Parents - R rated movies for young teens

[RachelEllen]

For the past 5 years, we've had an ongoing, normal, disagreements with my stepson about appropriate media. (R rated movies, M rated video games, etc)I tend to have stronger opinions, but, my vote is not equal to DH's, of course. However, for DSS's 14th birthday, since other kids were involved, I insisted on the following compromise:

DSS selected R rated horror movie. All parents were emailed name of movie and told that if anyone objected, the movie would not be shown and that any repsonses would be confidential. Granted, it's still two weeks to the party. However, out of 24 emails, in the past week, we have only gotton two responses. One was an ok. The other was a half hearted "I have concerns, but if I'm the only one, let me know and I might reconsider"

Honestly, I'm a little suprised. So, my question is:

1) If you got that email, would you respond?
2) Would you read between the lines that this was also a teaching moment for the kid that his parents weren't the "only ones that had objections" or would you assume the parents really wanted to show the movie
3) If you wouldn't respond, would it be because you didn't really care, or because you had concerns about the parent's level of common sense for even asking?

 

[jrmasm]

For the past 5 years, we've had an ongoing, normal, disagreements with my stepson about appropriate media. (R rated movies, M rated video games, etc)I tend to have stronger opinions, but, my vote is not equal to DH's, of course. However, for DSS's 14th birthday, since other kids were involved, I insisted on the following compromise:

DSS selected R rated horror movie. All parents were emailed name of movie and told that if anyone objected, the movie would not be shown and that any repsonses would be confidential. Granted, it's still two weeks to the party. However, out of 24 emails, in the past week, we have only gotton two responses. One was an ok. The other was a half hearted "I have concerns, but if I'm the only one, let me know and I might reconsider"

Honestly, I'm a little suprised. So, my question is:

1) If you got that email, would you respond?
2) Would you read between the lines that this was also a teaching moment for the kid that his parents weren't the "only ones that had objections" or would you assume the parents really wanted to show the movie
3) If you wouldn't respond, would it be because you didn't really care, or because you had concerns about the parent's level of common sense for even asking?

14th birthday? #3

 

[palmtreegirl]

I'd probably just decline the invitation. I wouldn't expect someone to change the plans just because I objected. I'd just respond with a "thanks for the invite, but DS can't make it. Hope you have a great party!".

 

[mom2cookies]

I would respond.

 

[shoney]

If I was fine with the movie, I would respond "yes".

If I wasn't fine with the movie, I would respond "no".

I would NEVER be the parent who said "yes my son is coming, but NO you aren't showing that movie". I don't believe in telling parents what can and can't be done in their own home. I either want my child to participate or not.

I wouldn't have worded the invite that way.

 

[indimom]

I would respond. And most likely, I would have said watching the movie was fine, and thanks for asking. We let our 13yo watch plenty of R movies, there are only a handful I would have an issue with. Oh, and I don't think I would have read between the lines that you wanted people to say no for you. Just wouldn't occur to me.
Offhand, what's the movie?

 

[RachelEllen]

Grave Encounters 2

Looks awful, but I'm not a 14yo boy!
Well see if we have a poor turnout. Right now we only have 4 RSVPs total, out of 25, and only one no. If people decline, that also seems like another natural consequence of this plan. (And dh did warn dss that this might be the case) but I was hoping most people would take us at our word that we were happy to show a pg 12 alternative. (Forgot to mention that was in email as well)

 

[RachelEllen]

Oh, I should mention, I insisted on needing permission for movie to dh. Dh sent email and presented plan to dss. He couldn't care less about outcome. I care, but accept fact I don't have final say with step-son decisions.

 

[jrmasm]

Grave intentions 2

Looks awful, but I'm not a 14yo boy!
Well see if we have a poor turnout. Right now we only have 4 RSVPs total, out of 25, and only one no. If people decline, that also seems like another natural consequence of this plan. (And dh did warn dss that this might be the case) but I was hoping most people would take us at our word that we were happy to show a pg 12 alternative. (Forgot to mention that was in email as well)

I sincerely doubt it.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Since your response is so low have you considered that email may not have been the proper way to get the information out. I would follow up with a physical letter or phone call before making your decision.

I personally only skim my email now and could very easily miss a bday invite.

 

[wiigirl]

I'd probably just decline the invitation. I wouldn't expect someone to change the plans just because I objected. I'd just respond with a "thanks for the invite, but DS can't make it. Hope you have a great party!".

I think thats the polite thing to do.

 

[RachelEllen]

Since your response is so low have you considered that email may not have been the proper way to get the information out. I would follow up with a physical letter or phone call before making your decision.

I personally only skim my email now and could very easily miss a bday invite.

I don't think that's the case. Invite was sent through evite like service and we can see that 23 people have read it. Movie permission email sent separately using bcc to keep list private.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, I would've responded, because that is polite. I have absolutely no issue with my HS kids watching R rated movies, so I'd say yes. Honestly, once my kids get to middle school, the kids themselves RSVP to parties (and usually do the inviting). I don't think I've ever had a parent contact me to let me know if their child was coming to a party.

Poor ds14 was the only one of his friends not to see the Hangover. He begged me to on-demand it, but I said no. There is no way I want to watch a movie like that with my son, plus DH and I had already seen it.

 

[Erin1700]

I kind of think if you had to go thru all the trouble of sending an email, then the movie is not appropriate. There are plenty of movies out there. Pick a different one.

 

[indimom]

I've never heard of that movie, but I'm guessing it's like Paranormal Activity and such. I'd let my kids watch things like that, but they wouldn't want to. For some reasons, zombies are fine, but ghosts are creepy.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Have these kids seen Point Break?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

If people decline, that also seems like another natural consequence of this plan.

I take it you are against it?

I think people stink at RSVP'ing in general. I don't know if you can necessarily infer it's because of the movie if they don't.

Oh, and I'd probably respond with an "It's fine", but I'm sometimes bad at remembering if I don't do it right away.

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't have a problem with the email and would appreciate receiving it if my child was invited. With two weeks until the party, it's possible people just haven't made a decision (movie or no movie) if their child is available (or if they are available for transportation).

When DS turned 8, he had a sleep over and we told the parents ahead of time we were going to show Star Wars movies. One dad said his son would attend, but would appreciate if we don't show Episode 3 because he felt it was too intense for his son. No problem.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I think you were being very responsible by sending the email. Personally, I would want to know if an R-rated movie was going to be shown to my 14-year old. My response would be to do a little research about the movie and then email back my opinion. In general, I do not allow my 14-year old son to watch R-rated movies. He does not need to see sex and nudity and be bombarded with F-bombs at his age. Of course, we are the parents who didn't take our boys to PG-13 movies until they were actually 13. There are plenty of other movies for them to watch. I don't think there's any need for young teens to venture into R-rated movies yet.

 

[luvmy3]

I kind of think if you had to go thru all the trouble of sending an email, then the movie is not appropriate. There are plenty of movies out there. Pick a different one.

Not really, parents are the ones who decide what is appropriate, not some rating system. Obviously the OP is okay with it for her child, the email is a way to make sure that those who aren't okay with it, know what the plan is so they can make their own decision about their own child.

I wouldn't have an issue with a movie just because it was rated R, however I would appreciate the email so I can check to see why its rated R. My kids range from 9 to 15, and as a family we have sat together and watched R rated movies. There are movies only my 15 year old would be allowed to watch, and some none of them would.