Please--Love each other...

[Daydreamer64]

It is a plea for social tolerance and non-judgemental love of each other.

I feel the need to share some thoughts from my heart. I don't contribute much, mostly just read and enjoy my visits here. There has been a growing trend to make hurtful comments directed at a specific group of members here. WDW is a very special place for many of us on these boards. Some people have responded by the thousands to threads. This is my happy place , if you will, I escape here to be with "friends" who are like minded . I have learned many things, thought through responces that I didn't like and reminded myself that no one is perfect or all knowing- we are all different and that is what makes these boards so interesting to visit.

I am the oldest child of 18 kids that my parents raised ( foster and adopted). Being the oldest has allowed me to help raise all types of special needs children with all different abilities from Autism to CP and so many more disabilities.

I find myself making judgement calls about other's parenting/life choices often. Being human, we all compare our way of thinking to others and surprisingly enough, always decide that we are in the right- I think most people think this way. After all, if we didn't think "our way" of doing things was right, then we wouldn't live our lives the way that we do.

My oldest child has many hidden disabilities- his endurance is very poor. He has lots of damage to his lungs due to multiple pnuemonia episodes and his PFT's have dropped by 40%- lower then most peoples- that means he can't breath well and as he breaths, he has to work almost twice as hard as you or I do to get the same amount of oxygen into his body- this tires him out very quickly when he is on the go from sunup to sundown. Add exercise to the mix, like walking all day for several days, and he gets into medical trouble. Although they are not related, he has other health issues that combine with his poor lung function problems to create the need for us to drain fluid build-up from his lungs. He has a physically hard time enjoying the parks.

Wheelchairs are very nice but as of our last trip in June of 2005, WDW didn't offer child size ones for rent. He is able to walk on a daily basis but he needs a bit of help at the parks when we are there all day from opening to closing.
On a good day, he is the size of a healthy 8 year old - he is turning 12 this month. He doesnt need help at the resorts or DTD- only at the parks. You may see him strolled up to a ride and jump out energetically to ride, you may think what the heck is that big kid doing in a stroller? He should be walking!- How endulgent of his parents-what pushovers his parents are...

What you won't think of is how many hours can he stay a the parks before he and his family have to go back to the resort to have CPT (lung banging- front, sides, and back) performed on his lungs to drain the fluid so he can breath again? I wonder if this is his last trip before his death?- you won't see or ever guess that he has a disease the usually causes other's with the same disease, to die at an average age of 10 years old. Gosh, there are a lot of things that you might not "think" of as you sit in judgement of "that healthy kid who is too big for that stroller"-

Please, try not to judge, and by all means, if you do, try really hard not to make a comment or make a mean face to my son- after all- it may be his last trip and all he needs is a little help and understanding.

Sincerely- a Mom who just wants her child to have a few happy days mixed in with his lifetime of medical needs, meds, painful tests and illnesses.

P.S. - I find that most people who are aggressive are that way in every aspect of their being- they are the one's who might jump in line as fast as they can- even if they bump you on the way by, they are the ones who push their way into your spot just as the parade begins, they are the ones that jump in front of you for signatures and in food lines. These aggressive people are everywhere- it stands to reason that they also rent strollers at the parks for their kids. We are a very non-agressive family but we use a stroller. I really feel unloved being lumped into the "pushy stroller people and the over endulgent parent" group just because we have a big kid in a stroller.

 

[MamaQuack]

I hope your sweet boy has many, many more visits to WDW and if he needs a stroller to do it then so be it! ds14 and I returned last night from a wonderful trip; he is small for his age and highly intelligent which always throws people off when they talk to him - he has been teased a lot and is very sensitive to other kids who might look or act differently - we saw many challenged kids and adults on this trip and, as always, we make a point to speak to them when in line or dininig - what bothers both of us are the "healthy, normal kids" who scream, shove, push, litter and demand - to me, they and their parents are the odd and unacceptable ones

 

[kelleigh1]

If they made a stroller big enough for me to park myself in, I might be inclined to get a ride every now and then too.

Thanks for this post! Sometimes people are quick to judge or comment on something they really know nothing about. Just last week, someone who doesn't know me at all made a comment that they probably didn't even think twice about. But in making that comment, they only showed their own ignorance. I didn't point it out to them mainly for the fact that it would have revealed something about me that they really didn't need to know and would only lead to further judgement on their part, which I didn't feel like dealing with. But being in this situation, it's actually opened my eyes to the fact that we never know what other people are going through and that we have no right to judge anyone.

It's like a post I made her about a month or so ago about the constant comments about when my husband and I are going to have a baby. While someone making these comments may think it's totally innocent, they really don't know what's going on in our lives and how this "innocent comment" may hurt us.

As most of us have heard growing up, and probably need to learn again...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

 

[doodle]

Thank you Daydreamer64 for such a thoughtful post. It really made me think! I hope I am never unmindful of others' needs -especially at WDW- but I think we all need to be reminded to love others.

I hope your son has many more wonderful days at Disney. He is very fortunate to have such a caring mom. God bless.

 

[Grammyof2]

I have to reply to your post. My feelings are very similar. I am considered a "newcomer" here. I lurked for a loonnnnggg time before ever posting. One reason I didn't post was because some threads became brutal attacks. I have visited WDW many, many times since my first visit in 1976. I have alot of info to offer and have learned alot here on the DIS. That being said...
We really need to be as a society more understanding. Until you walk in another's shoes, we really have no idea. I have a dear friend who never really suffered a loss personally until very recently. No real illness, no death close to her, etc. She was very opinionated about alot of things. What a difference a few months and several personal tragedies can make. She will be the first to tell you that she was downright mean to people without ever taking their personal circumstance into consideration.
Please continue to enjoy your son and anything you need to do to make that possible - do it. Don't worry about what others may think. You need to do what is best for your family.
A very wise man (my father) once told me -"Opinions are like (insert body part here), everyone has one. The one that is important is yours.
Above all remember that WDW provides memories that last a lifetime for you and your family. I know that for my family, WDW really is the most magical place on earth. Our memories as a family could carry us till our last breath if they had to ....but we are planning another trip right now.
I am now officially off my soapbox. Hoping pixie dust flutters your way!

 

[Disney Fool]

.


As most of us have heard growing up, and probably need to learn again...if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Awww, you read my signature!

 

[beattyfamily]

What a refreshing, thought-provoking post. Thank you and bless your wonderful son and family.

 

[BraveMom3]

Amen. My response (in my head) to those that make comments about big kids in strollers is "Why do they care?" My 8yo DD would still use one if I could stand to push her all day!

 

[afcgirl]

OP, I agree with you 100%!

Unless you see physical abuse or something illegal at WDW, why waste your time worrying about what other people are doing?

 

[afcgirl]

People should not judge if they know nothing about a situation.

 

[Chuck S]

My concern would be for his safety, if he is too big to fit well into a stroller, I can't imagine trying to push one all day, with the small wheels and cobblestone areas. You might want to look into renting a child sized wheelchair from an off-site location, like Walker Mobility or other suppliers recommended on the DISabilites board. He would probably be more comfortable, easier to push, and could also remain in his chair for many rides and attractions. But whatever works best for you.

 

[Leighannapb]

Daydreamer your message was beautiful. I hope you have many more wonderful trips to Disney with your son.

 

[cleo]

We've had enough rotten posts regarding children in stollers this week, thank you. I am going to remove every post that isn't directly responding to the OP's post (which I should move, but I'm not going to. We need it here on TPA&S due to all the 'your child is too big for a stroller' threads).

If you see your post has been removed it's because it's meant to stir up trouble on what would otherwise have been a thoughtful, thought-provoking thread. If it has been edited, the part that responds to what are now deleted posts will have been removed.

 

[Daydreamer64]

This thread is not about abuse, spanking, weither you care about my child being in a stroller or not, I wasn't asking for someone to care about us.

This thread is not for anyone particular- I don't want anyone to take personal offense from this. It is ment for those "whom the shoe fits"- you -it is about being kind to others. These message boards used to be a great family friendly place to visit but as late there has been an awful lot of fighting and just down right meaness for the sake of being mean about just about every topic out there- please don't ruin these boards with fighting- they have been a great resource for me.

To the people who sent us their love - Thank you for understanding. My DS is a blessing, I cherish every day that I have with him- it is a challange especially with trying to balance the needs of his brothers too!- that's why we are happy to have a stroller to rent- it allows the whole family to enjoy their vacation. Anyhow, ...........

I posted this in an attempt to ask kindly for people to maybe just think twice before making a comment or giving a mean look to others who are trying to have a fun day at the parks in any situation. It is not mant to be a "stroller" thread- please don't turn it into one- this is our situation that we endure when we are at the parks that I read negative comments about many times a week here on the DIS- the stroller comments just pop up in every kind of thread with no warnings.

I just wanted to share that there may be many reasons that people parent like they do.

My DS would give his right arm to be able to play and live like other kids. He is really seeing and understanding the effects of his disease as he get older and knows that his days are numbered. He fits in a double and he can lay across the seat to rest when he needs to and still see the sights and parades and so on. He has many meds to take every day and the meds make him very sensitive to the sun so we use a stroller for him to have some "sun shade" that a chair doesn't offer. Umbrellas used with chairs are cumbersome and difficult to keep from bumping into other people and little kid's eyes/faces as we walk past them.

We have looked into off site rental for kids chairs. We try really hard to make sure that he can be as "normal" as possible so we don't use the chair lines -we stand in the fast pass lines. We tried the chair - his legs hung over the edge and didn't touch the foot rest and that caused leg pain and rub areas on his skin- not a good thing for CGD kids to deal with as any infection, skin or otherwise, can be the one that takes his life. The chair entry route lines are just as long during the summer as the regular ones and he gets all sweaty if he stays in the chair for extended periods of time and hot which turns into rashes on his body so another problem to overcome.

All in all, it doesn't matter which method of wheeled movement that we choose for him as long as he has a good time- that's all that we care about for his trip. Chairs and strollers all accomplish the same thing- they are people movers.

Please don't miss the intent of my origional post- we all need to work a little harder to be tolerant of each other.

 

[athenna]

Thank you to the OP for this wonderful post.
I'm sure your son is a great kid!
And I hope he has many more great trips to WDW and everywhere else

 

[In a hurry]

Very nice sentiment. Good thoughts and PD to you and yours!

 

[swtnikki]

Thanks for this great post! I'm always considerate of other's feelings, & bless you & your family.

 

[melomouse]

.. and God Bless!

I was glad to see you post and also the response from our mod. I read these boards faithfully before, during and after our WDW trips. I have gone to WDW with my late disabled DH, my Asperger's son - now 14 - and my elderly mom - also no longer with us.

As I read these boards sometimes, I can only hope that the unkindness and judgemental attitudes reflected can make some stop and not take for granted what everyday some of us realize can be tenuous. Life is precious and can be short. Some things are just not important enough to worry about.

I suspect that the lack of courtesy, respect and gentleness of spirit lacking on the DIS sometimes is reflective of the larger sense of entitlement in the world. Sometimes I think it's just immaturity! Some folks have no clue about what others' lives are like!

Thanks for the awesome ray of sunshine!

melomouse

 

[kimmikayb]

What a great message and one to take to heart. I, for one don't know why anyone would be bothered by an older kid in a stroller. Same with binkies in older kids or bottles or whatever an individual choses. If it isn't hurting me or my family, then so what?? We never know what it takes for one person to get through a day and what troubles they go through. I wish you many, many more trips with your son!

 

[HappyLawyer]

i personally feel when i am on vacation my time with my family is too precious to worry about what others are doing. Basically everyone should mind their own business and have fun.