Parents, why did you decide to have children?

[FINFAN]

well, I pretty much just figured that was the normal route to take, but after getting married we were not sure about kids and DH actually was not interested in having them. We were newley married so no big deal to not have kids. Then I was sick with Pneumonia and put on antibiotics for weeks. Guess who's stick turned blue a month later? I had NO idea I was pg, we were on a weekend ski trip with friends and I was tired, REALLY tired...figured maybe getting pneumonia again. Anyway, doctor said while rare, antibiotics CAN mess with the effectiveness of BC, we figured that was what happened. We went thru a MESS of emotions as we were not really sure about having kids. We acccepted our situation and even began to get a bit excited about it and then unfortunately I miscarried. No real reason or explanation ( perhaps the drinking and falling during the ski trip? I'll never know, just no heart rate at 12 weeks) anyway, after the miscarriage I still had the part of me that had accepted and gotten excited about parenthood, and about a year later we got pg with our DD. So, in our case, we did not really know ahead of time a decision to have kids, we reacted differently than we thought when we found out we were going to be parents, then we went though losing a pregnancy which we had no idea would be so awful...emotional roller coaster for a year. We have 2 now, love them to pieces but there is NO way I could have predicted what life is like as a parent ahead of time. The world is so different from when DH and I were being raised that we really had an outdated view of what it would take really...school for one thing, costs for college etc., pressures that are on kids today are fierce. It is far more stressful and overwhelming than I could have ever predicted, but it is also the most wonderful and well, I don't really have a word for it, but feeling of how we fit together, how we created these 2 people is mind blowing. We kind of are on the learn as we go route, I mean , you really , TRULY have no guarantee how it is going to turn out ahead of time but that is where so much of the amazment happens for me...good luck in your decision, life is awesome with or without kids and I hope wich ever path happens for you it is as cool as ours has been.

 

[monkeybug]

My daughter (first child) was unplanned, but I did always want to be a mom.
The selfish reasons were that I really love doing things that are just more fun with kids! Baking, birthday parties, pumpkin patches, theme parks, library's, play dates, and lots more. These have always been the kinds of things I enjoyed doing, and having kids makes them so much more fun. I also enjoy staying home! Life is much more enjoyable for me now that I don't have to go work for someone else every day.
The other reason is that I believe in "Putting something good in the world that hasn't been there before" (it's Dr. Suess or Shel Silverstein, I don't remember which) The same reasons some give for not having kids (how screwed up the world is) is exactly why I hope to have a largeish family. My husband and I aren't perfect, but we are good parents. We (are trying to) teach our children to be curious, kind, imaginative, empathetic, tolerant, and happy! Those are all things I think our world can use some more of!!! We are adding those things to the world one awesome child at a time (we are only up to two so far and only want to go to four...that much awesome is a lot of work!)

 

[KAMKIM]

And please don't post that you just knew, it was your only role in the world, etc. I don't doubt these reasons at all, and I respect them, but they're remarkably unhelpful... Did you have any concerns going into parenthood? How did you resolve them?

I forgot to take my pill.

I had alot of concerns about taking care of a child. I was very young. I took parenting classes, birthing classes and took out every book in the library regarding raising children. This helped me feel prepared.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry, if my answer is not what you are looking for....
But, those reasons that you just listed pretty much sum it up for me!

Really, to me, any other reasons, other than, I want to be a parent and nurture and care for and raise another human being.... those are ones I find questionable.

( I am talking about reasons such as 'just what one is supposed to do', 'want to pass on my genes - continue family tree', 'family members think this is what I should do', 'want to have somebody to care for and nurture ME - either now or in old age) etc... etc.... To me, these kinds of reasons are all very questionable.

 

[monkeybug]

well, I pretty much just figured that was the normal route to take, but after getting married we were not sure about kids and DH actually was not interested in having them. We were newley married so no big deal to not have kids. Then I was sick with Pneumonia and put on antibiotics for weeks. Guess who's stick turned blue a month later? I had NO idea I was pg, we were on a weekend ski trip with friends and I was tired, REALLY tired...figured maybe getting pneumonia again. Anyway, doctor said while rare, antibiotics CAN mess with the effectiveness of BC, we figured that was what happened. We went thru a MESS of emotions as we were not really sure about having kids. We acccepted our situation and even began to get a bit excited about it and then unfortunately I miscarried. No real reason or explanation ( perhaps the drinking and falling during the ski trip? I'll never know, just no heart rate at 12 weeks) anyway, after the miscarriage I still had the part of me that had accepted and gotten excited about parenthood, and about a year later we got pg with our DD. So, in our case, we did not really know ahead of time a decision to have kids, we reacted differently than we thought when we found out we were going to be parents, then we went though losing a pregnancy which we had no idea would be so awful...emotional roller coaster for a year. We have 2 now, love them to pieces but there is NO way I could have predicted what life is like as a parent ahead of time. The world is so different from when DH and I were being raised that we really had an outdated view of what it would take really...school for one thing, costs for college etc., pressures that are on kids today are fierce. It is far more stressful and overwhelming than I could have ever predicted, but it is also the most wonderful and well, I don't really have a word for it, but feeling of how we fit together, how we created these 2 people is mind blowing. We kind of are on the learn as we go route, I mean , you really , TRULY have no guarantee how it is going to turn out ahead of time but that is where so much of the amazment happens for me...good luck in your decision, life is awesome with or without kids and I hope wich ever path happens for you it is as cool as ours has been.

I just had to tell you that I love your story and how you describe parenthood! Your right, it is definitely a learn as you go experience but that's where all the fun (and some of the tears) come in! I'm glad you and your husband decided to have kids, sounds like your raising some pretty cool additions to our world!

 

[OceanAnnie]

It's hard to put into words. Such a huge decision and words somehow don't capture or encompass it. For us it was a bursting of love, faith, hope, trust, humor, and a spirit of adventure that collided to create this longing for a child.

We didn't have any concerns about becoming parents. We had discussed parenting styles before we had children, and found we were on the same page on how to raise them.

ETA- I'm enjoying reading about people's stories. It's amazing how many paths lead to parenthood and ultimately happiness.

 

[ogreenlee]

I was a smoker, so I never got on the pill. Being married, we hated using condoms. So... we used the rhythm method. We agreed that if we got pregnant, that we would continue down that path. If we didn't, it wasn't meant to be.

I got pregnant and miscarried several times. Then with my DD, it stuck. lol I'm so glad it did, as I had no idea how awesome it would be. I was never one who grew up thinking that I will be a mother some day! I wasn't against it, but I was going to be ok if it didn't happen. My DD is so wonderfully cool, smart, funny, sassy and rotten. I hear moms talking about how they just want to bite them and chew them up b/c they love them so much. Bite them, not out of anger, but because you just can't get enough of them. That's how I feel. It's remarkably odd.

I had high blood pressure while pregnant, and severe carpal tunnel syndrome. I decided then that I would not get pregnant again. I went on the Mirena IUD. I quit smoking during the pregnancy, but picked right back up as soon as I quit nursing. I never had it in my head that I had quit.

Anyway, when I finally did quit smoking, I got rid of the Mirena IUD and started using the Nuvaring. My husband is getting clipped soon. We don't want more kids at 40 years old.


I have several groups of friends that are childless and will remain as so. And ya know... for the most part, I'm thinking they made the right choice. They just don't have that kid quality about them. Then again, I have an ex-friend who had this vision of all these kids and grandkids surrounding her. She wanted three kids, but had trouble even having the second one. All I could think of was.. "Oh dear god, don't let her have another." She was determined to have a child, even though her marriage stunk. She was determined to have her vision come true, no matter the cost. The weird thing is that she's not a great mom... as much as she wanted to believe that she was. It was all about the image.

 

[MIGrandma]

Well, I didn't actually decide, it was kind of decided for me.

DH and I were 17, young, in love, hormones....you can guess the rest.

When we went to the doctor, and found out we were pregnant, the doctor did ask if we wanted to continue the pregnancy. We didn't believe in abortion, and we were getting married anyway so we continued the pregnancy.

I knew very little about children, even less about babies. Had never changed a diaper until our son was born. But the "motherly love" gene kicked right in. We learned as we went along, and had a strong family support so that helped a lot.

We chose to have a second child. DH had two sisters, I had no siblings. I hated growing up with no sister or brother and I vowed never to do that to my first born child, if I could help it. So, we decided to have a second child and we had a daughter. Things were much easier this time around, we had more experience.

But, since we had one of each, we decided that was enough. Never regretted that decision.

 

[Laura]

It's hard to be sure about parenthood sometimes. Believe me, all through my pregnancy I wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into--on purpose, too! Not to mention the childbirth part seemed plenty scary!

But I love my husband and I want a piece of him to live on after him. That was my main reason. And DD is so wonderful, we love her so much, I'm so glad we made the decision to have a baby. You don't have a finite amount of love. The more people there are to love, the more love you have. I didn't really realize that until DD was born.

 

[mickeyboat]

It as just a given that we would have children. There was no discussion whether or not we wanted them. We just did.

Timing was decided for us, though, because it became abundantly clear after we had been married for a couple of years that we were going to have a tough time conceiving. As soon as we knew, we wanted it more badly than ever. We were married over 7 years before we got PG with our first.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

In December of 2006, DH had a nasty motorcycle accident. It was at that time we discussed having children. What if he would have died and me not have a little part of him left? So February of 2007 came and DH said stop taking your pill. I was excited but scared to death! On April the 1st...APRIL FOOL'S DAY I tested positive and our little man was born on December 4th, 2007!

 

[kimmar067]

I decided to have kids because I like them--I only had one but it just seemed that it was the next step in my life that I wanted to do. Besides---someone has to pick out a good nursing home for me when I get older!!

....I had 'em so I could have someone to fetch me the REMOTE CONTROL....




























[...of course, I hope everyone KNOWS that I am j/k.... !! ]


.

 

[kimmar067]

In December of 2006, DH had a nasty motorcycle accident. It was at that time we discussed having children. What if he would have died and me not have a little part of him left? So February of 2007 came and DH said stop taking your pill. I was excited but scared to death! On April the 1st...APRIL FOOL'S DAY I tested positive and our little man was born on December 4th, 2007!

. ....great story...

 

[monkeybug]

....I had 'em so I could have someone to fetch me the REMOTE CONTROL....:teeth

[...of course, I hope everyone KNOWS that I am j/k.... !! ]


.

Ha! Ha! I love it!!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

I always liked children, and always knew I wanted to have children. That said, #1 came a year early, and the twins were our bonus babies, since we planned on only 3 children.

 

[bubie2.5]

I wanted to be a mother because I wanted someone to feel about me the way I felt about my parents.

I was just going to post that. When we got the call telling us to go pick our baby there were no doubts, I wasn't scared, I just felt I knew what I had to do in terms of raising a child... boy was I wrong.

 

[ogreenlee]

....I had 'em so I could have someone to fetch me the REMOTE CONTROL....





[...of course, I hope everyone KNOWS that I am j/k.... !! ]


.

LOL - I do have to admit... my DD has finally reached the age that I can send her into the basement to fetch papertowels and toilet paper (we get the big packs from costco). She's old enough to grab this out of the fridge for me, and all kinds of stuff. It's been really awesome.

 

[Momvic5]

Again...the answer for me was ...I always knew I wanted to be a parent. My mother was a stay at home mom, and I just absolutely loved and adored her. I knew very early on in my childhood that I wanted to be a wife and mom just like her. My parents were awesome examples.

My dh and I were married two years before we started trying to have children. We never put a lot of thought into it or had a deep discussion on children. We just knew we wanted them and that we were ready to start a family. It is the simple truth.

 

[FINFAN]

I just had to tell you that I love your story and how you describe parenthood! Your right, it is definitely a learn as you go experience but that's where all the fun (and some of the tears) come in! I'm glad you and your husband decided to have kids, sounds like your raising some pretty cool additions to our world!

awww thanks, really, just telling it like it is, but yeah, we think they're pretty cool too.

 

[kimmar067]

LOL - I do have to admit... my DD has finally reached the age that I can send her into the basement to fetch papertowels and toilet paper (we get the big packs from costco). She's old enough to grab this out of the fridge for me, and all kinds of stuff. It's been really awesome.

....and, SRSLY, at that age, they always want to help....try getting a 15-y-o do to that.....