Playdate question. Do you think this is rude?

[mefordis]

Do you think it's rude for a kid to ask for food at someone's house? I have taught my daughter to wait to be offered food at a playdate, and if none gets offered, don't ask. Just wait until you get home and I'll give her something to eat.

My daughter had someone over for a playdate (6 years old) and she asked right in front of me, "Why doesn't your mom offer us food?" I was surprised. It was 4:50 pm and her babysitter was going to arrive at 5pm and the playdate started at 3:30 pm. I was worrying about spoiling their appetite for dinner, which is at 5pm for both of them.

The girl had morning Kindergarten so had been out of school and at home since noon. She arrived at my house at 3:30 pm and it was an hour and a half playdate.

Thoughts on this?

 

[kacaju]

At 6 years old, no I don't think she was being rude, just honest.
I would have offered a small snack around 4:15.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Did they just get out of school?

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Do you think it's rude for a kid to ask for food at someone's house? I have taught my daughter to wait to be offered food at a playdate, and if none gets offered, don't ask. Just wait until you get home and I'll give her something to eat.

My daughter had someone over for a playdate (6 years old) and she asked right in front of me, "Why doesn't your mom offer us food?" I was surprised. It was 4:50 pm and her babysitter was going to arrive at 5pm and the playdate started at 3:30 pm. I was worrying about spoiling their appetite for dinner, which is at 5pm for both of them.

Thoughts on this?

Did they come straight from school? I've always offered snacks after school which I think is pretty normal and expected. Although I'd prefer my kids didn't ask for snacks at someone else's house, I'd like my kids' friends to feel comfortable enough to ask for something to eat if they are truly hungry.

 

[NikitaZee]

Depends on the age of the child. I tell my kids the same thing - not to ask for food in someone's home (but asking for a drink is okay). A 6 year old asking wouldn't bother me. A 10 year old, maybe.

I would have thought the same as you - too close to dinner to offer a snack. However, when my kids have friends over after school, I always ask if they've had snack at home. If they say no, I'll offer them something.

 

[VanniGirl]

Does not seem rude to me - I usually offer a drink and snack when they arrive home from school.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

At 6 years old, no I don't think she was being rude, just honest.
I would have offered a small snack around 4:15.

Yes, this. My DS has the little neighbor girl over all the time and I always offer her food and drinks.

 

[mefordis]

Did they just get out of school?

My daughter did, she gets a snack at school. Her play date goes to morning kindergarten and got out at noon.

I would have offered a snack if she would have arrived closer to 3pm but I am trying to get my daughter to eat a better dinner, so I have stopped snacking 2 hours before a meal.

I guess I should have offered goldfish. But to be honest, this girl is a total pain. When I offer her something in the past she always wants something else. It ends up being a huge deal so I was trying to keep food out of this playdate.

Now she is going to tell her mom I starved her. Great.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If they were just coming from school, I would have given snacks right away.

 

[kpm76]

I agree with the PP, at 6 yrs old, no it was not rude. I assume she was in school all day and if the last time she ate was lunch, the poor kid was probably pretty hungry. I would have offered a healthy snack when they arrived. It's nice to teach your kids not to ask for food unless offered and I will do the same when mine are old enough to go to friends' houses on their own, but just because you teach her that doens't mean she always abides by this rule. Kids are brutally honest. The kid was hungry. Who knows, maybe the kids mom taught her not to ask for food but she "forgot" or just go so hungry she expressed it........

 

[Kimberle]

She's a little kid. They don't always have the best "manners". Give her a break.

 

[C.Ann]

I think most of us have taught our children not to ask - to wait until something is offered - but it sounds as though you have had prior experiences with this particular child asking for food or a snack before..

If that's the case, I would have been prepared with something small and healthy - an apple; orange; some grapes; etc. If she was truly hungry, she would accept - if not, then she's just looking for junk food - which you are under no obligation to offer..

If the play dates continue, I would be sure to keep something healthy on hand and offer it as soon as the child arrives.. I don't think a piece of fruit will do too much damage in regards to this child - or your own child - still having an appetite come dinner time..

 

[mefordis]

She's a little kid. They don't always have the best "manners". Give her a break.

Yes, I think I was just shocked. My daughter would have never said that. I think I've been spoiled because my daughter is so well mannered, it's crazy. I don't take credit for it - I think she is just that way. Very polite. Now my youngest may be total opposite, who knows. I think a lot of it has to do with personality.

 

[mefordis]

I'll do this.

I think most of us have taught our children not to ask - to wait until something is offered - but it sounds as though you have had prior experiences with this particular child asking for food or a snack before..

If that's the case, I would have been prepared with something small and healthy - an apple; orange; some grapes; etc. If she was truly hungry, she would accept - if not, then she's just looking for junk food - which you are under no obligation to offer..

If the play dates continue, I would be sure to keep something healthy on hand and offer it as soon as the child arrives.. I don't think a piece of fruit will do too much damage in regards to this child - or your own child - still having an appetite come dinner time..

 

[Christine]

Yes, I think I was just shocked. My daughter would have never said that. I think I've been spoiled because my daughter is so well mannered, it's crazy. I don't take credit for it - I think she is just that way. Very polite. Now my youngest may be total opposite, who knows. I think a lot of it has to do with personality.

At age 6 is not always a case of being well-mannered. Many kids at that age are just outspoken and haven't quite developed that filter. Your daughter may just be more on the reserved side and isn't compelled to be that outspoken. At 6, I wouldn't consider it "rude" at old, just maybe a "bold" if that make sense?

 

[busyshrew]

I agree with the PPs. I don't think it's rude, not at 6 years old. I would have offered a snack.

We always offer snacks to DD's playmates whenever they come over. One reason is: hungry girls squabble more! But also, I'm trying to teach my daughter how to be a good host - and that involves offering a drink and a snack to her guests. I'm also trying to teach her not to grab the best piece and offer her guest first choice... That's going to take a while.

When the timing is late as in your case, I just put out plenty of fresh fruit and veggies with dip. No starches. Then even if the kids absolutely stuff themselves, at least you know it's on fruits & veggies. Which is what most of us are trying to get our kids to eat more of all the time anyway.

Eh, I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like you've had food battles with this child before - that's soooo annoying, so I sympathize. I very much doubt your DD's friend is going to be stunted in growth or anything because she didn't snack one time.

 

[mefordis]

Thank you for the reply.

I'm just worried that she is going to tell her mom that I didn't offer any food, and I really like her mom. I am going to look like a terrible host to her. I wasn't have a great day that day, and I was frantically trying to cook dinner and deal with my baby at the same time and I was just plain grouchy to begin with. I feel bad about it. I hope the little girl forgets about it and doesn't mention it to her mom.

Next time I'll do better!

I agree with the PPs. I don't think it's rude, not at 6 years old. I would have offered a snack.

We always offer snacks to DD's playmates whenever they come over. One reason is: hungry girls squabble more! But also, I'm trying to teach my daughter how to be a good host - and that involves offering a drink and a snack to her guests. I'm also trying to teach her not to grab the best piece and offer her guest first choice... That's going to take a while.

When the timing is late as in your case, I just put out plenty of fresh fruit and veggies with dip. No starches. Then even if the kids absolutely stuff themselves, at least you know it's on fruits & veggies. Which is what most of us are trying to get our kids to eat more of all the time anyway.

Eh, I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like you've had food battles with this child before - that's soooo annoying, so I sympathize. I very much doubt your DD's friend is going to be stunted in growth or anything because she didn't snack one time.

 

[Duchie]

My DS had a kid over a couple of weeks ago. He'd been here for maybe 30 minutes when he blurted out, "Can we watch a movie with popcorn?" I told him that they were welcome to watch a movie, but that it was too close to dinner so we wouldn't be having any snacks. This is because of my DS - if he had eaten a snack, he wouldn't have eaten dinner. So the boys chose a movie and as I was putting it in the DVD player he again said, "Now can we have popcorn?" I told him no, no snacks. He insisted he was hungry so I said I'd get him an apple. His response was, "I want peanut butter with it!" These kids are 10, and to me his whole attitude just seemed very rude and demanding. Of course, it didn't help when he said I had to drive him home because it had rained earlier and his dad didn't want him walking on the wet streets. His house isn't 100 yards down the street!

 

[mefordis]

OMG! This is my dd's friend in 4 years, er.... now!

My DS had a kid over a couple of weeks ago. He'd been here for maybe 30 minutes when he blurted out, "Can we watch a movie with popcorn?" I told him that they were welcome to watch a movie, but that it was too close to dinner so we wouldn't be having any snacks. This is because of my DS - if he had eaten a snack, he wouldn't have eaten dinner. So the boys chose a movie and as I was putting it in the DVD player he again said, "Now can we have popcorn?" I told him no, no snacks. He insisted he was hungry so I said I'd get him an apple. His response was, "I want peanut butter with it!" These kids are 10, and to me his whole attitude just seemed very rude and demanding. Of course, it didn't help when he said I had to drive him home because it had rained earlier and his dad didn't want him walking on the wet streets. His house isn't 100 yards down the street!

 

[kidzmom3]

I would have offered a snack. But, your attitude towards this girl is suprising if you really do like the mom and want the girls to be friends.

You were shocked that she asked for a snack and called her a pain. This is clearly not the friend for your daughter and you probably shouldn't invite her over again.