Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[Liberty Belle]

If my daughter got pregnant ( she's 15 and I hope that I won't have this problem), she would have 2 choices- abortion or adoption. I was a mom at 17 and I would not want that for her. My son is an absolute joy. That doesn't mitigate the burdens that I had as a child with a child.

While I understand your sentiment, you cannot force anyone to give up their child or have an abortion.

 

[rie'smom]

While I understand your sentiment, you cannot force anyone to give up their child or have an abortion.

Maybe not in your state but there are ways here. I know because I've had them researched.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Maybe not in your state but there are ways here. I know because I've had them researched.

Wow. I respect your feelings, but they are so foreign to what I feel is right. I hope it never comes down to it. I'm assuming you're making birth control available to your daughter.

 

[Rebelmom67]

Maybe not in your state but there are ways here. I know because I've had them researched.

Why would you even feel the need to research it?! Either way, I feel sorry for your DD. I would stand behind my girls no matter what choice they made.

 

[rie'smom]

Wow. I respect your feelings, but they are so foreign to what I feel is right. I hope it never comes down to it. I'm assuming you're making birth control available to your daughter.

Yes, birth control is available because I never want her to be in a position to have to make that decision.

Why would you even feel the need to research it?! Either way, I feel sorry for your DD. I would stand behind my girls no matter what choice they made.

Why would I research? Why wouldn't you research? I am standing behind my daughter. It may not be in a way that you would choose, but your way is not the only way. Were you a teenage mother? Do you understand the problems teen mothers face even with their parent's support?

Don't waste your sympathy on my daughter. Maybe it would be a better idea for me to have sympathy for your daughters because their mother is so judgmental.

My daughter is very happy and knows that she is loved.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I didn't see if you posted your state-but I wanted to point out that here in Georgia, the laws are very specific about "paternity" vs. "legitimation." I am an attorney and have dealt w/ this issue several times.

If the father is not married to the mother and they have a child. the father has to LEGITIMATE the child or he doesn't have any rights to visitation or custody - Even if paternity has been established. As of 2005, there is a form the parents can sign at the hospital when the baby is born to legitimate the child and that also allows the father's name to appear on the birth certificate. Otherwise, they (or the father, if he doesn't have the mother's consent) will have to go to court later to do it.

 

[MizTink]

From what I have seen, in a majority of cases, the child, if the mother decides not to have an abortion, would benefit more from being placed with a loving family.

i think my home IS a loving home.

 

[chobie]

i think my home IS a loving home.

Of course it is. And besides there are unloving adoptive homes as well. My DH is a highschool teacher and he had students who became parents and the grandparent(s) raised the baby. The grandbabies were raised in a loving home and the kids were still able to go on with their lives while knowing their baby was close by and be taken good care of.

I know some people would not consider the option of raising their grandchild and that is fine for them. But if the grandparents do want to raise the child (or help out a lot while their child raises the grandchild) this seems like one of the best options to me.

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

i think my home IS a loving home.

OP--there is no doubt your home is a loving home. The way you seemed to have handled this shows that.

But bringing a baby into your home is a huge deal. It's a big change in a household when a baby is planned. It's an unbelievable change in a household when it's unplanned. It's astronomically changing when the father is 15 years old! Are you planning on parenting this baby? Because by the way things are sounding, the mothers parents don't want to be involved and you've already given the birth mother an open invitation to live with you. Are you sure your 15 year old son wants that? Does he want to be living with his (I'm assuming here) first girlfriend for what could be years to come?

 

[bookgirl]

Maybe it would be a better idea for me to have sympathy for your daughters because their mother is so judgmental.

Hello POT meet KEETLE.

Both of you have a right to your own opinion.

 

[LuvOrlando]

i think my home IS a loving home.

I think your home sounds like a loving home too Hang in there, you're doing great!

 

[MoonFaerie]

Yes, birth control is available because I never want her to be in a position to have to make that decision.



Why would I research? Why wouldn't you research? I am standing behind my daughter. It may not be in a way that you would choose, but your way is not the only way. Were you a teenage mother? Do you understand the problems teen mothers face even with their parent's support?

Don't waste your sympathy on my daughter. Maybe it would be a better idea for me to have sympathy for your daughters because their mother is so judgmental.

My daughter is very happy and knows that she is loved.

OK, so have you ever given a child up for adoption of had an abortion? Cause those solutions ain't sunshine & roses either. I haven't given up a child for adoption or been a teenage mother. I have had an abortion. One that I choose with no coercion from anyone and several close people supportive of my decision, and I was 100% sure of my decision. I would never ever force that on anyone. Even though I would make the same decision again, it's not easy. It was literally the most physically painful experience of my life, even worse than natural childbirth.

Are you prepared for the possibility that if you forced anything on your daughter that you could be ruining your relationship with her forever. If someone tried to force any thing on me re: my sexuality or my reproductive choices, that is not someone I'm keeping in my life.

 

[Cindyluwho]

I would type up a short anonymous letter and mail it to Child services about suspicions... but don't be too detailed or they'll know its you. I would think the mention of a pregnant 16 year old in the home of an alcoholic who is suspicious would do the trick to get eyes in on the home. Once they are under the microscope if there is any trouble there it will show itself.

Two sentences tops and be very vague.

If she goes into the military who do you think will get the baby?

Here in the state of Washington you can NOT contact CPS anonymously, the will not take the complaint. You have to give your name and contact information. And if the case goes to court, the person you turned in has the right to see your name. It's a terrible situation.

And to the OP, you sound like an amazing parent. Hugs to you!!

 

[MushyMushy]

Maybe not in your state but there are ways here. I know because I've had them researched.

Obviously you have a right to your opinion, but maybe you should also in your research look at sites & message boards where biological mothers were forced to give up their babies by their parents, hospitals, etc who thought they knew what was right for these girls. It was especially common in Australia for some reason.

Heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking. Many of these women have spent most of their adult lives feeling broken and hopeless. I wouldn't put my worst enemy through that pain, let alone my own daughter.

 

[quentina]

This is just my personal opinion....this is not the first time this has happened nor will it be the last. There is a very good chance...although, we don't want to consider it that at some point in our life...one of us may be writing the same thing as the OP. Many of us have teenage children and if you don't think their doing the deed....you may want to look and think again. Weren't any of you ever 16 before???

Before we cast stones and all that good stuff....

Personally, I commend the OP for looking out for the mother of her grandchild and letting her son know that she is there for him.

These kids (yes, they are still children) need love and guidance.

Why is everyone so quick to assume that this 17 year old is sleeping around? Gee wiz, whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? They have been together for a while.

OP...keep up the good work. Your child needs you and I feel confident that you will do whatever is in your power to help him be successful.

Although I adopted 2 kids and am a big supporter of adoption...why pull a baby from their biological family when it is obvious that they will be loved and taken care of? Yes, it may be the grandparents doing the raising...so what??? As long as they are happy and safe, what else matters??

Yes, legal aid to make sure you get to see YOUR grandchild is a wise choice.

Be sure to post when this beautiful person who will be so important to you comes along. Although, I know you wish it was a few years from now...everything happens for a reason.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is just my personal opinion....this is not the first time this has happened nor will it be the last. There is a very good chance...although, we don't want to consider it that at some point in our life...one of us may be writing the same thing as the OP. Many of us have teenage children and if you don't think their doing the deed....you may want to look and think again. Weren't any of you ever 16 before???

Before we cast stones and all that good stuff....

Personally, I commend the OP for looking out for the mother of her grandchild and letting her son know that she is there for him.

These kids (yes, they are still children) need love and guidance.

Why is everyone so quick to assume that this 17 year old is sleeping around? Gee wiz, whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? They have been together for a while.

OP...keep up the good work. Your child needs you and I feel confident that you will do whatever is in your power to help him be successful.

Although I adopted 2 kids and am a big supporter of adoption...why pull a baby from their biological family when it is obvious that they will be loved and taken care of? Yes, it may be the grandparents doing the raising...so what??? As long as they are happy and safe, what else matters??

Yes, legal aid to make sure you get to see YOUR grandchild is a wise choice.

Be sure to post when this beautiful person who will be so important to you comes along. Although, I know you wish it was a few years from now...everything happens for a reason.

Well said!!!

I have never gotten the slightest inkling that anyone personally involved has been considering adoption. I don't think it is right to automatically say to a 17 year old girl who is pregnant... "Give the baby up for adoption...." I am VERY supportive of adoption!!! But, if it is obviously not the right option for this mother, and father, and grandmother (the OP) then I think that we should respect that.

I don't think that anybody is really automatically assuming that this girl is sleeping around, etc.... But, the harsh reality is, that under these kinds of circumstances, it is very important that paternity is established before this 15 year old boy assumes the responsibility.

I suppose that what troubles me is the fact that, IMHO, a 15 year old boy may not be capable of, and should not have to face, such life-altering decisions. Ohhhh, I know that these kids say that they are 'in love...' But, really, c'mon, what teenagers don't say that.... when they are with the entirely wrong person. One of them dumps the other, and they are just so totally 'in love' again with the next person a few weeks later.. We all know that, even under the best of circumstances, making a baby does not make for a fairy tail life long marriage. Yes, this boy is 'possibly' becoming a father.... But, I am concerned that others involved could become too emotionally vested, and push these two kids into a situation that neither of them are ready for... I know that a new baby waits for no man.... But, I hope that the OP's son, and this girl, and the OP.... can resist the mistake of moving too fast.

Again, OP, I hope that you and your son do seek out legal counsel on how best to proceed to protect his rights if he is indeed the father.

 

[Aristomommy]

Although I adopted 2 kids and am a big supporter of adoption...why pull a baby from their biological family when it is obvious that they will be loved and taken care of? Yes, it may be the grandparents doing the raising...so what??? As long as they are happy and safe, what else matters??
.

I think because OP has written about possible abuse in the GF home, the pressure to join the army and keep the two parents-to-be apart, there is a concern how safe and happy the environment will be. If the GF follows the instructions and joins the army, the OP may have a difficult time being a part of this baby's life. Financially, the parents cannot provide for this child and emotional support is questionable at age 15. They are simply too young to understand what it takes to take care of an infant and raise them for the next 18 years. The example of teen moms in Hollywood has glamorized having a baby at a young age.

I think the OP has her heart in the right place and wants to be the safe haven for the two. But the GF's family sounds abusive and a bad environment for the children that are already in the house.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think the OP has her heart in the right place and wants to be the safe haven for the two.

If, after much careful consideration, the OP is indeed ready to accept custody and to help her son to raise his child and love this child (until he is independent), then that IS a good option, and is reason enough for the child to not be given up for adoption.

If the only options were for this 17 year old girl to raise the child in her parents home.... then it would be a different story.
But the harsh reality is, that even if this is what the girl ends up being almost forced to do.... you still can not FORCE her to place her baby for adoption.

The scenario above (girl in Army, her mom and stepdad with custody) is a valid concern.
This is why the OP and her son should be looking into the legalities re: how to proceed to secure his paternity.
If they are in fact, assuming that he is the father, and are ready to assume responsibility, then this should be established ASAP.

 

[Disney Doll]

Yes, birth control is available because I never want her to be in a position to have to make that decision.

Why would I research? Why wouldn't you research? I am standing behind my daughter. It may not be in a way that you would choose, but your way is not the only way. Were you a teenage mother? Do you understand the problems teen mothers face even with their parent's support?

Don't waste your sympathy on my daughter. Maybe it would be a better idea for me to have sympathy for your daughters because their mother is so judgmental.

My daughter is very happy and knows that she is loved.

Testy huh?
Your life experience has clearly colored your responses, but you can't possibly think that typing the sentence "My daughter will have 2 choices-adoption or abortion" wouldn't raise some eyebrows. Because the fact remains, whether you like it or not, that your daughter would have 3 choices...adoption, abortion or keeping her child. Two of them might be acceptable to you, one of them clearly isn't. But it doesn't negate the fact that your daughter would have three choices. You can certainly choose to draw your line int he sand with regard to this situation wherever you wish with your child, but be aware that the drawing of that line might have consequences.

 

[2BOYMOM]

My family is a very close knit family. So when my brother's son announced that his girlfriend was pregnant at age 15 (he was 16) we are all very shocked and I admit, judgemental.

But now Kayla is almost 4 years old and she is the light of my family! We all love her so much and are so very happy she is in our lives. Although the two parents aren't together anymore, they are both great parents to Kayla.

So while it isn't the best situation having a child when you are basically a child yourself, it can turn out okay. It is what you make it.