Please I need advice!!!

[gabby99girl]

Sorry, but I'm really having trouble with the update. The other girl supposedly slapping the DD wasn't important enough to make it into the initial post? That's a little more than just "drifting apart." If it's true, the OP's daughter sounds like she was pretty rude to her friend, not that it justifies being slapped, but knowing how teen girls tend to exaggerate, I wonder if it was really even a slap or just being silly. Plus, the OP's daughter did accept the apology, so there's that. If the supposed slap was enough to drop her from the trip, it should have happened back when the incident occurred. Canceling on her now is wrong, IMO.

It really sounds like this is one of those threads where the OP doesn't get the advice they wanted and pulls out "extra information" to sway everyone to their side.

NO! That is not my intention. You have no idea how I've agonized over this. I have told my daughter that she has to bring this friend, no matter what. But I don't want my daughter to be miserable on a trip she has waited 3 years for. Yes, it was important enough to include in the original post, but I didn't want that info to influence anybody's advice. My daughter has moved past it, it's ME that still dwells on it. And since we are financially responsible for this trip - I want it to be worthwhile.

 

[Allison]

Sorry, but if you were going to change your mind, you should have contacted the family then, not wait until they contacted you. She has been invited, it is really not fair to uninvite. Your daughter needs to get in touch with the girls and see where she stands on this.

 

[Stacy_C]

OK, after hearing that I can understand why your DD doesn't want her to go and honestly I would not want someone who slapped my DD in the face to go, apology or not. Your DD is old enough to talk to the girl herself and say look after what happened I don't think it would be a good idea to go and have the girl tell her mom that she isn't going. While I think maybe you should tell the mom what happened, if you are really against it I would just respond to the mom that apparently there was a disagreement between the girls and it was decided that your DD would not be going and the her DD can fill her in on what happened.

Based on the additional info from the OP, I am changing my opinion and agree with kwelch.

 

[Hannathy]

NO! That is not my intention. You have no idea how I've agonized over this. I have told my daughter that she has to bring this friend, no matter what. But I don't want my daughter to be miserable on a trip she has waited 3 years for. Yes, it was important enough to include in the original post, but I didn't want that info to influence anybody's advice. My daughter has moved past it, it's ME that still dwells on it. And since we are financially responsible for this trip - I want it to be worthwhile.

Then if it bothered you so much why didn't you cancel the day after it happened or at least back in May? You don't do that to a person. You don't promise and dangle something in front of them and then pull it away at the last minute. That just isn't right.

That girls heart will be broken.

 

[srferson]

Don't know what you or DD are going to decide to do, but it may not be all the boy talk she's expecting.

For a thirteen year old living a typical day to day life, surrounded by classmates of both sexes, it's no surprise that boys are on her mind. But on vacation at Universal perhaps her interests will be a little broader. (Though I suppose Harry Potter may get her thirteen year old hormones going... who knows.)

If the friend does go, I'd suggest talking to DD about how to handle it if her friend does get on her nerves talking about boys. No way am I saying it was okay for this girl to slap your DD, but perhaps DD's communication could have been a little better before she got to the point where she lost it and snapped at her friend.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

The slapping incident took place before school ended. That, IMHO, should've been addressed right then and there. It almost seems a little too late to bring it up to the parents now as a reason for uninviting her. I also think that your daughter is old enough to talk to her friend about the concerns she has.

Also, why did she "have to" bring a friend along in the first place?

 

[Casperina]

Anyone who smacks my child, sure as hell isn't going on my magical vacation.

Do not feel obligated to a 13 year old or their family.

Especially after what happened.

 

[sam_gordon]

If you're confident the girls will become friends again when they get back to school, why wouldn't they become friends on this trip?

I don't think now is the time to say "this is going to be a family vacation". That should have been brought up when the invitation was originally extended.
I don't think now is the time to say "the girls had a falling out". That should have been brought up shortly after (if not immediately) after the slap.

This entire story has a lot of "lack of communication". That's all water under the bridge now.

As far as what I'd do now... have DD invite the friend out... to the pool or the mall, or whatever is popular with teens. Let them spend a day together. If they get along during the day, then the friend can go on the trip. If they bicker/fight during that day, then DD can rescind the invitation ("If that's how you feel/act, maybe it's better if you don't come with us to Universal").

I assume this trip doesn't include airfare which would already have to have been purchased (and generally can't be changed).

 

[luvmy2sams]

NO! That is not my intention. You have no idea how I've agonized over this. I have told my daughter that she has to bring this friend, no matter what. But I don't want my daughter to be miserable on a trip she has waited 3 years for. Yes, it was important enough to include in the original post, but I didn't want that info to influence anybody's advice. My daughter has moved past it, it's ME that still dwells on it. And since we are financially responsible for this trip - I want it to be worthwhile.

I have a 13-year-old daughter as well, and I can only think of one of her many friends that I would tolerate having along on a family vacation. Not all 13-year-old girls are boy crazy, but those that are can drive everyone around them nuts with their behavior. Did your DD ask your permission before she invited her friend along? I agree that it would have been better to address this earlier, but since you're footing the bill completely, I wouldn't have a problem with offering an apology and an explanation that your circumstances have changed.

 

[Hannathy]

I am really astounded at all the go ahead and not take her responses.

I can't believe how heartless and rude and cruel you all are telling this poster to be. I really can't.

You all seriously think it is OK to go back on your word and break a promise, especially at this late date. Wow I guess peoples word isn't worth anything anymore.


Would you really understand and like it if someone broke their promise to your child at the last moment after months of looking forward to it? I don't believe you would be on here saying "yeah after my child planned and looked forward to a trip with a friend they told them they couldn't go at the last moment and I think its is perfectly fine and he is as happy as a clam over it" I think we all know what the post would look like.

I raise my children to and I also keep my word if I promise something.

 

[Laura66]

Sorry, but I'm really having trouble with the update. The other girl supposedly slapping the DD wasn't important enough to make it into the initial post? That's a little more than just "drifting apart." If it's true, the OP's daughter sounds like she was pretty rude to her friend, not that it justifies being slapped, but knowing how teen girls tend to exaggerate, I wonder if it was really even a slap or just being silly. Plus, the OP's daughter did accept the apology, so there's that. If the supposed slap was enough to drop her from the trip, it should have happened back when the incident occurred. Canceling on her now is wrong, IMO.

It really sounds like this is one of those threads where the OP doesn't get the advice they wanted and pulls out "extra information" to sway everyone to their side.

I agree with this. Girls are Girls and they both were being stinkers. I also think there is the possibility that the OP's daughter might be exaggerating the slapping part of the story.

 

[crusoe2]

First off, I would lean towards rescinding the invitation. I teach high school and, at least here, it is not normal behavior for girls to slap each other. That would be a big red flag to me that I don't want my daughter to continue her friendship with the other girl. No way would I want to take her on a long-awaited and expensive family vacation.

But you might want to talk to your daughter again and ask how she thinks the girl will react to being uninvited - will she be nasty to your daughter when school starts back? Not that your daughter should stick by the invitation out of intimidation. But she should be prepared for some possibly nasty fallout. And you never know, in the course of the conversation you may learn that the incident didn't happen quite like you initially thought or your daughter may have a change of heart after considering the other girl's feelings.

All that said - since the other girl's mom communicated directly with you, I think it would be rude to not respond. She may not have any idea about the incident between the girls. And if, after further discussion you and your daughter decide to rescind the invitation, I'd tell the other mom that your decision regarding bringing her daughter has changed because the girls had a disagreement right before school got out and haven't spoken all summer, that surely she'll understand given that this is such an expensive trip. But you might also have your daughter send the girl a private message via Facebook to let her know that her mother has asked about it and fill her in on the response you sent to her mom.

 

[soccerchick]

I am really astounded at all the go ahead and not take her responses.

I can't believe how heartless and rude and cruel you all are telling this poster to be. I really can't.

You all seriously think it is OK to go back on your word and break a promise, especially at this late date. Wow I guess peoples word isn't worth anything anymore.


Would you really understand and like it if someone broke their promise to your child at the last moment after months of looking forward to it? I don't believe you would be on here saying "yeah after my child planned and looked forward to a trip with a friend they told them they couldn't go at the last moment and I think its is perfectly fine and he is as happy as a clam over it" I think we all know what the post would look like.

I raise my children to and I also keep my word if I promise something.

How do we know the other girl will be disappointed? I also don't think she's been counting the days since there's been no communication anywhere - no texts, no FB. Please. She may be feeling the same way as OP's DD. I know I've agreed to stuff and then regetted it later.
Maybe she's fishing to get out of it too.

I agree that to not get this figured out a while ago was silly. I'm a type A planner and would have had that nailed down long ago. Did I miss info about parents communicating directly to each other when the invtite was extended?

All parties involved need to get together and figure it out - soon. Honesty is the best policy.

 

[Desnik]

My DD is 14 so I just read this post to her and asked how she would handle it. She said she would still have her friend go on the trip. If she was a close enough friend to invite in the first place and her apology for the fight was accepted then she wouldn't uninvite the girl. She said it would be rude and wrong. She thinks the trip might bring them closer and also stated maybe since the girl was visiting with her father over the summer she really didn't have the time to keep in touch. DD said she would talk to the girl herself and find out if she still felt comfortable with going and wouldn't get me involved.

I'm pretty proud of my DD cause I agree with how she would handle this!

Also wanted to add DD said the slap had to not be a real slap like I hate you and I want to beat you up, but girls being girls and silly.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Then if it bothered you so much why didn't you cancel the day after it happened or at least back in May? You don't do that to a person. You don't promise and dangle something in front of them and then pull it away at the last minute. That just isn't right.

That girls heart will be broken.

I am really astounded at all the go ahead and not take her responses.

I can't believe how heartless and rude and cruel you all are telling this poster to be. I really can't.

You all seriously think it is OK to go back on your word and break a promise, especially at this late date. Wow I guess peoples word isn't worth anything anymore.


Would you really understand and like it if someone broke their promise to your child at the last moment after months of looking forward to it? I don't believe you would be on here saying "yeah after my child planned and looked forward to a trip with a friend they told them they couldn't go at the last moment and I think its is perfectly fine and he is as happy as a clam over it" I think we all know what the post would look like.

I raise my children to and I also keep my word if I promise something.

Are you being serious right now? You sound devestated! Just in case you werent aware, this is HER vacation (referring to the OP). Its HER money. She can do whatever she darn well pleases. Call me cruel, but if my son didnt want a friend on my vacation, i sure as heck am not going to bring him if its going to make him unhappy and cause unnecessary drama on the trip. Will it hurt his feelings? Maybe. But we'll all get over it eventually. Plus, the OP is paying for it! I sure as heck wouldnt foot the bill for someone who slapped my kid in the face. Violence is not tolerated in my house. So youre basically telling this woman that her friend should come even thou it will make both the DD and mom unhappy? AWESOME advice! clap! clap! clap! (clear sarcasm here). Thats the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard in my whole life. Life is full of disappointments, get over it. Im sure this kid will too. If the kid wants to go to universal so bad, her own parents should take her.

As I said OP, its your vacation. My child would be priority #1. If she's really unhappy about her friend coming, then pull the plug. Tell the mom its a family vacay, plain and simple. Or get your DD to tell her friend. Doesnt matter who, but someone needs to say something asap. Good luck.

Anyone who smacks my child, sure as hell isn't going on my magical vacation.

Do not feel obligated to a 13 year old or their family.

Especially after what happened.

>>> THIS!!

 

[Leger13]

If your daughter is old enough (over the age of 10), she should be responsible enough to tell her friend. She wanted to invite her, now she doesn't. She needs to be the one to tell her.

Otherwise, I would still take the friend. If there is no good reason as to why she shouldn't go, I'm sure the girls will have a lot of fun together.

Agreed

 

[Ciao Mickey]

let me add some needed info. the girls are both 13 years old. the friend of my daughter is going the "boy crazy" route. my daughter (so far thank you thank you thank you) is not. there was an incident right before school let out where the friend was talking about a particular boy and my daughter said "ok! nobody wants to hear about this anymore. and the friend slapped my daughter in the face. now she did apologize to my daughter and my daughter accepted the apology and that's what led to the drifting apart thing. also, the friend is with her father for the summer - but they both have facebooks and have not communicated there either. i do not know the mom well, and was actually very surprised that she would let her daughter go. my main concern is that my daughter has said that she does not want to spend her entire vacation hearing about all these boys - and i'm worried about what may or may not happen.

now i don't believe the mom knows about the incident - and i would rather not tell her because....well, let's just say the mother is very physical with her discipline. personally, i agree with the "you made your bed" logic, but i don't want this vacation to be miserable. my daughter has wanted to go to WWOHP for 3 years now - and i want it to be perfect for her.

maybe that will help with the advice!!!!

Since the kids haven't kept in touch, how do you know the girl still wants to go on the trip with you anyway and it's not her parents pushing her to go?

Either way, any kid who slaps my kid would *not* be going anywhere with me.

Considering how your daughter now feels about the relationship, I would tell the mother that there is a change of plans and it will be a *family only* trip (no need to go into details).

Your daughter and her feelings should be your first consideration.

The other girl sounds like a little snot and--seriously people--you wouldn't have a problem taking this kid who slapped yours on your family vacation??

 

[pyrxtc]

How long will you be gone and when do you leave. is there chances for them to hang out before you leave and see if they can do this. 13 yrs old is old enough to figure it out between them but there must be a set time you need to know before you leave. Are you driving or flying ?

So many questions unanswered ........ My DD has gotten into a fist fight with her BF and they are still BF's. A lot of teens lose touch over the summer and then get back into it together. I have taken her on vacation. This vacation would be like that. I hope this child has spent time at your house before so you know how she acts on a regular basis.

In the end it's up to you. I think it's rude to back out if the vacation is soon. Your DD should have kept in better touch and it would not have been such a big deal now.

 

[pat fan]

Ok, I advised OP to tell the other mom that it was a family only vacation, and I stand by that. What I don't understand is, was there NO communication between the adults about this trip? If not, then I really don't get the big deal. Kids say and do a lot of things parents don't approve of/are not aware of. Invitations are thrown out all the time. "We're going to Universal, want to come?" "We're going camping, want to come?" "We're going to the movies, want to come?" 1/2 the time parents aren't aware of these invites and kids don't take them all that seriously. Something that sounds great in April has dimmed a whole lot by June. Give the mom a break, IMO, and OP, just tell the other mom that it is a family vacation that you all have waited a long time for and you want it to just be family. I would have no problem with that from either end.

 

[Casperina]

.
>>> THIS!!

This is the best thing I've read all day ♥