Party Times - Is it common for family to show up earlier?

[mookie]

Okay, I know I've been on an anti-family rant lately, but it just seems like I live with a bunch of wierdos...

In your family, if you have a party, any party, say, for Christmas or a birthday or whatever, and you send out invites, does your family come early?

Everytime we have a party at our house, or even just having people over, DH's family insists on getting there before everyone else does. Sometimes even a few hours earlier. For example, DD's birthday party is this weekend. It starts at 2:30, and this is what was put on the invitations. DH's mom has already said she'll be at our house at noon, and his brother and his family said they'd get there at 2. He has another sister that I also know will show up early, as well.

They do mean well, most of the time they say that they are coming to help, but it's really just an added nusiance. I feel like I am then starting my entertaining early, when I'd really like to just take my time getting ready and relax. Not only this, but they will also be the last ones to leave, which is well into the night.

Does anyone elses family do this? Overstaying their welcome? DH says I should lighten up. I do admit, I do get along with his family perfectly, it's just that it makes for a long day, and I don't know how to handle it. I've often thought of putting a later time on their invites, so they show up ON TIME, but if they ever found out I did that, I'm sure I'd get an earful.

DH thinks it's because his family lives over an hour away, so they feel like they have to get as much time in as they can. But we do see them very often, and there are others that come to the party that live just as far, but still come at the time we put on the invites.

I'm sure they don't see this as a big deal, since they are family. But, I feel like if I wanted them there at Noon or 2, I would have said that, and not 2:30.

Whos right, DH, or Me?

 

[AprilShowers]

Yep, my Dad will arrive anywhere from half hour to a whole hour early! Lots of times he catches us in the shower, or making last minute preparations. I HATE this.
I've finally just given up. I know I have to be ready early, and I usually am. I don't know why he does this, but he ALWAYS does. Sorry I have no solutions for you, but just comiserating with you a bit.

 

[FreshTressa]

My family does it to me all the time...I just put them to work!

I play like they are my closest friends and give them a job to do to help me get ready for the party.

I run around loooking really busy and say things like "oops, I'm really behind..can you move that chair for me?"

They usually go find a corner and leave me alone so I can finish getting ready.

I think it just means they feel close to you. I"m not annoyed by it, but I'm NOT going to entertain them early.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

My inlaws are the same way. We have a little joke in our family saying they are coming to "mark the field". My husband has five brothers so baseball was big in his house.

 

[inaminute]

I think you should lighten up and be grateful that your husband's family wants to help. Give them something to do. Let them help decorate or whatever--they offered to help. Take them up on it.

If it really bothers you, why not tell them you don't need or want them there until the time stated on the invitation? Being upfront and honest is a whole lot better than spending all your time feeling resentful.

 

[corie161]

No I have the opposite problem. DH family is always late. I tell them the party is at 3:00, they start trickling in after 3:15 and have been as much as an hour late. I've started doing things without them. The thing that irks me is they never have an excuse. My DD birthday is in May, so more than likely they are doing something as little as poking around outside in the flower garden or whatever. Sorry to interrupt their day.

Sorry, it' turned into my own little vent.

 

[inaminute]

I don't know why he does this, but he ALWAYS does.

Maybe he does it in order to spend a little extra time with you without everyone else around?

 

[agnes!]

My dad once showed up at my house with his *big* RV(the kind that is about the size of a bus?)...
.
.
.
are you ready?
.
.
.
*TWO* days early.

(What was odd was that this wasn't a pattern for him, something he did all the time at all. But this one time...I couldn't believe it. I saw him driving down a road fairly close to my house, thought "Gee that looks like Dad". Then "OH my gosh, it IS DAD!" I continued on my errand (to the store), calmed down and then drove home and dealt with it.

agnes!
PS - It's kind of funny, because on my mom's side showing up late seems to almost be genetic.

 

[kimbac3]

My family ALWAYS comes early. It doesn't matter what time I tell them. It is frustrating. Especially when they complain that the food isn't ready

My in-laws are ALWAYS late!! It's a crazy world I live in!!

Eventually I'll get the timing right and they'll all arrive at the same time!!
Kimba

 

[inaminute]

I tell them the party is at 3:00, they start trickling in after 3:15 and have been as much as an hour late. I've started doing things without them.

Now, that's rude. They should at least call.

You're handling it in the best way--just carry on without them.

 

[Poohbear123]

Everyone is late around here, so now I have said: Dinner will be served from 3-6 after that, food gets put away. My DD is the one that is Always late.

 

[mookie]

I think you should lighten up and be grateful that your husband's family wants to help. Give them something to do. Let them help decorate or whatever--they offered to help. Take them up on it.

If it really bothers you, why not tell them you don't need or want them there until the time stated on the invitation? Being upfront and honest is a whole lot better than spending all your time feeling resentful.

While I would love for them to help, that is really only their excuse. Once they get to our house, they crack a beer and ask why the snacks aren't out yet. (Of course, I've barely put my makeup on!!!) I have tried getting them to help, but it's not always effective. They end up making a bigger mess by the time the party gets started.

And I would love to tell them not to come until the time on the invite, but DH thinks I'm overreacting, and I'd be crazy to say that to them.

Trust me, I know that they mean well, but I have tried to drop hints and everything, it just doesn't work. I'm not really resentful, just frustrated, as some of the other posters have said.

 

[Nancy]

My Mom usually shows up a little early..but she helps me out so I'm ok with that.

Now my MIL????She is always late...and not just a little, she is way late!

My MIL got her masters degree after DH and I had already married and had a couple kids. We all decided to throw her a surprise graduation party at my house, we invited everyone, family-friends-etc. She was supposed to come over to "babysit since DH and I had a function to attend" well...2 hours after the time of the party starting still no MIL We keep calling her and she is making up all these excuses about why she isn't there yet, we keep telling her she is supposed to watch the kids we had a work function to attend. She tells us she'll be over shortly, (meanwhile party is going full swing, we ate, drinks are being downed) another hour passes and still no MIL, people are now leaving..so we call her again..more hemming and hawing so we finally tell her..look we HAD a house full of people here for you, it was a surprise party so we think you better come over now cause everyone is now leaving...(and not too happy about things either) turns out MIL had a visiter in from out of town and was "busy" with him!!! She never told us, she would not introduce us to him or bring him along because he was a married man that she met on a business trip! Basically she thought it was ok to blow off babysitting her grandkids to have a fling. So she finally shows up after most of the guests have left.

She is late for everything, she shows up after dinner has been eaten and brings food for dinner. If I say dinner is at 5, we usually will eat at 5:30, she'll show up at like 6 or 7 and bring food...did she really think we would hold dinner that long?

 

[mookie]

My Mom usually shows up a little early..but she helps me out so I'm ok with that.

Now my MIL????She is always late...and not just a little, she is way late!

My MIL got her masters degree after DH and I had already married and had a couple kids. We all decided to throw her a surprise graduation party at my house, we invited everyone, family-friends-etc. She was supposed to come over to "babysit since DH and I had a function to attend" well...2 hours after the time of the party starting still no MIL We keep calling her and she is making up all these excuses about why she isn't there yet, we keep telling her she is supposed to watch the kids we had a work function to attend. She tells us she'll be over shortly, (meanwhile party is going full swing, we ate, drinks are being downed) another hour passes and still no MIL, people are now leaving..so we call her again..more hemming and hawing so we finally tell her..look we HAD a house full of people here for you, it was a surprise party so we think you better come over now cause everyone is now leaving...(and not too happy about things either) turns out MIL had a visiter in from out of town and was "busy" with him!!! She never told us, she would not introduce us to him or bring him along because he was a married man that she met on a business trip! Basically she thought it was ok to blow off babysitting her grandkids to have a fling. So she finally shows up after most of the guests have left.

She is late for everything, she shows up after dinner has been eaten and brings food for dinner. If I say dinner is at 5, we usually will eat at 5:30, she'll show up at like 6 or 7 and bring food...did she really think we would hold dinner that long?

OMG. I would have been furious!!! I guess I shouldn't be complaining then...

 

[mommytotwo]

I am lucky to have my uncle and aunty come early to help us when we have birthday parties. And sometimes my cousin also comes and helps us.

We have two types of people. Ones that just comes and doesn't help, and waits around for the party to start, and those that comes early to help and also stays to clean up and such.

 

[castleview]

Some of my ILs arrive early so they can leave early. It normally didn't bother me, but last time they showed up 40 minutes early and were so annoying that DH let them start eating shortly after that. I was so angry. All the people that showed up on time or "a little" early walked in while they were eating. Grrr!

 

[Kimmumum]

My family always comes early to help. Even if it just to play catch with my 2 sons to keep them out of our way. I really appreciate their help.

My inlaws do not even come to our functions. They prefer my older son over my younger son and can't be bothered to come visit--ever. My FIL even works 1 mile away and won't stop over. We have stopped asking them. Be glad your kids get to see relatives even if they are late. My FIL hasn't seen my kids (his only grandkids--now or ever since my DH is an only child) in over 2 years. His loss not theirs.

 

[lillygator]

oh my - my IL's do this all the time! It drives me nuts. For DD's birthday parties they come like an hour early! This is the time that I am usually putting on my makeup and finishing things up. It really drives me nuts that they can't show up at the appropriate time.

 

[diznygirl]

On my side of the family it's expected that you can show up early to a gathering. It's just a little extra time to get some visiting in before the attention is divided by the multitudes. But I'm not the type to be taking a shower at 1 pm for a party at my house at 2 pm. so it works for us.

I'm sure you can work something out with your husband. As long as you aren't antagonistic about it ("overreacting as he says) and just explain that it's just not practical to get things ready with so many under foot. If that doesn't work, make DH do all the work getting ready and he'll get to see how hard it is.

Good luck.

 

[beckmrk04]

In our family, even though we set a time for things- dinner, parties, whatever, everyone shows up early and helps out or hangs out and relaxes.

BUT- I must say, I come from a very "get as many things done the night before" type of family- that way, if everyone shows up early, I can chit chat and not run around like crazy. And, if people want to show up early, I put them to work. Man, am I bossy...