Playdate question. Do you think this is rude?

[busyshrew]

Thank you for the reply.

I'm just worried that she is going to tell her mom that I didn't offer any food, and I really like her mom. I am going to look like a terrible host to her. I wasn't have a great day that day, and I was frantically trying to cook dinner and deal with my baby at the same time and I was just plain grouchy to begin with. I feel bad about it. I hope the little girl forgets about it and doesn't mention it to her mom.

Next time I'll do better!

Don't feel bad, seriously, my DD had a friend that was HORRIBLE about food. I mean, wanna-tear-your-hair-out-run-screaming-from-the-room bad. Everytime this child was over I just got irritated! It got to the point that I started only setting up short 1-hour playdates at the park just so I would never have to deal with the whole food thing.

I'm absolutely sure your DD's friend has forgotten all about it, and it's non-issue. My DD has gone to other's houses for playdates and often hasn't eaten, I never think anything of it.

BTW - I do apologize, when I read over my original post it sounds a bit harsh and that wasn't my intention at all! Oh, the perils of DIS-ing when your 6 year old is doing a pretend-karaoke to Madonna songs...

 

[KirstenB]

Do you think it's rude for a kid to ask for food at someone's house? I have taught my daughter to wait to be offered food at a playdate, and if none gets offered, don't ask. Just wait until you get home and I'll give her something to eat.

My daughter had someone over for a playdate (6 years old) and she asked right in front of me, "Why doesn't your mom offer us food?" I was surprised. It was 4:50 pm and her babysitter was going to arrive at 5pm and the playdate started at 3:30 pm. I was worrying about spoiling their appetite for dinner, which is at 5pm for both of them.

The girl had morning Kindergarten so had been out of school and at home since noon. She arrived at my house at 3:30 pm and it was an hour and a half playdate.

Thoughts on this?

If you offered a somewhat healthy snack, I'd never be mad, even close to dinner. Heck, if my own 4 1/2 old asks for a snack before dinner, I just give her something healthy, knowing it may well take the place of dinner. I'm much more flexible with our younger dd, than I was with her sister. Little kids have little tummies. They get hungry fast, and get full fast, kwim?

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

At the age of 6, I would think it was more bold than rude. Now, ds had a friend who said...Hey You!! I'm thirsty! Get me a drink! ..... and while I was taking a deep breath and reminding myself that this wasn't my child, he said.... I saaaiiiiiiiddddd, get me a drink. Now!

I promise...I saw stars for a moment. I probably didn't handle it well....we learn from our mistakes. I said...Young Man, I am not sure how it is at your house, but at this house you will request a drink politely with a please and a thank you do you understand me????? and yes, I said that with the words all run together with my teeth clenched. And ya wanna know what?? That child has been a guest in my home many times since and he is all things polite....we have an understanding now.

 

[MM27]

At 6 years old she was probably just hungry and didn't want to tell you directly so she asked about the snack. Perhaps she always gets a snack at other playdates and she was wondering why you didn't offer one. Perhaps her mother didn't give her a snack before the playdate because she expected a snack at your house. You never know.

I don't think the kid was rude at all.

 

[PaDisney02]

I dont think she was being rude, she is a child, she was just hungry. I would have offered a small snack and then let her babysitter know what she had. I wouldnt let her go over board because like you said you didnt want it to ruin her dinner. I always offer people (and children) drinks/snacks when they come to my house. Everyone is different though, I'm sure she had a great time!

 

[Christine]

If you're seriously worried about her mom getting *mad* at you over this, well, then that just seems really stressful.

 

[diznygirl]

Do you think it's rude for a kid to ask for food at someone's house? I have taught my daughter to wait to be offered food at a playdate, and if none gets offered, don't ask. Just wait until you get home and I'll give her something to eat.

My daughter had someone over for a playdate (6 years old) and she asked right in front of me, "Why doesn't your mom offer us food?" I was surprised. It was 4:50 pm and her babysitter was going to arrive at 5pm and the playdate started at 3:30 pm. I was worrying about spoiling their appetite for dinner, which is at 5pm for both of them.

The girl had morning Kindergarten so had been out of school and at home since noon. She arrived at my house at 3:30 pm and it was an hour and a half playdate.

Thoughts on this?

She didn't ask you for a snack, she asked your daughter why you didn't offer one.



I don't think she was rude at all.

 

[pyrxtc]

I don't get the " don't ask for food cuz it's rude thing". If my child is at someone else's house and gets hungry, I hope they can ask nicely for something to eat. My kids friends are always welcome to things to eat in my house. They can tell me they are hungry or tell my child they are hungry and they know they can have any fruits or vegetables or cookies or whatever. If they are eating over, then no food within a half hour of dinner but if they aren't eating here, then they can have a snack til whenever. They do have to say please and thank you but I think it would be rude of me to think they were being rude by letting me know they are hungry.

If I based it on time of day some of their friends would be starving since at least used to come over in the morning to catch the bus at my house and never had breakfast at home. She ate here and then got the bus.

But most of their friends have been here enough that they know where the snack closet and drawer is and just grab something if they are hungry.

 

[wdwfan16]

Do you think it's rude for a kid to ask for food at someone's house? I have taught my daughter to wait to be offered food at a playdate, and if none gets offered, don't ask. Just wait until you get home and I'll give her something to eat.

My daughter had someone over for a playdate (6 years old) and she asked right in front of me, "Why doesn't your mom offer us food?" I was surprised. It was 4:50 pm and her babysitter was going to arrive at 5pm and the playdate started at 3:30 pm. I was worrying about spoiling their appetite for dinner, which is at 5pm for both of them.

The girl had morning Kindergarten so had been out of school and at home since noon. She arrived at my house at 3:30 pm and it was an hour and a half playdate.

Thoughts on this?

Not at 6 years old.

I would have offered some type of snack to them about 4 pm.

 

[kidshop]

My DS had a kid over a couple of weeks ago. He'd been here for maybe 30 minutes when he blurted out, "Can we watch a movie with popcorn?" I told him that they were welcome to watch a movie, but that it was too close to dinner so we wouldn't be having any snacks. This is because of my DS - if he had eaten a snack, he wouldn't have eaten dinner. So the boys chose a movie and as I was putting it in the DVD player he again said, "Now can we have popcorn?" I told him no, no snacks. He insisted he was hungry so I said I'd get him an apple. His response was, "I want peanut butter with it!" These kids are 10, and to me his whole attitude just seemed very rude and demanding. Of course, it didn't help when he said I had to drive him home because it had rained earlier and his dad didn't want him walking on the wet streets. His house isn't 100 yards down the street!

At least the 10 y/o didn't open up your pantry to see what looked good! My ds has friends that come over here straight from school. they all walk and these kids choose not to go home to eat a snack first. I tell them to go home and eat and then come back, and I give my kids a snack whether they are here or not. My kids have been taught not to ask for food at others houses, take or decline what is offered (don't ask for something else) and asking for water is always ok.

I have a 4 y/o neighbor boy who comes over who lives 3 houses away and as soon as he gets here asks for food. I find him annoying anyway, but I try to teach him polite behavior. You do have to learn that, and young kids aren't rude on purpose. By age 10, it's rude!

I do feed kids who are invited over and can't go home to eat!

I have found with the older kids I don't think their parents spend much time feeding them. They seem to be on their own to eat or not eat, whether meals or snacks. I make sure my kids eat meals and snacks regularly.

 

[lillygator]

My daughter did, she gets a snack at school. Her play date goes to morning kindergarten and got out at noon.

I would have offered a snack if she would have arrived closer to 3pm but I am trying to get my daughter to eat a better dinner, so I have stopped snacking 2 hours before a meal.

I guess I should have offered goldfish. But to be honest, this girl is a total pain. When I offer her something in the past she always wants something else. It ends up being a huge deal so I was trying to keep food out of this playdate.

Now she is going to tell her mom I starved her. Great.

wow....if she is such a pain, why have her over? If you offer something say that's it, this is the snack for today.

Yes, I think I was just shocked. My daughter would have never said that. I think I've been spoiled because my daughter is so well mannered, it's crazy. I don't take credit for it - I think she is just that way. Very polite. Now my youngest may be total opposite, who knows. I think a lot of it has to do with personality.

she may be very well mannered around you, but could also have the same type 6 year old moment around someone else.

Thank you for the reply.

I'm just worried that she is going to tell her mom that I didn't offer any food, and I really like her mom. I am going to look like a terrible host to her. I wasn't have a great day that day, and I was frantically trying to cook dinner and deal with my baby at the same time and I was just plain grouchy to begin with. I feel bad about it. I hope the little girl forgets about it and doesn't mention it to her mom.

Next time I'll do better!

I guess - I feel, when someone is in my home, I always offer some sort of food and drink. Was this a planned play date? If so, why the dinner/baby issue?

She didn't ask you for a snack, she asked your daughter why you didn't offer one.



I don't think she was rude at all.

I don't think she was rude either, she is SIX for goodness sake. She doesn't know your 2 hour no snack before dinner rule and every house has different rules.

Gosh - I certainly hope I never deal with someone putting up with my "pain" of a child for my friendship.

 

[Liberty Belle]

It depends on the age of the child. No, I don't think it's rude necessarily for a six year old to ask. I'd be happy he did, if he was hungry. Of course, I've told my seven year old to never ask for something like that and would be embarrassed if he did.

 

[Liberty Belle]

My DS had a kid over a couple of weeks ago. He'd been here for maybe 30 minutes when he blurted out, "Can we watch a movie with popcorn?" I told him that they were welcome to watch a movie, but that it was too close to dinner so we wouldn't be having any snacks. This is because of my DS - if he had eaten a snack, he wouldn't have eaten dinner. So the boys chose a movie and as I was putting it in the DVD player he again said, "Now can we have popcorn?" I told him no, no snacks. He insisted he was hungry so I said I'd get him an apple. His response was, "I want peanut butter with it!" These kids are 10, and to me his whole attitude just seemed very rude and demanding. Of course, it didn't help when he said I had to drive him home because it had rained earlier and his dad didn't want him walking on the wet streets. His house isn't 100 yards down the street!

Yes, a ten year old saying those things is rude (but even some ten year olds haven't developed that filter yet and some have disorders that make it non-existant). If a six year old did all that, nah, not rude. I'd just smile and gently tell him what I have to offer.

 

[happygirl]

She wasn't being rude in the least she was being 6. My guess she has been over to other people house and they offer snacks, or her mom offers kids snack when they come over.

 

[wehavesix]

Weeelllll, maybe it's my southern upbringing but I was taught to ALWAYS offer refreshment to visitors. No harm in offering some fresh fruit or veggies even just before dinner, is there? We tend to have "appetizers" like that anyway.

As a pre-k teacher for more than 20 years, I would just assume the child just speaks her mind as so many do at that age. But again, she wouldn't have to ask in my home and that may be what she has experienced in the homes of other friends. So that may explain why she's asking your child why it's not offered. She may just be noticing something that's different in your home from her own or the homes of other friends.

 

[4greatboys]

I don't think she was rude. You should have offered the girl a snack. She is a little kid. Well really though I have always offered my boys friends something no matter the age. Even if she had lunch not long ago she could still be hungry. My 7 yr old eats a lot. Seems like he is always hungry even if we have recently eaten, whereas my 9 yr old doesn't eat near as much.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Short of a child opening my cabinets and refridgerator, I wouldn't be upset. Heck, I've had teenage kids over here when DSDs lived here. They had no problem piping up. "Hey Mrs. C., I'm hungry. Is there anything to snack on?" Why be offended? I've got better things to worry about!!

 

[mefordis]

Thanks for all of your input! From now on I'll offer a snack for every playdate.

 

[NikitaZee]

Thanks for all of your input! From now on I'll offer a snack for every playdate.

Great idea. Nice reply as well - in spite of the fact that you've been getting some pretty curt responses to your question.

 

[mefordis]

Great idea. Nice reply as well - in spite of the fact that you've been getting some pretty curt responses to your question.

Thank you! I'm just glad people have taken the time to read and respond to my post!