Parents paying for college

[DawnM]

My parents paid for my undergrad. We are going to help our kids as much as we can. If they live at home and commute to our local 4 year school, they are golden as we can pay that, but if they go away, we may not be able to do it.

Oldest is at community college right now. Second is graduating next year. We are touring a few colleges this summer.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I'm always mystified as to why these threads come up every few months. What does it matter how/who paid for college? It has no relevance to another person's situation. Some parents may contribute nothing because they don't have it--other parents choose to contribute nothing, even if they could help out. Some students have generous grandparents or other relatives, others take out huge loans, still others go to a less-expensive school and pay their own freight. No way is right or wrong, and it has no bearing on what other students/families do. Is it wise to defer retirement savings to put your child through a private college? Maybe, maybe not, not my call. Are some parents total jerks who use their children as pawns in a bitter divorce, or who spend extra money on lavish vacations, then have nothing to contribute for college? Maybe, but it's their choice. Everyone's experience is different, doesn't make those who struggled with tuition bills any nobler than those with generous relatives.

It keeps coming up because every year a new batch of parents find it relevent and helpful.

Last year, I was thinking about drivers training and getting my kid prepared for the ACT and SAT.

This year, we are thinking about senior pictures, college visits, the last season of his high school sport, and....you guessed it! The details of making sure we have our final financial plans set for his college education. Him being my oldest, I love threads like this. In 6 years when my youngest is at this point, I'll probably just skip it and focus on the "how do you survive an empty nest" titles instead

YMMV

 

[disykat]

One way or the other, most kids need their parent's help. It might be money, providing room and board for them to go locally, or it might be cosigning loans. I don't know any other way students can get beyond the federally subsidized student loans. Do people really give college kids loans without a cosigner?

Maybe someone here can educate me. When I hear about students with 80K of undergrad student debt I wonder HOW they got those loans without a cosigner. I saw state loans mentioned on this thread. In our state, it's the federal student loans (31K for undergrad) and the rest of the loans offered are parent loans. The only other option is private loans, which students would be hard pressed to get without a cosigner.

I've known so many people IRL who say they aren't going to help their kids with college and then are shocked that their kids can't get loans for the whole thing.

 

[QueenIsabella]

One way or the other, most kids need their parent's help. It might be money, providing room and board for them to go locally, or it might be cosigning loans. I don't know any other way students can get beyond the federally subsidized student loans. Do people really give college kids loans without a cosigner?

Maybe someone here can educate me. When I hear about students with 80K of undergrad student debt I wonder HOW they got those loans without a cosigner. I saw state loans mentioned on this thread. In our state, it's the federal student loans (31K for undergrad) and the rest of the loans offered are parent loans. The only other option is private loans, which students would be hard pressed to get without a cosigner.

I've known so many people IRL who say they aren't going to help their kids with college and then are shocked that their kids can't get loans for the whole thing.

I think those eye-popping loan amounts come more from graduate school--while there are limits on what you can borrow for undergrad, not so much for grad school. There might be grad school limits, I honestly don't know, but if you think about med school costs, for example--borrow a quarter million is not unheard-of. Of course, the assumption is that an MD will lead to a high enough income that those loans are repayable.

Of course, some people DO get a co-signer--if Mom and Dad can't (or won't) do it, they get Grandma or Aunt Sally or someone, who might not even grasp that they are on the hook for the repayment.

And don't even get me started on students who take out six-figure loans for degrees with little to no potential for repayment. I'm all in favor of having a dream career, but when it comes to borrowing money, you need to be clear-eyed about paying it back.

 

[QueenIsabella]

It keeps coming up because every year a new batch of parents find it relevent and helpful.

Last year, I was thinking about drivers training and getting my kid prepared for the ACT and SAT.

This year, we are thinking about senior pictures, college visits, the last season of his high school sport, and....you guessed it! The details of making sure we have our final financial plans set for his college education. Him being my oldest, I love threads like this. In 6 years when my youngest is at this point, I'll probably just skip it and focus on the "how do you survive an empty nest" titles instead

YMMV

But the question is, how is it helpful? If I tell you that my parents didn't give me a dime--that's only relevant if your child was going to college in the '80's, when it was still possible to pay your own freight through college. Sure, it can still be done, but it's much, much harder now than it was then. Similarly, if I mention that my kids get every dime of college paid for by a trust fund (they don't, but let's pretend)--again, how does that help you? Unless you hope to find such a trust fund lying around, it doesn't get you any closer to paying for your kids. And I do know of parents who overspend and don't save a dime for college, hoping the money will come from "somewhere", but I doubt they're going to come on this forum (or any other) and admit that. I do know that a lot of parents have their head in the sand as to college costs. College has way outpaced inflation, and most parents remember it being not so bad, back in the day.

 

[broncobill]

I will pay for as much as I can for my daughter. I have not figured it out, but she will be in college 10+ years I think. The only thing I would ask in return is for her to be happy and successful. By the way, we only have 1 child. She is going into her senior year of high school.

 

[Christine]

My parents paid for mine. I've paid for both of my kids. I have one year left...

 

[mjkacmom]

I was 14 years from retirement when my oldest hit college, and 10 years when my youngest started. 15 years is a LONG time before retirement.. Remember, FAFSA considers parent money being spent on their child's college tuition to be a higher priority that going to retirement until the oldest parent is in their 60's.
Bad parent? It depends. Truly not able to afford to save for college? No, not a bad parent. Choosing not to pay for college when they clearly can afford it, maybe not a bad parent, just a selfish one IMHO. And what comes around goes around. How willing is a child whose parents refused to pay for college going to be when that parent is elderly and needs financial help themselves?

Thank God both of our parents were financially responsible and secured their futures! My mom passed away almost two years ago, my dad has Alzheimer's, and they had a long term financial planner and an attorney who did a great job setting things up for them. My dad is still in his home paying a full tim caregiver, and he will hopefully still have a nice chunk a few years from now to pay for a good long term care facility. DH's parents are almost 90 and still in their home, needing no financial assistance from anyone. DH has been a CFP for a major financial services company for over 20 years. Planning for your future is so important, don't become a burden for your children. That's not only a financial burden, but an emotional one.

If you are using your retirement fund to pay for your kids' education, you can't afford to do so.

 

[mnrose]

There is no limit on how much one can borrow for an undergrad education. There is FEDERALLY guaranteed limit....this is the amount the student may sign for on their own, but many parents can and do co-sign for larger loans to pay for undergrad education. The federally limit is, I believe, $5500 for a freshman in college and slowly ramping up from there. And, let's face it, that's not putting much of a dent in most college's costs. Personally, co-signing is a no-go from me. Nope. I'm not taking on debt in MY name to pay for my child's education. I am debt free and intend to remain that way for the remainder of my life. Being one year shy of 60, no way.

There are a whole host of people who come out of undergrad owing large 5 figure amounts...in reality, that's owed by them and some other adult who co-signed, mostly being parents. This is why you hear those horrible stories of people having amounts deducted from their social security checks to pay back loans from their kid's college education. SMH

 

[justussix]

I moved out and got a job with an employer that had an excellent tuition reimbursement program that was available to all employees. When I finished my degree, I moved up with that employer. The only requirement was to stay on for 18 months after my degree was complete. My current employer paid for my MBA.

I had some out of pocket for books and fees, but I was working so had cash to cover that.

We've been saving for our kids. We will do whatever we can to help them graduate without debt. That includes advice and recommendations, scholarship research, and savings.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I paid for my college, my dh paid for his and our children will pay for their own. I don't see anything wrong with them paying for their own futures. They need to be smart about it and not go to a school they can't afford to pay for and they need to think about their future earning potential and not take out $90,000 in loans to be unemployable.

 

[okeydokey]

I live in a small, rural town and my kids' have friends, smart and capable friends who have parents that will not help at all with College costs. Some even go so far as refusing to fill out the FAFSA or provide information needed to the student so the student can apply for aid. They say the kids can pay for themselves to go to school. So those kids just don't go to College, not even Community College because they can't afford it. They work retail or fast food places and will end up stuck in that life for years to come.

 

[JediBonas]

My parents paid for everything that my scholarships didn't cover, plus gave me spending money. I was expected to work a few hours a week as long as it didn't interfere with my grades. My ILs paid also paid for my DHs college.

We expect, as long as we're able, to pay for our children's college and already have savings accounts for both of them with money towards it (they're 5).

 

[paisleys]

No, it only took me 20 years of going at night here and there but my BA was paid for entirely through the generous tuition reimbursement program through two employers. I never could have done it without that! My brother just retired from the police force and is working towards his BA. My husband joined the Army and was able to get a degree with their help. We have been saving for our own kids since they were babies. We were all lucky enough to establish solid careers without degrees, but times are different now.
I encourage anyone who has access to a tuition reimbursement program to take advantage of it. It may seem insurmountable, but you can do it. My only regret is not staying in the program consistently, it didn't have to take me 20 years!

 

[soccerdad72]

My parents paid what they could. I chose to go to a private school, so I knew that I would likely have to take out some loans. Each year, my dad would figure out how much they could afford to pay and then apply for loans (which were my responsibility) to pay for whatever my scholarships didn't cover. All in all, it wasn't too bad, relatively speaking. I think I graduated with something like $12,000 in loans to pay off. I was fortunate compared to many and thanked my parents for helping out as much as they could. Anything beyond bachelor's degree was on our own. Fortunately (again) my employer at the time helped pay for a good chunk of my MBA school.

We hope to be able to pay for wherever our boys decide to go to college, but we'll see how things go. We're just starting the college search for our oldest this summer.

 

[dumboiu]

Choosing not to pay for college when they clearly can afford it, maybe not a bad parent, just a selfish one IMHO. And what comes around goes around. How willing is a child whose parents refused to pay for college going to be when that parent is elderly and needs financial help themselves?

Wow.....so hypothetically, if a parent takes good care of a child through 18+ years of life, but refuses to pay for college even though they may have the means in their retirement portfolio - then if later in life their retirement funds tank (due to the market or medical bills or whatever) - what you are saying is that the child should feel justified to turn his or her back on the parents later in life when they (hypothetically) have real financial needs? Am I understanding you correctly? If I am, then I think that the child is the one with the real entitlement and selfish issue.

 

[bjscheel]

DH thinks the kids should pay for it himself because he did. But he went to 3/4 of a year at trade school in 1989/90, so it was a bit different for him. I had good scholarships for my first two years at a private college, and my parents paid almost all the difference. Then I got married and finished at night school on my own, with a total debt of $4000. We haven't specifically saved for our kids' college, though we have furnished vehicles/gas/fun money so that they can keep almost all of their earnings for use in college.

DD18 goes to community college this fall. She is taking 5 semesters and will have a complete graphic design degree that has as many graphic design credits as a Bachelor's degree. She has earned enough local & outside scholarships that if she gets a couple more from the school (can apply every semester), her tuition will be down to an amount that we can cover the rest and get fully reimbursed by the tax credit. She has enough saved from working to pay her rent and plans to work part time to buy books, groceries, and hopefully keep from draining those savings. She should graduate debt-free easily and with little assistance from us.

DD15 is most likely looking at a 4 year degree and she has big dreams that may have to be toned down (theater major from private college ). She has a shot at valedictorian and might consider starting at the same community college as valedictorians get free tuition. But we will definitely see what other colleges offer her. And even with free tuition there is still the room expense. It remains to be seen how much we will do for her since we won't have to pay hardly anything for her older sister...

 

[winterman]

My parents paid my tuition and board. I paid for books and all other expenses. However this was 1967 to 1971, a very different time.

DS went to a private school in another state. He had a scholarship each year that amounted to about 30% of his bill. He worked nearly fulltime and each semester DH would let him know how much we needed from him. When he graduated, he had $17,000 in loans. DS had those paid off in less than 8 years. Most of that time, he had a second job.

DD was 3 years behind DS. We told her that if she went to a state university, she could graduate loan free. She accepted, although it was not her first choice. As my parents did for me, we paid the bill and she took care of the rest. She had a job on campus for her last 3 years.

We did not take any loans for our kids' college educations

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

My parents paid for my college education; ILs paid for DH's college education. DH went on to get an MBA that the company he worked for at the time paid for.

We have one DD and we started a 529 account for her when she was a baby. She'll start her junior year of college this Fall. She received a 4-year scholarship that covers her tuition and we use her 529 plan to cover books, other fees, etc. Whatever is left in the 529 plan she will use towards graduate school (which she will pay for).

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I love these college threads because they are full of ideas and can even help get people with younger kids motivated to start putting a plan in place if they don't have one already. It is always interesting to see how people got their degrees as well, such as the pp's who were able to get tuition reimbursement while working, etc. Point being that there are a lot of different ways to make it happen. I hate to see anyone not go to school because they think that costs are out of reach! That should never happen. I know a young lady who this summer is starting her basic training in the National Guard out of state while still in high school, with the idea that her service will help pay for college, because her family doesn't have any other means of making it happen for her. It's an extreme measure, but I think she's pretty bright and I admire her motivation and drive to get the job done. I feel that she'll be successful down the road in whatever she does with that type of smarts and maturity.

Before I post my own experiences I just want to throw this out there. Someone else here posted it a couple of years ago and I found it really helpful, not even just if you want to strive for being debt-free, but in looking at smart ways to help pay for school. It doesn't have to be all "loans", necessarily. (See "Latte effect".) It's also really helpful in talking about who's who in colleges and what their motivations are. For example, he talks about how Admissions officers at school are often rewarded with vacations and other things by getting you to come to their school. They don't necessarily care how YOU are going to pay for it, their job is just to get you in there. Let's face it, it's flattering when we or our kids are invited to come to a great college! But the question is, is it the best fit financially and otherwise? The son of a friend of mine did pretty horribly in high school. Almost didn't graduate. Applied to some colleges but was only accepted to one private school, where some of his friends were attending that fall. The son went nuts telling his parents he would sign any loan or do anything it took to go to this school, which cost $45K/yr, with his friends. Wisely, his parents said no, as they knew he wasn't ready for it. Instead they offered to pay for him to start at CC, which he did. He did poorly there, and dropped out second semester. Had they gone ahead it probably would've been disastrous for all of them financially. They still had two more kids to pay college costs for so wisely didn't waste that money. At any rate, this is the book:

https://www.amazon.com/Debt-Free-Outstanding-College-Education-Scholarships-ebook/dp/B003XQEVV2