does not like what she is told is not being bullied, no matter how often those on the DIS try to redefine the word to mean that.

 

[ronandannette]

I didn't know it was possible to post "under your breath".

It was a joke. Goodness. Just a joke. I don't see how she was being antagonistic at all. Was she supposed to beg for your understanding? She said she is seeing a therapist. But, oh, that's not good enough. She didn't say it in the right way? She stated ways that she did take advise, but she is right, that some of the advise would have required a re-do and that isn't possible until another date. She moved the ring, she took the food advise (which is what she came here asking), she changed her clothes, she even bought some clothes that you suggested. Sounds like she is taking what people say to heart.

I think the OP does need some counseling maybe. I think she has been very sheltered in her life and needs to know how to relate to people. And I think she needs to find a way to meet people with the same beliefs and convictions. But I don't think she is so very different than other women her age that have been raised in the same way. There are certain stages a person goes through and if you aren't allowed to go through them at 15, well you will go through them at 25 or 30. And I sincerely believe that is what is happening with the OP.

But, over analyzing the reason he borrowed a movie is just silly.

And I'm sorry, but I don't see joining 5 other people that pile on someone and accuse them of lying and whatever else as requiring a back bone at all.

I agree with you Jack, although I am "on record" in several of her previous threads as suggesting that instead of psychotherapy she would greatly benefit from the services of a "life coach" and the support of a really caring, thoughtful mentor. Her personal issues don't strike me as being caused by deep-seated emotional instability, just a profound lack of clarity on how people actually relate to one another. OP, I don't think you're weird, malicious or emotionally crippled; what I know of you actually reminds me of somebody with Aspergers - have you ever had any kind of neurological testing?

And as for your last point, Jack, this OP seems to be one of "those" that evokes a pattern: 1. pose a question and invite opinions 2. receive opinions that do not satisfy expectations 3. fail to edify opinion-givers by affirming their advice leaving them disappointed and frustrated 4. become defensive when opinion-givers reassert their positions 5. opinion-givers become very derogatory and sometimes start in-fighting 6. thread is abandoned for future reference in other (inevitably) similar threads to be eventually started by the OP.

OP, please re-think bringing your issues to the DIS...it never works out the way you want it to. Find a few real-world people (including a well-chosen professional) to walk through them with - this can't be pleasant for you

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP, please re-think bringing your issues to the DIS...it never works out the way you want it to. Find a few real-world people (including a well-chosen professional) to walk through them with - this can't be pleasant for you

This is very good advice. Mackey, you will be much better served bringing your relationship issues up with your therapist and other real life people you feel you can trust for good advice. Stick around here, but keep it simple maybe : you know, instead of going into a whole set of options of how to react to a date that says "let's eat Japanese" just keep it simple and don't bring up the relationship aspect and post something like: I am going to a Japanese restaurant next week. I am an extremely picky eater, what is likely to be a safe bet on the menu.

You don't need to leave this community, stay and have fun but maybe stop posting things that are almost guaranteed to be not fun for you once people start responding, KWIM?

 

[mmackeymouse]

And she has been passive aggressive in asking for advice what to wear, ignoring the advice and then posting the text he sent. "I know you told me what NOT to wear but I wore it anyway and he liked it. Ha!"

But I must be missing something re the Mary Poppins DVD comment. I thought it was kind of funny and didn't see it as having deeper meaning (except maybe some inside joke I wasn't privy to). I just viewed it as a way to end a heavy conversation in a light way, and in no way did I think the OP was seriously trying to chide people for not offering her advice in advance on loaning out her DVDs on first dates.

Okay on the first part...I don't think I ever said that. Some people actually DID recommend that outfit. Others didn't. Others said the outfit was okay, but not the shoes, which is what I changed. My point wasn't "I didn't listen to you guys. Ha!" My point was, "I decided for myself to forget style and go for comfort and he ended up liking it anyway. Phew!"

The bolded part: thank you! This is exactly what it was intended to be. A light, cheeky end to the post. That's all. Nothing deeper. Nothing with further purpose. Just that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Okay on the first part...I don't think I ever said that. Some people actually DID recommend that outfit. Others didn't. Others said the outfit was okay, but not the shoes, which is what I changed. My point wasn't "I didn't listen to you guys. Ha!" My point was, "I decided for myself to forget style and go for comfort and he ended up liking it anyway. Phew!"

The bolded part: thank you! This is exactly what it was intended to be. A light, cheeky end to the post. That's all. Nothing deeper. Nothing with further purpose. Just that.

Well I guess the tone is just not coming through correctly to me (and others), it happens, the internet can be hard for that

I am glad that you were happy with the outfit you wore, and that you ended up with an outfit you can wear to work with your robot necklace. (BTW, my DD has several "nerdy" piece that she wears regularly, and I think they can very much be incorporated into nice looking outfits, and they give her great conversation starters with others who recognize the show or book they refer to, etc)
And I hope you are not actually no longer in possession of a DVD you like.

 

[skylizard]

This is very good advice. Mackey, you will be much better served bringing your relationship issues up with your therapist and other real life people you feel you can trust for good advice. Stick around here, but keep it simple maybe : you know, instead of going into a whole set of options of how to react to a date that says "let's eat Japanese" just keep it simple and don't bring up the relationship aspect and post something like: I am going to a Japanese restaurant next week. I am an extremely picky eater, what is likely to be a safe bet on the menu.

You don't need to leave this community, stay and have fun but maybe stop posting things that are almost guaranteed to be not fun for you once people start responding, KWIM?

Solid advice. Save the personal stuff for your therapist.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Just to clarify:

I apologize to anyone who took offense or seemed confused by the Mary Poppins line. It wasn't passive aggressive. It wasn't bait.

It was...my way of imparting words of wisdom in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

There is a country music song called, "Don't Ask me How I Know." Or some of you are probably pretty familiar with Baz Luhrman's song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen." Both of these songs are basically giving life advice without any sort of explanation or reasoning. The tone is kind of like..."Trust me on this."

Like NH said, tone is not easily conveyed. I was just trying to be funny and lighten the mood, meanwhile offering words of wisdom. That's all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Just to clarify:

I apologize to anyone who took offense or seemed confused by the Mary Poppins line. It wasn't passive aggressive. It wasn't bait.

It was...my way of imparting words of wisdom in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

There is a country music song called, "Don't Ask me How I Know." Or some of you are probably pretty familiar with Baz Luhrman's song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen." Both of these songs are basically giving life advice without any sort of explanation or reasoning. The tone is kind of like..."Trust me on this."

Like NH said, tone is not easily conveyed. I was just trying to be funny and lighten the mood, meanwhile offering words of wisdom. That's all.

and now we can all hug it out and sing Kumbaya Or, you know, Let'S Go Fly a Kite because that is a much more fun song, and fits the thread now


(and I really am happy for you that you are getting some help; I know it is scary to make yourself go in and start building a relationship with and trusting a stranger with your emotions )

 

[wvjules]

Did I miss what happed to the DVD?

 

[luvsJack]

Bullying is nasty, horrible stuff in which the victim is sought out by others and harmed emotionally or physically harmed time and time again. Someone who asks advice and does not like what she is told is not being bullied, no matter how often those on the DIS try to redefine the word to mean that.

I went back and reread what I posted to make sure I didn't say "bully" without meaning to, but I didn't accuse anyone of bullying. I don't think its bullying at all.

Younger DS was bullied in elementary school, I know exactly how horrible it can be and no I do not call this bullying. The OP has a choice to come here and a choice to walk away. 9 out of 10 times, the person who is bullied does not have that option.




And MMouse, I too am glad you are talking to a therapist. I think a lot of what you said was misunderstood here simply because that is the way threads can go. And advise is usually in the opinion of the one giving it, so you really should pick and choose what you take and what you don't (like about clothes and such) and personally, I think you did fine on that. keep your head up, your prince will come; just gotta deal with a whole lot of frogs in the process.

 

[CaliBear]

Just to clarify:

I apologize to anyone who took offense or seemed confused by the Mary Poppins line. It wasn't passive aggressive. It wasn't bait.

It was...my way of imparting words of wisdom in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

There is a country music song called, "Don't Ask me How I Know." Or some of you are probably pretty familiar with Baz Luhrman's song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen." Both of these songs are basically giving life advice without any sort of explanation or reasoning. The tone is kind of like..."Trust me on this."

Like NH said, tone is not easily conveyed. I was just trying to be funny and lighten the mood, meanwhile offering words of wisdom. That's all.

mackey, I actually didn't think much one way or the other about your comment re: the DVD. BUT I was responding to your calling it "mumbling under your breath" because I know someone who does that IRL as an attention ploy, and it is very off-putting to me and many others that know her. I was trying to be helpful. I didn't mean to offend you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Did I miss what happed to the DVD?

No. I am still not sure if it was jsut meant as a total joke, or she really did loan him her DVD.

I hope if she loaned it out that she gets it back.

I went back and reread what I posted to make sure I didn't say "bully" without meaning to, but I didn't accuse anyone of bullying. I don't think its bullying at all.

Younger DS was bullied in elementary school, I know exactly how horrible it can be and no I do not call this bullying. The OP has a choice to come here and a choice to walk away. 9 out of 10 times, the person who is bullied does not have that option.




And MMouse, I too am glad you are talking to a therapist. I think a lot of what you said was misunderstood here simply because that is the way threads can go. And advise is usually in the opinion of the one giving it, so you really should pick and choose what you take and what you don't (like about clothes and such) and personally, I think you did fine on that. keep your head up, your prince will come; just gotta deal with a whole lot of frogs in the process.

You are right, you did not say bully, I don't know why I thought you did. Sorry .

 

[carriemd]

I also think more was made about the DVD line than it merited. It seemed like an attempt at humor that fell flat. But, everyone has an opinion and sometimes something strikes a person in a way that it wasn't intended.

I agree, these threads would be an excellent tool for the therapist.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I am throwing my 2 cents. A good therapist would tell the OP she does not have to owe an explanation to anyone here. I understood her line about the DVD. She doesn't have to take the advice of anyone in here. When we respond to a thread it is us who choose to do so. But I don't expect her to take it.

 

[NaLisa]

Okay on the first part...I don't think I ever said that. Some people actually DID recommend that outfit. Others didn't. Others said the outfit was okay, but not the shoes, which is what I changed. My point wasn't "I didn't listen to you guys. Ha!" My point was, "I decided for myself to forget style and go for comfort and he ended up liking it anyway. Phew!"

The bolded part: thank you! This is exactly what it was intended to be. A light, cheeky end to the post. That's all. Nothing deeper. Nothing with further purpose. Just that.

OK, mmackey. I apologize for saying you were passive aggressive. This thread is LOOOONNNNNGGG and though I've read every post, it's quite possible that I misremembered the way the outfit conversation went down.

I'm really glad you're getting help. You do seem very intelligent and have a good sense of humor (or at least, one like mine!). I hope the therapist can help with some of your other problems so you can find happiness.

 

[carriemd]

I am throwing my 2 cents. A good therapist would tell the OP she does not have to owe an explanation to anyone here. I understood her line about the DVD. She doesn't have to take the advice of anyone in here. When we respond to a thread it is us who choose to do so. But I don't expect her to take it.

Of course she doesn't have to take the advice. Of course she doesn't owe anyone an explanation.
But if I asked for advice here, I would get the good, the bad, and the ugly. I don't want it, so I don't ask for it.

 

[Ceila]

I am throwing my 2 cents. A good therapist would tell the OP she does not have to owe an explanation to anyone here. I understood her line about the DVD. She doesn't have to take the advice of anyone in here. When we respond to a thread it is us who choose to do so. But I don't expect her to take it.

Of course, nobody has to take anyone's advice. But, why come on here at all and ask for it if you're going to ignore most of it or get snippy when people offer their opinions? If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

 

[usnuzuloose]

Of course, nobody has to take anyone's advice. But, why come on here at all and ask for it if you're going to ignore most of it or get snippy when people offer their opinions? If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

It still doesn't matter,. She doesn't have to come back and post or explain anything. Just like anyone else on here. What would a therapist say about a lot of these other posts?

 

[wvjules]

I see you are active today so I thought I'd ask about the guy. Did you go on second date? And most importantly, what happened to the Mary Poppins DVD?

 

[LovesTimone]

1st - He's a real guy with manners to ask you out.. he gets points,

2nd - He will be as nervous as you so both will be in the same boat.

3rd - Life is about trying new things, sometimes with someone new people.

4th - Put your big girl panties on and go out with him.

5th - Have fun be yourself.