Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[tonilea]

I have to take off, so I didn't get a chance to read all the posts, but was the girl 17 at the time of conception? That could make a huge difference.

 

[fairykin]

Wow.
This is a very hard situation.
My daughter got pregnant at 17 and she and her husband now have three children together. This dec. her husband graduates from college and my daughter is in her sophmore year of college.
It's been a hard situation.
You must set aside dreams you had for your child and embrace the reality of the moment at hand.
Please be careful in your words and actions as you do not want to alienate the mother of your grandchild.
You must put aside what society or your friends may say and focus on your family.
Remember that..your family.
Your grandchild.
This will be one of the hardest things you do in your life, but for the next few years you must focus Not on yourself but on your child and grandchild.
Your life will become yours again.. in several years.
One thing that is very important to know....
You are about to fall in love in the purest sense with your grandchild.
May this child be sheltered, protected, loved and blessed always.

 

[stahshee]

Oh my, I am so very sorry. I think delicacy is very important here. For the time being assume the baby is your DS's. If you stir things up and the girl refuses to name him as father your DS, and you will not have any rights. So for the next 4 months it is probably best if you do a whole lot of tongue biting. Split the bills etc, but keep receipts to recover any expenses if it turns out the baby is not his... you will be able to get a paternity test easily if your DS is listed as the father- but might have a hard time if he is not listed.

As for today's meeting, try to keep in mind the girl's family is just looking to lash out. No-one wants to think their DD slept around, even if it is true. Just do your best to not burn any bridges before you know the truth. I would not keep the 2 kids apart either. If this is your DS's baby the only chance you'll ever get to know the baby is through the girl and right now she and her family is on the defensive.

I would make peace offerings until the dust clears and then once your DS has his own rights firmly in hand (after the baby is born and he is on the birth certificate) you can renegotiate on equal footing. As for the police, this might be a negotiating tool for you with the girls family. I would think it would be in every bodies best interest to wait until the baby is born before agreeing to any sort of criminal complaints and I would say so to the police. 4 months won't change any of the facts so why rush?

 

[wvjules]

I hope this doesn't end up another one of those "where did the OP go?" threads.

 

[livie1205]

you can also try to write the states atty a letter from all involved explaining he was not raped and that you want the best for your grandchild and having a parent be a sex offender is Not in the best intrest of the child.They DO sometimes take this into account...they do NOT HAVE to charge her with a sex crime, they CAN charge her with a lower crime.
They are a family now and that kind of thing will follow them forever.

 

[MizTink]

UPDATE

sorry i didn't update sooner. i did go talk to the parents yesterday. i guess everything went ok. i can only imagine how her mom feels.....
for now her mom and step-dad want to try to keep the kids from seeing and talking to each other. they don't let her out of the house and they took her phone away. but they see each other at school anyways. they are trying to tell their daughter that she can't put my son's name on the birth cert. or give the baby his last name. i'm not worried about either of those things TODAY.
i just felt so bad for the girl seeing her get beat up and put down by her mom. no one in the house will speak to her unless it's to put her down or tell her what to do. her mom did say she wants her to join the army. that's why she doesn't want my son's name on the birth cert. she's afraid he will take the baby away when she's gone in the army. his gf doesn't have any intentions of joining the army. she wants to go to nursing school after she graduates from high school. and my son will be in a dual enrollment program at the high school to become a firefighter/emt when he graduates. with our help and support i know they can do both of those things!
so for now i told the gf just to give her parents some time and space and hopefully they will accept things soon. they can't hate her forever (i hope). i told her to focus on taking care of herself and the baby, finish this last few weeks of school, and let me know if/when she needs anything. the rest will fall into place in time.
my son is staying away to give the parents time to get over their anger towards him. he has a job lined up as soon as school gets out.

so now we just have to wait and see........

thanks to everyone with advice and

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

 

[powellrj]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

Got to agree with this advise. I would get a lawyer NOW! Good luck to all involved, its going to be a long summer for all of you.

 

[KSchwagg86]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I think you are handling this extremely well MizTink! You are so supportive and it's really admirable!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OP I have been following this thread and I really think you are doing a great job with all that has been thrown into your lap. I feel bad for the poor girl. Her parents sound like a dream. I don't get why they want to keep the kids apart now. Kind of seems stupid at this point. Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing and I hope you continually let the girl know that you will help her if she needs it.

 

[diskids2]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

Unfortunately after that update...I have to agree as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP I have been following this thread and I really think you are doing a great job with all that has been thrown into your lap. I feel bad for the poor girl. Her parents sound like a dream. I don't get why they want to keep the kids apart now. Kind of seems stupid at this point. Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing and I hope you continually let the girl know that you will help her if she needs it.

Well let's make a guess......Since they are pushing her to "the army", it appears that they are going to go for full custody.
In which OP is going to be paying child support to them. GRAVY TRAIN.

I hope I am dead wrong.

 

[Chicago526]

Oh crap. After reading that update my advice is for you to LAWYER UP. You are in for a rough ride.

Got to agree with this advise. I would get a lawyer NOW! Good luck to all involved, its going to be a long summer for all of you.

Ditto. At least talk with one, see how things work in your state and get a feel for what rights your son will and won't have. Sure it costs $$$ but just knowing what moves to make/not make in the next few months could save you money in the long run, if things take a turn for the worse with GF's family.

The good news is that once GF is 18, she can tell her family to go stick it if that's what she wants, that could be a huge help if her parents are still acting like idiots once the baby is born.

 

[cruisnfamily]

UPDATE

sorry i didn't update sooner. i did go talk to the parents yesterday. i guess everything went ok. i can only imagine how her mom feels.....
for now her mom and step-dad want to try to keep the kids from seeing and talking to each other. they don't let her out of the house and they took her phone away. but they see each other at school anyways. they are trying to tell their daughter that she can't put my son's name on the birth cert. or give the baby his last name. i'm not worried about either of those things TODAY.
i just felt so bad for the girl seeing her get beat up and put down by her mom. no one in the house will speak to her unless it's to put her down or tell her what to do. her mom did say she wants her to join the army. that's why she doesn't want my son's name on the birth cert. she's afraid he will take the baby away when she's gone in the army. his gf doesn't have any intentions of joining the army. she wants to go to nursing school after she graduates from high school. and my son will be in a dual enrollment program at the high school to become a firefighter/emt when he graduates. with our help and support i know they can do both of those things!
so for now i told the gf just to give her parents some time and space and hopefully they will accept things soon. they can't hate her forever (i hope). i told her to focus on taking care of herself and the baby, finish this last few weeks of school, and let me know if/when she needs anything. the rest will fall into place in time.
my son is staying away to give the parents time to get over their anger towards him. he has a job lined up as soon as school gets out.

so now we just have to wait and see........

thanks to everyone with advice and

I can't imagine why keeping them apart now is a good idea either...so I thought about it from the perspective of the pregnant girl(I have a DD16) and the only reason I would keep DD from seeing her BF in this exact situation would be if I didn't approve of the boy. If he was into drugs, drinking, stealing, ya know, bad stuff. I might want her to get away from him so she could think clearly. It doesn't sound like in your case that your son is the "bad guy" but perhaps they think he is? Otherwise, the horse is already out of the barn, no sense closing the gate now.

 

[Principessa1284]

..why do they want to keep them apart now? What other trouble could they possibly get into? IMO it's a little late for "keeping them apart"... they should be spending as much time TOGETHER, actually.

MizTink, I know YOU know all this, but it just perplexes me.

 

[disbridemimi]

its a little late to keep them apart now, isnt it?

Hang in there OP.

 

[FarAway<3]

Keep them apart? What, do they think she's going to get double pregnant?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The OP already said she is getting the "beat down" at home.

Now they have to work on her giving up the baby to them so they can get money from the state.

They can't do that if they are together planning things.

Then they can come with a court order to test for paternity and then her son will be forced to pay them child support.

Now at since he is a minor they will get it from the state until he is of age.

Anyway, that is the way I see it. Hopefully it is way off base but from the description the OP gave in the update, it doesn't sound too good right now.

Maybe it will all turn around. Maybe they will make her give the baby up for adoption? Who knows?

OP, just get a good lawyer and do what you think you must. What that is, you will figure out. Hang tough!

 

[bumbershoot]

i just felt so bad for the girl seeing her get beat up and put down by her mom. no one in the house will speak to her unless it's to put her down or tell her what to do.

I knew there was something I was forgetting yesterday...forgot to post it.

Any chance the stepdad is abusive in more ways than just verbal? Any chance for the baby to be HIS? Nasty rotten thought, but....

 

[mickeyboat]

I can totally understand why the parents want to keep the kids apart if she is facing charges of statutory rape.

I also think you need to get a lawyer. Have him get everything ready in advance so he can act to establish paternity, visitation rights and possible child support as soon as the child is born.

OP you are handling this remarkably well. I feel very badly for the girl, but it won't be long before she can be emancipated from them and then she will have many more choices, especially if she knows there will be a soft place to land with you.