PLEASE help with a bossy child

[padams]

Daxx- I understand what you are saying. When DS was in 1st grade, his teacher made a really big deal about not tattling. Apparently because some girls had been tattling excessively, the teacher told the class "No tattling whatsoever!"

DS began not being his usual cheery self at home and didn't want to go to school, which was extrememly uncharacteristic. I asked him a lot of questions to try to understand what was wrong. I knew he didn't have many of his usual buddies in his class that year, and I thought he was sad because his friends were in a different class. After a month or so of being upset, he finally broke down one night and told us that there were 2 boys in his class who would grab him on the playground, take him behind a slide where the teachers monitoring recess couldn't see, hold him down and bend his fingers backward until DS cried. DS said they did it to other kids but DS thought they did it to him the most. I asked him why he didn't tell the teacher and he said "because mom, the rule is no tattling. I don't want to get in trouble for tattling." Apparently, the other kids weren't tattling either. My mommy heart was breaking for him. I immediately sent the teacher an e-mail and she asked me to come in. She was almost as upset as me. She said that she didn't realize the kids had taken her "no tattling " rule so strictly. she then had a series of discussions with the class, and with the boys and girls in small groups to talk further about what is tattling and what is not.

 

[Daxx]

there were 2 boys in his class who would grab him on the playground, take him behind a slide where the teachers monitoring recess couldn't see, hold him down and bend his fingers backward until DS cried. DS said they did it to other kids but DS thought they did it to him the most. I asked him why he didn't tell the teacher and he said "because mom, the rule is no tattling. I don't want to get in trouble for tattling." Apparently, the other kids weren't tattling either. She said that she didn't realize the kids had taken her "no tattling " rule so strictly.

Thank you for highlighting my point w/your story. This is precisely what I meant when I said that it is good that the OP's child told the teacher. There are times when you need to tell the teacher that something harmful is being said or done.

If your child would have spoken up at school, this would have been nipped in the bud faster and your child wouldn't have had so many incidents! But, b/c the teacher said no tattling, kids didn't want to breathe a word of it, lest get in trouble for tattling.

I'd hate to imagine what your child would have gone through if he hadn't said anything to you. And, I'm sure the teacher was wishing your child had come to her a lot sooner, too!

I'm glad the issue was resolved! See, sometimes you do need to tattle!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

As you know, Daxx, with kids you have to be very specific. For padams son's teacher to simply say "no tattling" without saying exactly what she meant had the children interpreting what tattling meant to them. Of course tattling can mean a lot of things to a child!

T&B

 

[Aidensmom]

padams - I am so sorry that happened to your son, my heart is breaking for him.

I really do appreciate all of your input. Tattling really is a hard subject for a young child to understand, there are so many variables. I tried to explain to Aiden last night that sometimes it is OK to tell the teacher, when someone is doing something to hurt him or another child, or to make him or another child cry, and that sometimes the person doing the hurting may still be mad at him for telling, but that is OK. We'll see how it goes, keeping my fingers crossed.