Playdate question. Do you think this is rude?

[disneybound2010]

I grew up with parents that believed if you were in our house more than ten minutes, you were no longer friends,you were family. Anyone and everyone was welcome to what we had. All of our neighbors were that way. We were never scared to ask for a snack or something to drink.

My house is run the same way. Most of my friends(and their children-no matter what age) have the same open fridge policy. I would never think for a second that a child was RUDE for asking for a snack. I would actually feel pretty rotten to find out later they were hungry and didn't ask because they were worried they might be a "pain." Just my 2 cents...

 

[jodifla]

I grew up with parents that believed if you were in our house more than ten minutes, you were no longer friends,you were family. Anyone and everyone was welcome to what we had. All of our neighbors were that way. We were never scared to ask for a snack or something to drink.

My house is run the same way. Most of my friends(and their children-no matter what age) have the same open fridge policy. I would never think for a second that a child was RUDE for asking for a snack. I would actually feel pretty rotten to find out later they were hungry and didn't ask because they were worried they might be a "pain." Just my 2 cents...

ITA. You have people over you OFFER them something. It was Standard Operating Procedure at my parents' home, all their friends homes, and now mine.

 

[mefordis]

ITA. You have people over you OFFER them something. It was Standard Operating Procedure at my parents' home, all their friends homes, and now mine.

I still think it's rude to ask for food at someone's house, but I'll give a snack at a playdate.

 

[lillygator]

I still think it's rude to ask for food at someone's house, but I'll give a snack at a playdate.

generally speaking, yes I think it's rude. I'm an adult, I would not come into your home and ask for something to eat. But geez, the kid is 6 - and I thought she asked your daughter, not you. When you are around people who are your friends and are comfy with, you tend to be well, comfortable in asking things.

but then, I am also in the camp of having people over equals having some sort of food and drink available, especially when it is planned prior.

 

[mtomlin66]

Do you think it's rude for a kid to ask for food at someone's house? I have taught my daughter to wait to be offered food at a playdate, and if none gets offered, don't ask. Just wait until you get home and I'll give her something to eat.

My daughter had someone over for a playdate (6 years old) and she asked right in front of me, "Why doesn't your mom offer us food?" I was surprised. It was 4:50 pm and her babysitter was going to arrive at 5pm and the playdate started at 3:30 pm. I was worrying about spoiling their appetite for dinner, which is at 5pm for both of them.

The girl had morning Kindergarten so had been out of school and at home since noon. She arrived at my house at 3:30 pm and it was an hour and a half playdate.

Thoughts on this?

OP - I understood your reaction to the request. When my children were that age I would have probably thought the same thing. The child had been out of school since noon, and didn't arrive at your house until 3:30 pm. At that time of day, I wouldn't have expected to give the girls a snack either - especially when the girl was being picked up at 5:00pm.

Perhaps the error of our thinking was that the babysitter had given the child lunch and then an afternoon snack BEFORE she came over. The lesson may be in the future to ask the person dropping the child off if she had already had an afternoon snack. If she did, then you know not to give a second snack. If not, you can offer the same thing your DD had for her afternoon snack.

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

I agree with nikitazee...I am impressed with the OP's composure, I think some of the replies were pretty harsh!

mefordis- I don't think it is rude of the child, either (I guess that has been established already, huh? LOL). I will also tell you, since you know the mom, have had this child over before, etc...when I have a bad day and one of DD's friends are visiting...I sometimes fess up to the parent, "Listen, I had a rough day, I have been a little snappy at the kids!"

I have had moms say this to me as I pick up my DD from their home. I tell them, "Oh, thank goodness my DD will see ANOTHER mom having a bad day! I don't want her to think that only HER mommy has bad days! " LOL. I truly mean that.

Also, I try to establish what is the family's dinner situation. Sometimes, I feel guilty giving a child a snack, because I am afraid it will ruin their appetite. Then, I find out they were just doing something quick cuz a sibling had a sports practice or there was something going on that night...many times, they are GRATEFUL that I fed their child!

I tell my daughter (she is 11, but I told her this a long time ago) that if she feel really hungry, she should ask her playdate/friend to mention a snack to the parent.

Anyway, just my 2 cents, FWIW!

 

[brockash]

At 6 years old, no I don't think she was being rude, just honest.
I would have offered a small snack around 4:15.

I agree. While, I wouldn't want my kid asking that, I also wouldn't take it as rude if a friend of my ds's asked me for something. I also agree that I would have offerred something about half way through, but I think that's more my personal preference. I almost always ask any of ds's friends if they want something to eat or drink within about a half hour or so of being at my house, just because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, and I don't know if they're hungry/thirsty or not.

 

[Mermaid02]

I probably would have just said, "Sweetie if you want a snack all you have to do is ask." and then gotten her some cheese and crackers or something.

That being said the kid next door comes over here looking for food all the time.... (I mean I could spit and hit their house.... and he certainly isn't lacking for food- I know they feed him) It drives me nuts... unless he and ds are playing together I send him home. This isnt' a home for wayward boys.

 

[wildernesslodgelover]

I probably would have just said, "Sweetie if you want a snack all you have to do is ask." and then gotten her some cheese and crackers or something.

That being said the kid next door comes over here looking for food all the time.... (I mean I could spit and hit their house.... and he certainly isn't lacking for food- I know they feed him) It drives me nuts... unless he and ds are playing together I send him home. This isnt' a home for wayward boys.

LOL, You probably have better snacks at your house than he has at his!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't know if I'd call it rude at the age of 6...more like a bold kid who hasn't quite developed her filter just yet.

As far as snacks...I probably wouldn't have thought to give a kid a snack if she was going to be at my house for like 2 hours. OP, I think you said she got out of school at noon, came to your house at 3pm and was being picked up at 5pm. 3-5pm are the 2 hours right before dinner, and I would have assumed since he got home at noon from school that she had been given lunch at home.

I have to agree with C.Ann....keep some "healthy" snacks on hand and offer those. If she starts with "I don't want that" then the response is "Well sweetie, that's what we have".

 

[diznygirl]

I still think it's rude to ask for food at someone's house, but I'll give a snack at a playdate.

Good thing she didn't ask.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I probably would have just said, "Sweetie if you want a snack all you have to do is ask." and then gotten her some cheese and crackers or something.

That being said the kid next door comes over here looking for food all the time.... (I mean I could spit and hit their house.... and he certainly isn't lacking for food- I know they feed him) It drives me nuts... unless he and ds are playing together I send him home. This isnt' a home for wayward boys.

Had this happen on the day we were moving in. A neighborhood kid walked through the front door, saw the pizza box on the kitchen table (that we had just put in), opened it and commented that he didn't like pepperoni. Sorry about that kid. BTW, who are you???

LOL, You probably have better snacks at your house than he has at his!

I completely agree!! We had one girl eat dinner at our home every night (we ate around 5). Her mother wasn't home until after 7 p.m from work so she would eat with us and then eat again when her mother got home.

 

[rumrunnergirl]

.

 

[Jenn1980]

What bothers me the most is when my daughter tells her friend she will be eating over with out consulting me. But i always offer a light snack during play dates.

 

[dogluva]

She was being six. I have one. My older daughters would have gone hungry, not my youngest. She speaks her mind not matter how many times I try to teach her to use good manners. However, her friends do the same. I wouldn't have even given it a thought, just given her a drink or a snack. She is a kid and was probably hungry (or thirsty, mine are always thirsty especially when playing).

I have told my kids never to go in someone's refrigerator. This gets to me. I don't know why but I find this very irritating. Not enough to scream or yell, just make sure my kids dont' ever do it at a friend's house. THeir own or my mother's (she likes it!) but not friends.

 

[mefordis]

Thank you. I will definitely do that next time!

OP - I understood your reaction to the request. When my children were that age I would have probably thought the same thing. The child had been out of school since noon, and didn't arrive at your house until 3:30 pm. At that time of day, I wouldn't have expected to give the girls a snack either - especially when the girl was being picked up at 5:00pm.

Perhaps the error of our thinking was that the babysitter had given the child lunch and then an afternoon snack BEFORE she came over. The lesson may be in the future to ask the person dropping the child off if she had already had an afternoon snack. If she did, then you know not to give a second snack. If not, you can offer the same thing your DD had for her afternoon snack.

 

[mefordis]

I did give her some orange juice. I think I'm thinking about this so much because I feel so bad! I just think of that poor kid being hungry when it wouldn't have taken anything for me to give her some crackers or something. The guilt is just killing me.

She was being six. I have one. My older daughters would have gone hungry, not my youngest. She speaks her mind not matter how many times I try to teach her to use good manners. However, her friends do the same. I wouldn't have even given it a thought, just given her a drink or a snack. She is a kid and was probably hungry (or thirsty, mine are always thirsty especially when playing).

I have told my kids never to go in someone's refrigerator. This gets to me. I don't know why but I find this very irritating. Not enough to scream or yell, just make sure my kids dont' ever do it at a friend's house. THeir own or my mother's (she likes it!) but not friends.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm sure she'll live. Don't sweat it.

 

[dogluva]

I'm sure she'll live. Don't sweat it.

Yes, don't even worry about it! I am sure she is fine and had a great time.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'm sure she'll live. Don't sweat it.

Yes, don't even worry about it! I am sure she is fine and had a great time.

Op- the girl has forgotten all about it by now..... don't beat yourself up over it!