Plz help.....teenaged son's girlfriend is pregnant UPDATE ON PG 13

[crz4mm2]

I meet couples every day who would give just about anything to have a child.

So if any of you know of a baby that is available, I have waiting couples!

 

[chobie]

I meet couples every day who would give just about anything to have a child.

So if any of you know of a baby that is available, I have waiting couples!

I believe there are tens of thousands of children who would love to be adopted. Perhaps you can point those waiting couples to them.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I started my post by saying how old my child was. No rolleyes needed, thankyouverymuch.

I also spoke about dear friends who have BTDT and successfully raised teenagers who did not have sex or practiced safe sex. I don't think it's just a fluke which kids get pregnant and which ones don't. This is not to blame the parents, but as a mom I want to be educated on the facts when the time comes for me. Why allow two 14-15 year olds to spend time alone unsupervised and ask them to make adult decisions when hormones are raging? Will some sneak off? Sure, but it doesn't mean a parent shouldn't enforce the rules the best of their abilities. In my circle of friends the ones who ended up pregnant were either 1. unsupervised after school or 2. from very strict homes (religious many times) where sex wasn't discussed. Purely anecdotal, but I learned from this.

75% of teen moms were the product of teen pregnancies themselves. So we will continue to see 30-something grandmas more frequently I'm sure. One of my patients was a grandma at 31, I can't imagine being grandma myself

I'm not 'rolling my eyes' at you per se'... just that its easy for anyone who isn't in the shoes of this situation to make judgements... Your DD isn't close to being a teen yet, my oldest is 13, and although (I believe) she's nowhere near this scenario, we have no idea what the future holds. There are tons of parents (on the DIS and elsewhere) who would tell you that never expected to have out of control teens... or one out of their 3 kids was a handful, or a teen parent.

And, as far as leaving them unsupervised... sure, I (and alot of others) wouldnt leave our teen children alone with their bf/gf knowing some of the ramifications, but we can't *control* them 24/7, as someone else mentioned. Kids have sex in the bathrooms at school, back of the school bus, when they are *supposedly* having a slumber party at their best friends house or at the movies with their cheer squad. There are a million different ways for them to *find a way* if they so choose.

 

[crz4mm2]

I believe there are tens of thousands of children who would love to be adopted. Perhaps you can point those waiting couples to them.

REALLY?????
Of course we have couples all the time that adopt children. BUT I have couples that WANT a baby..... Thanks anyway.

 

[luvsJack]

I started my post by saying how old my child was. No rolleyes needed, thankyouverymuch.

I also spoke about dear friends who have BTDT and successfully raised teenagers who did not have sex or practiced safe sex. I don't think it's just a fluke which kids get pregnant and which ones don't. This is not to blame the parents, but as a mom I want to be educated on the facts when the time comes for me. Why allow two 14-15 year olds to spend time alone unsupervised and ask them to make adult decisions when hormones are raging? Will some sneak off? Sure, but it doesn't mean a parent shouldn't enforce the rules the best of their abilities. In my circle of friends the ones who ended up pregnant were either 1. unsupervised after school or 2. from very strict homes (religious many times) where sex wasn't discussed. Purely anecdotal, but I learned from this.

75% of teen moms were the product of teen pregnancies themselves. So we will continue to see 30-something grandmas more frequently I'm sure. One of my patients was a grandma at 31, I can't imagine being grandma myself

Sounds like your friends did a great job; but that doesn't mean everyone whose daughter/son end up as teen parents did a bad job. I can tell you 101 ways teens can figure out how to have sex somewhere besides in their home even while the parents believe they are enforcing the rules perfectly!

My brother ended up a father at 16. His girlfriend and he never went on a date alone; they were required to take her younger siblings everywhere they went. Apparently they found a way. They married and were happily married until his death at 42.

You do everything you can to guide your child. The best thing to do is teach them about making good choices and then you have to let go and trust them. At some point, they will have to make that choice themselves without mom and dad watching and you want them to make the right one. But, as the OP's situation shows sometimes they just don't make the right one (AGAIN--that doesn't make her or anyone in that situation a bad parent).


Everyone keeps saying adoption is the "best thing". You know what? It may be the best choice for you, that doesn't mean it is the best choice for the OP and her family. It isn't always the best thing for the baby. You cannot read a situation on message board and just decide what is best for someone. They have to make that choice for themselves.

 

[chobie]

REALLY?????
Of course we have couples all the time that adopt children. BUT I have couples that WANT a baby..... Thanks anyway.

So how does that add to this thread? Seems like the OP's grandchild will be staying with his/her biological family.

Or do just randomly pitch at strangers to find newborns for your clients?

 

[MinnieMe87]

So how does that add to this thread? Seems like the OP's grandchild will be staying with his/her biological family.

Or do just randomly pitch at strangers to find newborns for your clients?

Wow.

I believe the poster was trying to say that there are loving couples out there wanting to adopt babies if that is an option for the OP's situation. I may be misunderstanding the comment though.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have a friend who got pregnant at 16, her boyfriend was 18. No statutory rape charge was ever filed...it was not rape, she was a willing participant. Her parents had not been teenage parents...actually , when they had her, they were "older" parents...late 30's/early 40's which, back in the 60's when we were born, was old to become a parent. She married the boyfriend...mistake. They dicorced within a year. Her parents were supportive of her to the extent that they would watch the baby for her to go to work or school. They did not watch the baby to allow her to go partying. They were old-fashioned in that they believed she had already had her party so she needed to get down to business. But they did love and support her and the baby and let her and the baby move back intot heir home when my friend's marriage failed. My friend did OK, finished high school, finished secretarial school, got herself a good job as secretary to a local bank's VP, met another man, married again, and has built a good, successful life. Ultimately, she went to college, bettered herself even more, had 2 more children with her 2nd husband, all of whom went to college, none of whom were pregnant at a young age either. So, while having a baby young certainly changed her life, it didn't ruin her life. Her daughter today is a wonderful 30 year old woman who also did NOT go on to get pregnant young. My friend will tell you that the fact that her parents were supportive of her going back to school/work by watching her baby is what made the difference in her becoming a success vs. becoming a statistic. Her parents were somehow able to walk that fine line between being supportive so she could become self-supporting and making her responsible for her child, and everyone turned out all the better for it.

 

[chobie]

Wow.

I believe the poster was trying to say that there are loving couples out there wanting to adopt babies if that is an option for the OP's situation. I may be misunderstanding the comment though.

At no point did the OP mention adoption -- in fact she mentioned she excited about having a grandchild.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

So how does that add to this thread? Seems like the OP's grandchild will be staying with his/her biological family.

Or do just randomly pitch at strangers to find newborns for your clients?

Wow, the they just banned selling photopass shares, strollers and refrigerators on the Boards, could you imagine the ramifications of selling children?

 

[Shelton123]

Tell your DS (even if it's not his) that he (you should really do this too) should support her for whatever she decides to do with the baby. Whether to give it up for adoption, keep it, or get an abortion, she knows what's best for her. She'll make the right decision, and whatever decision she makes it will be right for her. Just support her with whatever she does, and you guys will get through it well!

 

[MinnieMe87]

At no point did the OP mention adoption -- in fact she mentioned she excited about having a grandchild.

Good for her!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Tell your DS (even if it's not his) that he (you should really do this too) should support her for whatever she decides to do with the baby. Whether to give it up for adoption, keep it, or get an abortion, she knows what's best for her. She'll make the right decision, and whatever decision she makes it will be right for her. Just support her with whatever she does, and you guys will get through it well!

have we forgotten she is 5 months along???? I would hope that abortion is not an option (obviously not for OP, but, really... for anyone at 5 months!)

I agree with most of this...but it should be a decision she makes with the son of the OP, not alone (since they are still together)....

 

[crz4mm2]

So how does that add to this thread? Seems like the OP's grandchild will be staying with his/her biological family.

Or do just randomly pitch at strangers to find newborns for your clients?

SOOOOOO sorry.
I thought there was freedom of posting. Perhaps I was wrong.

No, I do not randomly pitch for newborns.

Bye now. Have a nice day!

 

[Shelton123]

have we forgotten she is 5 months along???? I would hope that abortion is not an option (obviously not for OP, but, really... for anyone at 5 months!)

I agree with most of this...but it should be a decision she makes with the son of the OP, not alone (since they are still together)....

Well, she can get a Partial-birth abortion. If she doesn't feel that her body is ready to even give birth (which I totally understand) then she doesn't have to.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

SOOOOOO sorry.
I thought there was freedom of posting. Perhaps I was wrong.

No, I do not randomly pitch for newborns.

Bye now. Have a nice day!

I knew what you meant...it was just a side comment.

Obviously, the OP is all about helping her son raise her grandchild. I think that's great, because it's what THEY choose to do. Hopefully it all works out.

 

[crz4mm2]

Well, she can get a Partial-birth abortion. If she doesn't feel that her body is ready to even give birth (which I totally understand) then she doesn't have to.

Oh, hey, thanks for taking the heat off me......

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Well, she can get a Partial-birth abortion. If she doesn't feel that her body is ready to even give birth (which I totally understand) then she doesn't have to.

I have nothing to say to that....
I hope the support of the OP keeps her away from that 'option'...



OP, let us know how todays talk with her parents went.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Oh, hey, thanks for taking the heat off me......

LMAO...I just tried to take some heat off you, then saw that ...and as you can see...I immediately responded to that.

Its amazing the turns these types of threads can take... its obviously touchy for alot of people though!!!

 

[MinnieMe87]

Oh, hey, thanks for taking the heat off me......

Its amazing the turns these types of threads can take... its obviously touchy for alot of people though!!!

It is. It's sad nobody can have their own opinion or say something without being jumped all over.

I do wish the OP best of luck with this though!