Parents paying for college

[wilkeliza]

My parents didn't pay anything. I put myself into debt to go to college even with merit based aid and eventually the last year after a long fight need based aid. It is awful how much a child has to do to get approved as an independent for financial aid packages. It was the single worst red tape I had to fight after escaping my abusive father. Thankfully I was able to set up a private loan with a friends parents for the first part of the fight. I wouldn't have been able to do it with out them. I don't regret my debt at all because the degree and from a good school has lead me to the job I have today even if it isn't in my field. Also my school doesn't abandon students after they graduate. They continue to offer job search help and allow us to use the facilities and even audit a certain number of classes. I worked 40 hours a week during all the years I was in school but most of that money went to room and books and food since none of that was covered by my loans. I at least was smart enough to only take out what covered tuition and nothing more or less. I see a lot of younger friends living off the extra loans they can take and then taking crazy spring breaks or buying new phones and computers and I just say well you know you have to pay that at some point. That really where some of the crazy high numbers come from. Not all of them of course but most of the people I have spoken with over the years weren't just using loans for tuition and possible for room.

Even while paying my student loans I put some away in my 401K which was important to me. So I could be paying more on the loans but having a little bit of retirement savings even before I'm 30 was a choice I thought was important. With all that said I do hope that when we eventually have kids that my fiance and I can help them if not pay for all of it. His parents paid for all 5 of them to go as far as the wanted in school. All of them have masters degrees and one is a doctor. It has allowed each and every one of them to make choices in their young adult life that people with large debt wouldn't have been able to including taking lower paying jobs in their fields in order to gain the network for the higher positions or to go spend time working with the peace corps etc.

 

[tvguy]

Wow.....so hypothetically, if a parent takes good care of a child through 18+ years of life, but refuses to pay for college even though they may have the means in their retirement portfolio - then if later in life their retirement funds tank (due to the market or medical bills or whatever) - what you are saying is that the child should feel justified to turn his or her back on the parents later in life when they (hypothetically) have real financial needs? Am I understanding you correctly? If I am, then I think that the child is the one with the real entitlement and selfish issue.

Not hypothetical at all. It's exactly what FAFSA does.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My parents were unable to help me pay for college. Fortunately I had moved out when I was 18 and was able to qualify for some grants, but I also worked two jobs throughout college and took out loans, which I worked on paying off early. (My sister did the same through law school.) DH went to college as an adult and we paid for it with education loans, which we also paid off early. (And both DH and I have done everything we can for our parents despite their not helping us with college expenses, including my mother living with us for the past 23 yrs she is now almost 92 and requires our help more than ever. It's just what we do and has nothing to do with whether they helped us with college or not, it's about doing the right thing for us, and practicality given that there was no retirement fund there, either, just getting back to a pp's comment about that. It's not like it's been a bad thing, my kids have grown up with their grandmother as part of the household, and she was able to help us out with child care when they were young, etc. It's all good as far as I'm concerned. I think you just play the hand you are dealt.)

We have enough set aside for tuition for each of our kids so that they should be able to graduate without much, if any, debt if they play their cards right. They also hold part time jobs. I started talking to them pretty early on about smart choices and how college debt would impact them in today's world, etc. Both are attending public colleges and commuting to school - their choices - and so far, so good. (Living at school can cost and additional $12-14K+/yr per student, for those who don't know. Four years for just two kids can easily add $100K to the mix.)

You hear a lot about living at school for "the college experience". I think it's great if that's what you want, but not everyone does, and not everyone is willing to go into debt in order to have it. (And sometimes that experience isn't so great, either. A young woman we know wound up an alcoholic during her first year and a half away at school, with black outs and bruises the whole bit, had to come home, and is now figuring out her next step.) Additionally, I work with a lot of new or newer college grads and see many of them having to move home after college when they can't afford to live on their own unless it's with a gaggle of annoying roommates, which they're prefer not to do at that age, and their cars are falling apart, etc. (Personally I'd rather have my kids at home when they're younger than when they're 27!) As others have mentioned, things have changed a LOT today, especially if you live in a high cost of living area. People with a ton of college debt are delaying things like buying a home or starting a family because they simply can't afford to - for a long time. Or they go ahead with these things anyway but are still paying off debt well into their thirties and beyond. (I know plenty of people for which this is the case.) Then there's the question of someone with a huge debt load meeting someone with no debt - how does that affect the relationship? All just things to consider, IMO, when taking on lots of college debt. FTR I am not opposed to a reasonable amount of debt because I think it can help establish credit and sometimes it's really necessary. But a lot of debt in order to attend a certain school or to have the college experience, not so much. Ymmv.

This was an article someone also posted here years ago that I thought helped keep college debt in perspective:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenna-levine/jenna-levine-26-graduate-_b_823081.html

 

[pryncess527]

My parents & grandparents paid for my undergrad (though I got a scholarship anyway which paid for the bulk of it). My employer paid for grad school
My Dh's parents did not pay for any of his college at any level.

We don't have kids, so the point is moot going forward

 

[mnrose]

Not hypothetical at all. It's exactly what FAFSA does.

FAFSA does not count funds in bona fide retirement accounts. This is not correct information. They DO take account of any funds you have saved or invested OUTSIDE of a retirement account. My retirement account from my former job does not count. The funds I have in the bank, in investment real estate and investment houses outside of the retirement account DO.

My DH and I consider all those investments to be "retirement" accounts, but unfortunately, FAFSA only lets you exclude the ones in an actual retirement accounts (ROTH, 401K, or similar). But, at least those assets are protected.

On the other hand, if you have even $100 saved outside of that, you will be expected to spend that to educate your child.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Also my school doesn't abandon students after they graduate. They continue to offer job search help and allow us to use the facilities and even audit a certain number of classes.

I like your post, but this caught my eye. Don't most colleges do that? I know mine does, and DH's does, at least the job help and use of facilities as alumni. Not sure about auditing classes.

I worked 40 hours a week during all the years I was in school but most of that money went to room and books and food since none of that was covered by my loans. I at least was smart enough to only take out what covered tuition and nothing more or less. I see a lot of younger friends living off the extra loans they can take and then taking crazy spring breaks or buying new phones and computers and I just say well you know you have to pay that at some point. That really where some of the crazy high numbers come from. Not all of them of course but most of the people I have spoken with over the years weren't just using loans for tuition and possible for room.

I agree with this. That's why I really like the book and article I mentioned, they help people who may not realize what the implications of carrying extra debt might mean.

 

[tvguy]

FAFSA does not count funds in bona fide retirement accounts. This is not correct information. They DO take account of any funds you have saved or invested OUTSIDE of a retirement account. My retirement account from my former job does not count. The funds I have in the bank, in investment real estate and investment houses outside of the retirement account DO.

My DH and I consider all those investments to be "retirement" accounts, but unfortunately, FAFSA only lets you exclude the ones in an actual retirement accounts (ROTH, 401K, or similar). But, at least those assets are protected.

On the other hand, if you have even $100 saved outside of that, you will be expected to spend that to educate your child.

You are correct, they do not care about the account balances. What FAFSA expects you to do is use your current contributions to a retirement plan for college expenses, which is why they have you add back in any money that your are putting in tax deferred retirement accounts. Line 94 on the FAFSA.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

But the question is, how is it helpful? If I tell you that my parents didn't give me a dime--that's only relevant if your child was going to college in the '80's, when it was still possible to pay your own freight through college. Sure, it can still be done, but it's much, much harder now than it was then. Similarly, if I mention that my kids get every dime of college paid for by a trust fund (they don't, but let's pretend)--again, how does that help you? Unless you hope to find such a trust fund lying around, it doesn't get you any closer to paying for your kids. And I do know of parents who overspend and don't save a dime for college, hoping the money will come from "somewhere", but I doubt they're going to come on this forum (or any other) and admit that. I do know that a lot of parents have their head in the sand as to college costs. College has way outpaced inflation, and most parents remember it being not so bad, back in the day.

All valid questions!

Most of that doesn't help me youre. But 99 times out of 100 on threads like this, someone will mention something that I didn't know, or understand, or think of, and it will pertain to my situation. They might talk about how their parents paid for everything under the sun, or how their child got a full ride....or so they thought until they realized you have to do ABC first.

Not too long ago, this happened on a thread like thisnone, which prompted me to go back to DS17 college brochure and take another look. Sure enough...there was a "caveat" for the out of state tuition grant thst we weren't going to be abe to fulfill. It caused us to go back and reevaluate our plans.

 

[aprilgail]

FAFSA does not count funds in bona fide retirement accounts. This is not correct information. They DO take account of any funds you have saved or invested OUTSIDE of a retirement account. My retirement account from my former job does not count. The funds I have in the bank, in investment real estate and investment houses outside of the retirement account DO.

My DH and I consider all those investments to be "retirement" accounts, but unfortunately, FAFSA only lets you exclude the ones in an actual retirement accounts (ROTH, 401K, or similar). But, at least those assets are protected.

On the other hand, if you have even $100 saved outside of that, you will be expected to spend that to educate your child.

I did find out that for FAFSA regarding 529 accounts all I had to claim was my college savings account that I had for my daughter and anything her grandparents had in a 529 for her. My brother has one for her and I asked if that needed to be reported and they said no- only parents and grandparents so that was a big score on our part not having to claim that. They also didn't care about my retirement accounts which I did put a lot of my retirement package money right into!

 

[Colleen27]

I agree with you on on the points about cost - it's a very, very significant amount of money that obviously not every parent can afford to give to their children. My parents couldn't, and I likely won't either. However, be careful not assume that he meant any harm by his statement. Maybe he meant he felt it was his duty as a parent, not passing judgment on other parenting choices/styles/abilities. Let's all agree that college is extremely expensive no matter who is paying for it

That poster is also from CA, where state schools aren't as crazy-expensive as in some other places, and that probably shapes his perspective. Tuition at our local community college is on par with the Cal State university system. Tuition for a four-year state university is about triple that.

I live in a small, rural town and my kids' have friends, smart and capable friends who have parents that will not help at all with College costs. Some even go so far as refusing to fill out the FAFSA or provide information needed to the student so the student can apply for aid. They say the kids can pay for themselves to go to school. So those kids just don't go to College, not even Community College because they can't afford it. They work retail or fast food places and will end up stuck in that life for years to come.

That's the one place where I do throw the "bad parent" card. I've known several parents who have withheld their information so the child couldn't even apply for needed aid, either because they felt 18 is adult and the kid should be able to do it on his/her own or because they didn't like the college choices the kid was making. One of DD's friends is in this position now. Her controlling parents have said that the only way they'll complete the FAFSA is if she goes to community college and lives at home. She's a high achieving student who could get in almost anywhere she wanted, but her parents think college culture is toxic and will not even consider any option that would require living on campus (and from where we live, commuting to a four-year school is not practical).

 

[wilkeliza]

I like your post, but this caught my eye. Don't most colleges do that? I know mine does, and DH's does, at least the job help and use of facilities as alumni. Not sure about auditing classes.


I agree with this. That's why I really like the book and article I mentioned, they help people who may not realize what the implications of carrying extra debt might mean.

My first two schools didn't really do much except post local positions on their website. Sure they had an alumni organization but thousands of community college kids graduating a year versus a 300-400 at my small private school means the resources spread better. Plus most professors are still working and so in many departments you could secure jobs straight through professors. I mean my degree graduated 5 of us my year. I'm the only one not workig in the field actually.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

We are paying for our kids college. We told them we will pay for 4 years and anything past that is on them. It was important to us that they get 4 year degrees.

I don't have that and struggled to even get interviews even after I had years of experience. Thank goodness I knew alot of people in my field and was content enough in it because I couldn't get interviews outside of the field (I was trying to get back into accounting) because of the lack of a 4 year degree.

My son messed up and flunked on 2 classes that are required to graduate and he's trying to take them this fall and spring so he won't go an extra semester and have to take a student loan for it. This would be his 4th year at college coming up.
He managed to get one of them added to his schedule so far.

My daughter is currently saying she wants to get a degrees in Biology and Environmental Science. Then she may want to get a higher degree in those so we made sure she understood we wouldn't cover anything after the four years.

I'm not even sure if she has looked into what type of jobs are available with those degrees unlike my son who did tons of research on his major before he committed to it.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

That poster is also from CA, where state schools aren't as crazy-expensive as in some other places, and that probably shapes his perspective. Tuition at our local community college is on par with the Cal State university system. Tuition for a four-year state university is about triple that

It's a good point that there can be a big difference in cost of state schools depending on where you live:

For 2016, these were ten of the most expensive:

https://www.usnews.com/education/be...ith-the-highest-tuition-for-in-state-students

 

[tvguy]

Another option I forgot about, until I just looked at a friend from College's Facebook page, the military.
Her son was sworn in as an Air Force recruit today right out of High School. Her two daughters did the same thing....one Air Force, one National Guard.
6 year commitment, U.S. Government kicks in over $50,000 each towards college.

 

[sarahothomas]

Another option I forgot about, until I just looked at a friend from College's Facebook page, the military.
Her son was sworn in as an Air Force recruit today right out of High School. Her two daughters did the same thing....one Air Force, one National Guard.
6 year commitment, U.S. Government kicks in over $50,000 each towards college.

A really great option for those who want to join and are eligible! My husband took classes while in the service and is using his GI Bill now.

 

[leebee]

I paid for my own college. Not only did I sign for my loans, but my mother kept the social security and Veteran's benefits that were only continued because I was IN college. I am the oldest of 4, and my dad died when I was 14. Mom had collected SS and VA benefits for all of us, but once I aged out the only way that my money continued was if I was in college. I don't know how it works now as opposed to then, but she kept my share of the money that was supposed to go towards paying my college costs.

DD finished college with about $27,000 in federal/state loan debt. All of her loans were subsidized (we didn't accept unsubsidized loans). We helped her through school as best we could. She always had some scholarship money, occasionally a little grant award, DH worked as an adjunct during spring semesters so she'd get a 25% tuition waiver those semesters, and we paid OOP for everything else. Junior and senior years she lived off campus and paid her own rent. Now that she is out of school, she is paying her state loans and we are paying her federal loans- but they are all in her name. Payments are about $130 a month each. Manageable... but she chose to go to our state university so that she COULD manage her debt. She had nice offers from other schools, but even with merit money and scholarships, she would have ended up with $60K-$80K in debt, depending on the school. I'm glad she took the smart road instead of the "dream school" route!

 

[RangerPooh]

Nope. I paid for it on my own through summer jobs and student loans. Always applied for scholarships, but never received any. My parents helped with money when they could, but it was not reliable. I appreciate that back in the 90s California Community Colleges were $11/credit. It made paying for the first part of my education possible with out student loans. When I transferred to a local 4 year school complete my bachelors degree and then later a different university to complete my masters degree it was all on me (and later my husband).

I am truly thankful that my husbands employer offers to pay for our children's college tuition at the school that he teaches, as well as a few others (if their grades do not allow for them to be admitted). The university that I work for will pay for 50% of their tuition.

 

[Nettester]

My parents went through a messy divorce when I was in high school. My dad moved out, and in with the other woman who would become his new wife, and I lived with my mom. My mom could not afford to give me any money for college. I wasn't very close to my dad, and money was a sore subject, so I never asked him for any. He was completely closed to my attending any college that wasn't the community college in my hometown so I could stay living at home with my mom and not pay for living expenses. I had bigger dreams, and not a lot of guidance or support. Fortunately, I had a small medical settlement from a bicycle-car accident when I was 14. It was supposed to be medical expenses only. I even had a letter from a judge exempting it from being counted on the financial aid forms. From the college I chose to attend, I got a very tiny amount of grants, some loans, and I paid the rest (the bulk) of my tuition out of my medical settlement account. I managed the whole thing. I wrote all the checks. Thankfully, my foot kept healing and I did not end up needing longer term medical care due to that injury.

My older daughter is taking some time to work and figure out want she wants before going to college. If she does decide to go, we have saved for years, and will gladly pay for her tuition so long as she is making adequate progress. My younger daughter seems to be college bound at this point, and we will pay for her tuition.

 

[tvguy]

I paid for my own college. Not only did I sign for my loans, but my mother kept the social security and Veteran's benefits that were only continued because I was IN college. I am the oldest of 4, and my dad died when I was 14. Mom had collected SS and VA benefits for all of us, but once I aged out the only way that my money continued was if I was in college. I don't know how it works now as opposed to then, but she kept my share of the money that was supposed to go towards paying my college costs.

I got those benefits. My dad passed away when I was 9. My mom invested the money and that was College money. Even after 4 years of private college at $5,000 a year,(about $23,250 in todays dollars) I had $30,000 left when I graduated.
Those benefits end at age 18 now, no matter whether you are in college or not.

 

[Colleen27]

It's a good point that there can be a big difference in cost of state schools depending on where you live:


For 2016, these were ten of the most expensive:

https://www.usnews.com/education/be...ith-the-highest-tuition-for-in-state-students

The chart is only one part of the picture, though - state flagships. UC-Berkley is expensive and so is U of Mich. The big difference between the two states, though, is that tuition at MSU, Central MI, Northern, Oakland, Wayne State, etc. is virtually the same as the flagship, while Cal State is less than half what the flagship costs. So there are a range of colleges for a range of financial means in CA, whereas in MI there is a range of selectivity but they all cost about the same.