"Playdate" Should they have provided lunch?

[MarkBarbieri]

I have a horde of elementary schoolers over at our house all the time. At meal times, we usually either send them home or check with their parents about what is acceptable. Most of the rest of the time, those little buggers do a lot of noshing. None of them are shy when they are hungry.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I probably would have fed them first.

I don't think the OP was planning on calling the other Mom out or anything =I think she was just surprised.

Maybe it is my southern upbringing. But I always thought you offer guests food -especially if they are there for more than an hour or two.

My DDs do not have loads of people over like some kids -so maybe I am not used to that "they will eat when they get hungry -I don't have to offer it" school of thought.

Agree. Not a big deal OP. I certainly would have given them something to eat if they were hungry & at my house.

Girls generally get a snack and a drink and that is it. They don't worry about food.

 

[Art 1]

I could never imagine my wife not offering food for any guest that was over for 4 min let alone 4 hrs.

My wife would have cooked my Sons and his friends a full meal if they were over that long and she would enjoy doing so.

 

[RadioNate]

I raised 3 boys and by the time they were 13, I would not have "made" lunch for them. I would have expected my son to bring them into the kitchen to do their own raiding if they were hungry.

Exactly, these are 13 year olds. Hungry = eat. I certainly wouldn't have served lunch to a group of 13 year old boys. I would have expected my son to offer his friends something and if my son were hungry at a friend's house I'd expect him to say something to his friend. But as a mom, I wouldn't have prepared and set out a lunch for them. They are 13!

My 8 year old did have a friend over yesterday and I did make them a frozen pizza and put it on the table but it wasn't like I called them down for lunch. They came and got it when they wanted it. They also helped themselves to snacks (I have a 'snack box' my DS knows he can raid anytime) and drinks.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've rarely fed a meal to any of dd13's friends, and she's rarely had a meal at her friends' homes. Once or twice this summer, I needed to get rid of some hotdogs and hamburgers, so she made a point to tell them I was serving lunch. They just get together on their own, although sometimes I do drive her. The only time they have set times is the 7 - 10:30 pm thing they do every weekend, rotating homes. Dd walks to shoprite and buys snacks.

They do go out to lunch at least once a week, usually Chinese.

 

[Minnie*J*]

I'm surprised a group of boys 13 years old didn't just spontaneously eat everything in the kitchen and possibly the neighbor's kitchen as well. DD is 10 and if she or her friends were hungry they'd go to the kitchen and make a sandwich or hot pocket or something. Even at 10 my involvement would need to be very minimal.

I think this is might have been what the friend's mom was thinking. At 13 her son probably gets his own lunch or snacks and she may of thought the kids would just get or ask for something if hungry,

I would have asked if anyone was hungry at lunchtime, but my kids are a bit younger.

 

[JerseyJanice]

When my 13 yo DS is invited to someone's house, I don't assume they will feed him a meal unless they specifically say they are serving one.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don´t serve my teens any kind of meal, except dinner. I expect them to fend for themselves if they´re hungry
My own kids would never go 4 hours at that time of day without having a snack and they always ask their friends if they would like something.

You know, you're right - dd13 makes her own lunch, when she's hungry. I can't remember the last time I made her breakfast or lunch!

 

[Acklander]

My DDs do not have loads of people over like some kids -so maybe I am not used to that "they will eat when they get hungry -I don't have to offer it" school of thought.

It's not that I think "I don't have to offer it"; but more of a "I don't have to prepare it" type thing. By the teen years, I didn't really consider it as my hosting a play date with structure; but more of my kid is having friends over, therefore he's "hosting" the gathering and he's doing it in the kid casual way they all seemed to have about them. Kids would come over to the house to hang, or after practice or whatever. My son knew where the fridge and snack shelf was. They would eat. No formalities, or set meal times. I don't think that any kid who was at my house for 4 hours ever went without eating - but that's because my kid never went 4 hours without eating. He'd get hungry, and say to the guys "Who wants something to eat" - they'd all head into the kitchen and deplete a massive amount of groceries (picture 3 or 4 football guys and the damage they can do LOL).
The only time I remember being consulted about food is, when hanging together in the evening, DS might come in and ask about ordering a pizza for the gang. BUT, by this age, he was the one calling the shots and "offering the food" , not me.

 

[mjkacmom]

It seems like he should have gotten offered some kind of snack over there. My oldest is 6 yrs old but i imagine when she gets to be that age, I'll still offer her and her friends something to eat if she has friends over for 3 or 4 hours.

I offer snacks to the six and eight year old crowd, and maybe even the eleven year old crowd here, but it's certainly not necessary for the thirteen year old crowd. They can fend for themselves!

 

[Magic Mom]

I didn't really want to call it a playdate because the boys are all around 13yo, but I couldn't think of a better word. So, DS was invited to his friend's house today from 12pm to 4pm, along with 2 other boys. He wasn't told that they would have lunch there, but I thought for sure they would since most people don't eat lunch before noon. DS got home at 4pm and was starving. I asked if his friend's mom gave them anything to eat and he said no. I'm surprised she let 4 teenage boys go 4 hours without giving them any food.

So my question is: if your DS invited friends over at that time of day would you have served lunch?

I was thinking back to when DS was 13 about how he communicated. I think I solved the lunch mystery. This is how it all happened with your son's friend.

Friend:"MOM!" yelling from the basement "Can some guys come over to play Xbox on Saturday?!?"

Mom: OK, but first you have to help with chores."

Friend: "What??? Man! grumble grumble. Fine, when can they come over?"

Mom: "In the afternoon, after lunch. But they can't stay for dinner."

Friend calling your DS: "Hey, my mom said it was OK for you to come over on Saturday."

DS: "OK, I gotta check with my Mom. What time?

Friend: "I don't know like between lunch and dinner 12-4, I got a new game."

DS to you: "Mom, can I go to friends this saturday?"

You: "Sure, what time?"........

Sometimes with teen boys, the details get lost in translation.

 

[MizTink]

there's also a sort of standing rule with my kids and their friends.....you eat at your own house!! we all live very close so it's not like they are stuck and can't eat. they all just know that food is expensive!! and when they do eat it is INSANE the damage they can do!!!! it's not that they can never eat at someone elses house, it's just that we try to control it a little. i had 24 cans of coke disappear in about 2 minutes yesterday!!!! one boy will drink an entire gallon of milk while he's over if i let him! there's just no reason for that. especially when most of the friends live in the same apartment complex as us.
1 time i got a box of chicken from popeyes and ds's friend ate 9 pieces. now that's just rude......

 

[MushyMushy]

there's also a sort of standing rule with my kids and their friends.....you eat at your own house!! we all live very close so it's not like they are stuck and can't eat. they all just know that food is expensive!! and when they do eat it is INSANE the damage they can do!!!! it's not that they can never eat at someone elses house, it's just that we try to control it a little. i had 24 cans of coke disappear in about 2 minutes yesterday!!!! one boy will drink an entire gallon of milk while he's over if i let him! there's just no reason for that. especially when most of the friends live in the same apartment complex as us.
1 time i got a box of chicken from popeyes and ds's friend ate 9 pieces. now that's just rude......

We usually haven't had that problem with teens. My kids' friends have been really good about eating and drinking in moderation. However this one time we'd had a whole turkey breast that we cooked and were going to use for a recipe. My daughter's friend ended up eating the entire turkey breast by herself! We didn't make her feel bad for it or anything, but we were certainly shocked by it.

 

[Art 1]

there's also a sort of standing rule with my kids and their friends.....you eat at your own house!! we all live very close so it's not like they are stuck and can't eat. they all just know that food is expensive!! and when they do eat it is INSANE the damage they can do!!!! it's not that they can never eat at someone elses house, it's just that we try to control it a little. i had 24 cans of coke disappear in about 2 minutes yesterday!!!! one boy will drink an entire gallon of milk while he's over if i let him! there's just no reason for that. especially when most of the friends live in the same apartment complex as us.
1 time i got a box of chicken from popeyes and ds's friend ate 9 pieces. now that's just rude......

Sounds like your Son needs some new friends. They must have poured the cokes out to go thru 24 cans in 2 mins.

 

[Acklander]

We usually haven't had that problem with teens. My kids' friends have been really good about eating and drinking in moderation. However this one time we'd had a whole turkey breast that we cooked and were going to use for a recipe. My daughter's friend ended up eating the entire turkey breast by herself! We didn't make her feel bad for it or anything, but we were certainly shocked by it.

I just had a specific area in the fridge/freezer and on the shelf that was considered a "free for all" in that no one had to ask permission to eat it. The rest was hands off, as I needed it to prepare meals. Once a month I'd stop by Sam's club and load up of stuff like - popcorn, chips, cookies, raman noodles, frozen pizzas, the powdered gatorade, hot pockets, mac and cheese - stuff like that
yeah, it raised our grocery bill by quite a bit when DS was a teen, but I just considered that one of the expenses of raising a child.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My DS went to a friends house after school a month or so ago. He rode the bus home with him. It was set prior that I was to pick him up at 7:30. When I picked him up, he told me he was starving. I said didn't ****'s mom give you any dinner? He said, no. She made us a snack , but I took a bite set it down on the floor and the dog ate it.

The mom and kid thought it was funny but nothing else was offered. And on a sidenote the kid who lived there set his snack down too and the dog ate his too.

I was upset. Especially since when the kid was at our house 2 weeks earlier, I ordered pizza and breaksticks plus offered a snack.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DS went to a friends house after school a month or so ago. He rode the bus home with him. It was set prior that I was to pick him up at 7:30. When I picked him up, he told me he was starving. I said didn't ****'s mom give you any dinner? He said, no. She made us a snack , but I took a bite set it down on the floor and the dog ate it.

The mom and kid thought it was funny but nothing else was offered. And on a sidenote the kid who lived there set his snack down too and the dog ate his too.

I was upset. Especially since when the kid was at our house 2 weeks earlier, I ordered pizza and breaksticks plus offered a snack.

That is just wrong.

 

[sparklynails23]

Sometimes boys that age get so caught up in what they're playing, they don't bother eating until they are "starving."

 

[Zandy595]

That is exactly what I was thinking.

Is this really a big deal? You're not going to call the kids mother and complain are you? 13 year old boys don't "do lunch" they raid the fridge

LOL No of course I wasn't going to call the kid's mom. I wasn't upset about it, just a little surprised. It's not like DS was going to die from not eating for 4 hours. He just pigged out when he got home. No big deal. I just was interested to know what other people do when their kids have friends over.

At 13, they are old enough to either fend for themselves or ask the parent that is there where they can get something to eat. Most of the time when I was that age, we'd either make sandwiches, a frozen pizza, mac and cheese.. something along those lines.

That's the thing, DS wouldn't ask his friend or the parents for food if he was hungry. That's just how he is. He'd rather go hungry than ask someone else for food.

i wouldn't "serve" lunch. but they could certainly eat if they were hungry!!! 13 year old boys are big enough to handle that on their own!!
and please don't call the other mom......that would HUMILIATE your son!!!
does he know he was on a "play date"????? LOL

I guess I shouldn't have said serve, when I really meant provided food.
I said in my original post that I didn't want to call it a playdate. It was just easier to use that word in the title than anything else.

What time do they start school that they don't eat until 1:30? Our kids would be STARVING by then.

School starts at 8:55.

I could never imagine my wife not offering food for any guest that was over for 4 min let alone 4 hrs.

My wife would have cooked my Sons and his friends a full meal if they were over that long and she would enjoy doing so.

That's how I am.



The reason I started this thread was to find out what everyone else considers normal. Now I know that I should never assume that other parents are going to provide food for my son even if he is at their house at what I consider to be a meal time. I will on the other hand always offer food to DS's friends when they come over. Just knowing how my DS is, I would never assume that one of his friends would ask for food at my house. I don't know why, but I think it's a little rude for a guest to ask for food. It wouldn't happen here though because I would just automatically put food out.

 

[WhatATreat]

We don't really do lunch at my house on the weekends, plus my son and most of his friends like to sleep in and eat a late breakfast. I just make sure the kitchen is well stocked and remind ds to offer his friends food and drinks. 13 is not too young to learn to be a good host. Oh, and I make sure ds knows ahead of time if anything is off-limits.