Parents paying for college

[sarahothomas]

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So if you don't pay for your kids' college, you are a bad parent? And at what cost? Here kids in the top 10% of their HS class get free CC, and in state tuition without room and board is around $15,000 a year, so technically the $30,000 we are giving each child should be enough. However, I expect their final costs to exceed $100,000 each, even attending in state schools. A half a million is a lot of money, especially 15 years away from retirement (which we have, but will be putting it towards retirement).

I agree with you on on the points about cost - it's a very, very significant amount of money that obviously not every parent can afford to give to their children. My parents couldn't, and I likely won't either. However, be careful not assume that he meant any harm by his statement. Maybe he meant he felt it was his duty as a parent, not passing judgment on other parenting choices/styles/abilities. Let's all agree that college is extremely expensive no matter who is paying for it

 

[mom2rtk]

So if you don't pay for your kids' college, you are a bad parent? And at what cost? Here kids in the top 10% of their HS class get free CC, and in state tuition without room and board is around $15,000 a year, so technically the $30,000 we are giving each child should be enough. However, I expect their final costs to exceed $100,000 each, even attending in state schools. A half a million is a lot of money, especially 15 years away from retirement (which we have, but will be putting it towards retirement).

These threads are always fun. I was told here a while back that if I couldn't afford to pay the full freight for college for my kids, I had no business having them.

The funny part is that some of the same posters who say that would likely defend the right of others to have kids when they can't even afford to feed them.

 

[sarahothomas]

These threads are always fun. I was told here a while back that if I couldn't afford to pay the full freight for college for my kids, I had no business having them.

The funny part is that some of the same posters who say that would likely defend the right of others to have kids when they can't even afford to feed them.

Whoever told you that is insane. College expenses have increased at a much faster rate than the average income. Besides, even if you originally planned to pay for your child/children's college, things do come up - unexpected medical expenses, deaths, additional children, job loss, pay cuts, etc. We just can't plan for everything.

 

[sk!mom]

My parents paid for mine. DH's parents helped him to the best of their ability. We wanted to do the same. We were able to get our kids out of school debt free. There were definitely some limits, but even if we hadn't been able to fully fund it, minimizing debt load was our goal. They had the same goal and contributed by working summers in high school and college, during school as able, and getting some scholarship money along the way. They also lived cheaply, in the oldest dorms the first year and off campus the others.

We had planned pretty carefully and had some prepaid tuition, paid our mortgage off right before our oldest started college, and increased my work hours when the oldest started college.

The biggest limit we put on our kids was that if their school required them to take out more than the federally funded loans, they would lose our financial support. Harsh, and thankfully we didn't have an issue there, but we really wanted them to know how important the financial part of choosing a college was. We also gave them a four year limit. (We figured those things can always be adjusted on a case by case basis, but were really important to consider when choosing.)

Your plan was similar to ours. We paid off our mortgage several years ago so we have mostly cash flowed the cost after scholarships. We also tightened our belts and cut expenses. We were already a two income family but had I not already returned to work, I would have in order to pay for college. One budget area that we drastically slashed was vacations. We just returned from our first vacation since the high school grad trip in 2014. Two years without a big annual vacation was a sacrifice for sure.

We also gave her a 4 year limit. This could have been adjusted if necessary but we really wanted her to grasp the urgency of motivation and timely completion. She's done great- 7 classes left to graduate in May '18. She has been approved for a scholarship waiver to only take 9 hours the final semester which should give her plenty of job search time.

Merit or needs based aid? My children qualify for zero dollars and zero cents of "needs" aid. None. They will be applying to some private colleges because I do know they give more generous merit aid (and my son would qualify for that). My daughter, not so much. LOL. She's a good, but not "great," student with "good" but not great test scores. I've told them both to look at private colleges where your test scores put you in well above the "average" for that school. That's how you are going to get merit aid....at places where your test scores will put you above average. LOL.

My DD21 also gets 0 need based aid. We encouraged her to look at mid-level schools where she was an attractive candidate and that got her some scholarship dollars. Had she chosen a private or the State flagship/top tier, I think she would have had to take loans.

100% need based- my daughter is an excellent student, high honors, all AP classes, great ACT scores but they don't give a lot of merit aid at her school, more need based. The two other kids going there from her high school were numbers 3 and 5 in her class of almost 400- she was 27 and the other 2 kids who were higher in their class didn't even get any merit based aid! I retired just in time to have to have to start filling out FAFSA with my lower pension income- in 6 years it more than doubles so she fell right into that "sweet spot" LOL- No other school, state school or otherwise came close to the amount of aid this one gave her and its a great school so we are SO happy.

This is such an important post. In all the college threads so many parents think that top students will get lots of aid and that simply isn't the case these days. Plan on paying and aid is gravy. There are ways to get aid, to be sure, but not if you are dead set on top tier schools.

 

[JaxDad]

I had an ROTC scholarship that paid for tuition, books, and included a $100/month stipend. I made up the rest with various jobs during school and during summers.

I'm doing my best to save for my children. I bought Florida pre-pay, have some Coverdells, and other savings. It would definitely be nice if they get some scholarships or other aid!

 

[tvguy]

So if you don't pay for your kids' college, you are a bad parent? And at what cost? Here kids in the top 10% of their HS class get free CC, and in state tuition without room and board is around $15,000 a year, so technically the $30,000 we are giving each child should be enough. However, I expect their final costs to exceed $100,000 each, even attending in state schools. A half a million is a lot of money, especially 15 years away from retirement (which we have, but will be putting it towards retirement).

I was 14 years from retirement when my oldest hit college, and 10 years when my youngest started. 15 years is a LONG time before retirement.. Remember, FAFSA considers parent money being spent on their child's college tuition to be a higher priority that going to retirement until the oldest parent is in their 60's.
Bad parent? It depends. Truly not able to afford to save for college? No, not a bad parent. Choosing not to pay for college when they clearly can afford it, maybe not a bad parent, just a selfish one IMHO. And what comes around goes around. How willing is a child whose parents refused to pay for college going to be when that parent is elderly and needs financial help themselves?

 

[adisneyaunt]

My parents paid everything that scholarships didn't. I had 5 years that they'd pay for anything. I got grad and undergrad in my allotment and I've tried to pay them back in a zillion ways since. I have taken them on a number of really cool trips but nothing that can truly pay them back for the position they put me in on entering true adulthood. Coming out of college with 0 debt, a nice, reliable (not fancy) car, and cash in the bank from working meant I had a huge leg up on success going into the real world. It allowed me to not take the highest paying job I got offered right out of B school, but the one I wanted, in a field I have loved since I started and that's afforded me so many amazing opportunities and blessings.

Blessed indeed!

I paid my way thru undergrad by working part time thru HS, graduating early and working full time during University ...and it was not easy. ( something I did not want my future child/ren to deal with).
I was the first to enter university as my older siblings did not. My parents simply didn't have it to offer. They did however allow use of the family vehicle which was a necessity. I paid that debt off over a few years ( with an awesome dh who helped greatly as well..we had gotten married and were hoping to buy our first home sooner rather than later.. didn't want debt showing)
Fast forward to my own.. blessed with a full academic scholarship for undergrad. We did pay for expenses related ... car/ins/gas/stipend etc.
In the process now for law school... we ll see what comes of that based on lsat results. My fingers are crossed, lol.
One day at a time...
It all works out....

 

[Snowysmom]

Our kids were told we would pay for a state university. We paid for older DS to go to UMass. He also got scholarships. Our younger DS picked a private college and we paid what it would have cost to go to UMass. He got a half tuition scholarship and took loans for the rest. Both kids were responsible for books and spending money by taking summer jobs. Younger DS had 3 coopjobs which paid fairly well so his loans weren't as much as they could have been. He got offered a job after graduation at his last coop job so the college was a good choice for him.

 

[dish rag]

I paid the whole thing for my two. Stepdaughter just finished her second year of law school in Ontario and her mother has paid for all of her education so far.

 

[Wendy31]

My parents paid for whatever scholarships didn't cover for both my younger sister & me. My sister's college costs were much greater than mine as she went to a private university out of state while I attended a state school in our home town. Additionally, I had a full academic scholarship, so, basically, for me, they paid for my textbooks.

After DH & I were married, I decided I wanted a specific certification so I went back & DH & I paid for that. DH didn't finish college until after we were married, & we paid for that as well.

We plan to pay for our three kids' college expenses.

 

[Tattylou]

I was in college at Boston University (not cheap) and grad school at Lesley University (a little cheaper than BU, but still private). My parents helped out some with undergrad and I also had a few small loans. Grad school though....I was completely on my own. All in all I finished 42k in debt, which for 7 years of full time college (undergrad and grad) is not too bad. Lol. I graduated from grad school in 2002....still paying my loans off now.....
DH got a full scholarship to Boston University. He was the valedictorian of his high school. He paid grad school as he went- he did that very part time over a few years. So, luckily, he has no loans. I guess I had enough for both of us!
I haven't even started to consider how to pay for my kids' college since I'm still paying my own student loans off!!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

We are paying for the cost of community college tuition, and probably books and other incidentals. We are also buying him a car. He will be getting an automatic school scholarship based on his GPA and ACT/SAT scores, and then whatever other scholarship offers we can dig up.

He will cover the rest with student loans or by his own money from working. He wants to be a physical therapist, which is a y year program at the particular university he chose, and he (we) have arranged housing near campus or him. He will be living with SIL, his godmother, for two years, then he's free to do what he wants whether it's get a roommate, rent a room from someone, or whatever. His current plan is to get an apartment with his cousin, who is 19 currently (graduated last year in 2016), but we won't let him for the first two years. He will be 5 hours away from us, but very near all the family he grew up with in our home state.

From our calculations, he will need to make up about $1500-2000 per semester. Honestly we could just pay it, but we don't want him to know this. We've always told him that we would contribute the costs of fulltime community college tuition, and his end of the deal was to get good grades so he can get scholarships, and he dropped the ball more than a few times, putting himself into a lower tier automatic scholarship level. His "consequence" is to see firsthand how that equates to cold hard cash. Had he pushed himself just a little more....and got off his phone and xbox just an hour or two extra every week, or gone to his teachers for tutoring even a few times each semester, he would have gotten a full ride to the university he chose. Instead, he pays. That's on him!

 

[QueenIsabella]

I'm always mystified as to why these threads come up every few months. What does it matter how/who paid for college? It has no relevance to another person's situation. Some parents may contribute nothing because they don't have it--other parents choose to contribute nothing, even if they could help out. Some students have generous grandparents or other relatives, others take out huge loans, still others go to a less-expensive school and pay their own freight. No way is right or wrong, and it has no bearing on what other students/families do. Is it wise to defer retirement savings to put your child through a private college? Maybe, maybe not, not my call. Are some parents total jerks who use their children as pawns in a bitter divorce, or who spend extra money on lavish vacations, then have nothing to contribute for college? Maybe, but it's their choice. Everyone's experience is different, doesn't make those who struggled with tuition bills any nobler than those with generous relatives.

 

[Patience]

We paid for our oldest daughter's college. She won a few small scholarships that helped but we ended up paying about $80,000. She's in graduate school now to become a speech language pathologist and we are assisting with things like car insurance and her cell phone but she does have graduate school loans. She will graduate in May, 2018 owing about $30,000 which I think is a reasonable amount of debt compared to her projected income. We have one more daughter to educate and we will do the same thing and pay for her undergraduate education. There is a large age gap between our kids and my husband and I will be in our late 50's when our youngest goes to college. We planned for this and we are prepared.

 

[tvguy]

I'm always mystified as to why these threads come up every few months. What does it matter how/who paid for college? It has no relevance to another person's situation. Some parents may contribute nothing because they don't have it--other parents choose to contribute nothing, even if they could help out. Some students have generous grandparents or other relatives, others take out huge loans, still others go to a less-expensive school and pay their own freight. No way is right or wrong, and it has no bearing on what other students/families do. Is it wise to defer retirement savings to put your child through a private college? Maybe, maybe not, not my call. Are some parents total jerks who use their children as pawns in a bitter divorce, or who spend extra money on lavish vacations, then have nothing to contribute for college? Maybe, but it's their choice. Everyone's experience is different, doesn't make those who struggled with tuition bills any nobler than those with generous relatives.

Because people are interested in discussing it. It is a huge parenting issue.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Because people are interested in discussing it. It is a huge parenting issue.

I get that, but what my family decides has no bearing on what you might decide. If I'm blessed with a trust fund or generous parents, you can wish for that all you like, but that won't get you anything. Similarly, it may seem unfair that some parents contribute little to nothing, but that's their choice. You can even rail against a system that considers parental income/assets, if those parents choose not to support the student. It won't change the system. That's why I don't understand these threads popping up like clockwork.

 

[tvguy]

I get that, but what my family decides has no bearing on what you might decide. If I'm blessed with a trust fund or generous parents, you can wish for that all you like, but that won't get you anything. Similarly, it may seem unfair that some parents contribute little to nothing, but that's their choice. You can even rail against a system that considers parental income/assets, if those parents choose not to support the student. It won't change the system. That's why I don't understand these threads popping up like clockwork.

I think some parents are genuinely seeking advice and opinions from other parents here.
But to be honest, yes, I do find it a bit irresponsible of a few of my kids friends parents who can afford to pay their kids tuition, but instead put their kids in the position of taking on $100,000 debt, and taking scholarship money away from kids who parents truly could not afford to help.

 

[Southernmiss]

I get that, but what my family decides has no bearing on what you might decide. If I'm blessed with a trust fund or generous parents, you can wish for that all you like, but that won't get you anything. Similarly, it may seem unfair that some parents contribute little to nothing, but that's their choice. You can even rail against a system that considers parental income/assets, if those parents choose not to support the student. It won't change the system. That's why I don't understand these threads popping up like clockwork.

Meh. There are often threads that pop up on Disboards about younger parenting issues like the current one on budget boards about paying for 2 in daycare, or breastfeeding or cosleeping or handling kid activities.

Lots of support for parents of babies and toddlers, but those navigating older kid issues are often on their own.

College is such an expensive endeavor these days. Until people actually get there with their own kids they don't realize how truly expensive and what a different world getting to college is compared to back when many of us were in college.

 

[runwad]

I get that, but what my family decides has no bearing on what you might decide. If I'm blessed with a trust fund or generous parents, you can wish for that all you like, but that won't get you anything. Similarly, it may seem unfair that some parents contribute little to nothing, but that's their choice. You can even rail against a system that considers parental income/assets, if those parents choose not to support the student. It won't change the system. That's why I don't understand these threads popping up like clockwork.

Because we tend to compare ourselves to others and wonder if what we are doing is the norm. I think everyone realizes what they can and can't do and how others are doing it won't impact their lives, but yet we still compare. I enjoy reading these threads. Of course sometimes I feel like a real pauper compared to others but then that's because of the life choices I/we made. I only work part time. I'm sure if I worked full time we could contribute more. Still I think we've done pretty good with our lives and all we've been able to provide for our 3 kids. We have 2 in college, both took college classes in high school and got credit that way. We saved about 1 year tuition in a 529 for each of them. They work to pay some tuition and all books and expenses.

Our oldest DD lives at home and commutes and will graduate with about 10k in loans, she's an engineer. Other DD went an hour away but got enough scholarship money that she too will probably have 10-12k in student loans, she's going to be a nurse.

DS17 is going to be a junior and he's going to be taking some college classes at school this year so I expect him to go down a similar path as his sisters.

 

[aprilgail]

This is such an important post. In all the college threads so many parents think that top students will get lots of aid and that simply isn't the case these days. Plan on paying and aid is gravy. There are ways to get aid, to be sure, but not if you are dead set on top tier schools.

Our Valedictorian did not even get a lot of merit aid- my daughter is best friends with the Valedictorian and she is going to a state school and paying more than half of it herself, she wanted to go to Johns Hopkins but they gave her so little merit aid that it was not possible.