Parents paying for college

[soccerdad72]

Disgusting? I don't think so. It is just one more tool to use when determining which high school to send your child to.
With private school tuition here ranging around $35,000 a year you bet I want to know which top tier schools the students are getting into!
Just like I want to know the percentage that goes on to a 4 year college and the amount of scholarships awarded.

In general terms and percentages, sure. I'm not sure that schools need to list students names next to the schools they were accepted to, however.

 

[melanielll]

Our income doesn't support it either but our choices do. We paid off our mortgage years ago and drive 12-15 year old cars. No mortgage and no car payments frees up a lot of income. We started that process many years ago.

Same here - no mortgage for over a decade, have only paid cash for cars, buy my pants at freaking Kohls, cheap cell phone plan, have the smallest house of all of our friends and on and on. It adds up. And once again - not everyone's goal will be as much as our final one was. Stop where you feel comfortable. I was happy when we hit the first goal. Thrilled when we hit the second one. When we hit the third, my husband said something to the effect of "you know, we don't have to pay for med school." And I replied, "but we're gonna."

 

[disykat]

That is incredible! I wish we could save $4000 a month. Our income just doesn't support that. That is what I am saying about this board not being a real representation of general America.

Same here. That number is pretty close to our take home pay, not our savings! However, like below, that didn't stop us from saving.

This has been my recent experience. Every school that DD21 looked at had her starting pre reqs to her major immediately. That coupled with the amount of credits she came in with from HS for gen ed classes would have made a start at CC difficult to manage. Not to mention that the one CC here doesn't have a solid reputation.



Our income doesn't support it either but our choices do. We paid off our mortgage years ago and drive 12-15 year old cars. No mortgage and no car payments frees up a lot of income. We started that process many years ago.



Another good point. We still live in what many would term a "starter house." It's in a good convenient neighborhood and since we valued travel and experiences over a bigger house, we chose to stay put. I do enjoy my friend's/families' larger homes though and sometimes question that choice. Thanks to this thread for reminding me that it was wise, for us.

I also, was only a SAHM for 3 years and during that time, I advanced my education to switch careers when I returned to work. Two incomes is another choice that allowed us to pay off mortgages and cars and set aside more for college. If you aren't fully employed, that could be another avenue to pay for college. I have a close friend who was a SAHM mom until her children were in HS. At that time, she took a flexible part time job and used all of the income to increase the college funds. Once the oldest entered college and with the youngest 2 years behind, she started a full time job. 100% of her income goes to what is now 2 college bills. A full time job is a significant amount to contribute even with being out of the workforce for 20 years. Her DD's are at public state universities with $25,000 annual price tags but her full-time job easily covers one while savings can fund the other.

As far as how to reenter the workforce, my friend's years of volunteer work with the various things that her DD's were involved in opened the door to the part time job and then the full time as well. She put the word out that she was considering going back to work and had people contacting her.

This is what me and many of my friends did. I stayed home for 10 years when the kids were little and worked part time for another 10 while they were in school. During those part time years we always continued to live like I wasn't working in terms of basic expenses and started saving for college and other assorted luxuries. When I upgraded to full time as college approached, it was not a problem to shunt that money directly to college.

Obviously everyone doesn't have the choice of living on one income. However, many of us who are in that "make too much for grants but not enough to afford college costs" category that I'd guess many of us on this board fall into, can and do. Yes, I am grateful for the opportunity to have been able to put my kids through undergrad. However, I also know we were able to do it because of managing what we did have. These threads often become about how people CAN'T and input on how maybe you CAN isn't necessarily well received. For us, being able to choose to live on one income is what made it possible.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I think that this varies on your program, the courses that you choose, and the CC and 4 year schools that you look at attending.

Yes, I thought I was pretty clear that I understand that:

It really depends on what major the student chooses and what school the student transfers to.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I don't think anyone is claiming that they can, but just like a student planning on going to a 4 year school, a student going to a CC has to do their research.

I hear people, including on the Dis (not necessarily this particular thread) that paying for 4 years at a traditional school is a waste of money, that CC is the best way to go, etc. And, for some, it is. But those statements are not universally true.

 

[Hikergirl]

I hear people, including on the Dis (not necessarily this particular thread) that paying for 4 years at a traditional school is a waste of money, that CC is the best way to go, etc. And, for some, it is. But those statements are not universally true.

I agree, that is why I think its important that kids who plan on going to CC do their research. Luckily here our HS has dual enrollment so reps from the CC come in and give as much info to the students as possible, including info about their plans to transfer to 4 year schools. I am thankful because the truth is that isn't something I would have thought about.

 

[tzolkin]

My parents paid for 50% mainly because they wanted us to have some ownership of the education. I agree with this concept bc I saw alot of my friends wasting time/money in college whose parents were paying for everything. It was like they didn't get that they were in college for a reason. My loan from college was actually to my parents.

This is our feeling as well.

DH and I both had parents that did not pay one penny toward our educations. (Not even SATs, application fees, etc) We both worked and went to college full time. It was definitely difficult and not the experience we want our children to have, but it was also character building and taught us how to budget, save, and work toward financial goals.

Our decision has been to pay a set amount of money for each child per year-- beyond that they will need to get scholarships, work, and/or take out loans. Our oldest is beginning her second year of college and I think this plan has helped her to feel like she has a personal investment in her education and has also helped her to think more practically about how the money is spent (which school, where to live, etc). She did get a large scholarship and I know she's more conscientious about her grades since she would not be able to afford the school without the scholarship.

Along the same lines, we also purchased DD a car and are having her pay us back on a monthly basis. She has a sense of pride that it's "her" car that she works for and she is also learning to budget her spending. She is unaware of the fact that we are really just saving the money and plan to give it to her when she's done with school. So she will have a nice chunk of money when she starts out "on her own" that she likely would not have saved herself if we just gave her the car initially.

 

[AustinMommyofThree]

My oldest two (of 6) are going to CC and paying for it themselves. I understand what you're talking about. We live in an affluent town, though are not well-off ourselves. Both kids felt a huge amount of pressure about going to CC and also a huge amount of embarrassment. It's what was affordable to them and to us; neither of us are in a position to go into debt over it. I find it cringe-worthy when people, even of older age, ask what school one went to, as if it's a pedigree of sorts. Who the hell really cares? Is that a measure of one's worth as a person? I hate that going to community college is often the butt of jokes; it makes me sad for my kids.

I think it's a way people connect with each other. I know here in Texas, they're probably looking for whether you're a Longhorn, an Aggie, a Baylor Bear, etc. because people bond over those things and like finding the common connection. I'm sure some people judge based on what they think about the quality of the school in the answer, but I don't think that's why most people are doing it, at least here.

I don't see that happening soon, at least not in our town. At our high school, there's a list outside the guidance office with the names of the students and the schools they got in to. It's really disgusting, in my humble opinion. Schools get a level of recognition for having graduates attending top tier schools. They get recognized for the number of students that go on to college.

I think it's great that her economics teacher showed the class a bit of the financial reality. Our kids have health class that deals with not taking drugs, abusing alcohol, making good choices as far as eating and exercise, talk about sex and the risks involved, yet in so many ways the school (and parents) ignore the future financial health of their kids because the expectation, of many, is that kids have to go to college and not only that, they must attend the most prestigious they can get in to.

Why shouldn't kids who get into colleges be recognized? We celebrate everybody from athletes and their athletic accomplishments, to the Future Farmers of America who raise prize winning animals, to the kids who make Eagle Scout, and so I don't see why students who get into good schools (or any schools, for that matter) should not feel recognized for their accomplishments. Just because you don't see the value in it for your kids doesn't mean that others are not justifiably proud and don't deserve to be recognized, and if I'm understanding correctly, your children are on the paths they have chosen to take, so they should also be proud and not embarrassed. They are doing what is right for them, and that is awesome!

 

[melanielll]

I don't think listing accomplishments is disgusting. It's a lesson in how you handle the success of others.

A few years ago, when my oldest had her senior awards presentation, there was a kid who won and achieved everything imaginable - local things, state things, national thing, international things, massive scholarships. Good for him! At the event, they call his name and start to read his awards as he walks across the stage. He has to stop and stand there while the reader goes on and on. It ends with some nice applause. After he is done - the next kid's name is called. He won the award for having the fastest wpm in the keyboarding class. That's it. Instead of being humiliated by the immediate comparison with the academic superstar who was just before him, the keyboarding kid raises both fists and struts across the stage smiling. He gets a standing ovation. He won the night.

I think it is sad that people are put off when others accomplish something.

 

[dish rag]

I don't see that happening soon, at least not in our town. At our high school, there's a list outside the guidance office with the names of the students and the schools they got in to. It's really disgusting, in my humble opinion. Schools get a level of recognition for having graduates attending top tier schools. They get recognized for the number of students that go on to college.

I think it's great that her economics teacher showed the class a bit of the financial reality. Our kids have health class that deals with not taking drugs, abusing alcohol, making good choices as far as eating and exercise, talk about sex and the risks involved, yet in so many ways the school (and parents) ignore the future financial health of their kids because the expectation, of many, is that kids have to go to college and not only that, they must attend the most prestigious they can get in to.

You would not have cared for the kids high school. The school mailed a booklet to each students home, not just seniors, listing each students name and what school or military academy each would attend along with their academic achievements over their 4 years at the school. Every student in the school went on to higher education and it was nice to see where. I think it's normal for students to want to get into the most prestigious school they can. I wouldn't know any other way of thinking.

 

[tzolkin]

I don't think listing accomplishments is disgusting. It's a lesson in how you handle the success of others.

I think it is sad that people are put off when others accomplish something.

Maybe I'm misreading, but that wasn't the way I read that person's post.

I thought they were saying that it was "disgusting" the way some high schools push attendance at the most prestigious universities in order to make themselves (the school) look better regardless of whether that is the best financial decision for the student's well-being in the long run.

I know that was how it was for my HS experience. I was in the IB program and we had a wall with our SAT scores, schools we applied to, acceptances, etc. Our Theory of Knowledge teacher would write school suggestions for each of us on our tests. I wound up going to a prestigious private university, but I was "lucky" that my family was poor so I received incredible financial aid. Most of my friends did not have the same experience and many do regret their choices. They could have gone to a state school for free, but instead have unbelievable student loan debt because they "had" to attend the most well known school.

 

[Hikergirl]

Why shouldn't kids who get into colleges be recognized? We celebrate everybody from athletes and their athletic accomplishments, to the Future Farmers of America who raise prize winning animals, to the kids who make Eagle Scout, and so I don't see why students who get into good schools (or any schools, for that matter) should not feel recognized for their accomplishments. Just because you don't see the value in it for your kids doesn't mean that others are not justifiably proud and don't deserve to be recognized, and if I'm understanding correctly, your children are on the paths they have chosen to take, so they should also be proud and not embarrassed. They are doing what is right for them, and that is awesome!

Our HS puts the students name and the college they are going to up on the digital sign at the entrance to the school. Anyone that drives by can see who got in where, or at least where they are attending.
I don't see anything wrong with it either.
We also post names of kids who got on the honor roll in the local paper.

 

[sk!mom]

My parents paid for 50% mainly because they wanted us to have some ownership of the education. I agree with this concept bc I saw alot of my friends wasting time/money in college whose parents were paying for everything. It was like they didn't get that they were in college for a reason. My loan from college was actually to my parents.

This is our feeling as well.

DH and I both had parents that did not pay one penny toward our educations. (Not even SATs, application fees, etc) We both worked and went to college full time. It was definitely difficult and not the experience we want our children to have, but it was also character building and taught us how to budget, save, and work toward financial goals.

Our decision has been to pay a set amount of money for each child per year-- beyond that they will need to get scholarships, work, and/or take out loans. Our oldest is beginning her second year of college and I think this plan has helped her to feel like she has a personal investment in her education and has also helped her to think more practically about how the money is spent (which school, where to live, etc). She did get a large scholarship and I know she's more conscientious about her grades since she would not be able to afford the school without the scholarship.

Along the same lines, we also purchased DD a car and are having her pay us back on a monthly basis. She has a sense of pride that it's "her" car that she works for and she is also learning to budget her spending. She is unaware of the fact that we are really just saving the money and plan to give it to her when she's done with school. So she will have a nice chunk of money when she starts out "on her own" that she likely would not have saved herself if we just gave her the car initially.

YMMV but after years of teaching, many many nieces and nephews in my very large family, the children of many friends, and my own two children, I do not find this to be true. Those students who have done well have been those who were mature and focused regardless of how the bill was being paid. Those who struggled, also did so regardless of how the bill was being paid. I want to give my children a debt free start to life. My DD21 will graduate in 4 years with zero failed or dropped classes and using the above logic- she had no "skin" in the game. She also won and kept a large scholarship for all four years.

Maybe I'm misreading, but that wasn't the way I read that person's post.

I thought they were saying that it was "disgusting" the way some high schools push attendance at the most prestigious universities in order to make themselves (the school) look better regardless of whether that is the best financial decision for the student's well-being in the long run.

I know that was how it was for my HS experience. I was in the IB program and we had a wall with our SAT scores, schools we applied to, acceptances, etc. Our Theory of Knowledge teacher would write school suggestions for each of us on our tests. I wound up going to a prestigious private university, but I was "lucky" that my family was poor so I received incredible financial aid. Most of my friends did not have the same experience and many do regret their choices. They could have gone to a state school for free, but instead have unbelievable student loan debt because they "had" to attend the most well known school.

I'm all for recognizing academic achievement. It's a lot more positive than all of the sports recognition in my opinion.

 

[bcwife76]

My parents paid for my university tuition for my 4 year undergraduate degree, I paid all other expenses (books, car parking pass, car insurance, other uni incidentals). I lived at home. I as also lucky that the 4 years I attended there was a rate freeze on for tuition from the provincial government; what my parents paid for 4 full years of uni would now be what one year would cost if I had a college-aged child. I'd like to think that when our girls go to college/uni (if they so choose) that we could have the same deal for them, time will tell as we continue to sock away money for them (while continuing to fund our own retirement).

 

[Colleen27]

Ah okay that makes sense that it was only for their aid. I only know people who did it because they became eligible for the Pell Grant on top of Stafford loans if they went independent. Mine was actually just to be able to access stafford loans since my father wouldn't even give me his tax information (he used it as a tool to keep me in the abusive cycle) so for a year while I battled for independent status I was at the mercy of the school letting me keep my merit based aid and coming up with the 10K somewhere else for that year.

Were you able to "win" independent status? A dear friend of DD's has been trying to figure out whether that's even possible, because she's afraid her controlling, verbally abusive father will use control of his financial information as a way of punishing/controlling her. I'd love to hear from someone with experience about how the process works and how viable an option it is.

I don't see that happening soon, at least not in our town. At our high school, there's a list outside the guidance office with the names of the students and the schools they got in to. It's really disgusting, in my humble opinion. Schools get a level of recognition for having graduates attending top tier schools. They get recognized for the number of students that go on to college.

Yep. I don't know if this is true everywhere but the number of kids attending 4 year colleges reflects better on the school than grads who attend community college, and those percentages factor into the school quality rating. It doesn't even have to be elite schools - going to Party State is better than going to Quality Community College. And that's a shame, because it pressures schools to emphasize the university path even when that isn't the best thing for many students.

 

[aprilgail]

I don't see that happening soon, at least not in our town. At our high school, there's a list outside the guidance office with the names of the students and the schools they got in to. It's really disgusting, in my humble opinion. Schools get a level of recognition for having graduates attending top tier schools. They get recognized for the number of students that go on to college.

.

Our high school has that outside guidance- the kids like it and I know my daughter was so proud when her picture went up under her college logo. Sure other kids pictures were under ivy league colleges, good for them they worked hard to get there they should be recognized! In a few of her other classes as soon as they commit to a college that teacher has them write their name and what school they are going to on a star and they hang them all over the classrooms.

 

[wilkeliza]

Were you able to "win" independent status? A dear friend of DD's has been trying to figure out whether that's even possible, because she's afraid her controlling, verbally abusive father will use control of his financial information as a way of punishing/controlling her. I'd love to hear from someone with experience about how the process works and how viable an option it is.



Yep. I don't know if this is true everywhere but the number of kids attending 4 year colleges reflects better on the school than grads who attend community college, and those percentages factor into the school quality rating. It doesn't even have to be elite schools - going to Party State is better than going to Quality Community College. And that's a shame, because it pressures schools to emphasize the university path even when that isn't the best thing for many students.

Yes I was. If you can you can Message me and I'll tell you about it. How old is your daughter's friend at the moment and does she have someone she could live with now if not a graduate to make the process even easier?

 

[adelaster]

Here is how we did it:

First of all, we never started off saving for the $500,000 - $750,000 it is going to cost us. The higher number is if our younger daughter goes to med school. Our first goal was for tuition, books and fees at a solid public school. The next goal was living away from home at a state school. The next goal was graduate school and/or private school. I felt we owed the kids the first one - the others were gravy. For those who will say there is no state school where they live - where you live is a choice. When my oldest was 6, we moved. Our criteria were - job availability, reasonable cost of living, reasonable crime, excellent public schools and a solid 4 year state university within commuting distance.

When I was pregnant the first time, our income was $35K. We started saving $150 a month. Every month. It would take a long time to get to $750,000 at that rate. But - from every raise my husband got, we saved increased our savings by half of what he took home from it. So - if his raise netted him $200 a month - college savings went up $100.

We hit the first goal when my oldest was in the first grade. We hit the second when she was in junior high. The third took us until she was in undergrad.

We started out saving $150 a month. We ended up saving $4000 a month. We are continuing saving that even though we have enough to pay the $750,000. We are going to stash that for travel when my husband retires in a few years.

It comes down to how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Adopt me?

 

[Colleen27]

Yes I was. If you can you can Message me and I'll tell you about it. How old is your daughter's friend at the moment and does she have someone she could live with now if not a graduate to make the process even easier?

Your privacy settings won't let me start a PM convo with you. Shoot me a message and I will respond.